Topic : 06/20 "You Ruined My Reputation"

I'm dealing with a situation that I never thought I'd have to deal with. I finally, after 18 years of marriage, mustered up the courage to leave my bullying and controlling husband. He evidently is so frustrated that he can't bully me anymore, he has started spreading rumors about me around our neighborhood. He is  well liked, successful, good looking, the whole 9 yards. He is a very talented salesman. I on the other hand, am not a salesperson. I have a small group of very close knit friends and am perfectly satisfied with that.  

He has told people that he has evidence in the form of a video tape of me engaging in sexual intercourse with a well known man in our community.  Nothing of the sort ever happened. Not only did this  man's wife file for divorce, but people I considered to be friends won't even talk to me. I am fortunate to have  friends and family that believe me. They have been incredibly supportive.  It is still hard, however, for me to go out in public.  I approached a few people that I cared about  in order to defend myself , some seemed to believe me, others didn't. In the end I realized that it took too much energy to dispel this myth and that it was  extremely degrading to me to go around in a defensive mode. I was doing exactly what he wanted. It is truly disheartening  to me to think that anyone could do this to the mother of their children. It only confirms, in my mind, that my decision to leave him was the right one. He is every bit  as cruel and self-centered as I had suspected, and more.  

You know what? 

I was the target of a malicious rumour, by someone I thought was a friend.  Russell is NEVER happy, unless he causes s***, between friends.  He started a rumour with my friend Michelle, telling her that I was going around, calling her a bitch & a slut.  I told her, that I know of some people who'd tell her, that I'd NEVER say that about her.   

Fast track, to August of 1999:  Russell started his crap, again.  I found out from Michelle, that Russell told her I was going around, and saying that I said about how she looked like a slut in this particular dress she wore, when a group of us went out dancing during the Easter weekend of '99.  I was like, "Bull s***!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'  I confronted Russell at this bar about it, when I went up to get a drink.  Then he proceeds to tell Michelle & her b/f John, that I infact said that.  Needless to say, Michelle, John, and I never spoke for about 2 months.  I got up enough nerve to call her, and tell her that it was not true.  Michelle & John ended up leaving me at the bar, to get a taxi cab home, still believing the viscious rumour. 

So, around Christmas of '99, she started to trust me, again.  Everything was going good, then in January/February of 2000, I call Michelle, and find out from that, that she blocks my phone #.  So, I go and call her from my parents line, upstairs.  I find out from her, that Russell & her cousin Mike (who is as simple minded, as they come), that they were going around, and saying that I was calling her a whore & a slut.  I then proceeded to tell her, that I NEVER called her that.  She was like, "WELL, YOU DID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  We traded words back & forth, then I said "FINE, IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU'RE GONNA BE, I DON'T WANT TO F****** TALK TO YOU, EVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!"  That's when I hung up on her.  It really hurt me, to think that she'd believe those two jackasses, over believing her friend. 

Well, Michelle & I had a serious falling out over that nonsense that was so bad, we didn't speak, for nearly one year.    It took about I'd say about 2 or more years, before she could trust me again.  Even now, her & her b/f John know now, that Russell's nothing short of a s*** disturber.  It never pays to believe rumours.   

If somebody tells you, that say one of your friends is talking smack about you, go to your friend, and let them know what this individual is saying. 

mayfleur 

Doctor Phil. My Reputation Runined You is a not a good deal after if somone talk behind your back and admited that you didnot do anything wrong at all. See You tomorrow Afternoon. Well I had bett- 

er close now. Sincerley Your. Russell

It's what you answer too.  I thought that was the greatest piece of advise from Tyler Perry in Madea's Family Reunion.  I wish I had that piece of knowledge from birth!  

There is a saying: 

You know when someone has no life of their own to speak of.... 

When all they do is talk about someone else. 

My Dear Young friend, 

I know how rumors can torment. It's hard to deal with when someone attacts your charactor. 

Especially when that first seed is planted to try and make you feel bad about yourself. 

Then it just festers. You know who you are and what you stand for. Don't let others make you feel bad about yourself. It's hard to say exactly why people do this to each other.  

I have a condition called Morgellons and the 32 Doctors that I have been to ...well, most are saying that I am delusional and most of my friends that I have or had tell me just to stop it. Some I have had since 4th grade. I am 48. So, I happen to know the kind of pain you are suffering through. 

Dear, you just have to make a decision to not allow anyone to make you doubt yourself or feel bad about yourself. 

Yes, it is painful and hurtful and this is a hard lesson to learn at a young age but trust me you will be glad that you learned it at your young age and can use it for the rest of your life to keep you balanced. It will come in handy when you make your life choices about people you choose to be in your life circle. This may also help you to know the person you want o become because we change so much along the way but this is a good time to decide what kind of a person you want to be.. 

You might say they have done you a favor. I know it doesn't seem like that now but I tell you, you can and will get through this and become stronger and stronger.  

I am glad that it is not your physical health that is being compromised although I know that emotional can and probably is just as hard. 

Buckle up for safety it can be a bumpy ride but you will work it out. Hang with the winners such as yourself!!!!!!!    Laur