Dear Sheila,
I am inspired by you right now. When I first saw you on the show you reminded me so much of myself several years ago when I was dealing with my mother's terminal illness and then her death. I know they are two very different situations but the emotions our different situations provoked were exactly alike.
I was devistated and filled with rage when I found out that my mother's cancer had come back and that this time it was terminal. She was my primary support system. She was my sanctuary and the only person in the world that never judged me. The only person I ever felt safe with. I lashed out at everyone when she died. I went as far as to hold a knife to my father and then turn it on myself just to try and get him to listen to me and hear how much I was hurting. That never worked and now I realize it never will. He was very unsupportive of me in my delicate stage at the young age of 18 and unforunately I had to comepletely remove him from my life. Since then my father's entire family has rejected me. None of them will speak to me but that's something that I will have to learn to live with.
I want so badly for him to change his ways. I want him to be the supportive, loving, and generous father he never was to me. I fantasize about him surprising me at work or at home by showing up and giving me a huge hug and saying how sorry he is. I want him to stop being shallow and be the type of person that I can open up to. I want him to fulfill his role as my father and stand up and take responsibility. I don't know if that will ever happen and I don't count on it. If it never happens then just like Dr. Phil says I have to be my own best friend. I have to move forward.
I have blossomed in so many ways ever since I cut ties with my father. I am still extremely angry at him for everything he did to me and everything he wasn't to me, but I am able to function without him in my life. That's what's most important. I still have a long way to go but I'm working on it the best way I know how to. What's most important is that I've discovered how kind and peaceful my spirit is. I'm not angry anymore and I don't lash out. I have discovered that it's so much easier to just be nice and kind. I care so deeply for everyone around me. We have both discovered how good life can be without anger and that's so important. One thing you should realize is that IT IS OK to still be angry at your husband. Just don't lash out, don't enable, and don't let his behavior and mistakes become a damper on your progress. Don't count on him, he needs to REDEEM HIMSELF to you and your children.
You should embrace your experience and opportunity to have Dr. Phil McGraw. I only wish I could get that opportunity. I think he has given you some very helpful advice and has enabled you in so many ways to move forward. Now you just have to continue to enable yourself to move forward.
CONGRATULATIONS GIRL!!! You ARE an inspiration to me.
Fondly,
Jenny
How do you know when it's time to kick that relationship to the curb? Dr. Phil's first guest is four months pregnant with her boyfriend's baby. He wants her to leave him alone, and she wants to know if she should let go of the relationship.What does Dr. Phil think? Next, Dr. Phil follows-up with two women whose marriages were in crisis. Sheila's husband, Steve, was a raging alcoholic. She would beat him when he was drunk, almost killing him. Did she take Dr. Phil's advice? And where is Steve now? Then, Michelle was living a cycle of abuse at the hands of her husband. Did she finally say, "No more," to the violence? Dr. Phil has advice for knowing when it's time to get out. Can you relate? Share your story.
