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Topic : 03/24 Moms Money Conflicts

Number of Replies: 296
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Created on : Friday, October 14, 2005, 04:01:34 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 10/21/05) Money is often cited as the number one reason couples divorce. Dr. Phil talks with moms who say their need for cash is causing major problems. First, Andy and Lynn are newlyweds whose marriage is already falling apart. Lynn says she has to pay for expenses that her waitress salary can't possibly cover, and she has to beg her husband if she needs money. Andy says his wife relies on him for everything and he doesn't think she should get a free ride. Can their marriage withstand the pressure? Then, Alice has invented a product that she thinks will make her millions. But after putting in over $160,000 and turning their house into a factory, her husband has had enough. Does Alice have a great invention or should she just give up? Plus, two moms have a dream of opening up their own boutique, but their husbands say they both need a reality check. Join the discussion.


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October 21, 2005, 12:12 am CDT

Nail Polish Holder Inventor

I was amazed at the drive this woman has. I wish that someone had told them how to better research for her product. I thought that a good market for her would be nail salons. I know that nail techs need their hands free as much as possible. In fact, if her product does start selling it would be good to design one that holds many polishes instead of just one so that the nail techs could change from one polish to another. Don't give up, just find some way to work your product in the market.
 
October 21, 2005, 2:11 am CDT

I

I think there are many women in the same situation. I am a miltiary wife. I have three children, one is now in school this year. Before we moved overseas. My husband and i had a joint bank account. But when we moved here he told me that I would have my own bank account, and that he would give me a certain amount every two weeks. I got a parttime evening job at the local enlisted club, to make some extra on top of what he gave me. He then told me that he was not going to give me anything, b/c I made my own money. Then to make matters worse I had to quit b/c his job became to demanding. I took on a babysitting job a couple hours a week watch my neighbor child. She pays me three hundred dollars a month. My husband and I both agree that we would put our girls into extra-curricular activities once a week. This cost me 50 dolars a month. I take half of my money and pay my debt totaling including my student loan about $3,500. I pay more than the min. each month. After I pay for all of that I am left with $100. Living in England it is exspensive, I am very cheap. I have to also pay during the week anything that i or the kids need, like diapers, bread, etc. I know that we have the extra money. i have done the math. I know how much he gets paid. He will also get a raise in Jan and then get promote in feb. and then get another raise in May at his yearly make. he already get paid more than his fellow airmen, b/c of his time in service. Plus on top of that we recieve a COLa, which is extra money a month b/c we live in a high cost of living area. We have a good $700 dollars extra a month after the the groceries and all the bill are paid. I want to know how can I get my husband to traet me like a partner than a child recieve an allowance. Also he doesn't nothing around the how, not even mow the yard or throw out the garbage. I do it all, many pepole tell him that he is a lucky man to have a young 23yrd wife that does it all. I never spent money before with out him knowing about it, so I don't get how he says he doesn't want me to mess with his account. I even paid the bills on time. I feel like I have been strip of the money issues of the house. I feel like those wive that doen's know how much money their spuse make and where the money goes. My biggest fear is when he gets deploye dI will be left penny less and I will need to go to our superiors and ask for help.
 
October 21, 2005, 2:53 am CDT

10/21 Moms and Money Conflicts

I feel sorry for this girl.  She needs to get a new man.
 
October 21, 2005, 4:18 am CDT

10/21 Moms and Money Conflicts

Prenuptial Agreement....People think it's a slap in the face but it does solve a lot of problems.  That whole..."we are one" crap I think is bullsh*t.  Seeing as how most of the  people in the U.S. get divorced I think that people are doing something wrong.  Or maybe it's just a fact of life that conflict is inevitable.  Even if I'm poor I would get one. 

  

Are people scared of getting screwed out of money that isn't theirs?  Noone's gonna decide to split up with me and then take half of my money. 

  

P.S. I'll never pay child support.  I think that's a slap in the face.  Child support is for people that don't want to take care of their children.  If me and my woman split up...the kids are going with me or I'll pay for anything they need myself personally.  She's not going to the Doc. to buy Lipo with my money. 

 
October 21, 2005, 6:03 am CDT

10/21 Moms and Money Conflicts

Quote From: sachan

There are 2 sides to every story.  I'm sure your husband has his side.  What do you argue over?  You and your husband seem to be doing well financially.  Why do you need more?  You say your thrifty, but it doesn't sound like it.  If you need more  spending money, why don't you get a job?  Your child is old enough to be in school. Most women have problems with husbands who are financially irresponsible.  Your husband seems responsible.  If he is inconsiderate at times maybe he doesn't feel appreciated.  Many women would give anything to be able to stay at home with their pre school children, but their family finances don't allow it. What's wrong with Costco clothes?

I don't have a husband to gripe at me about money, but as somebody who was recently a kid in school I have to reply to this: 

  

The man is a moron if he doesn't see the benefit of either a decent private school or a better neighborhood/better public school system over one with poor academics and a drug problem.  I attended the full range of school systems--from upper-middle class, well-respected ones all the way down to a school that occasionally had gang fights on the front lawn.  This is his SON--if he can do better by him, he should.  (Just because it's a private school doesn't mean it's the best--I've been to very good public schools, too, but you generally have to be in a better neighborhood to attend them). 

  

As far as the swimming goes--hello, the kid should learn to swim.  It's safer, and all kids need to be encouraged to be more active.  $5 a lesson is an absolutely ridiculous reason to make him give it up unless they are literally living hand-to-mouth (which is not the impression I get from the original post).  What is the kid supposed to do, sit in his room all day and stare at the wall?  Twenty years from now, will Dad spring for the Dr. Phil Weight Loss book to make up for all that physical activity that Jr. never learned to enjoy?   

  

Assuming they are making a reasonable income, these two either need serious marriage counseling, or he needs a shrink, or both.  While I agree that, obviously, parents shouldn't jeopardize the family's long-term financial security on frivolous things, I absolutely believe that children need interests, activities, and experiences outside of school.  I had interests in art, animals, and music that my school system could not support but that my parents did to the best of their ability, which not only life better for me, but greatly enhanced my school experience and, yes, eventually helped me get into a good college. 

  

Financially responsible is good, but it sounds like Dad has a bad case of "penny wise and pound foolish".  There's absolutely nothing wrong with Costco clothes--my family has always bought plain clothing and worn it into rags--but just because this woman wants to spend a little on her son doesn't mean she wants to spend it on empty material goods.  

  

 
October 21, 2005, 6:16 am CDT

10/21 Moms and Money Conflicts

Quote From: sachan

There are 2 sides to every story.  I'm sure your husband has his side.  What do you argue over?  You and your husband seem to be doing well financially.  Why do you need more?  You say your thrifty, but it doesn't sound like it.  If you need more  spending money, why don't you get a job?  Your child is old enough to be in school. Most women have problems with husbands who are financially irresponsible.  Your husband seems responsible.  If he is inconsiderate at times maybe he doesn't feel appreciated.  Many women would give anything to be able to stay at home with their pre school children, but their family finances don't allow it. What's wrong with Costco clothes?

Never mind that medical emergencies are NEVER the time or place to penny-pinch.  People DO die from asthma attacks (I know this and there aren't even any asthmatics in my family).  The guy needs to be taking care of his family--if he is able to, he needs to, Heaven forbid, pay a little more for better insurance or an insurance supplement.  If he doesn't feel appreciated, fine, they need to get some help, but that doesn't give him the right to endanger her life. 

 
October 21, 2005, 6:35 am CDT

Thats sad

Quote From: flitrflies

Oh boy...I don't know how to put this. Well, I have a 'blended' family. My 3 oldest children they are very comfortable with a lavish Christmas. I suppose I overloaded them on the presents when I was with their father (divorced 2.5 years now, I won sole custody of them 1 year ago....still going through transition). It has been an emotional and extremely difficult few years for all of us.  

  

My husband (common-law) puts the roof over our heads and pays the bills. He has his own extracurricular activities and that's it. I support the children, food, clothes, and school stuff on CTC (in Canada we get child tax credit, money from the government for children based on our income...different from welfare, I wish I could get). That at times runs out 1.5 weeks before I get my next cheque. So we are eating KD and wieners very often, sometimes 4 times a week. My husband eats at work.  Gosh I feel ashamed for even sharing this with all of you.  

  

Budgeting, I think I do a most excellent job! All considering. When extra events arise, new school supplies/clothes; when the school told me the children needed indoor shoes as well as outdoor shoes, I cried. I scrounged to buy them new outdoor shoes, as I have been doing since I left their father, indoor too ... I have to cash-in beer bottles, honestly. Hallowe'en (no store bought costumes). Thanksgiving and we are not doing the big family thing, so I have to find money for our own feast.  

  

My husband, bless him, I am very grateful for all that he has done for my children! After all, I wouldn't have them if he didn't buy us our house (the children lived with their dad and his sister and I lived in with my husband's family's house; I was very unstable at that time) and he paid for a good lawyer...I think that's what broke his bank account. He doesn't financially support the children, his daughter....yes he will give me money if I need it for her, but wait, she's only 10 months old still. The children's father...DBD, dead beat dad. He hasn't seen the children since I was awarded sole custody of them just a little over a year ago. He calls every so often, though I always allow them to talk to him, I wish he would just go away. He doesn't pay court ordered support, nothing.  

  

Money is always an issue. And stress on everything, well being, marriage, perhaps resentment towards my children from their step dad, I dunno. I think the children walk on egg shells, they never know what mood I'm going to be in. They bring special meal day forms home from school, and they are in tears. They know, they ask me if I need help going to the beer store. I don't drink, sociably. My hubby...yup he does!   

  

I sigh, money truly, if you are use to a better lifestyle and have to go to a much lesser way of living, money depresses me. I mean I understand it all, but the children, how, will they forgive me, will they adjust, its so sad.  

  

Christmas.......so they are use to getting everything and anything they ask for, which is ridiculous, I know. That's how I was raised. As my beliefs evolve, I believe it's a religious holiday and it's much too commercialized, it should be spent making gifts from the heart and spending time with family. Pioneerish. But the kids see it as, I want this and I want that, they other kids have all the new toys and gadgets. But I just can't get over my own guilt for not being able to providing  them with the lavish Christmas that they are use to.  

  

This year none of my children, daughter 11, 2 sons, 9 and 5 and baby girl 10 months, don't believe in Santa, as they have been told from their new friends. I told the children that Santa might not come this year and not because they behaved badly yesterday but because I just don't have money to buy them presents. My daughter says not even one present from you and her step-dad. I say nope. Tears form in her eyes.  

  

How do I deal with the emotional stress. It's already starting. I'm edgy, short tempered, I'm yelling at them all the time, i just can't deal. I sleep when everyone is home, so I don't jump all over them. My husband is starting to ask what's wrong with me all the time. I just don't know how to manage my emotions. I  don't know if I should stick to my own beliefs your do I save the beer bottles and try to get them stocking stuffers......I think money is truly EVIL. 

I felt bad for you reading this message!  :( 

  

Im a bit confused on the whole beer drinking thing.  If you have money for beer and nothing for dinner except Mac and Cheese(KD stands for Kraft Diner, yes?) then I would have to say you need to rearrange your priorities a bit.  If hubbys drinking is putting a strain on your finances, then you need to knock some sense into him! 

  

As far as the Christmas presents, you could get very creative.  Maybe you have a special piece of jewlery one of your daughter admire which you could wrap(even if in newspaper or some such thing decorated up special with markers and crayon)and give to her.  Could be other things just laying around that if you hunt for you would find the kids may like.  Perhaps you could make  little cards entitling the kids to go do something special alone with you for the day that wouldnt cost money.  Perhaps a picnic, playing their favorite board game one on one, doing some crafts together...  You could even make up some "get out of jail free" cards which they could use one time they find themselves in trouble.  That may not be the best of ideas as far as staying consistant but I would bet the kids would sure love them and treasure them!  LOL  Or, you could do a backwards day where they get to have dessert before dinner.    Also, you could go to alot of garage sales and see if you could find any little things there they would like for a quarter or something.   You could also make up individual letters for each of your children telling them everything you love admire and respect about each one personally. 

  

Just some suggestions for you.  Remeber though, the best gifts you could ever give your children is a loving caring mother who will be there for them every second of their lives.  If I were you, I would seriously consider the whole beer thing though.  How is it that your hubby can have his beer while you are stressing over your kids Christmas presents?  Something sounds wrong there. 

  

Hope it works out for you! 

 
October 21, 2005, 7:16 am CDT

Our money

When my husband and I got married I was the only one working.  I asked if he minded when I bought something.  He said, "Do what you want it is your money."  I told him that it was our money and we should talk about when we want to make a big purchase. 

  

 

He kept this lesson, and when I stayed home with the kids and he worked it was still our money.  Now I work and he keeps the house (He is much better at it, but that is another story).  It is still our money.  We work together to make our family what it is.  It troubles me that there are so many people that resent their spouse because it is his or her money and they have to ask when they want to buy something.  (I know several from work) 

  

 

 

  

Also I would like to comment on the tremendous lack of common sense with the last two women on the show.  If you want to make your dreams happen that is wonderful.  But you have to know how to make it happen.  Nothing comes easily.  Heaven helps those who help themselves.  If you jump out of a plane without a parachute then even God cannot save you because you were so unprepared.

   

 

  

The last two women who wanted to open a boutique reminded me of when I was ten and I was going to get rich by selling lemonade.  They are too gung ho.  They need to take a couple of business courses.  Work in someone else’s boutique.  Yes, you like to shop, but do you like to work??

  

 

  

 

  

That is just my two cents.  Thanks.

  

 

  

  

 
October 21, 2005, 7:19 am CDT

10/21 Moms and Money Conflicts

 I feel sad for the young couple that I just watched on the show. Its hard to be young and married. But to think of everything as his and hers is not the way to start a marriage. When you get married its no longer mine and his its ours. I do believe that she should not spend outrageous amounts of money on things that she may not have needed, but praticle things make sense. I think my husband would have been really angry if I bought my toddler $60 shoes also. What is wrong with $15 shoes? Just a thought has she heard of Target?  

 
October 21, 2005, 7:27 am CDT

10/21 Moms and Money Conflicts

Quote From: thesmitty

Prenuptial Agreement....People think it's a slap in the face but it does solve a lot of problems.  That whole..."we are one" crap I think is bullsh*t.  Seeing as how most of the  people in the U.S. get divorced I think that people are doing something wrong.  Or maybe it's just a fact of life that conflict is inevitable.  Even if I'm poor I would get one. 

  

Are people scared of getting screwed out of money that isn't theirs?  Noone's gonna decide to split up with me and then take half of my money. 

  

P.S. I'll never pay child support.  I think that's a slap in the face.  Child support is for people that don't want to take care of their children.  If me and my woman split up...the kids are going with me or I'll pay for anything they need myself personally.  She's not going to the Doc. to buy Lipo with my money. 

You really sound like a bitter man. You sound really controling towards your wife. I really pitty the person who has already married you or does in the future. Coming from someone who has been married for 14 1/2 yrs when I took my vows it was until death do us part, if you are thinking prenup then you have no belief in the vows that you take before God and the church. I would have been offended if my husband asked me to sign a prenup. As for children and paying child support its not up to you its up to a judge, and if you are lucky enough to get custody you wont have to. But I can tell you this most judges give custody to the mother, and YES THE FATHER PAYS CHILD SUPPORT!!!! And if you dont then you face all kinds of wonderful things like going to jail and losing your license. So you can tell yourself that the kids will go with you all you want, but dont get your hopes up.
 
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