Topic : 03/16 Cheerleader Scandal

I needed to step away from the show yesterday to put my thoughts into perspective.  I thought it was a highly emotionally charged show.  First, I was confused as to why both families were on at the same time since the one family was the one who wrote in.  Second, Dr. Phil I think you handled a really charged situation graciously.  One thing that kept coming back to me was no one was innocent in this situation, everyone was paying a cost (as you pointed out).  The fact that both families are still almost five years later not dealing with the issues is very sad.  Sad also is the fact that no one is willing to accept responsibility in trying to prevent this situation to begin with.  If there was physical abuse why wasn't  the daughter given help?  The other thing that troubled me was your interview with the cheerleader in prison.  Dr. Phil some of your questioning almost was leading her and not asking her (that's my opinion).  I came away from this show very troubled in spirit because of the emotional base for both families.  I am very sorry for the death of Daniel and I'm saddened that the cheerleader choose to do what she did sneaking out of the house.  As you always say Dr. Phil we need to know what is going on in our children's lives and just because they are teenager's doesn't mean that they are responsible enough to make good choices when in difficult situations. 

First of all , I'd liked to say that both family will always suffer. I want to know why a 17 year old girl would think at her young age that she had all the answers, she haven't begun to live yet. Why didn't she tell her parents and get the police involved and maybe the family could of moved away. Secondly, for Daniel's mother and sister did they know about the abuse and cover it up and now they are making him out to be an angel,although we didn't get all the details. I'm 47 years old and when I was in school in the 70's, it was the cheerleader and  the quarterback or linebacker and alot of times it was an abusive relationship. Luckily no one was killed that I knew, but we need intervention courses, before it happen again. Regardless of the amount of time she serves, he will never comeback,so I think you getting the families conseling is the best thing to do at this time.

 Mom_granny said it best of all the posts.  I think that is EXACTLY  what happened, and what would be healing balm for all, would be for Brandi to just tell the TRUTH.

What a crock. I totally agree with Dr. Phil. This young man supposedly threatens to kill this girl so she sneaks out of the house and goes to see him. If that isn't bad enough goes home and tries to hide what she had done. I believe in a rage that she had every intention of killing that poor boy.  Every thing that girl said was a lie and I feel she is getting off light considering she murdered that boy. If someone threatens to kill you you aren't going to sneak out of your house alone and meet up with this person in the middle of the night. My heart goes out to the poor mom of that boy. I also feel the girls parents need to wake up and see their daughter for what she truely is. I have kids and if one of my kids murdered somebody I would expect them to suffer the consquences of their actions it's called tough love

I feel for both families in this matter because they both have lost a child to tragedy; however, I feel that the bottom line here is that Brandi commited a crime...that crime being leaving the scene of an accident resulting in death.  That is why she is in jail.  Whether this boy jumped in front of her car or not, she still left him there for dead.  Brandi's parents need to accept that their daughter commited this crime and use it as a positive for their son.  Her mother said on the show she always taught her children "if you are going to do the crime you need to do the time".  Well, her daughter commited a crime for which she is now serving her time. 

I have great smypathy for both families.  I have been there 13 plus years.  My daughter was murdered at the age of 27 1/2 after 10 years of marriage to an abusive husband.  The loss of a child is nevery easy regardless of how they die. 

  

My victims service worker gave great words of courage, wisdom and emotional support early into the process.  I would like to share with both families.  It worked for me. 

  

"Try to find some way to turn this bad situation into something positive.  Otherwise your grief will cause your health to fail and you will die too.  He will have murdered you in his own way and that is a crime he will never have to go to trial or serve time for.  He will have gotten away with your murder.  Try to find some way to help other victims." 

  

When the times got tough, and they did a lot,  I remembered her words and would refocus.  After the trial and sentencing I volunteered at the local domestic center and later added other victim services to my agenda.  My healing came with caring and sharing with other D.V. victims as well as publice awarness to the seriousness of D.V.   I was a member of Parents of Murdered childrens organization in my home town.   

  

I have since moved on with my life.  Never a day goes by without thinking about my daughter.  They are happy thoughts.  I learned it is ok to be happy and to get on with my life.  I cannot change what happened to her but I can take control of what happens to me. 

  

I have since known personally  a young woman who shot and killed her abusive boyfriend.  She was unable to live with what she had done and in less than a year took her own life.  No one is a winner in this type of situation. 

  

Trust in your higher power and find you healing 

One of the first things that came to me watching and hearing this story was suicide  

They were both highly emotionally distressed at the time.  Neither were thinking logically she turned around for whatever reason and headed back past his home (who has not turned to drive by a lovers place) she was crying, it was dark, she was not thinking about driving … she was thinking about him. 

He was crying, upset, who knows what was in his brain but I think suicide could have crossed his mind and in a moment of extremely emotionally distraught thought he stepped out. With her in poor control she hit him.   I think Suicide is a very real possibility.  But whatever (( and no one knows  )) what happened... she is still guilty of hit and run and should do an appropriate time for the hit and run.  Hit and run is the only charge that we can all know for sure.   

  

  

I saw the show and thought it was good of course. But I did feel bad for both families. Like Dr.Phil said "not having gone through that situattion you can't say you know how it feels." But I just hope that Brandi didn't run over Daniel on purpose, because then she will really have a hard time overcoming everything. I hope tha tboth families took Dr.Phils advice on forgivness, because you have to forgive in order to fully heal, and move on. I am not saying that they should forget about Daniel, but since he is dead nothing will bring him back, they shouild remember all the good times that they had as a family and know that he will always be with them.

I believe she did just that. It sounds like premeditated murder to me. She sneaks out of the house in the middle of the night. She is taking his stuff to him that could've easily waited until daylight. She is upset when she leaves the first time that she has to turn around and come back. Once she's hit him she goes home, doesn't call 911 or get help she just leaves than tries to cover up her crime and goes to bed like nothing has happened. If that doesn't sound like premeditatation than I don't know what does. Not to mention lying to dr. phil. He knew she was lying when he made the comment that she went to see this young man who had threatened to kill her all alone and in the middle of the night. Does she think  Dr. Phil was born yesterday? I'm not even a shrink and I could tell it was a bold face lie every word out of her mouth. I do feel for the families the true victims of her hanious crime.

I think that it was a very tragic situation that was overlooked on a lot of things. Everyone is blinded by thier gief and sorrow and stuck in the past and that nightmare of a night. I think the more that both families stay there they will never get over it. Its been four years from my recolection of the show and still its just ugly. I'm a mother of an 18month old and I wont claim to have answers but to state the obvious. I just don't think that battling back and fourth on he said she said the 'police reports' say this or they don't say that is just childish. I think its really time to just let that part of it go and just think about what you do still have. What happens if you loose another family memeber but you're still putting all kinds of efforts into something you could be working on dealing with rather than living in still. That anger and unneccesary confrontation isn't going to bring your son back or get your daughter out of jail. Whats done is done and it is what it is. Nobody is perfect and its just time to stop the hostility and childish ways of he said she said.