One comment that is frequently made by straight people in discussions such as those on the show was a comment made by Dr. Phil himself. To his gay guest, he said something to the effect that being gay is not the totality of who she is. Although it's technically true that a person's sexuality is not their entirety, as a psychiatrist I'm sure Dr. Phil knows that a persons sexuality PERMEATES the whole of who they are. It is a tremendous influence on what interests them personally and professionally, how they dress, how they vote -- in total, how they view the world.
As a result, when a gay person is communicating with a straight person WHOSE OPINION IS IMPORTANT TO THEM, such as sister to sister, it's not unusual to reach out by trying to make the person realize just how much their sexuality adversely affects their every day life. Of course, sexuality has just as much impact on the straight person, but in a society where one is in the majority, the straight person is usually not aware of how their sexuality affects their every day life because, by being in the majority, straight people do not live with an awareness that many people do not enjoy the rights they take for granted. The rights to a lawfully recognized relationship, the rights to equal tax treatment, the rights to visit and speak for a hospitalized partner, to adopt, to hold a job, to borrow, to live where you choose, to announce your beloved to the world, etc. are all affected by being gay. Indeed, our presidents have never spoken in favor of limiting straight people's rights. The churches we all grew up in never threatened to bar straight people from their congregations. The families we love never throw out their straight teenagers for being straight.
So when Dr. Phil says that being gay is not the totality of who we are, although technically true, for all practical purposes, it is not true. And to be aware of this fact is what gay people virtually ACHE for the straight people in their lives to share.
As for the issue of flaunting it, the guest's point that straight people flaunt their sexuality much more was lost in the discussion. We see this flaunting in every TV show, movie and storefront window. From at least the time a boy or girl reaches dating age (if not before), there are constant references to whom he will marry, how and where she will attract a husband, etc. When the match is finally made, there's the engagement party and the wedding to which relatives and friends are invited to celebrate the relationship. The government sanctions the union with a marriage license and over 1000 separate rights which are conferred on the couple by virtue of their lawful union. From that point on, they are introduced as their partner's spouse and don't even go to the supermarket without a ring identifying them as being in a heterosexual relationship. If they walk down the street holding hands, or kiss each other good-bye at the train station, they do not have to look around first to see if there is anyone present who might show their disapproval, visually, verbally or violently, and so, they don't even think about the fact that they can and do walk down the street, or say goodbye, while flaunting their relationship. Has Dr. Phil ever recognized that his sexuality is showing when he leaves the stage holding his wife's hand? Gay people notice.
After 16 years of Christian education, I came to the conclusion of what I had known since I was 4 -- that I am gay. The world only made sense to me in that context. After spending decades in mediation-related work, I have learned first hand that you have not convinced a man because you have silenced him. People need to be free to speak the truth of their lives. It's all well and good to be "tolerated" by society. But those who love them, must not just tolerate, but truly know, and celebrate them, for the relationship to be nurturing. This is true for both sisters who were on the show. They each need to be able to speak the truth of their lives to each other. Dr. Phil used a wonderful technique on another show earlier this week when he asked a husband and wife to verbalize the other spouse's point of view. These sisters could both benefit from that exercise. I pray for softening of their hearts toward each other, and their success in renewing their sisterhood.
(Original Air Date: 10/19/05) Sexual orientation used to be something kept hidden from family and co-workers, but now more and more people are "coming out" and finding acceptance. Anjela says her mother and sister don't support her sexual orientation, and feel she can't be Christian and gay at the same time. Can they reconcile this touchy issue? Then, two men debate whether a person can go from gay to straight, and parents of a 4-year-old boy fear their son's desire to play with dolls and wear heels means he'll grow up to be gay. Are they overreacting to his wishes to be a princess instead of a prince? Talk about gender and gay issues here.
