Topic : 06/06 "I'm Gay, OK?"

Thanks so much for this message. I have read much of the posts about what people think of Gay people here tonight.  It scares me. It sickens me. I am surprised at the intolerance of many here. I am shocked at the opinions from heterosexuals about what it is like to be gay, or born or made gay, or can you change to heterosexual. How would you know? 

  

Why would I choose to be gay? To be denied the basic rights in this country (US). To be considered a second class citizen. To have someone else's religious beliefs thrown into my face; whether or not I am a sinner, whether or not I deserve respect and love. To be afraid to walk down the street holding my partner's hand because I love her. Afraid I may be attacked, beaten up or even killed because I CHOOSE to love someone. To have my partner be denied the right to grant my last wishes at my death because my family doesn't validate our love and relationship. To be denied the right to marry the person I love most in the entire world.  Who in their right mind would choose this? 

  

If any of you have questions about what it is like to be a lesbian/gay in this conservative and very judgemental society; please feel free to ask . I won't reply to questions regarding reconciling my homosexuality with religion as my spiritual beliefs are private and sacred. 

  

Sincerely, 

  

NA 

I don't know where I stand on being gay and what the Bible says.  I'm a religious person, but I stil have a lot to learn about God and the Bible.  I do believe God says, "Love your neighbor as thyself" though, and I take that to mean not to judge others and love everyone.  Sure you can't like everyone, but God put everyone here for a reason and everyone has some good in them in my opinion.  I hope the gay/lesbian/bi population stays strong and I'm so glad that we can finally be open about these things.  Also, I think we should stop calling it "same-sex" relationship, and instead call it "same-gender" relationship.  We need to take the attention off of the sex part of being gay.  Just because you're gay doesn't mean you're sexually attracted to everyone of the same gender.  Most humans have sex, so who cares who we're having it with?  There's enough drama/problems in this world, let's focus on more important issues.  

I will first say that I have not read the hundreds of messages posted on this topic, so what I am about to say may have already been said.  

  

Dr. Phil, 

I'm somewhat disappointed in the direction that you gave the couple on their 4 year old son. Where were the facts about childhood development? Specifically, that at some point in their young lives, they realize the difference between boys and girls. What better place to get direction on this than their parents? 

  

My daughter realized this difference when she was 3 and we did not freak out when she started playing with boy toys either. She played with dinosaurs for months and her current favorite toy is a train set.  

  

I see many people who force 'boy toys' on their sons and lose control if they even look at a doll. Unless they want to cut off its hair or dismember it.  

But when a girl plays with boy toys, she's 'exploring'.  

  

I hope that child development was at least brought up to this couple and that it is normal for kids to explore this difference. Don't embarass children by making their imagination 'wrong'.  

  

How sad.  

Dr. Phil, 

Aloha from Hawai’i Island. I am a Transgender (MTF) College student at the University of Hawai’i at Hilo. I just got through watching one of your stories concerning a child, 4 years old, who feels he wants to be the other gender.  

Well, I just want to share with you a story from my life’s experience. I showed signs just like him when I was a child and was totally rejected from my parents. The thing is, the more she reacts to it, the more he’ll turn this way.  

From my opinion, it’s too late to convert him. It’s better she accepts it, teach him to be the best person he can, instill knowledge through education so that he may grow loving school, and help him reach a profession he’ll so desire.  

This was missing in my life and because it lacked, I introduced myself to prostitution and incarceration. But now, I’m trying to alter the choices I make in my life and college is something worth changing for.  

I hope and pray that he wont step into my shoes. Watching this story made me wish I had that child in my life, someone who I can relate to, help and encourage rather then neglect. 

My name is Andrew and I am gay. I have been gay ever since i can remember (I can remember when I was 18 months old and having a "crush" on  an older man who lived next door, he was 4). I am tired of this debate about gay and straight. I do not see it as that, I see it as love, but because I love someone of the same gender, I am called weak and defectve. Because I don't breed, I am called weak and defective. Because I don't live up to someone else's "ideal" I am called weak and defective. I do not believe that God is interested in who we love, just as long as we do and while certain people keep this debate alive by preaching their superiority, they keep the hate alive. I do not ask for forgiveness for love, I do not ask for approval for love, i do not ask for your hate for who i love. I ask only to love. The attitudes of some people displayed on this board are what makes life for those of us who are same sex attracted so hard and so miserable. How dare you impose your bigotry and hatred on us and make our lives harder and filled with shame and fear. Shame on you. I have lost close frinds to suicide as a direct reaction to this kind of bigotry and I myself am battling a brain tumor and still have to deal with it from medical people and people in general. All we want to do is love. Isn't that what God wants too?  

  

Andrew Stopps 

Creative Director 

www.queerplanet.us 

www.queerplanet.com.au 

www.queerplanet-ca.com 

www.queerplanet.co.uk  

I love you, Johnny! :) 

  

And I laughed and laughed at this. I appreciate how faithfully you've posted on this board. I know it comes from your heart. 

  

I am tired just from reading all these pages of posts! 

  

So I'll just add here that if any gay Christians are reading these messages and feeling hurt by all the judgemental posts, come join us at http://www.gaychristian.net . You will find love, acceptance and community from people who love God and will love you! 

  

Jeanine 

This is something I do not understand. How does two men or two women loving one another or getting married to one another endanger heterosexual marriage? They are in no way hurting you, or putting your own marriage at risk, for if you are secure in your sexuality and love of your spouse, surely something as minute as someone else's sexual orientation would not be enough to destroy your union. Allowing same sex marriage and relationships does not decrease the rate of heterosexual marriage, nor is it likely to lead to more divorces among heterosexual couples.

I hope someone can explain this to me, because I just don't understand the connection.

 you know the constant fight  between Christians and Gay's is  stuiped there is more then one way to whorship god and the Bible is not the be all end all of gods word think about it at one time men and more then one wife  but not now  the bible is words written by MAN  that they claim to have been said by god  get over it and look at the truth LOVE is the best way to whorsip any deity

I know that I have done everything possible to NOT be gay, I have prayed, cried myself to sleep, begged God to change me, stayed away from anything gay, and worked very hard to make relationships with women work. I knew that I was not being fair to the women that I dated or fair to myself for denying my true orientation. I was saved in a Baptist church, where I announced my faith in God. I know that God loves me and forgives me of my sins, however God made me this way and God does NOT make mistakes. 

I know what the Bible says, however I can only interpret what I believe to be true about the Bible. 

We all know that man changes, alters, disregards, annihilates what he chooses. We know that in our history man has changed laws and religion to FIT his purpose. There were kings that had their wives beheaded because they wanted a divorce and the church would not allow it. There were kings that changed laws and religious views to fit their needs. 

I am not saying that the Bible is wrong, what I am saying is that the odds are that man has manipulated the Bible over the centuries and that the translations of Holy scripture has been changed to be "the best interpretation" of what the writer/translator understood. 

I know that when I die and stand before God for judgment that He will not ask me why was I homosexual and why did I live my life as a homosexual. God will have no reason to ask this question because He knows that He made me who I am and that I had NO choice in the matter of my sexual orientation. 

I live a good, honest, faithful, happy life and I know that God loves me for who I am because He made me who I am. 

For all the so called Christians out there that hate homosexuals, protest and fight against homosexual rights and gay marriage, what are you so afraid of. If you were truly a Christian then you would love me because God loves me and not fight against me. 

I have no desire what so ever to get married to a same sex partner, why would I? The straight community can't get it right just look at the divorce rate in this country? I do believe that my partner and myself should have the same benefits as straight couples, we are Americans after all. Why are the so called Christians and others so against gay rights? Are you jealous? I really think that in most cases where people argue against gay rights, the person has so little joy, fulfillment in their lives that they just have to stick their noses in other peoples business. 

I really hate it when people say, "I don't have a problem with gays as long as they don't try to bring me into their world or hit on me". Please, we are not stupid, horny for everything, crazed savages that try to jump everybody we see. We do have taste and we can usually tell when someone is gay. 99% of the guys that say this would not be hit on by a blind and deaf gay man, so don't worry you are truly safe from our advances. Now go out and buy that porn magazine and go home and tell yourself that you are ONLY looking at the women in the magazine and you didn't even know there were men in it. Wow talk about tunnel vision. 

If you are truly Christian, Jewish, or other religion, it IS your duty to LOVE EVERYONE, not just the people you choose to love. 

Well I guess I have preached enough and I know that not a single word that I have said will matter to anyone. 

However I did say what was on my mind and that is what matters the most. 

I know that the last few paragraphs of this message will get the attention of some that will make the message in first paragraphs pointless, however I am saying what is on my mind. 

I have accepted who I am and that part of who I am is a homosexual male. 

Behavior is a choice. I draw this conclusion simply from observation, such as child abusers, serial killers, and gambling addictions, etc.  Behavior is a choice.  Yet there is no movement to approve and accept serial killers or child abusers.  The black and white line has simply become a tad bid grayer.  Yes, some of are driven, though feeling guilty still behave in an inappropriate manner.  How is right and wrong defined.  It is interesting to note that in the bible there is no sin mentioned that is not a choice.  “Though shall not commit adultery”!  These and similar behaviors are all choices, yet we have serial sexual addicts, adulterers and on and on. Unfortunately the gay community of apx 3% of population has managed to politicize there position successfully. 

Behavior is what we do, with defining marriage as between a man and a man, a woman and a woman where does thought process end?  Dog and Man, child and man, dog and woman, child and woman… there is something very WRONG with this thought process. 

The bottom line is it that “anything goes” or is it that some morality does exist?   

Food for thought. 

Don