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Topic : 06/20 "You Ruined My Reputation"

Number of Replies: 223
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Created on : Friday, October 14, 2005, 03:59:42 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 10/20/05) What happens when you're the target of malicious gossip and your reputation is in question? Seventeen-year-old Hannah knows about this firsthand. She says that since junior high, she's been called a slut, a skank and a whore. See the surprise message for her from the school bully, Emily. Then, a woman tries to dispel the rumor that she was born a man. She even went to extreme measures by posting her birth certificate and baby pictures on a Web site! Plus, Kristi is a wife, mother, and owner of a daycare center, but an anonymous letter made her the main suspect in a child pornography case. What will it take for the rumors to stop? Share your thoughts.


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October 20, 2005, 2:19 pm CDT

Been there

 When I was watching about Hannah I thought to myself, "Where was Dr. Phil when I was in HS?" I dealt with being picked on in HS (well 7-11) . At one point I wanted to kill myself, obviously I didn't. But after a while instead of being hurt by it I was angry.. very angry. I hated them. I knew that if I had access to a gun there would have been a school shooting, that's how angry I was. In the 11th grade I transfered school. Best decision I could have made. That summer I just let all the anger go and then decided to get my GED because I felt I fell to far behind. That's how I got over it.. I basically said, "Screw 'em" and let go. Heck now I when I see the people who picked on me we actually talk and stuff if and when we see each other..

Best Advice: Move on, let go, and who cares what people think about you.. it's what you think about yourself that matters.
 
October 20, 2005, 2:22 pm CDT

reputation and woman's sexuality

it is difficult when I turn on television shows that boast about being up with the times. But continually the media and the citizens of this country encourage this slandering of women we don't like based on sexual activity. Both girls on today's show kept saying that they would call each other sluts and whores because they didn't like each other. Firstly a woman's sexual activity is not of anyone's scrutiny or business. These teenagers are plagued with balancing the insults that are thrown to them by women (perpetuated by men and jealousy) and the pressures of sex instigated by the boys at their school. Firstly, there is no word of such insulting inensity for the boys at school who are having sex or using sexuality to get what they want (and boy do they do it too.) Secondly, these kids cannot be whores or sluts, because they haven't even come into their sexuality to know what they are doing with it yet. If they are having sex at this age we should call them what they really are; FOOLISH, not encourage vocabulary that encourages the degradation of women for having a sexual side--or course we do, we were made that way. We have to stop letting the media treat our sisters and mothers and friends, but that starts with women. Girls and women are the first to slander other women and girls who have a sexuality (especially ones who don't know that they do, like girls who develop early) and it is jealousy and the encouragement of this image of chastity that has been imposed on us. It creates competition, and ultimately for dirty disease infested "pimps" and "jocks." FORGET IT. Whore, slut, tramp should be words not so freely tossed around. Not at all. We need to start protecting our girls, not targeting them. Not objectifying them.
 
October 20, 2005, 2:23 pm CDT

seriously

since graduating high school i have thought about what people (counselors, principals, teachers) always told me..."turn the other cheek its not worth getting upset", but it is at least to the kids who deal with it all the time.  Since i can remember,4th grade actually, i was picked on .  there were many different things: my parents didn't make a lot of money, i lived in a small house, i was friends with more guys than girls...shall i continue?  kids are mean and vicious they don't care who they hurt as long as its not them.  i have dealt with a lot of rumors and gossip and after being out of high school for 3 years they have continued. I don't do much with people outside of my boyfriend, my family and my one friend..that I can actually call a friend..Danielle. People don't grow up and it doesn't just end. its mean and very hurtful.  I feel like this subject should not be taken lightly in schools or anywhere else. what is the difference between verbally harassing someones reputation and bullying a child for their lunch money?  In my eyes nothing.  the things that people come up with to hurt others does in fact hurt. but yet time and time again we are told to consider the source and turn they other way.When will these kids who start rumors and vicious lies be the ones who are made to stop instead of making us ignore those people? 

 
October 20, 2005, 2:37 pm CDT

10/20 "You Ruined My Reputation"

Quote From: jodiechamp

 I wanted to say to the mother whose daycare business was ruined by an accusation of child pornography...fight back!  That's slander and you should do whatever you can to prove who wrote that letter and take them to court.  See if they like having their family's financial future put at risk by suing them for the loss of business.  You can clearly document your damages in this instance & maybe people would be less willing to spread viscious rumours if they knew they could be held responsible for their actions.

It won't matter if she fights back. Well, it might give the woman a sense of having revenge, but it will never restore the trust of those who might leave their children with her.  

  

Would you leave your child with someone if there was ANY doubt at all about the woman? Most people won't.  

  

As a teacher, I sympathize. It's never happened to me, but I know of teachers who can no longer teach because rumours damaged their 'employability'. You can't be thought of as suspicious AT ALL if you want to take care of children. So if someone wants to ruin your life, it's pretty easy. Just start spreading those rumours.  

 
October 20, 2005, 2:46 pm CDT

Gossip is part of adolescence

 I just wanted to say that Hannah and Emily should confront each other about the rumors. I have been best friends with a girl now for almost six years. However we started out by hating each other because other people were starting rumore about how we were talking bad about each other. I finally confronted her one day and found out she never said anything, it was other people. I am so glad I confronted her because I can't imagine my life without her in it and I am close to her family as well as her.  Many times in teenage years girls, especially, like to get things started for no reason. 
 
October 20, 2005, 2:55 pm CDT

10/20 "You Ruined My Reputation"

It was nice to see the two girls come to terms with eachother and whats been going on. We dont know exactly what went on but im sure we can be certain most of what they heard was just that. Heard from other people and not directly from eachother.  A mob of kids like that can be very powerful and hurtful.  

They both seemed like very nice girls aswell. 

  

As for the daycare women. Wow, it mustve been so hard to go through that. But I agree with Dr.Phil. You just have to keep on walking. The truth will win out in the end.  Again, they also seemed like a very nice family and from what I saw she seemed to be a very good care giver.  I think she should find out who wrote the letter and talk with them. Also let it be known to everyone else who the writer was. That with the evidence that there were no problems should pretty much shut everyone up.  

  

  

People who try and put you down like that really get to me sometimes but you have to move on. In most cases just ignoring it will usually make it go away.  Sometimes you have to confront the people saying such things.  

Goodluck to anyone who is having problems 

 
October 20, 2005, 2:56 pm CDT

Gossip Mongers

When my wife died in 1995, I was a school administrator with three children in a small town. I was the music director of my church. Almost immediately after the funeral the rumors began at church and in the school system. I was supposedly having affairs with teachers that I worked with. (Of course I socialized with teachers, because of my profession and I lived in a town that was no where near where I grew up.) My dead wife was supposedly having an affair with my best friend. Even a rumor that I was gay. (My wife and I had a gay friend and we remained friends after her death). These rumors could have ruined my career but I made the choice to ignore it all, even when my children repeated the rumors to me. I love how Dr. Phil quotes his dad, because it was a quote from my dad that I kept repeating to myself and my children. The quote--- "A kicked dog barks!" If you respond to garbage you legitimize it. Don't bark if you ain't been kicked.
 
October 20, 2005, 3:00 pm CDT

H-School Gossip

I could not help but laugh watching Hanna get so upset about name calling. It took me right back to my teenage years. I was pretty much a rebel, punk rock all the way. My best friend and I always hung out with the "tuff guys". All the other girls assumed and voiced that we were big sluts and what ever else they could come up with. We were still virgins! We laughed our butts off at them all as we knew either they were jealous of us or wanted to be doing what they imagined we were up to! I graduated with honours and we both have good careers, homes, friends, family and have moved on with our lives. You can't imagine when I went to my 10 year reunion and everyone was shocked that I no longer have multi coloured Mohawk hair. Some people can be so ignorant! Don't sweat the small stuff, it is all irrelevant in the end! :) 

 
October 20, 2005, 3:06 pm CDT

Hannah you are so strong

Dear Hannah,  

  

After watching you on the Dr. Phil show today I simply had to write you and say how brave I think you are.  I have been through exactly the same things that you have been through from being tormented by girls and boys from grade 6 to today.  I am currently 25 and have graduated from University and am moving on with my life, however, I felt your pain today watching the show.  I was called all the names you were (and worse), harassed, attacked, written about in washrooms, to the point that I too had to switch schools.  I like you developed early and as a result started gaining the attention of boys at an early age and from there the jealousy began.  It has taken me a really really really long time to see that it was jealousy and just that because I could never treat someone that I was envious of in that way, however, there was no other explanation.  I have never written about this, but after today I want you to know that there is a girl like this in every town, every country and in every school. I have no idea why girls feel the need to break others down and manipulate them so much when we should be standing together and supporting one another, especially when the ground root of it all is jealousy that boys may like you more than them.  To this day I still face people talking about me and scrutinizing me and I can tell you that one day it will stop and get easier but it hasn't.  I hope for you it will.  For me I never gave fuel to the fire, no matter how much it tore me up inside I never hated back to these other people, and trust me I wanted to.  I just think that it is important not to sink to their level and try to keep you head high.  It hard as hell, but you gotta know deep down that you are a better person for it and that it will make you that much stronger, sympathetic and understanding in the long run.  This is really long, I could go on forever getting into my experiences and what I can tell you, but I think the main thing I want to say is that in time it will get better, you can move on and those people who are so caught up in your life have no lives of their own and they will not later as a result of their pettiness and insecurities.  I think you are so brave and so strong to go on Dr. Phil because I know I always wanted to go on Oprah to talk about it and help other girls, but I never had the strength... also I know that you will face a lot of grief when you get back home of people making fun of you for going on the show.  And thats why I wanted to write you, because you have no idea how many girls went through what you are going through exactly and how many of them you helped by being fearless.  You also helped me today by being braver than I ever was at your age.  I wish you all the success in the world, just keep your head held high and be strong, you are not alone... 

  

Hugs,  

  

Pam 

 
October 20, 2005, 3:12 pm CDT

Girls can be cruel

I was harrassed by girls when I was in High School for 2 years.  I was called a slut, whore, you name it I was called it.  I was not any of those things. The girls that called me names denied they did to the principal. They would walk by me in the halls yelling slut and whore.  I was destroyed.  The principal and teachers did nothing.  When I was "gossiping" about another girl, I got in trouble.  It was almost as if the principal was trying to find a way to prove that I was the liar. I had everyone against me except my parents and a few friends.  It was not until college that I was able to realize those girls were such losers.  They picked on me because they were jealous and they belittled me to make themselves feel better.  Everyone told me that in High School, but I never believed them.  I feel so bad for Emily.  It truely understand how she feels.  It is so hard when you are that age to just "let things roll off your shoulders." Dr. Phil it is easier said then done when it comes to not letting your peers affect the way you feel about yourself, especially when your a teenager!  Now I don't care what people think of me. 
 
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