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Topic : 06/20 "You Ruined My Reputation"

Number of Replies: 223
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Created on : Friday, October 14, 2005, 03:59:42 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 10/20/05) What happens when you're the target of malicious gossip and your reputation is in question? Seventeen-year-old Hannah knows about this firsthand. She says that since junior high, she's been called a slut, a skank and a whore. See the surprise message for her from the school bully, Emily. Then, a woman tries to dispel the rumor that she was born a man. She even went to extreme measures by posting her birth certificate and baby pictures on a Web site! Plus, Kristi is a wife, mother, and owner of a daycare center, but an anonymous letter made her the main suspect in a child pornography case. What will it take for the rumors to stop? Share your thoughts.


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October 20, 2005, 3:16 pm CDT

Worried for my daughter

My daughter went through her entire 7th grade year being taunted and teased by a large group of girls and boys. They were 6th, 7th and 8th graders. Her abuse became physical in the form of shoving, knocking into lockers, kicking, pulling hair, etc. These girls even went so far as to dance around her singing the "Barbie" song during P.E. class. ("I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world") Notes were passed about her, they wrote horrible things on desks, walls, and tables with permanent markers and laughed at her in the hallways. I put an immediate stop to the physical abuse by threatening to file assault charges on all of the girls, but the emotional abuse continued. Words such as skank, whore, slut, bitch, etc. were used regularly. One day I was driving her home with the window down.....we passed 3 of the girls responsible for the taunting. They saw her and yelled, "We hate your daughter! Your daughter is a bitch! My child has been devastated by this and did absolutely nothing to deserve this cruelty! Her 8th grade year has been slightly better...no one taunts her, but she has no friends. What I find most appalling is that her best friend (these two girls have been friends since pre-school) is among those who ignore her. The only time this so-called friend speaks to my daughtewr is when no one else is around or when her other friends are doing other things. I have never felt such animosity toward anyone more than I feel toward these girls and boys. This whole thing troubles me everyday and I think about it every night. I want so badly to make things better for my child...and I want these children and their parents to know what kind of pain they have caused an innocent victim. My daughter was once a bubbly, funny, vivacious young lady and is now fearful, depressed, self-doubting and insecure. I want to add after seeing 17 year old Hannah on TV today that my daughter looks similar to her. They are both very beautiful young women who do not deserve this kind of treatment! ANY child is vulnerable to this kind of aggression...appearance, intelligence or lack of, etc......it doesn't matter. There will always be bullies out there and they have their own sick, twisted agenda.  Maybe this discussion will shed light on those parents out there who are oblivious of the behavior of their own children. I'd be willing to bet that not one of the children who have attacked my child on a daily basis have parents who are aware of it! I wonder if these are the kind of parents who would really even care.  I know this is long....but I needed to speak out about the suffering my child has gone through. Please, talk to your child....are they perpetuating this kind of aggression or could they be victims, as well?     
 
October 20, 2005, 3:22 pm CDT

Dr. Phil's advice this show might not apply to all instances; what do you think?

  

  I'm not sure that Dr. Phil's advice on this show is applicable to all cases.  In instances where a person's character is publicly assassinated, to the degree that it effects the daily life or wellbeing of the person attacked, taking the legal route seems a logical thing to do.   

  

  Myself, 10 years ago in college, I broke up with my girlfriend of several months, partially because she wanted to have sex with me, and I didn't feel our relationship was working well enough to call for the gift of my virginity; things weren't working out.  After I broke up with her, she started rumors that I was harassing her; she even filed a police report about it!  She wrote notes on the walls of the school's bathroom.  She even claimed that I had raped her.   

  

  Now, 10 years later, I've been trying the entire time to address the character assassination by ignoring it, hoping it would go away.  But the fact of the matter is that in my line of work, your reputation is all that matters.  I've tried travelling to other parts of the world to escape the sphere of influence of this woman's lies, but even in Africa and Europe, the lies travel there and interfere with my ability to work and integrate into a community.   

  Luckily, I still have a piece of paper with evidence from years ago, and I have decided that the only hope I have in life is to confront this woman in a courtoom and sue sue sue for every penny that I can.   

  

  Does anyone have any good information or links about how best to find a lawyer specializing in slander/libel suits??   

  

  For other victims of viscious rumors, my advice is that, if someone has printed something falsely about you, or if you can prove that they've spread falsehood widely about you, and it has effected your ability to either earn money or participate in the activities that you are passionate about, seek legal advice.  Don't make the mistake that I have, and try to "let it blow over", because it may not.  And "turning the other cheek" in this case means only not attempting to respond back by spreading counter-rumors or slander.  It does not apply to seeking legal help to protect yourself.  Seeing a lawyer and protecting yourself is something that I think is entirely Christ-like, because it is motivated not by vengeance or malice, but from a desire to have the truth be known.   

  

  Thanks for reading my post!   

  

  -me 

 
October 20, 2005, 3:28 pm CDT

10/20 "You Ruined My Reputation"

When I was in Jr High school I was abused and had vicous rumors started about me . One girl in particular tried to make my life a living hell. Things got so bad that my family and I consulted an attorney . Because I was not given the proper chance to get a good education . I am glad that I finally got the courage to "FIGHT" back ! From that moment on I REFUSED to let anyone make me feel less than a human being! My advice to anyone going through something like this .... Just keep your head held high !! Think positive and know that you are worth knowing . You are worth the time it takes to love ! Above all LOVE YOURSELF !!!
 
October 20, 2005, 3:28 pm CDT

UNREAL

I can't believe this show...it's unreal!!  I was never bullied or talked about in high school, but I'm sure it is VERY hurtful.  I had friends who spread rumors and talked about other "less popular" girls, but I never did because I felt truely sorry for them - it was almost like I could tell how much it would hurt them.  I didn't do anything about it back then because in highschool what your friends think about you seems to be the most important thing.  When you grow up...you realize all of those things are the least important things in life.   

 

This is a classic case of girls being jealous of other girls.  It's simple, really.  Hannah is a very strong, beautiful girl...it seems like it's horrible for her now, but when she graduates and goes to college and pursues her goals in life, she will hopefully forget about the EMILY'S in life.  

If I could tell these girls anything...I would tell them that highschool really doesn't much...most of the time, the strongest bonds you build with other people are the people you meet a little later on in life - in college, work, etc.   

  

And as for the guy who started the rumor about Karen, the girl who rejected him...give it up dude - you win some, you lose some...and if you want to throw a fit because a woman you wanted didn't give you a second thought  - give it up...grow up you're acting like a toddler - or worse.  There are words for guys like you, but I'm sure this message won't be posted if I write them. 

 
October 20, 2005, 3:42 pm CDT

You Should Sue

Quote From: dieseljosh

  

  I'm not sure that Dr. Phil's advice on this show is applicable to all cases.  In instances where a person's character is publicly assassinated, to the degree that it effects the daily life or wellbeing of the person attacked, taking the legal route seems a logical thing to do.   

  

  Myself, 10 years ago in college, I broke up with my girlfriend of several months, partially because she wanted to have sex with me, and I didn't feel our relationship was working well enough to call for the gift of my virginity; things weren't working out.  After I broke up with her, she started rumors that I was harassing her; she even filed a police report about it!  She wrote notes on the walls of the school's bathroom.  She even claimed that I had raped her.   

  

  Now, 10 years later, I've been trying the entire time to address the character assassination by ignoring it, hoping it would go away.  But the fact of the matter is that in my line of work, your reputation is all that matters.  I've tried travelling to other parts of the world to escape the sphere of influence of this woman's lies, but even in Africa and Europe, the lies travel there and interfere with my ability to work and integrate into a community.   

  Luckily, I still have a piece of paper with evidence from years ago, and I have decided that the only hope I have in life is to confront this woman in a courtoom and sue sue sue for every penny that I can.   

  

  Does anyone have any good information or links about how best to find a lawyer specializing in slander/libel suits??   

  

  For other victims of viscious rumors, my advice is that, if someone has printed something falsely about you, or if you can prove that they've spread falsehood widely about you, and it has effected your ability to either earn money or participate in the activities that you are passionate about, seek legal advice.  Don't make the mistake that I have, and try to "let it blow over", because it may not.  And "turning the other cheek" in this case means only not attempting to respond back by spreading counter-rumors or slander.  It does not apply to seeking legal help to protect yourself.  Seeing a lawyer and protecting yourself is something that I think is entirely Christ-like, because it is motivated not by vengeance or malice, but from a desire to have the truth be known.   

  

  Thanks for reading my post!   

  

  -me 

I am one of the lucky ones I left my hometown and have had nothing to do with anyone from there and that killed the rumor for me. Well as far as I know it killed it for all I know I still come up in conversation at the local coffee shop.  

  

I can not say I know how you feel but I know how I felt at the time and I know had I kept even one friend from there this rumor would never have stopped. I feel for you and your right if this has effected you still to this point in your life it is time the woman paid for her accusations. Now lets be honest there is abit of revenge in your tone but I think in this you deserve to feel it, but I know I would love for the truth to come out about me but it never will. You have your chance I say take it. 

 
October 20, 2005, 3:52 pm CDT

This had to be added!

Quote From: mom2intx

My daughter went through her entire 7th grade year being taunted and teased by a large group of girls and boys. They were 6th, 7th and 8th graders. Her abuse became physical in the form of shoving, knocking into lockers, kicking, pulling hair, etc. These girls even went so far as to dance around her singing the "Barbie" song during P.E. class. ("I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world") Notes were passed about her, they wrote horrible things on desks, walls, and tables with permanent markers and laughed at her in the hallways. I put an immediate stop to the physical abuse by threatening to file assault charges on all of the girls, but the emotional abuse continued. Words such as skank, whore, slut, bitch, etc. were used regularly. One day I was driving her home with the window down.....we passed 3 of the girls responsible for the taunting. They saw her and yelled, "We hate your daughter! Your daughter is a bitch! My child has been devastated by this and did absolutely nothing to deserve this cruelty! Her 8th grade year has been slightly better...no one taunts her, but she has no friends. What I find most appalling is that her best friend (these two girls have been friends since pre-school) is among those who ignore her. The only time this so-called friend speaks to my daughtewr is when no one else is around or when her other friends are doing other things. I have never felt such animosity toward anyone more than I feel toward these girls and boys. This whole thing troubles me everyday and I think about it every night. I want so badly to make things better for my child...and I want these children and their parents to know what kind of pain they have caused an innocent victim. My daughter was once a bubbly, funny, vivacious young lady and is now fearful, depressed, self-doubting and insecure. I want to add after seeing 17 year old Hannah on TV today that my daughter looks similar to her. They are both very beautiful young women who do not deserve this kind of treatment! ANY child is vulnerable to this kind of aggression...appearance, intelligence or lack of, etc......it doesn't matter. There will always be bullies out there and they have their own sick, twisted agenda.  Maybe this discussion will shed light on those parents out there who are oblivious of the behavior of their own children. I'd be willing to bet that not one of the children who have attacked my child on a daily basis have parents who are aware of it! I wonder if these are the kind of parents who would really even care.  I know this is long....but I needed to speak out about the suffering my child has gone through. Please, talk to your child....are they perpetuating this kind of aggression or could they be victims, as well?     
I have read all of the postings and it is evident that this happens more often than any of us realize. I propose to all of those school districts out there dealing with this problem to stop ignoring it and do something about it! For far too long, victims have been in and out of counselor's offices, sent to psychologists, therapists, and even forced to change schools. Why should victims be forced to deal with the inadequacies of a few jealous, insecure, power-hungry, and vicious little half-humans (I'm really trying to be nice, here). The only children who need psychiatric help are the aggressors, not the victims! When a child enters the counselors office with a complaint about aggression, take care of it immediately! Send the perpetrator home and send a message to these tyrants "We will not accept this kind of behavior, not now or ever!"  
 
October 20, 2005, 4:01 pm CDT

High Schoolers are Vicious

Hey, I know you probably hear all the time "I know what you're going through about getting picked on at school" but from previous experiences in life, my self-esteem was shot and my reputation was less than good. I was the star of my water polo team in high school, and was nice to most, yet people still called me a lesbian. That, of course spread like wildfire, and people started becoming comfortable with spreading rumors about me. I had one friend all throughout high school, and I thought my social life to be completely non-existent until I gave it one more chance and went to college. I think that's really great of you two girls to try and make amends because it sucks waking up every morning DREADING school, but I hope you'll give college a chance...It's a whole new place to renew the old you, and all those rumors people used to spread, they WON'T follow you to college. Hang in there girl, and keep up what you're doing now, because for someone to pass up a friend like you would be foolish. Just wait till you go to college.... :)  

  

-bre, 21yrs 

 
October 20, 2005, 4:02 pm CDT

Girls Can Be SO MEAN

     My heart goes out to Hannah.  I am sorry she is having such a stressful time, but what I do want her to know is that the underlying reason for these girls treating her this way is JEALOUSY!!  I watched the show today, and I what I saw was a beautiful girl who has been totally convinced that she is not as important as the "other girls".  This is not true at all.  These girls are jealous and are trying their best to break your spirit and steal your joy.  Its been 21 years since I have been in high school, but I remember how ugly girls can be, especially if you are pretty, as Hannah is.    

     Hannah, you hold your head up high, and continue to be the sweet spirited girl that I saw on the show today.  You will be the winner in the end.  These girls will tire of treating you this way as soon as they understand that you are not letting it bother you.  Its hard, I know, to do that, but you can :) . Don't sink to their level and be as shallow and unfriendly as they are.   If the truth were known, these girls are suffering from an insecurity of some sort themselves, thats why they have to pick on you-- You just be you and just walk away when they start their silliness.  Remember, your TRUE friends will stand by you.  Again--you will be the winner in the end  :) 

 
October 20, 2005, 4:31 pm CDT

Reputation--Hannah

Hannah----I went thru a tough high school experience. So when I tell u this i know!!! It is obvious that the girls are totally jealous of you. I was a model scout and u are the kind of girl that I would recruit. You are beautiful and intelligent which makes u the perfect target for those insecure girls that are lashing out at u. I look back at myself in h.s. and i know why i was treated like crap. I was the pretty and smart girl that had no true friends. But college came and I ended up making true friends that years later are still there for me. So take heart and know that life will get better. I know it's hard not to take those comments to heart but u have to try. I would dread walking into school everyday. I knew those comments under their breath and those snickers were coming. I cried A LOT. I just wish i knew then what i know now. People get so jealous and some are so cruel--those people are hurting in someway. So feel sorry for them and pray for them. If they know you could care less and that u are too strong to let it get to you, many will stop. Don't be in your twenties like me and still hate thinking about life in hs. HS is just the beginning and the best is after u get out. But try to enjoy things outside school until u make friends there. Find your bliss--do what u love whether its making jewlery or painting or volunteer work. Helping others worse off will def make u feel better--get involved with a good HS youth group at your church that does volunteer work. OK that is enough--hope i helped. Keep your head up and be proud of who u are--read the Bible and learn how He looks at you--at your heart--and how beautiful He thinks u are and how much He loves you.Take care and keep going. 
 
October 20, 2005, 4:43 pm CDT

daycare mom

Quote From: tottie1971

I am one of the lucky ones I left my hometown and have had nothing to do with anyone from there and that killed the rumor for me. Well as far as I know it killed it for all I know I still come up in conversation at the local coffee shop.  

  

I can not say I know how you feel but I know how I felt at the time and I know had I kept even one friend from there this rumor would never have stopped. I feel for you and your right if this has effected you still to this point in your life it is time the woman paid for her accusations. Now lets be honest there is abit of revenge in your tone but I think in this you deserve to feel it, but I know I would love for the truth to come out about me but it never will. You have your chance I say take it. 

i think that the daycare mom should hire an investigator and sue the person who did this. I was outraged! Where are her rights- this person needs to be stopped! Anyone who is so malicious may well be capable of ... well who knows what? they need to be stopped. I say sue their pants off!
 
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