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Topic : 12/29 "Is This Normal?"

Number of Replies: 493
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Created on : Thursday, October 20, 2005, 02:47:02 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Airdate 10/24/05) Do you have a really strange habit? Are you in a bizarre situation and think you’re the only one experiencing it? Monica and Joe call each other names like "fat ass" and "ugly." They love their bad banter, but wonder if it's influencing their young children in a negative way. Then, Mary's husband had a liver transplant, and his medical bills are putting a strain on their marriage. Is it normal for her to resent the financial burden, or is she just being selfish? Plus, a new mom wonders how to raise her 4-month-old with her nudist fiance. Talk about the show here.

 

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October 23, 2005, 4:32 pm CDT

Lack of Empathy

Quote From: cinnamon29

Anyone who would hold the expectation of health care needs as unreasonable needs a wake-up call. I observed my aunt berate my uncle when he had a stroke. "Because fo you we won't be able to take a vacation to Florida!" GROW UP. The constant negative messages did nothing to facilitate my uncle's efforts at recovery. If the shoe were on the other foot, would you want your spouse to be supportive of you or whining and moaning about elements beyond control. We are all influenced by the environment in which we live; therefore our recovery will be faster if the focus is on the solution NOT A PART OF THE PROBLEM. Anyone who is that callous and selfish needs to be told to be thankful this person is still a part of their lives and work toward a mutually agreeable solution, not point fingers in hte blaming game. I personally have learned who my true friends were when I was paralyzed twenty-five years ago due to a mistake by a doctor. It was an eye opening experience. As a young woman in her early thirties, I knew immediately who stood by me and those who did not want ot be bothered by someone unable to walk.

This lady should be ashamed of herself.  Didn't she say the wedding vows, that include "in sickness & health".  If so she sure isn't carrying them out now.  I can't imagine her resenting her husband because of his illness.  She has got to be ONE of the most selfish people in the world.  Does she realize that she is probably hindering her husbands healing & reccovery with her selfish & greedy attitude. 

  

I have a chronic illness which will only get progessively worse.  When I found this out last year I told my "so called best friend" who showed me NO EMPATHY.  Her attitude was "I don't want to be so close to you anymore, because I have dealt with enough of other epoples illnesses & deaths.  I was only partially surprised since after I passed out a family event of hers she told me what an embarrment I was to her.  Like the previous writer I have found out who my TRUE friends are.  I know now who my friends are & who won't be there for me in the future.  This goves me more time & energy to spend with & on my real friends. 

  

I hope this husband recognizes his wifes problem & makes changes in his life for his own good.  I can't imagine what else this wife will use to find fault with him. 

 
October 23, 2005, 6:03 pm CDT

Abusive to children

I do not find this at all funny for parents to call each other names in front of their children. My ex-husband of 18 years used to call me the "B" word, "Stupid" and other nasty names. My children are now grown and it is not uncommon for them to repeat these names, especially my son. How do you explain to your children that this is not normal when they have heard it all their lives. When this quote "Mother" starts hearing this from her children then she will start blaming the children when in reality it is her own fault. Wake up Lady! Your children are not here to listen to you and your husband play nasty little games with each other!!
 
October 23, 2005, 8:38 pm CDT

Please don't be "Depressed in Connecticut" anymore!!

Quote From: kpugliese

Hi my name is Karen, As you must know name calling is not normal and acceptable.  My husband famous name calling for me is pork belly.  He does not realize that, that hurts my feelings really bad.  Depressed in Connecticut

Find a calm, quiet moment to talk to your husband and tell him that it hurts you when he calls you pork belly and you do not want him to ever say it again! Then tell him you need his help -- you need support, encouragement and a shoulder to lean on. 

  

I think you're not depressed because of his name-calling, you're depressed because you're afraid you deserve the name. Repeat this to yourself everyday, several times: 

  

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. 

  

Best wishes & good luck, Karen! {hug} 

 
October 23, 2005, 10:25 pm CDT

I agree!

Quote From: pdicken2

This lady should be ashamed of herself.  Didn't she say the wedding vows, that include "in sickness & health".  If so she sure isn't carrying them out now.  I can't imagine her resenting her husband because of his illness.  She has got to be ONE of the most selfish people in the world.  Does she realize that she is probably hindering her husbands healing & reccovery with her selfish & greedy attitude. 

  

I have a chronic illness which will only get progessively worse.  When I found this out last year I told my "so called best friend" who showed me NO EMPATHY.  Her attitude was "I don't want to be so close to you anymore, because I have dealt with enough of other epoples illnesses & deaths.  I was only partially surprised since after I passed out a family event of hers she told me what an embarrment I was to her.  Like the previous writer I have found out who my TRUE friends are.  I know now who my friends are & who won't be there for me in the future.  This goves me more time & energy to spend with & on my real friends. 

  

I hope this husband recognizes his wifes problem & makes changes in his life for his own good.  I can't imagine what else this wife will use to find fault with him. 

I agree with u 100%!!! When I saw the preview of this story, I was absolutely DISGUSTED! This woman is soooo disgraceful for resenting her husband over something he has NO control over! She needs a SERIOUS reality check and I CAN NOT wait to see/hear dr. phil give her one, I hope he chews her out so bad cause she sure as hell deserves it! And I too, hope that this husband realizes how SICK his wife is and get the proper help & support he needs! My heart goes out to him!
 
October 23, 2005, 11:00 pm CDT

Name Calling

I have observed children for many years, presently I am a Special Needs Attendant on a school bus.  We do not have any bad kids, however some of them have bad parents, in the home is the first place children learn bad habits.  What the children see and hear at home is normal to them and they consider themselves as being normal when they do what their parents teach them through their actions and words.  This does not make the children bad but their behavior needs to me modified the schools have a difficult task. 

  

Roger Bon, Sr. 

AK 

  

 
October 23, 2005, 11:20 pm CDT

Perplexed

Hi, I just wanted to add that I don't think it is up to anyone, except for the people in the marriage, to decide what is accpetable.  My husband and  I have friends that, although at 1st we were surprised, we have come to accept as they are---afterall, they love each other very much.  They call each other more names that you can count and a lot worse than mentioned on this board and probably allowed.  If they feel OK with it and are not hurting each others feelnings---its just crude humor.  My husband and I have our own way of joking--though not so rough as our friends.  I'll be honest and, i'm speaking in generalities.....hispanics are USUALLY raised in a more open and humorous "land on my butt and laugh at myself" environment and we have no problem joking around unless we realize the receiving end is sensitive to the jokes.  I do feel something is wrong when you still make fun of someone knowing they dont like it....but if they see it OK, theres nothing wrong with it aslong as both parties are cool with it all.  My husband and I joke with each other with minor name calling as we laugh and joke but we keep ourselves in check---I think the problem is people with this kind of humor who dont know when to stop, or with who.
 
October 24, 2005, 5:44 am CDT

the woman who is too selfish to think of her husband's health

I can not believe that someone like that exist.  My parents went trough that same situation my dad needed back surgery and he didn't want it because he was thinking about how they were going to pay the bills but my brothers, sister, and I talked him in to It and every thing wound up fine and i still have my father.  Then about 2 years later my mom had a heart attack and she immediately needed surgery and she had it my parents think of each other before they think of bills because they love each other so much that they sacrificed loosing there home  so they would have each other.  As the Bible says in James 1:26-27 (this is layman's terms) God helps those who helps others.  You have to help others especially the ones you love and want to say around for a long time.  My family went in to dept for my parents so they would have a place to live and my dad doesn't get his meds because he days my mom needs hers more.  That in my eyes is love.  My family and I will be praying for this man and his wife; we pray that he recovers and that she realizes how ugly she is being and that God will help them trough this tough time in there lives
 
October 24, 2005, 6:31 am CDT

Selfish Wife

This lady better check herself.  She should be thanking God everyday that her husband is alive.  When you take your vows:  first of all, don't take them lightly; second, be prepared for anything because nobody knows what the future holds. 

  

I just celebrated my 10 yr. anniversary and have been on disabilty for 9 of those years.  Basically we had one year of health and the rest has been dealing with my chronic pain and depression.  My husband is so supportive that without him or my children, I wouldn't be here.   

  

How could that woman put him in even more depression??  He needs to be healthy mentally to heal physically.  She needs to stop and think how she would feel if the roles were reversed. 

  

I am so angry with her for putting money and status ahead of a human being, let alone her husband. 

  

I better stop this right now before I say something I shouldn't.  All I can say to that woman is "GROW UP!!!" 

 
October 24, 2005, 6:43 am CDT

Hillary and Pam

I felt great empathy with both Hillary and Pam. My father died two years ago and my parents had been married for over 30 years. He'd been sick for a while so we knew it was coming. But it really was hard. I lived in another state so we talked on the phone a lot. Now I'm back nearby and I try to see her as much as I can. She hasn't started dating anyone yet but I let her know that while she surely doesn't need my approval, she can date whomever she wants. But he'd better treat her good! I'm just thrilled that she is staying busy and making new friends, doing new things. I think she is one of the most amazing women I know. 

  

I think Hillary may be struggling with the fact that her mother is reaching out to someone besides her for comfort. Her uncle probably reminds Pam of happy times with her husband. That shared history can be a real help when you are grieving. And they may not go beyond the friendship. Hopefully, Hillary and Pam can carve out some time just for them to spend together.  

  

 
October 24, 2005, 6:57 am CDT

sickness and in health

what happens when the man you married won't stop smoking and it is causing big problems with his health. For the last 5 yrs he has said he is going to quit. He smokes between 2 and 3 pks a day. He knows the risks and there is nothing you can tell him that he won't agree to but he does not stop. He coughs so hard he falls down. He coughs so hard he has a seizure like activity. He coughs so hard he spits phlegm and drools. Yes this makes me upset. His dad had by pass surgery because of smoking. I have had family members die because of smoking. I'm sure that when the time comes and he needs expensive medical help I will resent it. He is bringing this on himself. Our sex life is ok but when the coughing starts and he has to stop am I suppose to be understanding? Any suggestions, I love this man and do not want to lose him but I know it won't be long and yes I am angry.
 
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