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Topic : 06/06 "I'm Gay, OK?"

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Created on : Friday, October 14, 2005, 03:56:41 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 10/19/05) Sexual orientation used to be something kept hidden from family and co-workers, but now more and more people are "coming out" and finding acceptance. Anjela says her mother and sister don't support her sexual orientation, and feel she can't be Christian and gay at the same time. Can they reconcile this touchy issue? Then, two men debate whether a person can go from gay to straight, and parents of a 4-year-old boy fear their son's desire to play with dolls and wear heels means he'll grow up to be gay. Are they overreacting to his wishes to be a princess instead of a prince? Talk about gender and gay issues here.


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June 4, 2006, 7:02 am PDT

nature Vs nature Vs choice...

Quote From: cockerlove

I am an adult lesbian and my experience is typical. I knew that I was "different" when I was 5 years old. I remember throwing away my baby dolls when I was 3 years old. I did not have the words to express my differentness, nor did I know anything about sex. I knew, however, that my differentness had something to do with the girl/boy thing.

  

I had my first serious crush on another girl when I was 15 and it terrified me! I ran as fast as I could in the opposite direction but like a water freezing in a bottle, the feelings could not be so easily contained  and eventually returned. I "came out" to myself in my early 20's, but soon retreated once more to the ease of heterosexuality. I did not have the tools to fight familial and societal pressures. 

  

I tried very hard to be heterosexual. I was married for 13 years. It was a troubled marriage, but not for the reason that many will speculate. I finally acknowledged my sexual orientation and identity (sexuality is a basic part of human identity) in my 40's.  

  

Some of you have probably heard of the Kinsey scale that allows definition of sexual orientation from exclusively heterosexual to exclusively homosexual on a 7-point scale. I have personally met people who fall everywhere along that scale. I fall somewhere in the homosexual - not bi-sexual - part of that continuum but not at the very end. Even those who consider themselves to be heterosexual may locate themselves somewhere other than at one end of the scale. I also suspect that the distribution of people in each "slot" follows a Gaussian (bell curve) distribution, but because I have not studied it may be way off! :-).  

  

Despite my attempts to be something else, I am who I am, and earlier activities were behavior without substance. I suspect that people who profess to have changed their sexual orientation are either in the middle of the Kinsey scale or temporarily change behavior. Such denial of one's basic nature often leads to illness, both physical and emotional (depression and anxiety are common in such circumstances).  

  

Credible peer-reviewed research shows that sexual orientation is not a choice. (How many of you heterosexuals choose to be heterosexual? Wasn't it just obvious?) Fact: Homosexuality runs in families. There appears to be a genetic component, but it is not as simple as pure Mendelian inheritance. Some scientists have speculated that the environment of the womb affects sexual orientation. I don't know, but certainly find it interesting.  

  

I do know that the human brain is incredibly complex with a great deal of diversity between individuals, the stuff that allows evolution to occur. With all of that complexity and differentiation between individuals, is it any wonder that human sexuality is also complex and diverse?  <-- Please note that this is an observation not a judgment.   

  

Peace to all. 

I must say that this has been the most interesting writing from a pro-gay and experience perspective.  And I realy loved reading through these comments because it wasn't about knowledge but from a person sharing their life.     

   

I never will speak against a person's testimony and it has truly given me some food for thought.   

   

I still believe in the sanctity of marriage and my faith will always define who it is that I am.   

   

I was depressed in the gay community and I wish you'all can see the work of God in my life because there is a difference.  I will never regret the decision I made to embrace the word of God as truth and who the word of God says that God created me to be.   

   

As far as my feeling's of being different...I have felt different early in life and as a little girl I was more comfortable as one of the boys.  Just ask my twin brother I used to play football and wrestle with and of course the baseball games I would play with him and his friends.  I still look back with fond memories growing up.  I am not trying to make myself fit some kind of mold and the lady's from church of whom I hang out with know that full well.  In fact, I will say at times, "You ladies realy know how to make me feel normal and accepted as one of the ladies."   Because this is who I am.  I am not all that different from the women I hang out with but at the same time not all of them wear pink frilly dresses and enjoy tea parties:)     

   

Most of these ladies do not look like that stereotypical church lady look.   

   

I am simply being honest with who I am, and what defines me and what God has done in my life and what God continues to do in my life.     

   

   

 
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June 4, 2006, 7:08 am PDT

It never fails

Quote From: walden420

Though a few individuals may make a choice to engage in a homosexual act or acts, do to various peer or social pressures, I believe that the vast majority of people who do engage in such acts are born with such emotions. We see homophobic tendencies in nature, so it would not be surprising at all to see it in the human race. Living in New York all my life, I certainly have had my fair share of conversations with those who are homosexual. One thing they all had in common was that it was something "different" each and every one of them had felt from early childhood on through puberty and beyond. These people were often ashamed of their feelings, and had to deal with the difficulty of keeping them a secret or subjecting themselves to the intolerance and violence that often follows a person who has shared their homosexual affections with others. I believe tolerance needs to be taught and that differences need to be understood as natural. One more note, why is it that people, whom are labeled as "pedophiles", have to be treated with fanatical hatred? Everywhere states are shifting their focus from providing therapy on how to control and discipline a person’s such desires and urges, while incarcerated, to a policy of “lock them away, let them back out after a few years, and expect them to be miraculously cured by simply being jailed.”  Why is it that sexual child abuse continues to rise despite having new sex offender laws, longer sentences, monitoring devices, etc.? Do people really believe these “pedophiles” have ”chosen” to be locked up and ostracized from society?  Do people not understand that this is not a choice either?  All comments welcomed and appreciated.

   

  

EVERY SINGLE TIME this discussion comes up on the boards someone or other decides to throw pedophiles into the same mix as homosexuals.  What a leap!  Is that how low people need to sink to get their judgemental views across?  That in itself says it all, imo! 

  

You asked why people dont understand that this is a choice as well.  If you used just a small bit of logic and clear thinking, you would understand that the difference is that pedophiles HURT CHILDREN!  It is NOT a consentual act.  DUH!  How the hell do you miss that?   

  

And btw... pedophilia is an abuse of POWER.  I know pedophiles who are and have been in heterosexual marriages for decades upon decades and still have abused boys.  Why?  Its an abuse of POWER!  Get it?  Its an abuse of CHILDREN!  Can you follow that?  COMPLETLEY DIFFERENT then two adults involved in CONSENTUAL sexual activities. 

  

Is that clear enough for you?  Sheesh! 

 
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June 4, 2006, 8:41 am PDT

06/06 "I'm Gay, OK?"

Quote From: liatsunami

 ::scratches head:: Okay, see I always interpreted that passage as saying that David and Johnathon were like brothers, as close as if they were even twins.  In fact depending on which translation or version you are reading it does not sound sexual at all. 

Not that it really matters to me either way.  I personally don't like people looking at religious texts to justify/not justify ANYTHING mostly because a lot of the bible (and other religious texts)is open to so much interpretation.  In fact one of the MOST OFTEN misinterpreted passages is the whole Sodom and Gamhorra business.   People use that passage all the time to decry homosexuality, when it's actaully about 2 things;  1) the importance of hospitality in a community and 2) rape.   It has NOTHING to do with homosexuality if you read it carefully.

As far as Christianity goes most of the stuff referenced against homosexuality is in the OLD TESTEMENT and all good Christians know when Jesus was asked about "the laws" (as in the laws of the old testement) that he pertty much told everyone that they didn't matter.  That the only LAW they had to obey was "Love god with all your heart, soul, and mind; and love your neighbor as yourself."  Christians learn what god wants through what JESUS actually taught, not what prophets and scribes recorded in the Old Testement.   As far as I know Jesus NEVER adressed homosexuality or sex for that matter.  Some of his apostles letters do, but again that's their interpretation biased by their own beliefs. So no one can really be sure what Jesus ACTUALLY said about anything. See where I"m going with this?

I do see, and I agree with you, liatsunami! 

  

It's absolute truth that Jesus gave us 2 Commandments.  Love God with all you've got, and your neighbor as yourself.  Love God, Love your neighbor, Love yourself. 

  

Pretty simple and straightforward! 

  

Everything else is clear as mud...so I'll just stick to the "rules" The Big Guy spoke of. 

  

:o) 

  

Marie 

 
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June 4, 2006, 9:07 am PDT

06/06 "I'm Gay, OK?"

Quote From: terryc

Please don't be ignorant. We've known - scientifically, undeniably - for over twenty years that homosexuality is genetic. Any good biologist can stand in front of a diagram of the human brain with a pointer and show you the exact section of the exact lobe that determines sexual orientation. Further, we even know that it's determined in the first trimester of gestation - when that portion of the brain is developed. Yes, Virginia, we can track it that specifically. To continue to challenge whether it's genetic or not is to simply stand with your head buried deep in the sand. Before you hear the truth, you can claim "Ignorance". Once you have been told the truth, you can no longer claim ignorance. Refusing to accept fact, after that, is called stupidity. And I KNOW you're not stupid. It's so interesting, too... Another thing we know from study after study after study, is that the people who argue against the acceptability/normalcy of homosexuality the loudest and most vociferously, are the people who are the most conflicted about their OWN sexuality. (Though often, of course, they're not even aware of their own internal conflict - it often goes on just under the surface, until they're at a place emotionally and psychologically where they're equipped to take an honest look at it. Sadly, for some, this never occurs, and they spend their entire lives fighting a terrible internal struggle that they cannot possibly win.) We choose how we act and with whom we act out sexually... But we definitely don't choose who we're attracted to at the basest of levels - it occurs without our effort or consent. Any thinking person can understand this very basic concept. Only persons with this terrible unconscious internal struggle continue to need to find some sort of "religious rationale" to disuage and justify their own internal conflict.

I disagree that all homosexuals choice of sexuality is genetic! 

  

In fact it has not been proven so scientifically and therefore should not be hypothesized as so! 

  

As well if you refer to the post mortum tests of  deceased male homosexuals you would find that a part of the brain failed to develop properly!  In other words it would be consistent with a brain abnormality!  

  

Neither do these findings hold up as well, because they were done only on males and on males who had died from aids! 

  

I find it sad that our medical and psychological communities have been so accepting of an unproven precept!   

  

I believe people become homosexual for a myriad of reasons!  And because of that we should not label it as they are just born that way!  The fact of bi-sexuality blows that idea completely out of the water!  

  

Not to mention it is my experience with at least a dozen women I've known, had ALL been sexually abused by a man at one point in their lives!  That their identiies and precepts of men were tied to these experiences was without question!  

  

I think it sad that the gay community became so militant they left no opening for themselves even to understand their sexuality better!  As well by their militance have invited people into their cause that have severe mental problems that are not gay, not happy and that the lifestyle they have adopted has become a way of escapism and rejection. 

  

Yes I do follow Christ! 

  

Regarding the commandments! 

  

For those who say they follow Christ they must remember the first commandment the Father who is one with Jesus made to mankind! 

  

Go forth and multiply. 

  

The homosexual lifestyle does not fulfill what mankind was created for.  Therefore it in no way complies with what the creator intended for man! 

  

In fact in animal species homosexuality is a form of natural selection! 

  

If you follow Jesus then you know that he said that all the other commandments rested on the first commandment and after that he would add that you love one another! 

  

I choose to do both.....therefore I do not condemn!  But neither do I condone!   

  

However no one can tell me they love the Lord with all their heart, mind and spirit and can still continue to live backwards to the direction the Farther has intended for them!  They are lying to my but most of all to themselves!  And I would challenge them to ask the holy spirit to enter them and tell them the truthe of these things! 

  

Other than that may the Love of Christ cover them! 

  

Peace and blessings 

Kit 

  

  

 
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June 4, 2006, 9:09 am PDT

My daughter is Gay

Quote From: tammyframe

I just want to state that no matter what our children are "gay" or "straight" they deserve complete and total unconditional love and support.  We are taught to not judge and God Loves All Of US ......
All I have to say to your quote is "PERFECT ANSWER"!!!!
 
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June 4, 2006, 10:38 am PDT

I'm not gay, but perceived as gay

 I'm NOT gay, but I am perceived as gay.  This is not so much a problem as it once was, but it sure did mess up my life as a young person growing up.  I was perceived as gay because I was a tomboy and liked sports.  I had few friends and my friends were like me.  So we were all perceived as gay.  People didn't get it that we were not gay, that we had crushes on GUYS!  I think the world is better about acceptances of differences, no matter what they are.  However, most people my age (68) still don't accept a person being gay.  My best friend and I were both sexually abused as kids.  We are like sisters, but are single.  Until people are truly accepted for what they are, the world is still going to be hard on anyone who is different in any way.  I hope that this changes before I die.
 
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June 4, 2006, 12:31 pm PDT

Love one another

I really dislike people  that say they are Christians but don't accept who God made and put on this earth, Gays, lesbians and every other person on this earth are GOD's children. How can anyone deny them, he wouldn't  !!!!!!   I do not believe that anyone except God has a right to judge anyone else. The bible says Love one another not just the people that you think are ok, He says that Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, doesn't mean you judge the person thats different  then you. It means race, lifestyle, sick well, rich, poor whatever the difference we are supposed to love, not judge EVERYONE. GOD IS THE ONLY JUDGE, not me, you, the person next door or any religion on the face of the earth. If you are a Christian and you read the Bible you would know this!!!!!   Yes I have a gay daughter, She had a very bad relationship after high school and was treated badly by the young man that professed to love her.   Now she  has a wonderful loving partner that treats her great. They are very happy and to me that is what counts, She has a great life and job. Would you want your child in a abusive relationship instead of being gay???  Do you care about your childs happiness? if you do you accept what makes them happy.
 
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June 4, 2006, 12:43 pm PDT

Mental Disorder

I was listening to a talk show a few years ago and they stated that homosexuality was a mental disorder just like being bi-polar.  Does anyone have any thoughts about this?  I don't know very much about homosexuality.  Although, I do know some gay people whom I like very much and I have never had the courage to question them about this.  I don't understand it really.  I would like to understand it more though.
 
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June 4, 2006, 1:39 pm PDT

i'm gay ok

well  being gay is a sin!  god loves all but hate the sins!  being gay is one of the sins!!  its wrong!  god made man and woman to be together not the same sex!!
 
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June 4, 2006, 1:51 pm PDT

06/06 "I'm Gay, OK?"

Quote From: lorene

I really dislike people  that say they are Christians but don't accept who God made and put on this earth, Gays, lesbians and every other person on this earth are GOD's children. How can anyone deny them, he wouldn't  !!!!!!   I do not believe that anyone except God has a right to judge anyone else. The bible says Love one another not just the people that you think are ok, He says that Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, doesn't mean you judge the person thats different  then you. It means race, lifestyle, sick well, rich, poor whatever the difference we are supposed to love, not judge EVERYONE. GOD IS THE ONLY JUDGE, not me, you, the person next door or any religion on the face of the earth. If you are a Christian and you read the Bible you would know this!!!!!   Yes I have a gay daughter, She had a very bad relationship after high school and was treated badly by the young man that professed to love her.   Now she  has a wonderful loving partner that treats her great. They are very happy and to me that is what counts, She has a great life and job. Would you want your child in a abusive relationship instead of being gay???  Do you care about your childs happiness? if you do you accept what makes them happy.
What if your beliefs are that being gay is a sin. There are many verses in the Bible that are very anti-gay. Do you believe that God changes his mind? If your child is doing something that you feel is wrong do you still stand behind that choice because it makes him/her happy? Do you look the other way no matter what because the actions makes them happy?
 
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