She thinks everyone is against her now. It doesn't matter how much love you show her, she will lash out at anyone with an opposing view toward her lifestyle. What I want to know is why do so many homosexuals have this idea that tolerance equals a Christian's silence?
As a lesbian, and having been a member of a very evangelical church who believe that homosexuality is a sin, I can see the diliema both ways.
As a gay person, there is SO much pressure put on you to change, telling you how evil you are, devaluing your relationships with people you love dearly and how any relationship you have with God isn't good enough for your salvation (at least in Christian families). Its hard enough when the world tells you this, but even harder when it comes from your own family. Especially for gay people who until coming out had good relationships with their families, who depend on their support and affirmation as people first and foremost. My own family is not supportive, and my mother in particular refuses to speak to me even on the phone. This was a shock to me, as we didn't grw up in a church or particularly religious, my spiritual journy has been totally my own. Not to negate the pain this must put my mother through or sound selfish, but for me this is extreemly hurtful. As a young woman who wasn't finished discovering myself as a person and wasn't ready to lose the support of my family, there was a part of me that still needed affirmation from my family, as immature a need as that sounds. And even if I was older and grounded in my self-identity, it wouldnt mean I would want to suffer the loss of the family I still love deeply. The need for my family's love, support, and affirmation, as well as the fear of loss, would still be there.
On the other hand I understand the importance an evangelical Christian puts on the need to witness to others and share their beliefs. To such a person, they feel real and genuine love for other individuals ~ they are not all the gay bashers and fred phelps "God Hates Fags" variety. And for those they love so much, they worry about how their beliefs conflict and the outcome for their loved one... who would want a love one to spend all eternity in Hell for making such a "choice." (I try to remain sensitive to those who still hold my former beliefs, but I can not adhere to the concept that one would "choose" this life because mommy worked instead of staying home, and daddy wasan alcoholic). And furthermore, who would not worry about sending forth a gay daughter or son out into a society like ours, horrible things still do happen to gay people. And to heterosexual Chirstians who have found such love, peace, and happiness as a Christian and a heterosexual, it would follow that to have such love, peace, and happiness, and such a relationship with God, one must be heterosexual also.
I also know something evangelicals and the gay community share, and that is the feeling that society wants to shut them up and make them go away. I feel just as under attack stating views as a Christian as I do as a lesbian. Furthermore, both groups feel attacked by society at large, the media, hollywood, other secular institutions, not just the attack coming from each other. The need for tolerance goes both ways, yes Christians need to attempt to understand and tolerate the gay community, but much of the gay community need to try to understand where most Christians are coming from.
With that stated, boundries must be put up. They should be equal boundries, is whats important. Now, Dr. Phil mentioned boundries on the show, I don't feel that are fair. Possibly. So the family in the piece thould attempt to not talk about sexuality of any of its members. For the sake of maintain the family's relationship, I'll agree. They should stick to common issues like family and politics. First politics... ok Dr. Phil, we have consevitive Christian family, lesbian daughter/sister. Enough said about that bad idea. But family. This is good and important. And I do admit, even though many would assume otherwise, that bringing home a continuous stream of girls home for religious family gatherings, expecting them to be accepted, is not sensitive to her family's beliefs and concepts of themselves, and generally is not a bright idea. The woman is so caught up in wanting her families affirmation she is forcing too much on them. Talking about the sisters husband and kids is important, especially since she has just moved, her entire day to day life is wrapped up in her family life and adjusting to her surroundings, she needs the support of her family through that. Talking about the deceased father is important, he was the head of their house and an important figure of all of their lives.
Now, eventually assume a day comes when this woman meets the woman that she will make a lifetime commitment to... when this day comes, will she be accepted as part of the family instead of just the womans "sex life"? Will she be allowed to discuss her marriage/committment ceremony? Will they attend? Can she talk about the romantic thing she did to surprise her on their first anniversary? Or the silly thing they discussed last night before going to sleep? At family gatherings, can they hold hands, or must they pretend they are roomates just so everyone is comfortable? If her partner bears children, will they be considered part of this family? Could she call her sister and talk about what little Johnny did today without "rubbing it (her sexuality) " in her face?
This is the mindset of lesbians wanting total acceptance from their families ~ they want an answer to all this NOW, before it comes back to hurt them later. In this case, the woman is a little premature in her worries, if shes still not at the point where thats an issue yet. She should be focusing on trying to build and maintain a relationship with what she has ~ and what she has is obviously a very loving and concerned mother, and a sister who cares ~ even if she has a huge vendetta still carried from cildhood rivialries.
But what she needs in return from her family is a meeting in the middle. Boundries should be clear and go both ways. She needs the assurence that (like she tried stating) she will be treated like her sister, or as a straight person would be treated in the same situation. No one needs to discuss their sex lives, but if she chooses a life partner, that partner should be treated and held in the same regard as the husband of her younger sister. Despite the beliefs of the family. She gives up more than many would realize if she tries to meet such a conservative family in the middle, they need to give back in equal kind.
(Original Air Date: 10/19/05) Sexual orientation used to be something kept hidden from family and co-workers, but now more and more people are "coming out" and finding acceptance. Anjela says her mother and sister don't support her sexual orientation, and feel she can't be Christian and gay at the same time. Can they reconcile this touchy issue? Then, two men debate whether a person can go from gay to straight, and parents of a 4-year-old boy fear their son's desire to play with dolls and wear heels means he'll grow up to be gay. Are they overreacting to his wishes to be a princess instead of a prince? Talk about gender and gay issues here.
