Topic : 03/16 Cheerleader Scandal

You judged so quickly, did you ask why yourself why ---if Ben is a murderer --why there were no charges?  What I did not tell you was that Mike was 27 hosting a party of all 18/19 year olds. (In our state-- underage).   Mike introduced the gun to the party,  he put the clip in when it had been empty, and he bought all the liquor for the party.  I still do not judge you...you are right my son took a life...I have never been able to tell this family how sorry I am-- much less Ben talking to them.  I really am not worried what you think of me and my son. but "that other mother" will never leave my mind.  When on the show the sister said"there will never be forgiveness"  I realized my forgiveness and Bens' must come from God, not from here.... bvan21

When you say "he can't live long with that"  do you mean he should do something about ...his life??  He has to live the rest of his life with it... I as his mother try to help ...A jail sentence is just that  ...it does not take away his guilt or his crime..What would you have   a murderer's mother do??  Tell me how to atone.  Tell Ben how to take away what has been done...That is what Dr. Phil was saying...please everyone try to listen...being righteolessly angry at the killer does not take away the killing.  At some point my son will need to move on.  This has not happened yet.  Maybe this is" our sentence".  When I said I forgive, maybe I meant I forgive my son,  because I don't want one stupid college moment to take  his life too.  bvan21

you mean like guns and cigarettes?

If you can tell me how to help "my murderer" please... I call it an accident...society calls him a murderer.  If we comes to terms with this, without the other families forgiveness(not a family we know-so far they have asked for no contact)--then we are insentive, we don't care....If ,as a family ,we forgive-- ourselves-- then we are scum.   When does society forgive my son--when do we move forward , with or without Mike's families forgiveness...   We can be right with God,  but that doesn't  mean it is over for my son.  we live in a pain ..no one understands...there is not right way to act if you did not lose  someone....obviously I am in more distress that I knew.  These communications are making me breaking down when I haven't for a while...bvan21

I watched the show on that unfortunate incident. Who is really going to know what happened was the girl who either accidentally hit the boyfriend or did it on purpose. I think the way it was handled legally was not on the up and up and it is to bad we have lawyers like that in our system. I do think she needed some sort of punishment for negligent driving and taking the life of a person is bad enough. You live with that for the rest of your life and it never goes away.  If she winds up serving the 12 years well that is the way it goes. If she gets out on paroll that would be ok also. I really feel for the families involved in this. The one family can not get past the bitterness and the anger they fell over the lose of their loved one. I can not say I understand as I have not walked in those shoes. But I do think counceling is neccessary for them to learn how to cope and to move on with their lives. I do think that the Mother of the boy that was killed was totally out of line commenting on the way the Mother of the cheerleader raised her children. From the sound of it she has problems of her own and that is where she needs to focus her attention and not on how the Mother of the cheerleader raised her daughter. We will never know if it was done on purpose or not. The girl is suffering enough as it is with just having to live with the fact that she took someones life. How sad it is to see both of these families suffering so. But children do not realize that what they do also affects others in the family.  Thanks for letting me tell what I think. May God help her and the families heal from this very unfortunate incident.

I take it your mom was coming from or going to work when the tragedy occurred. I don't get the part about "she is a jane doe." I know of no law enforcement officer who would make a bereavement call and not have the deceased's name. I'm assuming that you're mentioning your brother's situation because the other driver was "a preppy kid,"  but I'm not sure whether "two purses" normally carries  a 3 year sentence. But sentencing between a traffic offense and a criminal offense are typically not similar.

I am coming from someone who knows how it feels from both sides.  My sister was killed while visiting her husband in California.  He was driving a motorcycle and she was with him.  A lady pulled out in front of them and my brother-in-law could not stop in time.  My sister flew 60 feet over the top of the car.  Neither one of them were wearing a helmet.  My brother-in-law sustained a sprained ankle, my sister lost her life, and the lady driving the car....NOTHING.  Dr. Phil was not out of line when he talked with Daniels parents and told them to heal they would have to forgive.  I was angry for a VERY long time with both my brother-in-law and the driver of the car.  But being angry did not help me in remembering my sister the way I knew she was or how she would have liked things.  This happened when I was 13, I am now 31...from experience, a day does not go by, EVER, that I don't think about my sister.  I also know that the lady driving the car still has to live with what she has done for the rest of her life.  As well as my brother-in-law.  But Dr. Phil was right on when he was talking about others in the family that need care and attention as well.  My sister left behind 4 siblings, and 4 children who miss her more then anyone could ever imagine.  I personally think that Brandi has done enough time and most certainly should be released.  In jail or not, it will follow her for the rest of her life!!!!  Brandi has that in common with the lady driving the car that killed my sister.  As I think about how long it has been....I hope she still closes her eyes and see's the accident which Brandi will do also whether she's behind bars or not. 

I was agreeing with you. I was saying that Brandi's parents were rediculous for disagreeing with Daniel's mother. Sorry if that wasn't clear enough.

For what it is worth:  

  

1. she could have sped up at the last moment if he jumped in front of her and she freaked out in an attempt to swerve out of the way. 

  

2. With the hole in her windshield and the girlfriend at his side I don't think any phone call was necessary; that is, obviously he would be at least hurt, as well as observed by another. 

  

3. That she even thought the tree in the windshield would get her anywhere, other than temporary protection from inquiring parents, indicates she had either lost her mind or was trying to buy some time until the cops would make the truth known to her parents. As she said, she wanted to believe it hadn't really happened. I am not sure this is not a known behavior to people who have just done something, intentionally or otherwise, who wished it would all go away; as such, they do what they can to deceive themselves for the moment. Perhaps it is just to buy temporary respite from having to take responsibility. In any event, her actions are not proof Daniel had not challenged her bravado - revving the car - with his own bravado of jumping in front of her. 

  

  

I was home sick and watched this show on the "cheerleader scandal."  I was so amazed that both families were on the show.  To me, it was a sign that both families want healing.  I am a psychotherapist and I commend Dr. Phil for his courage in having both families on the same show.  There was so much emotion, pain, and love.  Brandi's interview left me with some questions.  For example, what exactly were they discussing before the incident?  It appears from her report that she was so traumatized that she does not remember what happened. Yet, there is a sense that something is missing.   Daniel's family's anger is so understandable.  The loss of a child and a sibling hurts to the core of one's soul.  At the same time, Brandi's parents love her so dearly that they are making themselves sick.  I liked what Dr. Phil's words at the end of the show -- it went something like,  "the best way to love Brandi right now is to take care of  yourself."  Even though the tension was high, it was a powerful show -- the ability to face each others' grief, is another step towards healing all the souls, including Daniels.  I commend all of you for your courage!