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Topic : 12/26 "I Am Right!"

Number of Replies: 374
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Created on : Friday, October 14, 2005, 03:44:44 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Airdate: 10/18/05) Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy? Stacey says she and her husband, Eddie, made a plan when they got married -- and it didn't have anything to do with Eddie's current goal of becoming an ultimate fighting champion.  Now she's giving him an ultimatum: "Give up the dream or give up me!“ Then, an entire family faces off against a mother in a debate about the weight of her 8-year-old daughter. Plus, a 30-year-old virgin saving himself for his soul mate wonders if he made the right decision. And, Jylana is determined to home school her son, but her husband, Mike, says he'll miss opportunities and become socially stunted. What does Dr. Phil think? Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

 

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October 16, 2005, 7:23 pm CDT

attention getter!!!!!

Quote From: gemini07

Why do people insist on being right? I would rather be HAPPY then right !!! I have a 20yr. old son who has beeen dating an 18yr. old girl for 5 months and she comes from alcolohic parents ( so the gene is there)  who is  controlling, drinks excessively , she runs an illegal business makes alot on money for her age,  bickers about everything  and finds fights in everything daily ,  has to be right all the time, has OCD and knows nothing about life because she 's only 18 yrs. old and hasn't lived life long enough to be  acting this way ?    

After just dating 2 1/2 months, she freaked my son out and he came to me asking for my advice " Mom, I can't handled her, I'm so unhappy, and frustrated , what do I do?"   

she's a CONTROL FREAK   and she absolutely  takies advantage of my good hearted son all the time.  My son would never hit a girl, because I've taught him well. and she knows he will never hit her, so she takes it upon hersellf to slap him around and push him around and then has the audacity to say that my son started it.  She loves to wrestle, she's a bit of a tom boy , but can;t take the heat!  So when she gets a burse or scratch , she spreads false rumors that my son hit her or shoved her.  I know this for a fact because they live with me and I'm home alot and have to play refugee .   At first I listened alot aand never spoke my two cents, but enough is enough! 

I told them that when I see someone in the wrong, that I was going to call it to their attention, wheather its my son or a friend or girlfriend.   

I'm so terrified and sad to see him going through this.  Any suggestions 

I think that because of her parents and how out of control she was she has to control everything around her. And because she had those parents who most likely did not give her the attention that she needed throughout her growing up she is making up for it by acting out to at least get negative attention....better than nothing? I would try to talk to your son and see if he is willing to talk to her about it and the problems that they have. This probably won't work but it is worth a try if he is up for it. If not then I think he should let her go. She is trouble!!!!!!!!! If she is not willing to change or at least try and get some help with her problems then he should move on. I hope this has helped you and I pray for all three of you. 

  

 
October 16, 2005, 7:32 pm CDT

10/18 "I Am Right!"

Quote From: irishmom

 I understand where you're coming from.  We live in Georgia and put our daughter in elementary school here this year to start Kindergarten.  The second week of school she was approached by a group of boys on the playground and she was attacked (given a black eye).  A month into the school year, she was again approached on the playground where she was punched in the stomach.  There were also incidents of boys putting their hands up girls skirts, all of this mind you, with no teacher in sight!  The school hid all of these things from us (the only reason we found out was because our daughter told us and we are friends with someone who works at the school that let us know what was going on).  We pulled her out and I am now homeschooling both of my older girls.  There are MANY pros to homeschooling, and very few, if any cons if you do it correctly.  My children get one on one learning time with me, something they can't get in a public school setting.  Children have vast arrays of learning styles and when you have so many children cramped into one class, someone is bound to get left behind.  I do projects and hands on things with my girls that you wouldn't see in a classroom.  I take them places  (such as the Science and Natural History Centers) that they wouldn't have an opportunity to go to much in the public school setting.  I can also "filter out" the children she interacts with.  They have "play dates" on a regular basis with other members of our church, and neighbors who hold our same morals and standards of conduct. 

Don't get me wrong, homeschooling is a great sacrifice and you must be consistent.  It can be easy to get lazy at times, but I think the benefits are obvious.  I can not only teach my children things, but give them hands on examples.  For example, I was teaching my 4 year old (she just turned 4) about the special oils in our skin, and if our skin is exposed to water for too long, it washes away that special oil and our skin gets wrinkly.  As a fun experiment, she got to play in the bath tub for awhile until her fingers and toes were all wrinkly.  You can't do that in school!!!  We also cook together which teaches them math (measurements).  You also can't do that in school either.  When you're at school, the teacher usually picks the books to read during circle/story time.  With homeschooling, my children get a say in what they would like to read.  It gives them the feeling that they are in control and my children LOVE to learn!
i think that this is a special decision for any parent of married couple to come to a decsion together. My son is a year now and while I was pregnant I was absolutley against him going to school. I have thoght about it a lot since then and I have re-evaluated my opinion. Yes there are some bad ppl out there that you want to protect your child from and yes your children can pick up some awful habits from other children or teachers. They also get to play with children their own age and get out of the house for 4-8 hours giving mom a much needed break. By the time your child is in school or ready for school you will probably welcome the peace. I think that we should be very selective in choosing schools and make sure that the school will adjust with you if you have a problem. It is hard to find perfection but thourogh research helps! I think I would be able to give my children "hands on" examples with thier homework or any question that they have for me about something they learned in school that day if they were not being home schooled. I think there is a lot good and bad about either situation and it is best left up to the parents. All I can say on that note is that you should try to make sure that you are making the decision based on the child's best interest and not your own.
 
October 16, 2005, 10:24 pm CDT

I am right!

When you met the man you knew his dreams, yet you still stayed with him.  Now you are trying to change him.  Shame on you.  My husband and I met in 1981 and he has never known me well yet he has stuck by me through thick and thin.  I knew that Bill wanted a business of his own and I also knew that it would be rough going to give it to him.   But I will do everything in my power to do it.  Also, last year when he asked me if we could move to Maine to be near his parents because they needed his help I said yes immediately.  I knew the cold winters were going to be hell on me with my pain problems but Bill has done every thing in his power for me and protected me from day one.  Also, how many men would stay with a woman that has been sick from day one, still marry her and stay home and care for her.  It was the least I could do for him.  The only time I have to go outside during the winter is to go to the doctor.  It is called LOVE.  We have an abundance of it for each other and I see so many couples lacking in it these days.  We also respect each other.  Try it, you will like it.
 
October 16, 2005, 10:55 pm CDT

I used to right

I used to right about everything just ask me I'll tell ya. Now after being jailed for domestic assault and taking anger management classes and paying fines and losing my marriage I figured out that  

even if I am right it isn't worth the trouble to hammer on someone till they see it my way. The things I lost in my haste to make everything perfect for me I will never recover even though I would do anything to be able to remarry my ex and go on with my life. To base your life on being the one who is always right is very tiring. First you have to figure out your opinion on a subject, this is the easiest part because you actually need no knowledge on that subject to form an opinion. After that you have make your opinion known, this is also fairly easy but you do have to scrounge up an audience. Lastly you have to enforce your rightness, this is the hard part as it usually takes a lot of yelling and cajoling and maybe hitting to get everyone to acknowledge the length and breadth of your wisdom. 

I enjoy being wrong now, it saves a lot of energy. 

 
October 16, 2005, 11:17 pm CDT

Different styles different approaches

I ALSO HOMESCHOOL.  The reason is very simple: different kids, different approaches. "I am right" -caught my attention because certain personality types fit that description better than others. If I might do this I simply want to throw in the 4 different personality types. My take on all this is: know the people around you so that you can succesfully interact with them. 

  

The Artisan™ Temperament
All Artisans (SPs) share the following core characteristics:
 

  • Artisans tend to be fun-loving, optimistic, realistic, and focused on the here and now.
  • Artisans pride themselves on being unconventional, bold, and spontaneous.
  • Artisans make playful mates, creative parents, and troubleshooting leaders.
  • Artisans are excitable, trust their impulses, want to make a splash, seek stimulation, prize freedom, and dream of mastering action skills.

.  

The four types of Artisans are:  

The Guardian™ Temperament
All Guardians (SJs) share the following core characteristics:  

  • Guardians pride themselves on being dependable, helpful, and hard-working.
  • Guardians make loyal mates, responsible parents, and stabilizing leaders.
  • Guardians tend to be dutiful, cautious, humble, and focused on credentials and traditions.
  • Guardians are concerned citizens who trust authority, join groups, seek security, prize gratitude, and dream of meting out justice.
The four types of Guardians are:

The Rational™ Temperament
All Rationals (NTs) share the following core characteristics:  

  • Rationals tend to be pragmatic, skeptical, self-contained, and focused on problem-solving and systems analysis.
  • Rationals pride themselves on being ingenious, independent, and strong willed.
  • Rationals make reasonable mates, individualizing parents, and strategic leaders.
  • Rationals are even-tempered, they trust logic, yearn for achievement, seek knowledge, prize technology, and dream of understanding how the world works.

The four types of Rationals are: 

The Idealist™ Temperament
All Idealists (NFs) share the following core characteristics:  

  • Idealists are enthusiastic, they trust their intuition, yearn for romance, seek their true self, prize meaningful relationships, and dream of attaining wisdom.
  • Idealists pride themselves on being loving, kindhearted, and authentic.
  • Idealists tend to be giving, trusting, spiritual, and they are focused on personal journeys and human potentials.
  • Idealists make intense mates, nurturing parents, and inspirational leaders.
  • The four types of Idealists are: 

 
October 17, 2005, 5:11 am CDT

Would you rather be right or be happy?…Dilemma

Quote From: dcfroggy

I understand what you are saying as I find myself in this predicament pretty often, I try to just do what I think is right. For example my neighbor has a four year old that throws temper tantrums for the attention and she kept asking me if I had any ideas to help her. She is kind of a selfish woman and I didn't want to cause a fight but I said what I thougth would help anyway. I told her that I think her four year old is doing it because she doesn't get ANY positive attention from her mother. I told her to try playing with her more often and She got really upset with me. I knew that would happen but I thought the child was more important. I don't think it is ever easy to try and do what you think is right. But if nobody tried then where would we be?

Thank you for the response "dcfroggy" J . However, the situation in which I find myself is a little different. 

  

What I refer to involves organisations or politics, where I see things happening that I disagree with. So often it would be a lot easier to simply let it go, but I am not sure if it would be the right thing to do.…. Let’s look at some examples. 

  

In a club that I was involved in I found certain members had profited from their position. Exchanges went on for eighteen months. The time when accounts should have been presented came and went. When the Chairman finally came clean, admitting that mistakes had been made, all the people that disagreed with him no longer lived in the area. We now find another representative, elected to a regional board has done the same thing. Some say this is history and we should just move on, but I fear history will only repeat itself. 

  

A second (more international) example: I understand that in the 1950s Iraq had an elected government, which was overthrown with the aid of the CIA. It seems Saddam Hussein had the support of the US as long as he was considered friendly to the US. This changed in the 1980s. 

  

I have sent a number of messages trying to check my facts. The White House has not replied. Those that have replied have stated it is also their understanding. 

I expect I would be a lot happier if I remained ignorant to these things, but it is so difficult to accept it as the way it is. 

  

Best Regards, 

 
October 17, 2005, 7:10 am CDT

Socially stunted homeschoolers

I had some of the same concerns as Mike when we were considering homeschooling.  But when I did the research, I found that the facts don't support the idea of "socially stunted home schoolers"!  In fact, children who are homeschooled, at least for the first few years, tend to be better adjusted socially, less susceptible to peer pressure, and more likely to become leaders when they do enter a traditional school setting.  I've found that to be true of my own children.  People frequently comment on how well behaved they are.  Their Sunday School teachers tell me about how well they pay attention and answer questions.   

It does require a commitment to making sure that they have adequate social contact, but there are so many options and opportunities that you find yourself overwhelmed with choices.  We are involved in a virtual charter school that provides reqular field trips and opportunities to get together.  My kids are involved in soccer, gymnastics, ballet, & church.  There are also other homeschool groups and activities in the area, but we just don't have time for everything!  We have to squeeze school hours into the schedule somewhere!! 

To Mike:  Do the research, the homeschool lifestyle isn't for everyone.  It requires a huge commitment to your kids.  But make sure you're making the decision based on reality and facts.  What may seem logical and obvious on the surface of things often isn't what you find to be true when you dig a little deeper. 

Best wishes, 

Lisa
 

 
October 17, 2005, 9:05 am CDT

10/18 "I Am Right!"

I don't bother trying to be right, I just am happy about life, and my husbadn and I tease eachother abotu being right sometimes, but it's usally about thing's that he woul dnormally be right with or vice versa. We dont' argue over it, or use it against one another, we just have a fun loving relationship with it. We concentrate on our kids, and loveing eachother over who is right, because that does not amtter, if you are right on something, you are probably also wrong with something else. Who Cares, you don't get anything morefrom life by being right. You should be saying I LOVE YOU, over I AM RIGHT!
 
October 17, 2005, 9:25 am CDT

10/18 "I Am Right!"

Quote From: dcfroggy

i think that this is a special decision for any parent of married couple to come to a decsion together. My son is a year now and while I was pregnant I was absolutley against him going to school. I have thoght about it a lot since then and I have re-evaluated my opinion. Yes there are some bad ppl out there that you want to protect your child from and yes your children can pick up some awful habits from other children or teachers. They also get to play with children their own age and get out of the house for 4-8 hours giving mom a much needed break. By the time your child is in school or ready for school you will probably welcome the peace. I think that we should be very selective in choosing schools and make sure that the school will adjust with you if you have a problem. It is hard to find perfection but thourogh research helps! I think I would be able to give my children "hands on" examples with thier homework or any question that they have for me about something they learned in school that day if they were not being home schooled. I think there is a lot good and bad about either situation and it is best left up to the parents. All I can say on that note is that you should try to make sure that you are making the decision based on the child's best interest and not your own.
 I understand where you are coming from, but in regards to your last statement, I have never seen a parent who home schooled in "their" best interest rather than their child's.  Homeschooling is a huge sacrifice!  (Like you said, your children going to school gives you a much needed break...you don't get that break when you're homeschooling).  As far as choosing the school that your children go to, in most places (and in Georgia where I live), you don't get a choice about where your children go to school and unless you can afford to spend $600 or more per child to send them to a private school, then your options are either send them to an awful public school, or home school them.  I chose to home school.  I'm not saying that ALL public schools are bad.  In fact I lived in Vermont much of my life and if I still lived there, my children would probably be going to a public school there. 
 
October 17, 2005, 9:26 am CDT

Living your Dream

I think He should go for his dream.  I am sorry but nobody should try to hinder someone for reaching their dream.  That is what makes life worth living.  Sometimes you have to support some one dreams even if you have doubts about them being attained.   

  

I think it is so so wrong, to give some one an ultimatum to choose between your and whatever dreams or goals they have.  As long as it doesn't it financially, physically and emotionally sound, I think a person should be encouraged in his or her dreams. 

  

I really think this woman needs to get over herself and if she loves her husband she should support him all the way.  He should not have to make a decision between his dream and her. 

 
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