Message Boards

Topic : 12/26 "I Am Right!"

Number of Replies: 374
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, October 14, 2005, 03:44:44 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Airdate: 10/18/05) Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy? Stacey says she and her husband, Eddie, made a plan when they got married -- and it didn't have anything to do with Eddie's current goal of becoming an ultimate fighting champion.  Now she's giving him an ultimatum: "Give up the dream or give up me!“ Then, an entire family faces off against a mother in a debate about the weight of her 8-year-old daughter. Plus, a 30-year-old virgin saving himself for his soul mate wonders if he made the right decision. And, Jylana is determined to home school her son, but her husband, Mike, says he'll miss opportunities and become socially stunted. What does Dr. Phil think? Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

 

More December 2005 Show Boards.


As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

October 14, 2005, 6:46 pm CDT

Homeschooling

  

I am a new parent-to-be and have been weighing the pro's and con's of homeschooling.  So far I have found nothing good to public schooling except for the fact that the school would have my child for a few hours so I could work again part-time.   

  

To begin with I don't even trust the school district here in Central Florida.  When I was young some of my friends were molested in elementary school by a man that would frequently visit the school and play with us and his daughter that was in our class.  He was even head of our Brownie Girl Troop until he was arrested.  Then as I went into middle school I was sent to a Catholic school in the area, where the principal was accused of molesting the young boys in the school.  Since I've left high school there has been a whole chain of child molestations in the elementary and middle schools in the area, including one school that was right down the road from me!  I could never be able to leave a child at school now without fearing the worst. 

  

Then once you hit high school here its a complete joke.  At one point the school board tried to enforce a very strict dress code to all public schools in the county.  I witnessed countless friends that were suspended and expelled from school because they refused to wear a polo shirt, tuck in their shirts, or wear a belt!!!!  Then as I asked the Deans when the next school board meetings were, but they would never tell me.  Luckily my mother had a friend in the school system so he would personally take me to the meetings about dresscode but I would geting completely dismissed by one man out of six representatives telling me I was wrong when I just made some simple valid points.  Our school was at the bottom of the grading list and yet they were more concerned about whether we had a belt on that day then if we had done our homework.  They even tried to convince me to take a state test a 2nd time! Not because I had failed the first one, but because I had done so well that they wanted me to take it again to bring up their school score!  Of course I flat out refused. 

  

As far as socializing goes, I already plan on afterschool activities whether it'd be dancing, sports, martial arts, music, anything.  I personally believe that exposing the socializing in hobbies will make the acquantinces more important and the interest more important as well.  Instead of being forced to make friends in a class, doing a hobby would give the child friends that he actually has something in common with.  Plus he/she would be more focused on his studies without the class around to be disruptive or pick on the child which was my problem growing up, so I ended up skipping a lot of school as I got older.  I find with friends that I have that have been homeschooled they come out very level-headed and quite closer to their family as well.     

  

But thats just my opinion... 

 
October 14, 2005, 8:52 pm CDT

10/18 "I Am Right!"

Quote From: msi_gemini

  

I am a new parent-to-be and have been weighing the pro's and con's of homeschooling.  So far I have found nothing good to public schooling except for the fact that the school would have my child for a few hours so I could work again part-time.   

  

To begin with I don't even trust the school district here in Central Florida.  When I was young some of my friends were molested in elementary school by a man that would frequently visit the school and play with us and his daughter that was in our class.  He was even head of our Brownie Girl Troop until he was arrested.  Then as I went into middle school I was sent to a Catholic school in the area, where the principal was accused of molesting the young boys in the school.  Since I've left high school there has been a whole chain of child molestations in the elementary and middle schools in the area, including one school that was right down the road from me!  I could never be able to leave a child at school now without fearing the worst. 

  

Then once you hit high school here its a complete joke.  At one point the school board tried to enforce a very strict dress code to all public schools in the county.  I witnessed countless friends that were suspended and expelled from school because they refused to wear a polo shirt, tuck in their shirts, or wear a belt!!!!  Then as I asked the Deans when the next school board meetings were, but they would never tell me.  Luckily my mother had a friend in the school system so he would personally take me to the meetings about dresscode but I would geting completely dismissed by one man out of six representatives telling me I was wrong when I just made some simple valid points.  Our school was at the bottom of the grading list and yet they were more concerned about whether we had a belt on that day then if we had done our homework.  They even tried to convince me to take a state test a 2nd time! Not because I had failed the first one, but because I had done so well that they wanted me to take it again to bring up their school score!  Of course I flat out refused. 

  

As far as socializing goes, I already plan on afterschool activities whether it'd be dancing, sports, martial arts, music, anything.  I personally believe that exposing the socializing in hobbies will make the acquantinces more important and the interest more important as well.  Instead of being forced to make friends in a class, doing a hobby would give the child friends that he actually has something in common with.  Plus he/she would be more focused on his studies without the class around to be disruptive or pick on the child which was my problem growing up, so I ended up skipping a lot of school as I got older.  I find with friends that I have that have been homeschooled they come out very level-headed and quite closer to their family as well.     

  

But thats just my opinion... 

THE PROBLEM IS FLORIDA, NOT THE PUBLIC SCHOOLS!  And I hope the Florida government READS THIS COMMENT.  I have relatives in Florida and HONESTLY  I DO NOT let my 13 year old boy go alone into a public restroom.  He comes with me into the ladies room.  And I don't give a $%^& what anyone thinks.  Listening to the daily news in Florida is ATROCIOUS for lack of a better word.  It is outright DANGEROUS especially for kids.  And the only time we ever hear the extended news is because a harmed child has a parent from another state who has custody so it becomes national news.  My kids are all in public school in my farm town state.  I DO NOT WORRY ABOUT MY KIDS ONE MINUTE IN OUR PUBLIC SCHOOL SYSTEM.  I have had 1% problems and every time I called the teacher the problem has been  addressed QUICKLY within 24 hrs.  My teachers reinforce my values.  Unless you live in more than one place it is hard to realize how different areas are accross the US.  On our News it says things like:  Such n Such is teacher of the year, A new elephant was born at the zoo today, Let's take a look at what the children are doing at the grand opening of this new Science exhibit today....   some crime yes.... but NOTHING like Florida.  I spent 2 weeks there and listened to the news everyday in horror to the crimes against kids.  It is out of control in my opinion.
 
October 15, 2005, 7:09 pm CDT

I also Home School

Quote From: missjane2

THE PROBLEM IS FLORIDA, NOT THE PUBLIC SCHOOLS!  And I hope the Florida government READS THIS COMMENT.  I have relatives in Florida and HONESTLY  I DO NOT let my 13 year old boy go alone into a public restroom.  He comes with me into the ladies room.  And I don't give a $%& what anyone thinks.  Listening to the daily news in Florida is ATROCIOUS for lack of a better word.  It is outright DANGEROUS especially for kids.  And the only time we ever hear the extended news is because a harmed child has a parent from another state who has custody so it becomes national news.  My kids are all in public school in my farm town state.  I DO NOT WORRY ABOUT MY KIDS ONE MINUTE IN OUR PUBLIC SCHOOL SYSTEM.  I have had 1% problems and every time I called the teacher the problem has been  addressed QUICKLY within 24 hrs.  My teachers reinforce my values.  Unless you live in more than one place it is hard to realize how different areas are accross the US.  On our News it says things like:  Such n Such is teacher of the year, A new elephant was born at the zoo today, Let's take a look at what the children are doing at the grand opening of this new Science exhibit today....   some crime yes.... but NOTHING like Florida.  I spent 2 weeks there and listened to the news everyday in horror to the crimes against kids.  It is out of control in my opinion.
I had to home school because had two differtent teachers tell me, I was a overly concerned mother and I did not know what I was talking about. My son is a slow learner and was getting beat up and in detention all the time. So I decided to home school and is awsome now.  I also disagree with no social life. I have the whole neighborhood kids almost every day. It is also proven homeschoolers are getting higher education and smarter than the public kids. Because they do get one on one. They can advance at thier own pace.  I don't know what the big thing is with social with all the hatred in schools now. Here where I live it is not safe. We had a third grader bring a loaded gun to school and threatened two brothers. So I would rather keep my kids safe during the day and then have after school sports. Or find clubs that I can be involved for them. My kids love homeschooling because we  get to travel and experience more.
 
October 15, 2005, 7:38 pm CDT

Right vs Wrong

My perception is that there is never a "right way" and "wrong way" to do or say things.    

  

Everything in life is a negotiation and should be conducted in that manner, at all times, be it your spouse, your boss, your co-workers, your business connections, etc. 

  

Actions should "always" speak louder than words.  Act in an appropriate manner.  Use common sense.  Be true to yourself and your values and talk things over without being judgmental, abusive, angry, hurtful, resentful, etc.  If a negotiotion becomes abusive or threatening, walk away - cool down - and talk things out later when both parties have had a chance to think and come up with some solutions.  There - that's a good way of solving "right vs wrong" issues.  Come up with a solution (even if it is in the cool down time) to whatever sitation you are confronted with, hopefully in a calm manner.   

  

If issues are forced and you are not allowed your opinion or are "forced" to abide by "their" rules, then you have to make a choice of whether or not you can live with the choices that have been made by the other person.   

  

Once again - everything should be a negotiation, in just about everything that you do, in life. 

  

Negotiations and decisions.  Don't you negotiate decisions?   Is this a right vs wrong decision?   You can even "argue" with yourself!  

  

Kathy in Oregon 

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

 
October 15, 2005, 7:43 pm CDT

I home school

Quote From: msi_gemini

  

I am a new parent-to-be and have been weighing the pro's and con's of homeschooling.  So far I have found nothing good to public schooling except for the fact that the school would have my child for a few hours so I could work again part-time.   

  

To begin with I don't even trust the school district here in Central Florida.  When I was young some of my friends were molested in elementary school by a man that would frequently visit the school and play with us and his daughter that was in our class.  He was even head of our Brownie Girl Troop until he was arrested.  Then as I went into middle school I was sent to a Catholic school in the area, where the principal was accused of molesting the young boys in the school.  Since I've left high school there has been a whole chain of child molestations in the elementary and middle schools in the area, including one school that was right down the road from me!  I could never be able to leave a child at school now without fearing the worst. 

  

Then once you hit high school here its a complete joke.  At one point the school board tried to enforce a very strict dress code to all public schools in the county.  I witnessed countless friends that were suspended and expelled from school because they refused to wear a polo shirt, tuck in their shirts, or wear a belt!!!!  Then as I asked the Deans when the next school board meetings were, but they would never tell me.  Luckily my mother had a friend in the school system so he would personally take me to the meetings about dresscode but I would geting completely dismissed by one man out of six representatives telling me I was wrong when I just made some simple valid points.  Our school was at the bottom of the grading list and yet they were more concerned about whether we had a belt on that day then if we had done our homework.  They even tried to convince me to take a state test a 2nd time! Not because I had failed the first one, but because I had done so well that they wanted me to take it again to bring up their school score!  Of course I flat out refused. 

  

As far as socializing goes, I already plan on afterschool activities whether it'd be dancing, sports, martial arts, music, anything.  I personally believe that exposing the socializing in hobbies will make the acquantinces more important and the interest more important as well.  Instead of being forced to make friends in a class, doing a hobby would give the child friends that he actually has something in common with.  Plus he/she would be more focused on his studies without the class around to be disruptive or pick on the child which was my problem growing up, so I ended up skipping a lot of school as I got older.  I find with friends that I have that have been homeschooled they come out very level-headed and quite closer to their family as well.     

  

But thats just my opinion... 

 I understand where you're coming from.  We live in Georgia and put our daughter in elementary school here this year to start Kindergarten.  The second week of school she was approached by a group of boys on the playground and she was attacked (given a black eye).  A month into the school year, she was again approached on the playground where she was punched in the stomach.  There were also incidents of boys putting their hands up girls skirts, all of this mind you, with no teacher in sight!  The school hid all of these things from us (the only reason we found out was because our daughter told us and we are friends with someone who works at the school that let us know what was going on).  We pulled her out and I am now homeschooling both of my older girls.  There are MANY pros to homeschooling, and very few, if any cons if you do it correctly.  My children get one on one learning time with me, something they can't get in a public school setting.  Children have vast arrays of learning styles and when you have so many children cramped into one class, someone is bound to get left behind.  I do projects and hands on things with my girls that you wouldn't see in a classroom.  I take them places  (such as the Science and Natural History Centers) that they wouldn't have an opportunity to go to much in the public school setting.  I can also "filter out" the children she interacts with.  They have "play dates" on a regular basis with other members of our church, and neighbors who hold our same morals and standards of conduct. 

Don't get me wrong, homeschooling is a great sacrifice and you must be consistent.  It can be easy to get lazy at times, but I think the benefits are obvious.  I can not only teach my children things, but give them hands on examples.  For example, I was teaching my 4 year old (she just turned 4) about the special oils in our skin, and if our skin is exposed to water for too long, it washes away that special oil and our skin gets wrinkly.  As a fun experiment, she got to play in the bath tub for awhile until her fingers and toes were all wrinkly.  You can't do that in school!!!  We also cook together which teaches them math (measurements).  You also can't do that in school either.  When you're at school, the teacher usually picks the books to read during circle/story time.  With homeschooling, my children get a say in what they would like to read.  It gives them the feeling that they are in control and my children LOVE to learn!
 
October 15, 2005, 9:10 pm CDT

homeschooling

I am a proud homeschooling mom.  I have been homeschooling now for 8 years.  We had a problem in a Christian school.  My husband and I decided together, our son had to come out of this school during the Christmas break.  A friend of ours, also took her daughter out of this class, we started homeschooling them at the same time.  Our son will tell you, he does not want to go back to school.  Everyone wants to talk about the social aspect of homeschooling.  Well, I will tell you, I just got home at 9:30 after being gone since 12:30 today.  Our 11 year old son, had a social group from 1-4pm, then my husband brought our oldest son to me, and picked up our 11 yr old son.  Our 13 yr old son, then had his social group from 4:30 - 8:30 tonight. Our social groups are children playing all kinds of funny, made up games, ping-pong, and air hockey.  We have food for them as well, they also get time to just sit and talk.  Homeschool parents don't just stay home and do school.  We have support groups, that help plan field trips, social game days, Christmas parties, Valentine parties and so on.  There are so many things we do with our children, that you can not go to everything, because you would not get the school work done.  One thing that I love to hear about my 3 children, is HOW WELL THEY BEHAVE!  Homeschool children, for the most part, are very well behaved, respectful to other adults and children.   In our area,  business love for us to come for a field trip because of our children showing respect and being very well behaved.  

 I hope that Jylana will get all the information about homeschooling, so that she can really show her husband the great things about homeschooling their son.   He will only miss out on things, if they keep him home 24/7.  Some of the really great things about homeschooling;  you have more family time, your child/children are not at school for 7-8 hrs a day, then come home and have 2-3 hrs of homework to do before going to bed.  Another one, we get to take vacations ANYTIME we want!  October or November is a great time to go to Disney World, all the other children are in school, great weather, don't have to worry about long lines for rides.  You get to go to different places and learn about them first hand, not just from a book.  Instead of just reading about Washington D.C., Jamestown, Yellowstone Park, and the Grand Canyon take the kids there and learn about thoses places first hand.   

My husband tell people, when they ask about the social part of homeschooling, "There was a lot of social things, kids learning from kids, he could have done without!"   

  

And, Jylana is determined to home school her son, but her husband, Mike, says he'll miss opportunities and become socially stunted. 

 

 

If Mike wants to say that my children are socially stunted because they have not learned about sex,  how to tease other children, how to just be plain mean to others,  how smoking is cool and how to do drugs, then I am very happy they are socially stunted!!  Our oldest son only knows what his dad had told him about sex, not what other children think about it and do. 

  

I am a very proud homeschooling mom!! 

 
October 15, 2005, 11:43 pm CDT

Help, Son has controlling girlfirend

Why do people insist on being right? I would rather be HAPPY then right !!! I have a 20yr. old son who has beeen dating an 18yr. old girl for 5 months and she comes from alcolohic parents ( so the gene is there)  who is  controlling, drinks excessively , she runs an illegal business makes alot on money for her age,  bickers about everything  and finds fights in everything daily ,  has to be right all the time, has OCD and knows nothing about life because she 's only 18 yrs. old and hasn't lived life long enough to be  acting this way ?    

After just dating 2 1/2 months, she freaked my son out and he came to me asking for my advice " Mom, I can't handled her, I'm so unhappy, and frustrated , what do I do?"   

she's a CONTROL FREAK   and she absolutely  takies advantage of my good hearted son all the time.  My son would never hit a girl, because I've taught him well. and she knows he will never hit her, so she takes it upon hersellf to slap him around and push him around and then has the audacity to say that my son started it.  She loves to wrestle, she's a bit of a tom boy , but can;t take the heat!  So when she gets a burse or scratch , she spreads false rumors that my son hit her or shoved her.  I know this for a fact because they live with me and I'm home alot and have to play refugee .   At first I listened alot aand never spoke my two cents, but enough is enough! 

I told them that when I see someone in the wrong, that I was going to call it to their attention, wheather its my son or a friend or girlfriend.   

I'm so terrified and sad to see him going through this.  Any suggestions 

 
October 16, 2005, 12:53 am CDT

30 Year-Old Virgin

How sad it is that society doesn't view virginity as sacred!!!!!!!!  I am older then 30 and am.  I believe in marriage before having sex.  I was made fun of for many years.  A very special person told me, "That's the way it is suppose to be!"  He was the first person to validate my choice.  A mental health professional said to me, "That is really odd at your age." and quickly changed the subject.  I am very glad I am and if I die a virgin, SO BE IT!!!  That is the way to suppose to be!!!
 
October 16, 2005, 5:23 am CDT

Homeschool Mom of 3

I am a homeschool mother of 3 children.  There are pros and cons to homeschooling.  For our family, the pros outweighed the cons.  My 8yr. old son has ADHD and does much better in a homeschool environment with less medication and more behavioral training.  We had seriously considered placing our 6th grade daughter in public school ( because that is what she wanted ) until she blossomed to a 34DD in 8 months.  I feared that at this critical age her self esteem would be harmed way too much to chance placing her in public middle school.  I asked her to write me a paper about what she liked about herself and what she would change if she could.  I honestly thought she would say she would change her chest size.  I got back a paper that said: 

  

Dear Mom; 

I like myself just fine.  I am just how God wants me to be.  I don't listen to people who say my chest is too big because I know that is what makes me just like you.    I am glad you make me walk on the treadmill everyday to stay healthy.  I am glad dad is teaching me the guitar.  I tried but I could not think of anything I would change about myself.   Love, Brie 

  

I believe there are public school children who have self esteem and self confindence like my daughter, but I don't this I am going to change a formula that is working for our family.  I have happy, healthy children.  They are active in, church, community service, and have a large peer group.   

Homeschooling has to be a personal choice.  It takes commitment and dedication to ensure that children are active physically and socially.  I think it takes the same commitment for parents of public school children.   

I think it takes alot of trial and error to determine what works best in a family and I don't believe that any choice that is made, be it public school, private school, or homeschooling, if both parents cannot agree.   

 
October 16, 2005, 8:06 am CDT

Be careful...

Quote From: gemini07

Why do people insist on being right? I would rather be HAPPY then right !!! I have a 20yr. old son who has beeen dating an 18yr. old girl for 5 months and she comes from alcolohic parents ( so the gene is there)  who is  controlling, drinks excessively , she runs an illegal business makes alot on money for her age,  bickers about everything  and finds fights in everything daily ,  has to be right all the time, has OCD and knows nothing about life because she 's only 18 yrs. old and hasn't lived life long enough to be  acting this way ?    

After just dating 2 1/2 months, she freaked my son out and he came to me asking for my advice " Mom, I can't handled her, I'm so unhappy, and frustrated , what do I do?"   

she's a CONTROL FREAK   and she absolutely  takies advantage of my good hearted son all the time.  My son would never hit a girl, because I've taught him well. and she knows he will never hit her, so she takes it upon hersellf to slap him around and push him around and then has the audacity to say that my son started it.  She loves to wrestle, she's a bit of a tom boy , but can;t take the heat!  So when she gets a burse or scratch , she spreads false rumors that my son hit her or shoved her.  I know this for a fact because they live with me and I'm home alot and have to play refugee .   At first I listened alot aand never spoke my two cents, but enough is enough! 

I told them that when I see someone in the wrong, that I was going to call it to their attention, wheather its my son or a friend or girlfriend.   

I'm so terrified and sad to see him going through this.  Any suggestions 

About seven years ago I was where your son is now.  I was with an abusive alcoholic whom my parents couldn't  stand.  They were always saying negative things about him to me.  You have to be very careful with the way you handle this if you don't want to push your son away and actually drive him closer to her.  Here is what would have worked for me:

As hard as it is, do your very best to never say anything negative about her as a person.  If your son comes to you with advice, tell him honestly (and try as hard as you can not to be critical) specific things you see her doing that aren't right.  Let him know that you love him and want him to be happy.  Let him know the things you see happening, but DON'T put her down...that will make you look bad and he may think that you just don't want him to be happy.  Believe me, there's a good chance it will backfire on you.  I know it did for me!  In fact, my parents were so adamant about putting down the guy I was with, I ended up marrying him which REALLY turned into a disaster. 

Let your son know that you support him.  Tell him you know he loves her but these are the things you see happening in the relationship.  BUT, let him come to you.  Let yourself be available to talk to.  If he believes you are looking at this objectively and not blinded by your feelings for her, he will listen better.  You have to have a nice balance.  You CAN'T say nothing at all, but you have to be careful in the way that you do say it once something is said.  As much as you don't want to admit it, your son loves her (or thinks he does), otherwise he wouldn't still be putting up with it, so when you put down someone that your loved one loves, they tend to think negatively about you. 
 
First Page | Previous Page | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Next | Last