"yes, but saying you'll take my word for it is just like saying you don't believe me. It's a condescending way to tell me I'm lying while your trying to make it look like you're not saying that,"
Something I learned while being on this message board while reading through what people have writen and taking my own personal experience into concideration is the fact that many people want their feelings and emotions validated.
What I am reading on these message boards are not so much theological discussions. I see from a different perspective then what the Christians on these boards are seeing from because of my own personal experience.
At one time I used to speak to gay's and lesbian's as a Christian instead of from the perspective of the fact that I still have to deal with same-sex attraction issues every single day of my life while knowing it is my choice of what I do with it.
This one night I got into this very heated conversation while I was sleeping over at a friends house. He was on this spiritual journey himself while openly gay.
As I was reading through what you had writen I was reminded of this conversation I had with this friend of mine, because of what you had writen....
"How do you know when you yourself are not homosexual???????????????????????"
There was this point in our conversation where this friend of mine lost control in his emotions. He yelled at me, he screamed and cried and basicaly told me off. Conflict can be a bridge to intimacy, it all depends on whether or not a person is open or closed off during the conflict. In this case with my friend I was challenged and the end result became a closer friendship.
He screamed at me, "How do you know what I am going through when you don't know what it means to be gay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
After my friend yelled at me, with tears running down my face I began to pray for the Lord's guidance and ask how on earth I am to respond to this. For the next three hours I shared with him my story and that pretty much became an all night discussion on this very issue.
What I learned through my friend and through many people on this board, whether they know it or not, I came to see that Christian's are not doing one thing that perhaps I could because I do understand.
I understand this and yes, it's my opinion but it's what I've come to learn as truth.....
My feelings are very real but they do not define who it is that I am.
And what I saw were many people who have very real emotions, emotions and feelings that are valid and many Christians on this message board are not seeing your very real emotions. Emotions that I know you are not making up, and emotions in our human nature is not something we choose but it's something we feel and it affects all of us in many different ways.
A few people have asked straight people in not so many words, "have you chosen to be straight?"
What I have done (and perhaps you are not used to experiencing this, because maybe I just happen to not be like any of the Christians that you have come across.) is actualy acknowledge your emotions and feelings as being very real because they are.
It had nothing to do with being a condenscending way to tell you that you were lieing. I wrote my last message coming from the perspective that what you were telling me was true about you. Does that make sense?
And to answer your question.......first of all, you say that you are a strong, independant, loving, nurturing woman. And that you see nothing wrong with that. Is there any reason for me to believe different?
You ask, why you need healing? I guess when I speak of God's healing work in my life you would think that I am saying that gay's and lesbian's need healing in their lives, because if I thought that gay relationships were healthy and moraly acceptable as a Christian then I would be involved in a gay relationship. That is true. If I thought that it were healthy and moraly acceptable I would be in a gay relationship...why would I work towards reaching "the potential of my true heterosexual self,"
And the term...."the potential heterosexual self," I am using because I do believe that healing is possable. I also believe that healing and deliverance is a much needed work in everyone's life when coming to faith in Christ.
You say you are not broken but in reference to my view of homosexuality, it is a form of brokenness but I don't look at brokenness as a bad thing.
I know many functional gay people, more functional that I am. For what I have been through in my own journey I can't claim to be functional. I can only claim to be weak and powerless over my addictions and tendency to do the wrong thing.
I can only go to my Lord and savior with this in mind......and this is what I tell myself everyday....
"lean not on your own understanding but in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths,"
"humble yourself therefore, under the mighty hand of God and in due time He will exhault you. For God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble,"
"My grace is sufficient for my power is made perfect in weakness,"
God's grace is not only tailor made and precision cut to fit all my needs in whatever circumstance I find myself in, which includes failure. God's grace also means to be for me what I cannot be for myself. God's grace which is His divine power at work in me, and who through His grace comes under me to lift me up enabling and empowering me to walk out His will for my life.
"For it is by grace through faith in Christ Jesus that we are saved not by works lest any man should boast,"
Salvation has nothing to do with our works and sometimes people kind of miss the mark on that because salvation has everything to do with the work of Christ on the cross. Jesus Christ of which scripture says not only learned obedience through the things he suffered but God's word also says, "For the joy set before Him He endured the cross....yet while we were still sinners Christ died,"
Again, salvation has nothing to do with works but faith without works is futile because with faith comes the fruit of the Spirit. And it's not my place to judge the fruit in your life. My place is not to judge of whether or not you personaly know the Lord, where God has sent me is to simply proclaim His good news. That yes, our sin seperates us from God but He has made a way for us to come back into relationship with God our father.
And even Christian's can miss this point right here. The Father sent His son not to save us from hell but so that we could have a relationship with Him.
The working out of ones salvation is between the person and God. We are not the judges and we do not choose who comes in and who does not. I do know the word of God and I know what it teaches and God's word stand alone.
Not only does God's word stand alone but it also says that we are without excuse. Something else that scripture also teaches, is that He will hand us over to our sinful ways if that is what we choose and he will allow our hearts to harden. I am not saying this to judge you in any way or form but simply to share from scripture what I have come to believe.
Scripture says this, "If today you hear the voice of God, do not harden your heart."
Scripture also says, that He has a future and plan for your life, not to harm you but to give you hope and a future....you will find me delcares the Lord when you search for me with all your heart. I will be found by you declares the Lord and lead you up from captivity," Jer 29:11-14a
This scripture continues to be one that gives me the hope that I so desperatly need. I mean, we all do.
You see, at the time when my friend yelled at me, I had a choice. I could either choose to come to him with honesty or continue to hide behind this falsified image of this straight and very strong Christian. Up until that point, I WAS THE RELIGIOUS POSTER.
And this is the gospal that I have come to see as true...and the whole reason why I can stand with confidence with who I am in Christ and say, although my emotions are very real, my emotions do not define who it is that I am. And who defines me is God and in His word I stand on who He says I am in His word.
I am a woman created in the image of God and the daughter of the most high God.
You know 1Cor 6:9,10, it often is used to condemn gay people....but there was a reason that was placed in scripture, and it wasn't to condemn people with it but to remind the church that they too can be placed within that list..."And such were some of you" Paul said. And it was writen so that the power of God can be revealed. Not only the power of God but His love, grace and mercy.....in 1Cor 6:11 the verse that follows after..... (but sometimes there does exist people within the church who forget where they came from and I for one do not want to forget where I came from. I don't believe I ever will forget where I came from. Because, I do have people in my life who will remind me where I came from.
I look at that as a blessing in my life.
And so with all of this, although through a very long message I say, this is the reason why when you tell me how you feel, how can I go against how you feel. How you feel is what's inside of you. How you feel is not inside of me and so I have to take your word on it.
As I have said, people do not believe that God exists and are very happy. Being happy and secure does not reveal one's relationship with God or lack thereof.
And so this is God's good news for me just as it is for anyone who chooses to surrender their lives to Christ. And when I say everyone, that is exactly what I am saying....everyone.
"And that is what some of you were, but you were washed, you were sanctified and you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God,"
Peace<><
(Original Air Date: 10/19/05) Sexual orientation used to be something kept hidden from family and co-workers, but now more and more people are "coming out" and finding acceptance. Anjela says her mother and sister don't support her sexual orientation, and feel she can't be Christian and gay at the same time. Can they reconcile this touchy issue? Then, two men debate whether a person can go from gay to straight, and parents of a 4-year-old boy fear their son's desire to play with dolls and wear heels means he'll grow up to be gay. Are they overreacting to his wishes to be a princess instead of a prince? Talk about gender and gay issues here.
