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Topic : 06/20 "You Ruined My Reputation"

Number of Replies: 223
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Created on : Friday, October 14, 2005, 03:59:42 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 10/20/05) What happens when you're the target of malicious gossip and your reputation is in question? Seventeen-year-old Hannah knows about this firsthand. She says that since junior high, she's been called a slut, a skank and a whore. See the surprise message for her from the school bully, Emily. Then, a woman tries to dispel the rumor that she was born a man. She even went to extreme measures by posting her birth certificate and baby pictures on a Web site! Plus, Kristi is a wife, mother, and owner of a daycare center, but an anonymous letter made her the main suspect in a child pornography case. What will it take for the rumors to stop? Share your thoughts.


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October 20, 2005, 10:30 am CDT

My ex. ruined my rep.

When I was in i think 8th grade (im in 10th now) i was dating this guy named justin who had liked me for a while and so he asked me out and i said yes and about 6 weeks into the relationship (we dated for a month and four days) he wanted to come over to my house and my parents said yes and this was on a sunday and so we went to church and then came home and my dad left to go do visitations with our elder and then ma mom went in her room and played on the computer and left me and justin on the couch in the livingroom and then well you know how teenagers are they like to experiment on things and i had never done stuff b4 with a guy but makeout and he told me to turn on my side and i being the dumb one to listen to him did and proceeded to put his hand down my pants and he did and did wat most guys do and then like my parents found out and then 2 weeks later justin went around saying that i slept wid him and at tha time i was still a virgin and my dad found out wat he wass saying and now my rep in my old hometown is tht im labeled as a "whore" all b/c of wat i let one guy do!
 
October 20, 2005, 10:33 am CDT

Dont worry it'll get better

I am 15 years old with a 2 month old baby. So I know how it is with rumors. People used to call me a hoe, whore and everything else you could think of. When I left school my boyfriend went and said it wasn't his baby and that I had slept with every one of his friends. I had to move to the other side of town. I got in so many fights and had so many problems with my pregnancy because of it. But now I have a beautiful 2 month old son named Christopher Alan that I love very much and I don't have any more of the rumors around. So don't worry about it. Just ignore them and tell them they don't know your life!
 
October 20, 2005, 11:47 am CDT

Smartie Party??

I was 15, went to a movie with my boyfriend, bought some popcorn and pop and a box of smarties.  I didn't open the smarties and left them in his truck - for the next year I had to hear the rumor of "We had a smartie party"  I will let you use your imagination on that one!  It is not nice!  I was  a virgin, and ended up getting pregnant by this boyfriend who obviously started the rumor of the smartie party.  It wasn't until a year after dating him though that I became pregant but every one knew we were having sex, and then they called me "strech"  - This was all done jokingly and maybe a bit out of jealousy, as I can bet those boys in my grade wished they were getting some!  Anyhow, my parents divorced and I moved to the city with my mom, and that is when I found out I was pregnant, so then you can imagine the rumors of that.  Yep I was a slut and I didn't know who the father was.  Well you can sure bet I do.  I didnt' think I was a slut for sleeping with one person, and the funny thing is a lot of my freinds were sleeping with lots of guys, (me only one) .... didn't make any sense to me.  Well today I am the mother of a 15 yr old son and married with two other boys, and I hope my kids don't have to go through any rumors....they arent' very fun at all! 
 
October 20, 2005, 11:49 am CDT

Smarty party con't

I forgot to mention the idiot boyfriend that started the rumor and got me pregnant has never seen his son (on his part not mine). He tells everyone that I was a slut and it is someone elses.  Even to this day he says that.  (still spreading rumors)  I guess people spread rumors to protect themselves! 
 
October 20, 2005, 12:08 pm CDT

Thank You for Putting It to Me That way!!!

Quote From: poetry47

  Even though you suffered a lot of hurt and pain; you never gave up.  You did not hide or run, but stayed and fought for your feelings.  Our feelings are what mold and shape us into the individuals we are today.  They are the product of our experiences and how we deal with what has happened to us.  You never gave up and continued your education despite the rumors.  Rumors are not easy and they should not have to be edured by anyone.  I tell my daughter who recently started juinor high that those that pick on her have issues.  I tell her to consider the fact that just maybe they pick on her because they may be jealious of her.  Sometimes that is what starts it all.  We have what they are lacking.  Even though you say you earned the title, no one had the right to judge you when they are not perfect.  You did not deserve the ignorance of imtaturity.  Love is a strong emotion and a children do not quite understand the word let alone the action of the word.  You allowed your need for fullfillment to sway your desicions and that is an action that we all do.  We allow ourselves to be led by emotions.  You have acknowledged your mistake, you have paid a punishment for it and now it is time to release your past and move forward.  You never gave up and your story will one day be able to help other young impressionable girls.  You may save a reputation with the experience you had.  Use your history to change history. 

That was very sweet of you to say.  I never thought my story could amount to much but now I'm guessing maybe it could.  After all I do know it's a problem many young girls face.  I went down the wrong path but I did come out of it alright.  My life is pretty good now even though I'm sure some of those same people would probably try to look down on me if they ever happened to run into me somewhere.   

  

I look at it as a life's experience.  Not a pleasant one but it taught me a lot & made me a stronger, more caring person.  Now when I hear epople talking trash about someone else, I can kinda read between the lines & see that they have their own issues.  Oh, & if they're calling someone a slut...  Well I happen to know that person might be a "slut" but there might be more to the story & she has her reasons for choosing her life the way she does & it's no one's business but hers.  She'll wake up one day just like I did & then she'll have a great life to look forward to because she'll have already lived her down time!!! 

  

Thanks again for that very sweet & enlightening post!!! 

 
October 20, 2005, 12:12 pm CDT

Speaking against eachother is sin

How dare anyone speak against another, thats the devils job and here us humans are falling into the same deception. I have been spoken about much the same but worse as this young girl in school, and have become very antisocial because of it- i am learning how to get out of something that happened to me 10 years ago. i forgive those people but i dont like to remeber whats happened- years later the devil uses those words to eacho into me to hurt me and bring me shame, its awefula nd my heart goes out to her.
 
October 20, 2005, 12:22 pm CDT

Thank God for Adulthood--IT WILL END

You know, i glanced at all the messages here and all i can say is I AM SO GLAD I AM OUT OF SCHOOL!!!  i have plenty of stories of my own as i was called a whore, slut etc. BUT....now i am an adult, and i have realized that not only are those people childish and insecure but i am a better person because of the trouble i had. 

  

i still have very low self esteem, and always believe that people do not like me.  i convinced myself on several occasions after arguments that my husband was going to leave me...NOT TRUE.  the hardest part is loving yourself and realizing that there are people out there that love you too. 

  

if you are a victim---hang in there, i know it is hard BUT you will make it...and you can LAUGH at them at your reunion in 10 years...because eventually their hurtful befavior will catch up to them. 

  

if you are a bully---PLEASE STOP!!! that is all i can say 

 
October 20, 2005, 12:25 pm CDT

good for you for not giving in

Quote From: puzzled

I have been the topic of many mean a vicious rumors. I know first hand how it can make a person feel  (rejected, unaccepted, and lonely.)  I eventually found out that the rumors stemmed from my boyfriend, not my ex-boyfriend, but my boyfriend (at the time.) That made it hurt all the more. He explained to me that the reason he started all of the nasty rumors because I wouldn't have sex with him ( I was still a virgin.) The rumors were not about be being a virgin, they were about me being a trap, a slut, a whore. Which really hurt, because they were not true by any means. I am looking forward to this show. I know how depressed a person can be because of cruel kids. I would like to see what Dr. Phil has to say. 

the worst mistake i ever made was loosing my virginity because of peer presure.  you deserve a big (((hug))) because i regret my actions now. 

  

 
October 20, 2005, 12:50 pm CDT

Ruined Reputation Over Misunderstanding

I'm 17 and a senior in high school, and finally free of tension and rumors. This all begins back in freshman year. Towards the end of the school year, my friend, Laurie, starting dating this guy, Nathan, who was a junior, and everyone except myself did not care for him, and I never understood why. Their reasoning was he was a 'jerk' but I think that was because there was nothing else for them to find wrong with him. I couldn't find anything wrong with him. He was a funny, sweet guy, and I knew it was awkward for Laurie to have him around my group since many didn't care for him, so I decided to befriend him and be nice to him so if she was around me with him, she wouldn't feel awkward and he wouldn't feel awkward. At this time, I was also dating a guy in our group, for about a month, from March to April of 2003 (This is referred to later on in my story) Laurie and Nathan dated for about two months (April til June 2003) and the two didn't speak afterwards, but by this point, Nathan and I had become good friends and loved to talk. So we continued to be friends and talk online and whatnot. By the end of August, we became very attracted to each other and decided to start dating, but under the radar of my group because I had no idea how they would react and I would talk to Laurie about it when I had the chance. It was a Friday, and everybody was about to leave to go home when Nathan and I were sitting in our counselor's office, holding hands, and two guys, one of them being my exboyfriend, from our group saw us and the whole thing blew up. From that point on, I was harassed, teased, my ex and Laurie claimed that Nathan and I were cheating on them with each other, and everything just got blown way out of proportion. My locker got broken into, my items were vandalized, and in trying their best for me to break up with Nathan, they drove me closer to him by making me share his locker because they didn't know his combination. What made it worse was Nathan and I had the school's attention because of our 1 year and 6 month age difference and we we would be seen together in the halls, and whenever we stood outside my 6th hour class talking, my classmates would be looking through the window at us, wanting to see us kiss. This continued for at least three months. Even in my junior year, my friend Andy asked if Nathan and I were still together, and I answered yes, and his next question was if we had sex (because apparently, if you date for more than a month at my school, you're having sex, as was the trend put on by the popular kids) and he was shocked when I said no. There is still some speculation of that going on today. 

  

There became such a rift between Laurie, my former peer group, and myself, that I isolated myself and continued to find new friends throughout my sophomore and junior year. It saddened me because Laurie and I had such a good friendship, and it was demolished because of many misunderstandings. Towards the end of my junior year, I signed up for a Forensic Science conference out in Boston during July, and wouldn't you know it, Laurie signed up for the same one. Us being together in the same environment and seeing each other for 10 days straight intimidated me because I didn't know what to expect. But before hand I tried to patch things up by talking to her with simple 'how are you today' s and hello's. It wasn't until we got to Boston that we actually sat down during our free time and talked and realized this was stupid stuff being spread by everybody else, and neither of us had a problem with each other and we wanted to be friends again. It took us to get to BOSTON to patch things up. That's how horrible peer pressure and rumors can be. 

  

Now Laurie and I are planning on going to the same university next fall and are dorming together. It's as if we picked up right where we left off. And I'm starting to get back into that peer group I had in freshman year, and many of them do not have a problem with me anymore. Like Dr. Phil said, it takes a hero to stand up, and we both heros to do so. 

  

Although I do agree with many of you that rumors are harmful and need to stop, there is no way you can do so. It's close to impossible. The best thing you can do is just know who you are, that you know you are the complete opposite and that those rumors are not true. If you don't react to them, people are going to see that they can't get to you and give up. That's what I did, and people tried for three months to tear me down and when they realized they couldn't do it, they gave up. You can't have authority figures help you, because that will make issues worse. Just teach your sons and daughters to have healthy egos and to realize who they are on the inside, and they will not be phased what goes on around them. 

 
October 20, 2005, 12:55 pm CDT

Girls can be cruel

 I am currently a sophomore in high school, and I've been dealing with name calling, backstabbing, and mean glares all my life from my peers. But unlike most girls, I really dont care whatsoever what jugemental girls have to say about me. I come from a wealthy family, I get good grades, and I am class president. People that haven't even met me already somehow decide they don't like me. They claim I am stuck up and think I'm better than anyone else. Anyone who gets to know me would tell you otherwise. But for some reason people always need someone to pick on to make themselves feel more powerful. Girls in middle school even threatened to cut my hair off.But I am stronger than that and i know that I only have to please myself, and in a few years I won't have to deal with these immature people anymore. I am called Slut when I wear a tank top ion 80 degree weather, girls really will find anything to poke fun at. In most cases, they probably just are jealous that you can handle their comments.But it's the girls you can't take this kind of behaivor that i feel for. I talk to some classmates who cry and complain over unacceptance and I only try to tell them that those girls are not worth crying for. I could easily fit in by drinking and such. But i choose not to participate in those things, and i only get punished for that. But in the end, it will be worthwhile. Everyone always says high school is all about friends, but i dont think thats totally correct. I guess what I'm trying to say is most friends will come and go, they will stab you in the back. One good friend is all a person really needs. So don't waste time on the ones who just want to impress( if you have to change who you are, it not worth it), focus on your grades and your family. Because most likely in the end they will be the ones by your side. Why does our society dwell so much on being accepted and well liked? We can't please everyone. Don't be afraid to be outspoken and opionated.I personally think the world needs more people to not "fit in."
 
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