Topic : 10/14 "Kick 'em to the Curb!"

Quote From: aintaho

Hey I think I justneed to vent, I am not looking for people to tell me what is wrong or what is right, i would like to know how common this is? My problem is this, I have been with this man for 16 years and we have two kids. He doesnt go out , he's not a drinker, he works 40 hours in a week, no more because he hates to work, and lets me know it all the time, but he does have  a serious problem , I think. He play video games, and not just for fun, example, he just had 11 days off, and I clocked him for 4.5 of those days, his hours spent on the machine was 59.5 hours. I ve done this before for a whole month becasue people told me there is nothing wrong with him playing his games, his monthly hours were 248.  our daughter gets mad sometimes and tells him all he ever does is play his games, but he brushes it off, and says she's just trying to get her own way. I have tried talking to him and telling him about ignoring us all the ime, because he puts on headphones to play these, so I cant even talk to him, now he has online things so he talks to strangers all over the world when he plays them, and i sit here and watch TV and am alone. He thinks I am controlling when I try to tell him how I feel. i dont want him to stop, he enjoys it, but i think hes missing out on his kids and Im afraid that when the kids move out, I wont stay either, because it's hard to be ignored day after day. He set his goal on hold for us. He's suppose to be playing music but quit to support us, and Im afraid that this is the reason why he plays, he trying to forget. Although when he did play music, he still played games as much as he could, so maybe it's not  the reason. He'll go over to his cousin's house at least three times a month and maybe stay over so they can play till 600 in the morning, and i'm told at least I know where he is, but it's not that comforting. he's 37 and I am at a loss now, I dont know how much I am suppose to put up with. I have to say I am very cranky and moody because of this and I am afraid that when the kids go, we no longer have anything in common, not that we do now. He never takes me anywhere, and this is becasue he says we cant afford it, but we always manage to afford the new games or a new system. Please if someone out there has some advice or know s what I am going though, I would love to get some help on this matter, I just dont know what else to do anymore,. Thanks all.

Quote From: gracebmine

I would like to know why there are no topics related to the long term effect of Domestic Violence (ie) what happens after the divorce............ 

  

I have been out of the abuse, for 5 years now...Divorced, and retain custody of my three children.  NOW that it has been years after, I am still suffering the abuse.  I have been drug in and out of court, I have fought my home state, my children are still the pawns, I am still in financial ruins, and HE still hasn't been stopped!!!!! 

  

Why???  Why is there NOT a follow up, for the survivors that haben't quite survived yet???????? 

  

Feeling that there is so much more to DV than scratching the surface here.....What about the rest of us?????????? 

Quote From: rhacker

Why don't you play games with him? My husband I play Halo 2 all the time online. Granted, he plays more than I do, but you'd be surprised how many females there are who game on a regular basis. Does he play Halo 2 on Xbox Live? If so, you could hook up with my husband and I and play. It doesn't matter if you are any good, it is about spending time with him. As they say, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. I personally love playing video games and 59 hours is nothing. We frequently pull all-nighters on the weekends. There is a great all-girls clan you can join called PMS that usually plays SOCOM (on PS2) and Halo 2 (on Xbox). I can put you in touch with some of the ladies from there. Also, I have a club on www.1up.com called gaming mommies that is specifically for mother's who like to game. Believe it or not, 90% of the e-mails I receive on there are from 13-17 year olds asking how they can get their mothers to play video games with them. You should really just try to get into it. Look at it this way, some people like to curl up with a good book to unwind and escape the pressures of everyday life. We gamers prefer sniping people in the back of the head. My gamertag is Rakul Hakul and hubby's is Lt. Stegator if you want to get online with us some night. 

  

Seriously, try asking him if you can play with him. I didn't used to like the online games until I realized how much time my husband spent on them. So, one night, I just said, "Hey, mind if I join." We've been gaming together ever since. I still am not so good, but its the time together that counts. Remember, the family that plays together, stays together. 

Quote From: birdlegs

I totally agree about getting out, but what if you cannot work to support yourself?  I filed for disability almost 3 years ago and have stayed with the creep while watching him cheat on me with women on the internet.  He's saying now he's dumping me on my daughter with whom we have been living with, but now she wants her house back!  My court date was 1-1/2 mos ago and now I wait again.  What if they say no?  And with my condition I have very high medical bills.  Everything is not cut and dry and so easy.  I already tried the suicide thing, but I hate now to see him win!  Working is not an option... I tried!  I just can't do it to myself, or anyone else again.  The pain is too bad and the meds make it so I cannot think.  But disability is so screwed up... my lawyer says people who really need it are denied, and those who don't do.  And I would only get $700/mo!  But I would try it just to get away from him!  I'll take any advice you have, but I feel stuck, at least until the judge makes a decision.  But he is leaving for a job next week on the east coast and says he is leaving me here!  Help me if you can!  Beg to go for the financial support in the meantime, or let him leave?  And then what?  I know where I should end up, but what is the direction I should take?  I am so confused and worried!

Quote From: ksdavis26

I had decided not to post here today but then decided after I read it all that everyone here seems to have such great advice so that I thought maybe I would give it a try.  I have been married for two years.  We have been together for 5.  When we got together I had a one year old daughter whom I was raising on my own.  The first year and a half were crappy.  We argued all the time, his mother caused such a strain on our relaitionship so I moved on.  About a few weeks later, he moved back in and that was almost 3 and half years ago.  In 2003 I was activated for a year and a half in the military and my daughter went to stay with my mother until I returned in 2004.  While I was gone my husband was home about an hour away and only went to see my baby twice.  He says that he has school (Clemson University) and I am over reacting. My husband worked the first year we were together and then decided he wanted to go to college.  I agreed and here we are 4 years later and he is still over a year from graduation.  In all that time I have payed the bills, cleaned, cooked, took care of my baby, all the regular stuff plus the extra stuff. My main problem is this, he was raised in a home where children were seen and not heard.  He thinks children should eat at seperate times then adults and there sould be no talkiing during dinner.  I was raised in a home with seven children so all heck broke loose at dinner.  While he studies he constantly tells us to shut up and even makes remarks about my stupidity and the stupidity of my family.  He tells me that my daughter will never really be his because my family interferes and he doesnt think that he is allowed to be her father so he dont try.  He spends time with me but not my daughter.  The time with me is regimented so that he can study. I go to college to so I try to be understanding.  But, he expects perfection in me, my daughter and school.  He gets all A's.  Before I went on active duty in the military our bedroom life was average 2 times a week.  Now, its good to be every two months.  He says he got used to not having to worry about it while I was gone and now he just wants it every now and then. I feel like he is tired of me.  We argue about that and our daughter. I want to leave just to have some peace and quiet and just be able to yell every now and then.  I am told by friends and family that I better be glad that he dont cheat, or aint abusive. But I feel as if emotionally abusive and would rather be alone that to constantly think I am not good enough.  I want to work on it, He says that when school is done things will be better and I am wondering if I am over reacting and should wait and see or if I should become accustomed to how it is.   

  

I want to say that I know that a lot of other people stories are worse and that I know my situation is not that bad, I would just like some advice and what a good course of action would be.  I appreciate any help yall may offer. 

Thanks. 

Quote From: birdlegs

I totally agree about getting out, but what if you cannot work to support yourself?  I filed for disability almost 3 years ago and have stayed with the creep while watching him cheat on me with women on the internet.  He's saying now he's dumping me on my daughter with whom we have been living with, but now she wants her house back!  My court date was 1-1/2 mos ago and now I wait again.  What if they say no?  And with my condition I have very high medical bills.  Everything is not cut and dry and so easy.  I already tried the suicide thing, but I hate now to see him win!  Working is not an option... I tried!  I just can't do it to myself, or anyone else again.  The pain is too bad and the meds make it so I cannot think.  But disability is so screwed up... my lawyer says people who really need it are denied, and those who don't do.  And I would only get $700/mo!  But I would try it just to get away from him!  I'll take any advice you have, but I feel stuck, at least until the judge makes a decision.  But he is leaving for a job next week on the east coast and says he is leaving me here!  Help me if you can!  Beg to go for the financial support in the meantime, or let him leave?  And then what?  I know where I should end up, but what is the direction I should take?  I am so confused and worried!