Quote From: aintahoJust so you know, I don't sit and whallow or sit and watch him play his games. I do have my own life and so do the kids, unfortunately, its becomming to common to be without him. I get involved in everything he likes to do. He has people who tell him how lucky he is to have the lifestyle he has, and a women who understands his needs to relax, that is not the problem. I can see that you don't know what it is like to have someone addicted to something, and it is not just as easy to do the things you are suggesting, it is not a hobby anymore, it is controlling the way he lives and we live. I was looking for people who may have the same problem, I needed to know that this is happening at other homes, and maybe they have suggestions, i appreciate your thoughts on the matter, but you dont really understand the problem, it is not as easy as you seem to have put it. i am looking for an answer before I am too used to being alone, and the kids used to being without their Dad, because the games are more important.. thank you anyway for your thoughts and ideas...
I don't believe that you wallow or sit around and watch him playing the games. I did have a husband addicted to video games. And if it was not that it was football. Then when it was not that it was hunting. Never anything together. You have to let him know that it bothers you. But only he can change what he wants to do. I found out that if I hounded him he would stay on the games even longer. He got mad if the kids made noises around him or interrupted him.
My kids have learned, who are now teenagers. He never changed. My kids do not take priority in his life. We divorced and he feels that his fatherly thing is just to pay his child support. To this day he just married a younger woman who does her thing and he does his. She does not try to have to spend time with him. But my kids learned that it was not right to do what he does, but he can't be changed. When they see a parent that is loving and responsive to them and not what he is doing that makes the world of good. You can't change him. My ex it angered him that my kids had such a better response to me than him. When my kids to go visit maybe every couple of years. He still sits in front of that game. What I am saying is don't compete with the game. You have to enjoy life. And he has the choice to join you or just keep doing what he is doing. In the future you will have the memories with your kids and so forth. What will he have...... If they see you getting upset about it. It also upsets them. It then turns him more to the game. I have found out that with men like this it either upsets them and they change. Or they just stay the way the are and it gets worse. So many men and even women are addicted to these games. My now husband lost his wife to someone else who played these games on line. They went from playing the games to meeting each other and having...... games. The point is if he changes then you have each other. If he does not change then you have to either find something to get your mind off of him. Or end the marriage. Because the point is he is enjoying the thrill of the game more than life. That is not your fault. And believe me I had a collicy baby that put me in the hospital due to exhaustion and he was still more interested in the games...... It is 22 years later and he has not changed. But I have and so have my children. They hate that he stays on the games. But the point is that they learned from me that it is not alright. And I did not put him down for what he was doing. He more or less did that on his own in his kids eyes. If you don't want to work on a marriage you have to decide. I am doing everything on my own anyway. You have to decide what you want in life.... I will say some people even myself need the affection and the contact. I did not get it from him..... So many marriages break up because of computers, games, and expenses put in.....
The second marriage we did not have children together and he had his obsessions too. I could break him away from them.... I will say from experience that there are signs that they are this way, before it gets to be a problem.
With my new husband it is his motor cycle. But he will ask me if he can go riding. I am lucky and have a good one this time. But you can't change them. They have to learn what they need in life....
I would try to hide the games or what ever I could. All it got me was beat up..... You do have to express how it upsets you. But in a way that they don't take it as an attack.... It is an addiction just like a drug..... It is just weaning them away. But some men or women just don't change....... But the thing is not to let it eat you up inside..... That is what I am saying.....
Just like last night. I was busy working on homework... I am trying to get a degree..... Work full time and so forth. I asked him to start dinner..... What did he do.. He pulled up a chair and turned on the computer.... Had a new program he wanted to learn.... I got up and said I guess will just have to do it......... In a calm voice and go up and started dinner. He still stayed glued to the computer..... We ate dinner with out him.... And then I went up and went to bed. It took a while when he went down and asked where his dinner was...... I told him the family had dinner...... But since he was so engrossed in the computer instead of family...... He had to figure it out himself...... He then made his own dinner and we talked it out.....
I learned I WILL NOT MAKE MYSELF MAD about a game or a computer ever again in my life.... If they miss out on time with me it is there loss and not mine.......... But no marriage is perfect and all men have flaws and their toys....... It is not worth my blood pressure and health........ Best of luck. If you can get him in counceling that might help... But you can't do it for him... Sometimes and outsider can help.....
How do you know when it's time to kick that relationship to the curb? Dr. Phil's first guest is four months pregnant with her boyfriend's baby. He wants her to leave him alone, and she wants to know if she should let go of the relationship.What does Dr. Phil think? Next, Dr. Phil follows-up with two women whose marriages were in crisis. Sheila's husband, Steve, was a raging alcoholic. She would beat him when he was drunk, almost killing him. Did she take Dr. Phil's advice? And where is Steve now? Then, Michelle was living a cycle of abuse at the hands of her husband. Did she finally say, "No more," to the violence? Dr. Phil has advice for knowing when it's time to get out. Can you relate? Share your story.
