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Topic : 03/24 Moms Money Conflicts

Number of Replies: 296
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Created on : Friday, October 14, 2005, 04:01:34 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 10/21/05) Money is often cited as the number one reason couples divorce. Dr. Phil talks with moms who say their need for cash is causing major problems. First, Andy and Lynn are newlyweds whose marriage is already falling apart. Lynn says she has to pay for expenses that her waitress salary can't possibly cover, and she has to beg her husband if she needs money. Andy says his wife relies on him for everything and he doesn't think she should get a free ride. Can their marriage withstand the pressure? Then, Alice has invented a product that she thinks will make her millions. But after putting in over $160,000 and turning their house into a factory, her husband has had enough. Does Alice have a great invention or should she just give up? Plus, two moms have a dream of opening up their own boutique, but their husbands say they both need a reality check. Join the discussion.


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October 21, 2005, 7:40 am CDT

He needs to change

When I saw this show with the first young couple...I cried.  That was me and my now ex husband 12 years ago.  Now I am recently divorced and going through bankruptcy.  After years the whole separate accounts and my bills and your bills I lost the struggle. He has always made double what I have and I still had the daycare cost, utilities, my car payment clothes and groceries.  I got sick of having to ask for his help, so I resorted to credit cards.  Now I am so far in debt there's no way out.  So it was his idea for me to file for divorce and file bankruptcy, so his credit doesn't get messed up.  Then he wants to get remarried.  Now I am so resentful I don't think there is anyway this relationship could ever work out.  I really hope he changes for Lynn's sake.
 
October 21, 2005, 7:42 am CDT

Moms and Money Conflicts

Quote From: adawife

Money is such a huge problem in families today. When are people going to see that money is not what makes you happy, nor will having everything. We as Americans have to learn to live on a budget. If you can't afford a $30,000 car, DON'T BUY ONE!!!! As for couples who argue over who makes the most money and who pays for what. Did everyone forget what marriage is about. COMPROMISE! So what if one person makes more than the other. Husbands and wives are suppose to share. That is why in a divorce everything is divided between the two. My husband and I decided before we got married that I was not going to work so now he works and brings home the money. I take care of our child and keep the house up. He has never said, "I have to take care of you or I pay for everything." He sees that as his job as the bread winner in our family. In a marriage you have to give a little before you take. You can't let money become the focus of your marriage. You have make sure that your love for each other is the first and most important thing. I know that things get hard and when your broke you get stressed out. I know how it feels. We live on a military salary. (For those of you who don't know, it isn't much!) But you have to learn to control that and live at your means. BUDGET, BUDGET, BUDGET!!!!! 

I totally agree with you on this..and I could not have said it better myself....glad to know someone out there thinks like I do. We budget and do pretty well. We don't own our home, we don't have brand new vehicles, we don't go on vacations, we don't shop at high dollar places for name brand clothing and shoes, we do our best with what we have and our kids get the things they need not what they "want". Wanting and needing are two different things. If I wanted a $30,000 car then I wouldn't get it cause I don't "need" it being on a tight budget. People have their priorities (sp?) mixed up I think. I see many kids these days to with high price things and newer cars than we could afford. I also think that these parents with high price homes, cars, clothes, and whatever else it is they buy and do...that they are setting a bad example to their kids. Their kids will grow up expecting all that no matter where they are in life. Moms I think know marriage is 50/50...but men sometimes tend to forget that....mainly if they are the only one that works in the home. I like you also stay home and my husband works. We get our bills paid on time, our vehicles are paid for, our kids have what they need, and I stay home to keep the house up and tend to my kids on the weekends when not in school. We get in tight corners every now and then, but nothing to sit there and say "I want a divorce", cause marriage isn't suppose to be based on money....only on love, caring, sharing, faithfulness, and compromise. PEOPLE GET A GRIP AND WORK THINGS OUT BEFORE THEY GET OUT OF HAND!! MONEY WILL NOT LOVE YOU LIKE YOUR SPOUSE DOES AT NIGHT!! DON'T LET MONEY RUIN YOUR MARRIAGE!!
 
October 21, 2005, 7:45 am CDT

Spoiled

I know what was wrong with the women on the show today - they are utterly spoiled by their husbands! I couldn't believe the young couple on the show that complained about money! Obviously, they have enough to burn if they can afford new clothes, ridiculous artwork, a boat and bigger boobs! My husband and I are newlyweds with a young child as well and we have to count pennies to go to the movies or buy a new pair of jeans. I'd like to see some of those women make it on a $2100 a month budget. They wouldn't survive a week. They all need to count their blessings and consider themselves very fortunate for what they have.
 
October 21, 2005, 8:29 am CDT

Do More of this Show!!

I hope that Dr. Phil does more on this type of show....Unfortunately he is only seeing the tip of the iceberg on this show.  

  

I am a SAHM by both mine and my husband's choice.   He DOES make enough money to cover all of our bills and put aside money for retirement...but refuses to live on a budget and now we are once again 40K in credit card debt on HIS cards.  Mine is in a drawer.  His solution?   Have me take what little money I make babysitting and giving him HALF!     There's a lot of fat in our current budget that is all HIS....$20 a day for his lunches out ( I roll change to take my daughter to McD's), $300 a month on his hobby  ( I gave mine up),  $100 a month on a lawn service so he doesn't have to cut the grass ( I do ALL of the housework, laundry, cooking, shopping) $100 a month on new books ( I get mine at the library).    He feels that since he makes the money,  He's working "hard" and why shouldn't  he get to have fun, relax, have a waiter wait on him a lunchtime,  read a good book, and have someone else mow the lawn?     To him, it's not FAT..it's a NECESSITY.   

My allowance will cover groceries...only if I clip coupons, bargain hunt,  and spend about $30 a week on myself.   

  

I've worked out a plan that if he stops using his credit card ( I've already stopped using mine) cuts out the fat and we live on what he acutally brings in....then we can pay everything off before our daughter gets to kindergarten.   We can also pay off our house by the time our daughter starts college.   Great huh?   Nope, says DH, he wants to buy an AIRPLANE.       

  

I've screamed and nagged and yelled that this isn't fair.  I've had my DH read financial books and articles,  and watch Dr. Phil, Suze Orman, etc.....but my husband thinks that since I'm not working and he's shouldering all of the financial burden then I'm the one who's being unreasonable.     When I go back to work in a few years, then I'll get money to spend on myself..   I'll have more of a financial say "in a few years".     We'll tackle the debt "in a few years".   

  

Should I go back to work outside the home NOW and put my daughter in daycare ( which we both didn't want) just so I can have more parity with our funds and get out of the debt he put us in faster?     

  

Forget about us going on the show....that will get us a date with a divorce attorney.    I'm trying to get him to a financial planner....Maybe hearing what I have to say from a professional will wake him up.    Any other suggestions?  

 
October 21, 2005, 8:35 am CDT

nail 21

 i think that nail 21 is not a bad idea, someone should tell that woman to market it to teens and tweens and package it with a do it yourself design kit so that the target group could dress it up/ personalize it how ever they want! great stocking stuffer!
 
October 21, 2005, 9:12 am CDT

One key to success is Just Begin

After being a SAHM of 6 and living paycheck to paycheck for 18 years.  I realized the bigger they grow, so do the expenses.  Bigger toys, bigger house, more expensive toys (cars) and then <<gasp>> College!   My husband was content with his job - it paid the bills, but left nothing else.  I wanted something different, something more!  I'm by no means 'high maintenance' - but with 8 people - it's not hard to drop $100 a McDonalds!  LOL!  

  

I decided to throw my hat into the Direct Sales business.  There are Loads of companies for us mom's to join - to work part time or full time.  I didn't join to EARN money - I joined cause I realized it was a way to purchase good quality products - at a discount! 

  

When you start a business - Phil is right - you have to Market Yourself!  You have to be a good messenger.  Some people jump into something - thinking it's a get rich quick, once in a lifetime opportunity.  Some people hang an "Open for Business" sign up in their head - and think the masses will come.  Not True! 

  

You are only limited by the voices in your own head!  Yes - other people in your life might get upset when products arrive and start stacking up in your house!  But when YOUR Bonus Check is equal to or MORE than what they bring in a month, their attitudes DO change.  Those good ole boys'll start building you things and helping you move and organize and more! 

  

In less than 2 years - I have won/earned expense paid trips, jewelry, gift cards and more!  YOU have to have the drive and desire to make a change.  I now coach/mentor almost 200 WAHM's and men to make changes in their lives.  For me - it started with the DEAL of the possibility of inexpensive kitchen plastics - there was no real Dream - but I have found what was at the end of my rainbow.  You can do it too!  But you have to find the right product, be in the right frame of mind and find the right coach!  Don't let someone sell you a bill of goods.  Do your homework! 

  

Oh yeah - and should the man I married 20 years ago - fight me for 1/2 my inventory (cause now he know's there's money in plastic) I'm calling Dr. Phil!  LOL! 

  

  

 
October 21, 2005, 9:15 am CDT

Andy and Lynn

I think Andy shouldn't be such a stickler when it comes to his daughters need, but if Lynn was really so concerned about her then why did she blow $6000 on breast implants?  They both just seem selfish and petty, but In my opinion Andy is worse.  I feel so bad for the baby to be caught in the middle of al that stupidity.
 
October 21, 2005, 9:22 am CDT

Working for yourself is haRD work

While viewing your show today, it reminded me of how the last 5 years of my life started.  I started a business with my mother  5 years ago.  What I didn't know when we start was that my mother had a lot of the same ideas as these two ladies.  The number one problem was -she thought owning her own business meant flexiblity to come and go as she wanted.  If she was sick the night before she would come in late,  snowstorm occurred wouldn't come in at all or not until late afternoon,  and on and on.  This was all on days she was suppose to open up and /or on days when she knew we would be swamed.  she would make hair appointments on her scheduled days to work and then tell me she had to take it (it was the only time the stylist could get her in).  My point here is owning your own business is mostly not flexible.  I worked sick, on days I was suppose to be off, I worked through lunch and sometimes dinner without having time to eat.  I worked almost every Holiday.  I didn't take a vacation the first three years.  We hired employees to help with mom's lacks work habits.  But that wasn't much better employees get sick, have days they want to play hooky and of course these are the days when you were suppose to take your son to the doctor but now you have to cancel again.  She also thought that when the store closed she was going home. She put in her 9 hours.  But alot of the behind the scenes stuff has to be done after hours because during the day you're busy with customers and vendors.  Displays need changed, inventory needs finished, schedules need made, payroll, meetings with partners, cleaning, orders need finalized, bank paperwork, equipment maintenance, advertising.  She hated this extra time and her husband started complaining that she needed to be home when he got home.  She didn't want to be bother on the weekends with the store.  But often she had to help which meant she had to cancel fun activities for work.   I on the other hand realized that owning my own business would be lots of work and that is why I wanted to go in with a partner and a partner I knew wouldn't steel for me. But what I didn't plan on was a partner who really wanted the glory of saying she owned her own business, and half the profit but who didn't what to put any hard work into it.  This business almost ruined our relationship.  MOney and time issues will ruin your friendship if you don't write everything down ahead of time and both sign the agreement then you know ahead of time how money will be spent, by who, and where the money will come from,  who will work when and have vacation and other time off is to take place.  My mother took a week vacation once a month and often didn't tell me until the day or two before she was leaving.  She finally let me buy her out of the patrnership.  This should also be in your agreement (what happens if someone wants out of the partnership).  These ladies need to understand that the day they had at the boutique is very common.  They need to visit with a CPA and a Lawyer.  Make some phone calls on retail space, merchandise expense, etc come up with a projected monthly budget.  Then figure out the amount of merchandise they would have to sell to cover the budget and then research if this amount is realistic in their market.   I hate to think of the mess they could be getting themselves into if they don't first do some major background work first.  However on a lighter note, they mentioned they wanted to sell what they have and know.  This is a great idea.  You most know your product in order to be a good salesman
 
October 21, 2005, 9:23 am CDT

10/21 Moms and Money Conflicts

Quote From: emlykousis

I know what was wrong with the women on the show today - they are utterly spoiled by their husbands! I couldn't believe the young couple on the show that complained about money! Obviously, they have enough to burn if they can afford new clothes, ridiculous artwork, a boat and bigger boobs! My husband and I are newlyweds with a young child as well and we have to count pennies to go to the movies or buy a new pair of jeans. I'd like to see some of those women make it on a $2100 a month budget. They wouldn't survive a week. They all need to count their blessings and consider themselves very fortunate for what they have.

I'm sure she wanted those boobs, but I'm sure he wanted them, too.  They're both in this together--which is the point of the show--and I'd say he's at least as bad at managing money as she is.  After all, the boat and the artwork are his purchases, not hers.  They both sound extremely selfish and immature, and I would say he sounds as spoiled as anybody.  A lot more SAHM's or part-time-working moms could make it on a budget if their SO's didn't make them pay for so many things that should be joint expenses. 

  

It sounds like your husband and you are on the same page in terms of money, which makes all the difference.  If these people were, they probably wouldn't be having the problems they are, or at least, they would be more manageable.  My mother worked occasionally when I was a kid but my father would never have thought to hold it over her head that he was the primary source of income, nor did he belittle her for not using her education--she has a master's and half a PhD--although if she had wanted to work, he would have been fine with that.  He has always helped out with housework.  Since she wanted to be home with us, he was damned glad he had a smart woman raising the kids. 

  

If you ask me, that husband was the spoiled one.  Nothing like wanting a pretty wife with big boobs to look at but not having to pay for her boring daily expenses. 

 
October 21, 2005, 9:55 am CDT

10/21 Moms and Money Conflicts

Quote From: emlykousis

I know what was wrong with the women on the show today - they are utterly spoiled by their husbands! I couldn't believe the young couple on the show that complained about money! Obviously, they have enough to burn if they can afford new clothes, ridiculous artwork, a boat and bigger boobs! My husband and I are newlyweds with a young child as well and we have to count pennies to go to the movies or buy a new pair of jeans. I'd like to see some of those women make it on a $2100 a month budget. They wouldn't survive a week. They all need to count their blessings and consider themselves very fortunate for what they have.
 I agree.  I have to sell my children's clothes on ebay just so I can buy them more clothes that actually fit.  It works, but it can be frustrating trying to keep them from getting their clothes dirty all the time (because if they're stained, no one's going to buy them!).   We are a family of 5 and live off of $200 a month in food most of the time.  (my parents and my little brother spend twice that much a month in food and there's only three of them!).  Finances are really hard in our family and is the root of stress and arguments in our family (as in most families).  It can be difficult when you want your children to take piano lessons, or ballet, or some other extra-curricular activity, and you can barely afford food and gas every month. 
 
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