Message Boards

Topic : 10/14 "Kick 'em to the Curb!"

Number of Replies: 253
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, October 07, 2005, 03:44:27 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

How do you know when it's time to kick that relationship to the curb? Dr. Phil's first guest is four months pregnant with her boyfriend's baby. He wants her to leave him alone, and she wants to know if she should let go of the relationship.What does Dr. Phil think? Next, Dr. Phil follows-up with two women whose marriages were in crisis. Sheila's husband, Steve, was a raging alcoholic. She would beat him when he was drunk, almost killing him. Did she take Dr. Phil's advice? And where is Steve now? Then, Michelle was living a cycle of abuse at the hands of her husband. Did she finally say, "No more," to the violence? Dr. Phil has advice for knowing when it's time to get out. Can you relate? Share your story.

 

Find out what happened on the show.

 

More October 2005 Show Boards.


As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

October 14, 2005, 9:45 am CDT

Suggestion...

Quote From: aintaho

Hey I think I justneed to vent, I am not looking for people to tell me what is wrong or what is right, i would like to know how common this is? My problem is this, I have been with this man for 16 years and we have two kids. He doesnt go out , he's not a drinker, he works 40 hours in a week, no more because he hates to work, and lets me know it all the time, but he does have  a serious problem , I think. He play video games, and not just for fun, example, he just had 11 days off, and I clocked him for 4.5 of those days, his hours spent on the machine was 59.5 hours. I ve done this before for a whole month becasue people told me there is nothing wrong with him playing his games, his monthly hours were 248.  our daughter gets mad sometimes and tells him all he ever does is play his games, but he brushes it off, and says she's just trying to get her own way. I have tried talking to him and telling him about ignoring us all the ime, because he puts on headphones to play these, so I cant even talk to him, now he has online things so he talks to strangers all over the world when he plays them, and i sit here and watch TV and am alone. He thinks I am controlling when I try to tell him how I feel. i dont want him to stop, he enjoys it, but i think hes missing out on his kids and Im afraid that when the kids move out, I wont stay either, because it's hard to be ignored day after day. He set his goal on hold for us. He's suppose to be playing music but quit to support us, and Im afraid that this is the reason why he plays, he trying to forget. Although when he did play music, he still played games as much as he could, so maybe it's not  the reason. He'll go over to his cousin's house at least three times a month and maybe stay over so they can play till 600 in the morning, and i'm told at least I know where he is, but it's not that comforting. he's 37 and I am at a loss now, I dont know how much I am suppose to put up with. I have to say I am very cranky and moody because of this and I am afraid that when the kids go, we no longer have anything in common, not that we do now. He never takes me anywhere, and this is becasue he says we cant afford it, but we always manage to afford the new games or a new system. Please if someone out there has some advice or know s what I am going though, I would love to get some help on this matter, I just dont know what else to do anymore,. Thanks all.

Why don't you play games with him? My husband I play Halo 2 all the time online. Granted, he plays more than I do, but you'd be surprised how many females there are who game on a regular basis. Does he play Halo 2 on Xbox Live? If so, you could hook up with my husband and I and play. It doesn't matter if you are any good, it is about spending time with him. As they say, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. I personally love playing video games and 59 hours is nothing. We frequently pull all-nighters on the weekends. There is a great all-girls clan you can join called PMS that usually plays SOCOM (on PS2) and Halo 2 (on Xbox). I can put you in touch with some of the ladies from there. Also, I have a club on www.1up.com called gaming mommies that is specifically for mother's who like to game. Believe it or not, 90% of the e-mails I receive on there are from 13-17 year olds asking how they can get their mothers to play video games with them. You should really just try to get into it. Look at it this way, some people like to curl up with a good book to unwind and escape the pressures of everyday life. We gamers prefer sniping people in the back of the head. My gamertag is Rakul Hakul and hubby's is Lt. Stegator if you want to get online with us some night. 

  

Seriously, try asking him if you can play with him. I didn't used to like the online games until I realized how much time my husband spent on them. So, one night, I just said, "Hey, mind if I join." We've been gaming together ever since. I still am not so good, but its the time together that counts. Remember, the family that plays together, stays together. 

 
October 14, 2005, 9:48 am CDT

I'm Sorry

Quote From: gracebmine

I would like to know why there are no topics related to the long term effect of Domestic Violence (ie) what happens after the divorce............ 

  

I have been out of the abuse, for 5 years now...Divorced, and retain custody of my three children.  NOW that it has been years after, I am still suffering the abuse.  I have been drug in and out of court, I have fought my home state, my children are still the pawns, I am still in financial ruins, and HE still hasn't been stopped!!!!! 

  

Why???  Why is there NOT a follow up, for the survivors that haben't quite survived yet???????? 

  

Feeling that there is so much more to DV than scratching the surface here.....What about the rest of us?????????? 

I don't know how to advise you, I have never had to live through it. I know it has to be harder for some than it is for others. If you have an abusive husband who is upheld in the community as a good citizen, or if he is in charge of more assets, or..... many other factors can come into play here.....what I'm tryin to say is this- Courts won't always do the right thing, there are crooked cops and crooked judges, and we ALL have heard those stories on the news right?
 
October 14, 2005, 9:54 am CDT

Dont play games!

Quote From: rhacker

Why don't you play games with him? My husband I play Halo 2 all the time online. Granted, he plays more than I do, but you'd be surprised how many females there are who game on a regular basis. Does he play Halo 2 on Xbox Live? If so, you could hook up with my husband and I and play. It doesn't matter if you are any good, it is about spending time with him. As they say, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. I personally love playing video games and 59 hours is nothing. We frequently pull all-nighters on the weekends. There is a great all-girls clan you can join called PMS that usually plays SOCOM (on PS2) and Halo 2 (on Xbox). I can put you in touch with some of the ladies from there. Also, I have a club on www.1up.com called gaming mommies that is specifically for mother's who like to game. Believe it or not, 90% of the e-mails I receive on there are from 13-17 year olds asking how they can get their mothers to play video games with them. You should really just try to get into it. Look at it this way, some people like to curl up with a good book to unwind and escape the pressures of everyday life. We gamers prefer sniping people in the back of the head. My gamertag is Rakul Hakul and hubby's is Lt. Stegator if you want to get online with us some night. 

  

Seriously, try asking him if you can play with him. I didn't used to like the online games until I realized how much time my husband spent on them. So, one night, I just said, "Hey, mind if I join." We've been gaming together ever since. I still am not so good, but its the time together that counts. Remember, the family that plays together, stays together. 

Don't play games with a childish husband. Kick the game box to the curb!!
 
October 14, 2005, 10:00 am CDT

Be strong for yourself

I don't claim to be an expert on relationships but even though I am young (I'm 22.) I have a good idea of the ups and downs of a relationship. My parents divorced when I was 4. For all of you out there who are staying in a marriage because of your child, I am here to tell, DON'T DO IT. My father was an alcoholic and my mom put up with it for 11 years. Her leaving him was the best thing she ever did, not only for herself, but for me. I know that most kids don't remember much from when they were 4, but I remember more than I want to. I can't imagine if I had of had to deal with that my whole life. Kids see more and hear more than you know. No matter how much you try to hide your problems with your spouse, your child knows what is going on. By staying with someone just for the sake of your children, you will make them feel guilty. Sadly my parents never got along after they divorced but some people just can't be friends. But in the end, I turned out fine. I love my mom more than anything, she has always been my best friend. She remarried and now I have an even bigger family and a (half) brother.  My father and I were very close also but he died when I was 19 because of his alcoholism. (He had also remarried but was divorced before he died.) I don't blame either of my parents for their divorce. Children have to make the choice to make their lives great. Even children with parents who are married end up making mistakes but as long as the two parents love their children and always make sure they show that in loving ways then the child will be fine. There are going to be bumps in the road but you can get through. Now I am married and have a child. I see how wonderful true love is and believe me, it is wonderful. Every woman, and man, in this world deserves to be treated with respect and dignity. With that said, make sure your loved one is treating you the way you deserve to be treated, and if they don't and they are unwilling to make changes then it is time for you to move on. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you should leave someone because of one bad argument. Marriage is about compromise and you both have to bend a little. There are going to bad days, but if the bad seem to out number the good, then things need to be reevaluated. Think about YOU and what is best for YOU. The rest will fall into place.
 
October 14, 2005, 10:04 am CDT

disabled

I totally agree about getting out, but what if you cannot work to support yourself?  I filed for disability almost 3 years ago and have stayed with the creep while watching him cheat on me with women on the internet.  He's saying now he's dumping me on my daughter with whom we have been living with, but now she wants her house back!  My court date was 1-1/2 mos ago and now I wait again.  What if they say no?  And with my condition I have very high medical bills.  Everything is not cut and dry and so easy.  I already tried the suicide thing, but I hate now to see him win!  Working is not an option... I tried!  I just can't do it to myself, or anyone else again.  The pain is too bad and the meds make it so I cannot think.  But disability is so screwed up... my lawyer says people who really need it are denied, and those who don't do.  And I would only get $700/mo!  But I would try it just to get away from him!  I'll take any advice you have, but I feel stuck, at least until the judge makes a decision.  But he is leaving for a job next week on the east coast and says he is leaving me here!  Help me if you can!  Beg to go for the financial support in the meantime, or let him leave?  And then what?  I know where I should end up, but what is the direction I should take?  I am so confused and worried!
 
October 14, 2005, 10:15 am CDT

Marriage 101 High School Requirement

  

Someday,  possibly with the HELP of Dr. Phil,  High School Freshman will be required to take Marrige 101, followed by Parenting 101 in Sophmore year, followed by Crisis Resolution in Junior year and finally  Human Psychology 101 in Senior year. This will equipt future generations to follow, with a firm foundation on LIFE 101  !   I was married young. I had no clue how to handle any difficult situation because most people I knew had dysfunctional families too. There was no resource for wise wisdom to draw from.  This has been my life long goal to somehow get into the high school cirriculum program,  "Life Lessons 101".  Is there any doubt in anyones mind why the divorce rate is so high ?  Why so many children are neglected and abused  ?  Why the rate of depression is at an all time high ?  It's because nobody knows what on earth to do !!!!!    It's that simple. 

  

Of all educational courses, " Life 101" should be paramount in teaching young teens how to manage their lives, how and when to raise healthy children and  basic psychology to interact positively with spouses, employers and their own children !   Please Dr. Phil,  help bring this idea to successful fuition. The world WILL BE a much better place for all,  if we had been given the proper tools to achieve a happy, rewarding  Life !      

  

My definition of success is ( because you always ask that )   "Success"  is leaving this world a better place because I have helped just one person have a better life !  My love counted. 

Thanks teacher !   You have touched many lives, keep up the momentum, but please add a lasting 

impact on society, teach this all,  in school ........Patty 

  

 
October 14, 2005, 10:19 am CDT

disabled

Quote From: birdlegs

I totally agree about getting out, but what if you cannot work to support yourself?  I filed for disability almost 3 years ago and have stayed with the creep while watching him cheat on me with women on the internet.  He's saying now he's dumping me on my daughter with whom we have been living with, but now she wants her house back!  My court date was 1-1/2 mos ago and now I wait again.  What if they say no?  And with my condition I have very high medical bills.  Everything is not cut and dry and so easy.  I already tried the suicide thing, but I hate now to see him win!  Working is not an option... I tried!  I just can't do it to myself, or anyone else again.  The pain is too bad and the meds make it so I cannot think.  But disability is so screwed up... my lawyer says people who really need it are denied, and those who don't do.  And I would only get $700/mo!  But I would try it just to get away from him!  I'll take any advice you have, but I feel stuck, at least until the judge makes a decision.  But he is leaving for a job next week on the east coast and says he is leaving me here!  Help me if you can!  Beg to go for the financial support in the meantime, or let him leave?  And then what?  I know where I should end up, but what is the direction I should take?  I am so confused and worried!
I understand your situation.....there are many organizations out there that can help you. You need to go to a group or shelter and ask for help !!! They will tell you what resources are available to you.....there are many !! I had no idea that so much help was available until 16 years into my ordeal. Use the help......people want to help....let them !! Do not give up !! You are not "stuck" unless you want to be !!
 
October 14, 2005, 11:28 am CDT

10/14 ‘Kick ‘em to the Curb!’

Quote From: ksdavis26

I had decided not to post here today but then decided after I read it all that everyone here seems to have such great advice so that I thought maybe I would give it a try.  I have been married for two years.  We have been together for 5.  When we got together I had a one year old daughter whom I was raising on my own.  The first year and a half were crappy.  We argued all the time, his mother caused such a strain on our relaitionship so I moved on.  About a few weeks later, he moved back in and that was almost 3 and half years ago.  In 2003 I was activated for a year and a half in the military and my daughter went to stay with my mother until I returned in 2004.  While I was gone my husband was home about an hour away and only went to see my baby twice.  He says that he has school (Clemson University) and I am over reacting. My husband worked the first year we were together and then decided he wanted to go to college.  I agreed and here we are 4 years later and he is still over a year from graduation.  In all that time I have payed the bills, cleaned, cooked, took care of my baby, all the regular stuff plus the extra stuff. My main problem is this, he was raised in a home where children were seen and not heard.  He thinks children should eat at seperate times then adults and there sould be no talkiing during dinner.  I was raised in a home with seven children so all heck broke loose at dinner.  While he studies he constantly tells us to shut up and even makes remarks about my stupidity and the stupidity of my family.  He tells me that my daughter will never really be his because my family interferes and he doesnt think that he is allowed to be her father so he dont try.  He spends time with me but not my daughter.  The time with me is regimented so that he can study. I go to college to so I try to be understanding.  But, he expects perfection in me, my daughter and school.  He gets all A's.  Before I went on active duty in the military our bedroom life was average 2 times a week.  Now, its good to be every two months.  He says he got used to not having to worry about it while I was gone and now he just wants it every now and then. I feel like he is tired of me.  We argue about that and our daughter. I want to leave just to have some peace and quiet and just be able to yell every now and then.  I am told by friends and family that I better be glad that he dont cheat, or aint abusive. But I feel as if emotionally abusive and would rather be alone that to constantly think I am not good enough.  I want to work on it, He says that when school is done things will be better and I am wondering if I am over reacting and should wait and see or if I should become accustomed to how it is.   

  

I want to say that I know that a lot of other people stories are worse and that I know my situation is not that bad, I would just like some advice and what a good course of action would be.  I appreciate any help yall may offer. 

Thanks. 

First, thank you for your service. 

  

It is harder then people think and it will distract you (or keep you from facing things in life).  I just retired from the Army last year. 

  

Be there for your daughter and don't give up hope.  You will never be as perfect as he wants you to be.  Good luck. 

 
October 14, 2005, 11:30 am CDT

the future depends on what we do in the present

Quote From: birdlegs

I totally agree about getting out, but what if you cannot work to support yourself?  I filed for disability almost 3 years ago and have stayed with the creep while watching him cheat on me with women on the internet.  He's saying now he's dumping me on my daughter with whom we have been living with, but now she wants her house back!  My court date was 1-1/2 mos ago and now I wait again.  What if they say no?  And with my condition I have very high medical bills.  Everything is not cut and dry and so easy.  I already tried the suicide thing, but I hate now to see him win!  Working is not an option... I tried!  I just can't do it to myself, or anyone else again.  The pain is too bad and the meds make it so I cannot think.  But disability is so screwed up... my lawyer says people who really need it are denied, and those who don't do.  And I would only get $700/mo!  But I would try it just to get away from him!  I'll take any advice you have, but I feel stuck, at least until the judge makes a decision.  But he is leaving for a job next week on the east coast and says he is leaving me here!  Help me if you can!  Beg to go for the financial support in the meantime, or let him leave?  And then what?  I know where I should end up, but what is the direction I should take?  I am so confused and worried!

There are plenty of centers that provide services and promote activities to assist people with disabilities in leading productive, structured, self-directed lives.  

Let your excuses be few. 

 
October 14, 2005, 11:31 am CDT

When it's time to say it's over

My dad was really abusive to my mom, and had a temper problem too for about 28 years! They finally divorced just last year. It of course was hard on everyone, especially my mom. She was married to him for 25 years, they had dated for 3 years before they got married. My mom does not believe in divorce, but she did the right thing. My dad had also been cheating on her for a while too. I am married and have been for almost 4 years, but My husband is not abusive, and I am glad that my mom had the courage to say that she had had enough! I have not talked to my dad in over a year. I have been happier and so has my family since I have not been so stressed with talking, or seeing my dad. I know a lot of you out there are thinking that I should fogive him and start a new relationship with my dad, but right now in my life I feel that I am better off without him, and I have to think about my husband and my children too. I don't want my children to be around anyone abusive, and I don't want his temper to control him and have him be fine one minute, then yeling at my kids. I think he is checmially inbalanced, bu the doiesn't so of course he won't do anything about it. One of my younger sister still talks to my dad, and my other younger sister does not talk to him. I don't tink she ever will either. I  can't wait to see who took Dr.Phil's advice and who didn't maybe I will hear advice from him that I need as well. 

  

 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | Next | Last