Topic : 10/14 "Kick 'em to the Curb!"

Quote From: sweetz

This message goes out to Rachel...bless your heart honey. I left my abuse fiance just three weeks ago. Although it doesn't sound that you were physically abused, emotion abuse is just as bad, if not worse. First of all, I would like to say that you are so beautiful on the outside and I bet that your heart is much more. I understand your pain honey. DO NOT let this immature son a ----- bring you down. You are so much better then he deserves, and one day he will figure this out, when it is too late. When he sees that you have moved on and free of his actions, thoughts, and immaturity. So many times women like "us" want so badly to be loved, that we could spend a lifetime trying to be someone for somebody that we are not. There comes a day when the fog clears and I pray that your day has come, or will come sooner rather than later. You have soooo many great qualities within. Even if you don't believe in that yet, keep telling yourself that everyday, eventually you will believe it, Rachel. Don't give up on yourself. Your baby will soon need you, strong and healthy. Your child will need all of your attention. If he doesn't want to be a part of that beautiful experience, he will have to explain his actions one day. There are so many people that will love your child, want to be there for your child, support your child, etc. I am reaching out to you because I know your confusion at this time. You feel with your heart and that is alright. So do your heart a favor...let it find happiness. Value yourself. If he can't keep his pants up, imagine the problems he will have in the future. Keep faith honey. Don't give up. You have the strength within to keep you going. I thought that I was so in love with this man. I have a 6 1/2 year old son...the apple of my eye. I am 26 years old. I have chronic endometriosis. I don't have a car, a job, a house. I have lost everything due to this past relationship. My son lives with his father...thank the lord for that blessing. I was physically, emotionally, verbally, and spiritually abused by him for the past three years. My hair was ripped out of my head, face beaten, legs, stomach (which was already in pain due to the endo.) I could not see my family, friends. He would lie to me all of the time. Say the meanist things you could imagine. I lived in fear everyday of my life. The last straw was when he pulled out a meat cleaver and chased me around our home. I had to leave him with what I was wearing. That was all. I had to go to the police station and call my mother who lived almost 2 hours away from me. I now live with her. Somedays it feels as though I am a burden to her, but I keep in mind that I was a bigger burden to her living there with him by making her worry every second of every day. She was afraid everytime the phone would ring that it was the worst phone call that she would ever recieve, the morgue. She would have to go and try to identify a body so beaten up and claim that this was the lifeless body of her only daughter and that this would be the last time she would see me. I am doing alright at this time. I struggle each day, but I don't have to struggle to keep breathing to see a new day. I know that in time, at least I tell myself this, that in time, I will be truly happy with myself. Nobody can do this for me. Like I said, I have only been out of this relationship for three weeks, and 1 day today. I will survive this, and if I can do this, Rachel...you surely can. If you ever would like to talk, you can e-mail me at makahineyho@yahoo.com I will respond to you that very day. I could always use a new friend as I don't have very many anymore. I hope that what I have wrote will hit you somewhere. Just know that you are loved and thought of. I will pray for you as well. Heather from Nebraska

Quote From: iresqu2

  

Someday,  possibly with the HELP of Dr. Phil,  High School Freshman will be required to take Marrige 101, followed by Parenting 101 in Sophmore year, followed by Crisis Resolution in Junior year and finally  Human Psychology 101 in Senior year. This will equipt future generations to follow, with a firm foundation on LIFE 101  !   I was married young. I had no clue how to handle any difficult situation because most people I knew had dysfunctional families too. There was no resource for wise wisdom to draw from.  This has been my life long goal to somehow get into the high school cirriculum program,  "Life Lessons 101".  Is there any doubt in anyones mind why the divorce rate is so high ?  Why so many children are neglected and abused  ?  Why the rate of depression is at an all time high ?  It's because nobody knows what on earth to do !!!!!    It's that simple. 

  

Of all educational courses, " Life 101" should be paramount in teaching young teens how to manage their lives, how and when to raise healthy children and  basic psychology to interact positively with spouses, employers and their own children !   Please Dr. Phil,  help bring this idea to successful fuition. The world WILL BE a much better place for all,  if we had been given the proper tools to achieve a happy, rewarding  Life !      

  

My definition of success is ( because you always ask that )   "Success"  is leaving this world a better place because I have helped just one person have a better life !  My love counted. 

Thanks teacher !   You have touched many lives, keep up the momentum, but please add a lasting 

impact on society, teach this all,  in school ........Patty 

  

Quote From: micasmom

I have to say that I think Sheila is someone very familiar to me. Not that I have done that, but I could see the anger in her and in my opinion, she is angry FROM BEING A CO-DEPENDENT of an alcoholic! I am an adult child of an alcoholic and I KNOW that anger! It comes from deep inside because you feel HELPLESS to change the situation. You feel helpless because there is nothing that you do or say that will change the behavior of the addict. So you do the lashing out whether it be beating or verbal abuse or both to the addict and others. I have seen this and experienced it in my childhood..... In my opinion, I wonder if she is a child of an alcoholic/addict of some sort? I know when my spouse used to have even one drink I would get angry, not because he drank, but because it brought up my fear as a child of an alcoholic(s)......I would think, oh no here we go again. Even though he was not an alcoholic. It came from my childhood experiences. I have to tell Sheila, unfortunately, I was one of your daughters. My sisters and I were your children!!! We lived it. NOW, 2 of my sisters are addicts, one is the ultimate over acheiver and in denial...3 of us are obese. All 4 but me, has been divorced and married or remarried to... a rapist, a drug dealer, a doper/drunk/ (more than one), abusers and 3 of the 5 can't seem to get a man to treat them well or leave abusive situations,and all of us has made really poor decisions to get the hell out of that household, way too young. I want to tell you something that has changed me for the rest of my life!!!!!!! ON my 9th Birthday, which is 31 years ago October 15, 2005 (tomorrow), My dad who was an alcoholic came home in a rage during my 9th Birthday party with all my little friends there. He had learned at the bar that my mom also an alcoholic, had screwed around on him with as many as 7 men while he was working. A man at the bar told him his wife was a good ##ck.....He was coming home driving wildly and I saw him out the window. For some reason I KNEW something was wrong. I ran out just in time to save my little sister (who he did not see) on her trike form being ran over by my raging dad. He pulled my mom out of the house by her hair, in front of me, my 2 year old sister, and all my friends. He dragged her out behind a combine and beat her senseless. He was screaming at her and beating her to get the names of the men. He was smashing her face with his fists. I saw it, I heard it....... I grabbed his arm and screamed and cried, Daddy, Daddy, why are you doing this? He said she screwed around on me and if you don't let go of my arm you are next..... To be beaten....So I let go. He would have killed he if not for my grandpa yelling at my dad to stop and jolted my dad out of the rage......... I felt this happened to ME not just my mom. WHY did they (he) do this to ME?! I still have feelings of not being important enough to them and that they really must not have loved me to do this to ME ON MY BIRTHDAY AND IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!THIS still affects me to this day!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I still feel unimportant to everyone! Deep inside that little girl, feels this everyday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have had and still go to counseling for these issues and it does help, but it should have been as a child........ Please get your daughters help, because I know from my own life and experiences, they are affected from BOTH yours and your husbands abuse. You were not only the abuser, he was an abusive parent for being an alcoholic! Just seeing your parent a flat out drunk.....IS ABUSE in itself! I just wanted you to know my opinion and maybe give you a little insight on what your daughters may experience being they have witnessed what they have. Children of abuse and alcoholics feel like it IS their fault. It is because we are bad little kids or because we did something to make them angry or we didn't do something right so it was our fault they got drunk. We also feel helpless in the situation. I know for myself, I feel like I am never smart enough or good enough for a job, or other people and that things that go wrong are probably my fault. However, intellectually, I KNOW I am smart and everything is NOT my fault, but I have to fight that abused scared little girl inside all the time and so do my sisters!!!!!!.......I feel for you!!!!!!!! YOU CAN DO IT AND HELP YOUR GIRLS, TOO!

Quote From: elle474

my husband plays NASCAR every waking moment he is at home.  He does not drink, He does not abuse me or my two boys, He doesn't do ANYTHING, but play NASCAR.  He is emotionally bankrupt.  I have finally decided in the last two months that I won't give a damn either!  I do him exactly how he does me.  I ignore him, I only answer when spoken to, I don't tell him good night, I just go to bed, etc.  Makes me feel better, and the days more bareable.  It hurts so deep down it makes you sick.  I know exactly how you feel.  I have been married for 15 years and I have given it all for ALL of those 15 years.  The other people who responded do not understand how it feels to be totally shut out of your husband's life.  On one hand you feel selfish for feeling this way, and one hand you "think" you should be grateful to have a working husband, not a bum.  But you are like roommates, and it is not what you want for your life, or your children's. 

Good Luck, I have no answers, if I did, I would definitely try it.  Just know I know EXACTLY how you feel.  You are not alone.