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Topic : 10/14 "Kick 'em to the Curb!"

Number of Replies: 253
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Created on : Friday, October 07, 2005, 03:44:27 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

How do you know when it's time to kick that relationship to the curb? Dr. Phil's first guest is four months pregnant with her boyfriend's baby. He wants her to leave him alone, and she wants to know if she should let go of the relationship.What does Dr. Phil think? Next, Dr. Phil follows-up with two women whose marriages were in crisis. Sheila's husband, Steve, was a raging alcoholic. She would beat him when he was drunk, almost killing him. Did she take Dr. Phil's advice? And where is Steve now? Then, Michelle was living a cycle of abuse at the hands of her husband. Did she finally say, "No more," to the violence? Dr. Phil has advice for knowing when it's time to get out. Can you relate? Share your story.

 

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October 14, 2005, 11:33 am CDT

the future depends on what we do in the present

Quote From: birdlegs

I totally agree about getting out, but what if you cannot work to support yourself?  I filed for disability almost 3 years ago and have stayed with the creep while watching him cheat on me with women on the internet.  He's saying now he's dumping me on my daughter with whom we have been living with, but now she wants her house back!  My court date was 1-1/2 mos ago and now I wait again.  What if they say no?  And with my condition I have very high medical bills.  Everything is not cut and dry and so easy.  I already tried the suicide thing, but I hate now to see him win!  Working is not an option... I tried!  I just can't do it to myself, or anyone else again.  The pain is too bad and the meds make it so I cannot think.  But disability is so screwed up... my lawyer says people who really need it are denied, and those who don't do.  And I would only get $700/mo!  But I would try it just to get away from him!  I'll take any advice you have, but I feel stuck, at least until the judge makes a decision.  But he is leaving for a job next week on the east coast and says he is leaving me here!  Help me if you can!  Beg to go for the financial support in the meantime, or let him leave?  And then what?  I know where I should end up, but what is the direction I should take?  I am so confused and worried!

There are plenty of centers that provide services and promote activities to assist people with disabilities in leading productive, structured, self-directed lives.  

Let your excuses be few. 

 
October 14, 2005, 11:36 am CDT

10/14 ‘Kick ‘em to the Curb!’

Quote From: dna1118

 I have been married to a wonderful lady for almost a year. This is a second marriage for both of us. Before we met we both were in relationships but eventually we were brought together and have had a wonderful time together. When we were dating the woman I was in a relationship was still in contact with me. My girlfriend told me to stop all contact with her so I did and have not spoken or emailed her since. On the other hand my wife came out of a bad relationship with someone who left her in an airport alone because he wanted to be with someone else. Well since then we have married and have had nothing but an incredible time together.  

 Now my thoughts are these...since then my wife has still been in contact with this guy. He will email her or call her to say hi and talk. I have told her that I cannot understand why and she told me because she likes hearing about how miserable he is doing. I trust her that nothing will come of this but I just do not know what to think or feel. I have told her that I want him out...but if she does not I do not think I can stay in this knowing that he is in the background.  

Any feelings from any of you?? 

It is disrespectful of her to not tell the old flame that she is committed to you and not to call anymore.  Been there, done that, and it only causes problems.  Ask her why she cares if he is miserable? Why does she care at all if she has moved on to a new and better relationship? 

  

If she cares about you she will put an end to the situation.  I don't think she will go back to him, but there is something that prevents her from cutting the strings and you, or a counselor, needs to find out why.  

  

Continuing contact with old relationships is trouble.  Your lady may not be interested in reconnecting, but her old flame is, and it needs to stop. 

 
October 14, 2005, 12:24 pm CDT

I happen to like games...

Quote From: miztopcat

Don't play games with a childish husband. Kick the game box to the curb!!
I happen to love playing Halo 2 and other games. While I play online only every so often, I game regularly, at least 2 or 3 hours a day. Usually I play while the kids are taking their naps. Video games are fun. You obviously didn't read my post very well. Some people read books, I play games. Don't knock it until you try it!
 
October 14, 2005, 12:25 pm CDT

Kick 'em

This woman is such a beautiful woman I do not know how her self esteem became so diminished.  No one deserves the emotional abuse this woman has been subjected to.  She must look in the mirror every morning at say aloud, "I am an intelligent, independent beautiful person and will demand respect from everyone in my life.  I will not accept abusive behavior from my ex-boyfriend anymore."
 
October 14, 2005, 12:45 pm CDT

TAngry Teen

As a 20 year old who experienced an alcoholic father and an unfaithful, verbally abusive mother I would like to say that if your in a bad marriage and you subject your children to it, it will greatly affect them for the rest of their lives more than you know. Images of them fighting and screaming still haunt me everyday. It confuses children and really confuses them. My parents never did divorce but in my case they should have. Don't put your children in the middle! It's a horrible feeling and it never goes away.... : (
 
October 14, 2005, 12:57 pm CDT

Been there, done that

This is a message for Rachel.... 

  

Take Dr. Phil's advice and push that man out of your life.  I made the mistake of not doing that when I got pregnant with my daughter who is now 8 months old.  I made the mistake of trying to work things out with my daughter's father while I was pregnant and following the birth of my daughter.  In hindsight, I wish I had of kicked him out of my life and his unborn child's life when he told me to abort her and told me he didn't want to be in a relationship with me.  I foolishly believed that he would see the benefit to our daughter if her parents had a healthy co-parenting relationship, regardless of whether or not we were involved in a "traditional" family setting.  In spite of his clarity, I just couldn't accept his position.  Two counsellors and a few thousand dollars in legal bills later, I am in the middle of  a nightmare that I don't think will ever end and it is my children (I also have an 11 year old son) who are sharing in the nightmare.  He seems determined to make me suffer for forcing parenthood on him as he sees it.  Let him go and if he comes around later because he wants a relationship with the child you are carrying, it will be much better.  If you never see him again, perhaps you should consider that as a blessing...... 

 
October 14, 2005, 12:58 pm CDT

HMM

Quote From: aintaho

Hey I think I justneed to vent, I am not looking for people to tell me what is wrong or what is right, i would like to know how common this is? My problem is this, I have been with this man for 16 years and we have two kids. He doesnt go out , he's not a drinker, he works 40 hours in a week, no more because he hates to work, and lets me know it all the time, but he does have  a serious problem , I think. He play video games, and not just for fun, example, he just had 11 days off, and I clocked him for 4.5 of those days, his hours spent on the machine was 59.5 hours. I ve done this before for a whole month becasue people told me there is nothing wrong with him playing his games, his monthly hours were 248.  our daughter gets mad sometimes and tells him all he ever does is play his games, but he brushes it off, and says she's just trying to get her own way. I have tried talking to him and telling him about ignoring us all the ime, because he puts on headphones to play these, so I cant even talk to him, now he has online things so he talks to strangers all over the world when he plays them, and i sit here and watch TV and am alone. He thinks I am controlling when I try to tell him how I feel. i dont want him to stop, he enjoys it, but i think hes missing out on his kids and Im afraid that when the kids move out, I wont stay either, because it's hard to be ignored day after day. He set his goal on hold for us. He's suppose to be playing music but quit to support us, and Im afraid that this is the reason why he plays, he trying to forget. Although when he did play music, he still played games as much as he could, so maybe it's not  the reason. He'll go over to his cousin's house at least three times a month and maybe stay over so they can play till 600 in the morning, and i'm told at least I know where he is, but it's not that comforting. he's 37 and I am at a loss now, I dont know how much I am suppose to put up with. I have to say I am very cranky and moody because of this and I am afraid that when the kids go, we no longer have anything in common, not that we do now. He never takes me anywhere, and this is becasue he says we cant afford it, but we always manage to afford the new games or a new system. Please if someone out there has some advice or know s what I am going though, I would love to get some help on this matter, I just dont know what else to do anymore,. Thanks all.

Hi there, 

I am hearing that you are feelin' left out, ignored and second best to video games.  I probably would feel the same way.  I like what others said, get out and find your own hobbies, maybe try playing with him.  Show him your interested in him by being interested in what he likes.  You may dislike video gameing, maybe this is a scarifice you need to make to spend time with your hubby.  I am not saying  playing as much as he does, some would be good. Maybe that void would be filled.   

Spending your energies on clocking his playing time and waiting for his attention is self distructive.  Try having a very serious talk with him using ONLY I STATEMENTS!  If you feel unheard, right him a letter put it in his lunch box and let him read it on his time.  Hopefully things will work out for you.  :) 

 
October 14, 2005, 12:59 pm CDT

SHEILA!!!!!!! GO SHEILA!!!!!! DON'T STOP!!!!!!

Dear Sheila, 

  

I am inspired by you right now.  When I first saw you on the show you reminded me so much of myself several years ago when I was dealing with my mother's terminal illness and then her death.  I know they are two very different situations but the emotions our different situations provoked were exactly alike. 

  

I was devistated and filled with rage when I found out that my mother's cancer had come back and that this time it was terminal.  She was my primary support system.  She was my sanctuary and the only person in the world that never judged me.  The only person I ever felt safe with.  I lashed out at everyone when she died.  I went as far as to hold a knife to my father and then turn it on myself just to try and get him to listen to me and hear how much I was hurting.  That never worked and now I realize it never will.  He was very unsupportive of me in my delicate stage at the young age of 18 and unforunately I had to comepletely remove him from my life.   Since then my father's entire family has rejected me.  None of them will speak to me but that's something that I will have to learn to live with. 

  

I want so badly for him to change his ways.  I want him to be the supportive, loving, and generous father he never was to me.  I fantasize about him surprising me at work or at home by showing up and giving me a huge hug and saying how sorry he is.  I want him to stop being shallow and be the type of person that I can open up to.  I want him to fulfill his role as my father and stand up and take responsibility.  I don't know if that will ever happen and I don't count on it.  If it never happens then just like Dr. Phil says I have to be my own best friend.  I have to move forward. 

  

I have blossomed in so many ways ever since I cut ties with my father.  I am still extremely angry at him for everything he did to me and everything he wasn't to me, but I am able to function without him in my life.  That's what's most important.  I still have a long way to go but I'm working on it the best way I know how to.  What's most important is that I've discovered how kind and peaceful my spirit is.  I'm not angry anymore and I don't lash out.  I have discovered that it's so much easier to just be nice and kind.  I care so deeply for everyone around me.  We have both discovered how good life can be without anger and that's so important.  One thing you should realize is that IT IS OK to still be angry at your husband.  Just don't lash out, don't enable, and don't let his behavior and mistakes become a damper on your progress.  Don't count on him, he needs to REDEEM HIMSELF to you and your children. 

  

You should embrace your experience and opportunity to have Dr. Phil McGraw.  I only wish I could get that opportunity.  I think he has given you some very helpful advice and has enabled you in so many ways to move forward.  Now you just have to continue to enable yourself to move forward. 

  

CONGRATULATIONS GIRL!!!  You ARE an inspiration to me. 

  

Fondly, 

Jenny 

 
October 14, 2005, 12:59 pm CDT

The best!!!

Quote From: iresqu2

  

Someday,  possibly with the HELP of Dr. Phil,  High School Freshman will be required to take Marrige 101, followed by Parenting 101 in Sophmore year, followed by Crisis Resolution in Junior year and finally  Human Psychology 101 in Senior year. This will equipt future generations to follow, with a firm foundation on LIFE 101  !   I was married young. I had no clue how to handle any difficult situation because most people I knew had dysfunctional families too. There was no resource for wise wisdom to draw from.  This has been my life long goal to somehow get into the high school cirriculum program,  "Life Lessons 101".  Is there any doubt in anyones mind why the divorce rate is so high ?  Why so many children are neglected and abused  ?  Why the rate of depression is at an all time high ?  It's because nobody knows what on earth to do !!!!!    It's that simple. 

  

Of all educational courses, " Life 101" should be paramount in teaching young teens how to manage their lives, how and when to raise healthy children and  basic psychology to interact positively with spouses, employers and their own children !   Please Dr. Phil,  help bring this idea to successful fuition. The world WILL BE a much better place for all,  if we had been given the proper tools to achieve a happy, rewarding  Life !      

  

My definition of success is ( because you always ask that )   "Success"  is leaving this world a better place because I have helped just one person have a better life !  My love counted. 

Thanks teacher !   You have touched many lives, keep up the momentum, but please add a lasting 

impact on society, teach this all,  in school ........Patty 

  

I think she is 100% right. Courses should be mandatory in all schools. So many lives would be different if we were prepared for "the real world"
 
October 14, 2005, 1:02 pm CDT

10/14 ‘Kick ‘em to the Curb!’

Quote From: nikita1313

No, it's not true.  With most people that IS the case.  But I have to tell you, I cheated in 1992/1993 with a few people and had a sudden epiphany.  From that point on I was faithful and never even had a thought of being unfaithful to my partner.  She was able to forgive me and eventually I regained her trust.  We were together for almost 18 years and the SHE cheated on me and left.  How 'bout them apples?  And before you say I got my 'just desserts' ...don't judge...because you have no idea what I did and the role I eventually played in the relationship.
Judge ... No i could not sit here and judge you for something i have done myself. As the old saying goes people that live in glass houses shouldnt throw stones.  I hope that we both have that epiphany and can stop the rollercoaster of madness.  Thanks for taking the time to write.
 
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