Topic : 06/06 "I'm Gay, OK?"

 Yes, yes, WHY is it so difficult for some people to understand bisexuality?  I know many bisexuals, so to say that they don't exist, or to say that they are merely riding the fence so as to not have to "make a choice and be one thing or the other," is erroneous, narrow-minded, and aggressive.  Many of the bisexuals I know are very open to fluctuations in their sexuality, and so they embrace opportunities to have encounters with people of the same AND opposite sex, and they get something quite different and quite grand out of each "orientation."  As far as I'm concerned, anyone who desperately clings to convention and fears sexual ingenuity will be ardently opposed to bisexuality as a valid sexual orientation.  Does this apply to you?

I admire Dr. Phil and watch his show often, but I can't believe some of what he said on this episode.  He wants her to accept her family's prejudice?  Asks her if he can understand their opinion?  If their family was battling over any other prejudice, I doubt he'd ask her to try to accept it.  Would he ask someone to accept their family's racism?  No, he'd never do that.  Why would he ask her to accept her familiy's prejudice against gay people?

Anjela has a misunderstanding with her sister. Her sister does not have anything against her sexuality she is alright with it. Anjela's problem is that she just wants to talk about herself and no one else but her. She wants to be the center of attention in her family.  She wants them to talk about her and forget about talking about them. As for being a breeder myself, that is just a rude stereotype just as she was thinking the way that straight people think of gay people. I have nothing against gay people. I have numerous gay friends and they never call straight people breeders b/c they know how it feels being called ugly names for being gay.

You are right on with what I think

  

The irony of this whole thing is that religion & the "good book" are so often misused to justify the worst forms of hatred & prejudice. I've seen this done with both the Taliban & fundamentalists here in America. What possesses people to call upon the "word of God" (as they understand it) to excuse the evil that lurks within their own souls? I mean, I've never witnessed any of the gay people I've known to do anything to warrant such hatred & rejection.  

  I have  to say that I believe that gay is not normal nor is it good for you as a person and I consider it sin.  However, God loves us all and none are perfect, except one and the religious folks of the day killed him so the rest of us cannot afford to think one sin is worse than another.  Sin is avoidable and I do not believe God tells us  to do or not to do anything that we cannot change and that are not good for you as a person personally as well as for others.  That does not mean it is easy.  If you have a tendency towards adultry or alcohol or drugs or gossip.  These things draw you and they have  to be overcome and can.  For some it is worse than others but God loves and ca res for all of us and loves those with gay orientation /  thoughts as well & forgives each of us our sins.  Don't try to make it your banner nor your shame.  I pray for whatever help is needed to make each ones lives fullfilled  

  As for the child when I was younger I wanted to be the other sex.  They got all the good stuff I thought & I did not come out gay.  Liking pretty things does not make one gay.  Maybe he will grow up to be a designer or someone into changing the world with his inventiveness.  Find him some movies with superfolks like batman or other such things.  Every child loves to be different and get attention.  He has found his.  

For a long, long time I almost despised Dr. Phil. Never once was I sure why. Now, I'm very open to whatever he has to say, and usually, I agree. Today, I did not. The mother of the 4 year old boy was a homophobe, and she went to Dr. Phil for help. Dr. Phil helped her find ways to change the child. Why do we need to change the child? There is nothing wrong with a child being gay. It's life. My beliefs tell me that people need to be open minded. I respect that the mother is not fond of homosexuals, but that does not mean that she should shelter her child from that world, they're people, too. I think Dr. Phil should have showed the mother that openmindedness is the best way to help her child through this. If the boy is going to be gay, let him be gay, it's not the parents fault, it's not the child's fault, it's just how things go.

So why are you discussing this on the message board ?   

Gay people wouldn't feel the need to defend who they are if straight people (esp.right winged evangelists) didn't keep on telling them that their very existence is a mental defect, a genetic mistake or a sinful abomination! How would you feel being told that a very important part of who you are is that  wrong?   

I am straight but I am open minded and, more importantly, open hearted enough to understand the anger and frustration they feel  

  

   

Dr. Phil, often you give out good practical advice. Today, you failed miserably. Perhaps you wanted your gay guests to do a better job of defending themselves, but that's not the way it came off.   

   

You are clearly unsettled with gay issues. You appear to disapprove of gay people discussing the aspects of their lives if it's uncomfortable for their disapproving families. Sexual orientation is intrinsically tied to everything about someone who has relationships. As Anjela said, your simple acts of wearing a wedding ring and having your spouse at your side is loudly broadcasting your heterosexual sexual-orientation. When a gay person does it, they're accused by hostile persons of "flaunting it" or "shoving it down my throat." Ridiculous! And offensive, too.   

   

The only way two people can talk without bringing up their sexual orientation is to talk about the weather or some other non-human experience. Wives, boyfriends, families and children, politics, religion, entertainment interests -- they all involve some sort of discussion about sex or sexuality in some way. Straights just seem so familiar with their pre-approved conversation topics that when someone says something different like, "I'm a woman and I have a girlfriend," or "The law won't allow me to get married yet," or "I'm thinking about fostering or adopting or artificially inseminating since we can't conceive, obviously" -- my God, how shocking! Open your eyes, my friends. The world is a diverse place. Everyone is different.   

   

That little 4-year-old boy today has a very good chance of growing up gay. He was the cutest little kid and his parents acted like he was a pariah for wearing female-gendered clothing. I did the same thing -- it wasn't a gender problem. I found my mom's clothes fun. Dressing up and pretending was a lot of fun. Men's clothes just weren't much fun. Now, I didn't grow up and become transgenered, yet I am gay. So... so what!?!?  Dr Phil, all you could say to that kid's parents was, "He'll grow out of it." How about, "He MAY grow out of it, and maybe he won't. He may actually grow up and be gay or transgendered. What are you parents going to do then? You need to love him nonetheless and explain to him that most boys like army men, footballs, cars, and girls. But that if he turns out differently, you'll love him all the same and help him to become the best person possible, and support the family he creates."  

   

My mom was not comfortable with me coming out gay. And neither were my brothers. But now, my mom has come around and we spend lots of time together. And at least one brother now says he has a gay best friend. The other brother has two Christian daughters who are a lot more understanding and welcoming then he appears to be. His loss then. My boyfriend's father is so wonderful and so is his mom. It's nonsense to say every gay has abuse or bonding problems. What about all the straight guys who had problems with their fathers, too? So narrow.  

   

Please, people, get over yourselves. Get over your Bible. And get over everything you were every taught without thought. Try learning instead. Maybe you missed this part, but if you cut your hair at the temples; eat pork; eat shrip, mussels, clams or crabs; or any number of dozens of bible-banned activities, then you are just as guilty as of breaking "God's Law" as I am and every other person on this planet. Jesus Christ, your Lord, never once said a thing about same-sex issues. What he did say is we're all guilty of sin. ALL OF US.  

   

Welcome to humanity. Thankfully, your God is more creative and thoughtful than you. To believe in God and believe that He could not and would not have created gay, straight, bisexual, transgendered and fluid sexualities is nothing but arrogance, ignorance, and judgementalism on your behalf. Put your fingers down, open your ears and offer your helping hands. Love is an act of acceptance and understanding, not fire and brimstone. Gay people have existed for all time, and always will.   

   

Dr. Phil, you need to reexamine your POV a bit. It's not helpful to tell people that there might be fixable solution when there ain't. Perhaps YOU are the one who needs to find some common ground instead of acting like gay issues are not convenient for society to deal with. It may not be popular among your largely conservative sheep, but that doesn't mean you can't be more supportive.   

As I read these posts, I feel as though I am looking back in time.  It was fifty years ago that individuals in this country were considered second class citizens based on their race and nearly one hundred years ago that women were not allowed to vote (although these issues are both ongoing struggles).  Have we as a nation not learned anything about accepting others for who they are?  There will always be those who are different from us.  It's time we learned to not only respect, but accept others' beliefs and identities. 

  

My only hope and prayer is that we start to take a good look at how we are treating others and that we look back at this time in history with the same attitude that we now have toward how we treated other groups that have been marginalized in the past, with regret and sorrow. 

  

We aren't able to truly love our neighbors until we accept them.