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Topic : 12/29 "Is This Normal?"

Number of Replies: 493
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Created on : Thursday, October 20, 2005, 02:47:02 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Airdate 10/24/05) Do you have a really strange habit? Are you in a bizarre situation and think you’re the only one experiencing it? Monica and Joe call each other names like "fat ass" and "ugly." They love their bad banter, but wonder if it's influencing their young children in a negative way. Then, Mary's husband had a liver transplant, and his medical bills are putting a strain on their marriage. Is it normal for her to resent the financial burden, or is she just being selfish? Plus, a new mom wonders how to raise her 4-month-old with her nudist fiance. Talk about the show here.

 

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October 24, 2005, 6:57 am CDT

Naked Living

I became a nudist in my 20's and raised my daughter in this environment, visiting nudist clubs, and even living in one, on the west coast of Florida.  She learned appropriateness and acceptance when and where naked was acceptable.  Our town did a study of the students because there was 3 nudist clubs in it, and what they found was that the nudist children were better adjusted, better grades, better at just about everything they studied.  I am talking about socialized nudism, where you are outside, play, swim, etc. with nudists of all ages.  Look into it further, it is not for everyone, but something to check out if you want a relationship with a nudist.
 
October 24, 2005, 7:29 am CDT

Was raised with humorand ridicule

    There has been this kind of behavior going on for years. It's called leveling and no one has come up with a cure. When the parents do this they believe they are giving their children the benifits of there limited knowledge. I have seen a very loving father call his child stupid and  

 was shocked. I hope to get his family to see this show.  As for the women who feels cheated because of her husbands health,  I'm sure he feels just as cheated because the marriage vows go for both of you. When are we as a society going to ask more from our behavior. We as a culture are selfcentered and can do no wrong.  

 
October 24, 2005, 7:33 am CDT

Am I Selfish?

I just have to comment on this situation where the woman is wondering if she is selfish for resenting the bills from her husbands liver.  I was in a relationship many many years ago that was physical.  I got into a knock down drag out with him and received several blows to the right side of my head.   14 years later I was diagnosed with nerve damage in the right side of my head and the pain is just unreal.  I have been to 15 doctors and specialist, have a special bed, and was on morphine for two years that I just went through six months of withdraws coming off of with two small children.  I feel that my husband has, for the most part, been a single parent for almost four years.   Not one time has my husband EVER made me feel bad that we have spent soooo much money on doctors and treatment for this nor that he works all day and comes home to cook, clean and take care of the children.  We have spent so much out of pocket money that we have even gotten the medical tax break.  Her husband has a condition that was not EVER a result of anything he did.  She needs to catch her breath, think about what she is saying and think about what she's doing to him.  There has to be enough guilt in him that he doesn't need her help.
 
October 24, 2005, 7:44 am CDT

10/24 "Is This Normal?"

Quote From: gazzy55

what happens when the man you married won't stop smoking and it is causing big problems with his health. For the last 5 yrs he has said he is going to quit. He smokes between 2 and 3 pks a day. He knows the risks and there is nothing you can tell him that he won't agree to but he does not stop. He coughs so hard he falls down. He coughs so hard he has a seizure like activity. He coughs so hard he spits phlegm and drools. Yes this makes me upset. His dad had by pass surgery because of smoking. I have had family members die because of smoking. I'm sure that when the time comes and he needs expensive medical help I will resent it. He is bringing this on himself. Our sex life is ok but when the coughing starts and he has to stop am I suppose to be understanding? Any suggestions, I love this man and do not want to lose him but I know it won't be long and yes I am angry.
Well I sapose that you just need to lead by example.  Try  not to nag at him so much about it because that doesn't help.  Pick up some patches or nicorette gum.  Let him know if he wants to give them a try their there for him.  Those fake smoking cigarettes may help with hand mouth movements.  And there are the cigarettes that help you quit smoking with different levels 1,2,and 3.  Don't allow smoking in the house!  That should cut down on the amount he smokes.  Quitting has to be something he wants to do for himself.  No one can make him stop.  Does he know what it costs?  I live in Michigan and at 3 packs a day that is around $107 a week $430 a month and over 5,000 a year!   Sound like a good vacation to save up for!  I know there are numbers and web sites on the cigarettes to give tips to help quit maybe you should look them up.  I hope I was helpful!
 
October 24, 2005, 7:46 am CDT

Namecalling...

Im sorry..not to step on anyone's toes or anything but the issue about the namecalling just really bothers me.  I dont see how anyone could put up with such behavior...even though the spouse doesnt mean any harm by the comments.  I personally see it as very rude and disrespectful for the other person involved and it's NOT cute and it's NOT funny even if the other person thinks otherwise.  And I certainly wouldnt want to say that stuff in front of the kids...That is just my opinion on the matter. :)  It will be interesting to see the show and see what Dr. Phil says about it.
 
October 24, 2005, 7:56 am CDT

10/24 "Is This Normal?"

To the lady that resents her husband's liver surgery & the cost.  I was shocked to say the least, to her statements.  She seems like a very self centered person!  If not for the Grace of God she could be in his shoes!  I understand the stress she may be under, but isn't there some sort of help she could maybe apply for!  Don't this lady know God don't like ugly!?!?!? 

I am so.... I don't know how to explain my feelings about this issue.  Flabbergasted!!! 

 
October 24, 2005, 7:56 am CDT

I count my blessings

 When I saw the way his wife felt about the bills after his liver transplant I was shocked.  The next feeling I had was that I am so fortunate and I better count my blessings.  I am being evaluated at this time for a kidney transplant.  My husband of 36 years has been warm, loving and has not one time complained of the bills so far.  We are lucky enough to have good insurance, but the copays and deductibles do add up, especially with me not working. If he had any of the resentment she has toward her husband I would be devistated.  Right now it looks like my disease has slowed its progression and I may have more time before I need the transplant than we thought at first.  The isnurance we have right now is excellent but we do not know what kind of coverage we will have when the time comes.  But what I do know is that my husband will stand by me all the way and I thank God for him every day.  We have often said that if we lost everything we had, as long as we have each other we have all we need.  If she truly loved her husband everything else would be secondary. 

 
October 24, 2005, 8:12 am CDT

Liver Transplant Et al

My heart goes out to the couple experiencing difficulties with a spouses' health problems.  I think the expressed opinions of the wife are calloused and she needs to reflect on how she would feel if the tables were turned.  Being a caregiver has its own pressures.  My wife passed away from having two liver transplants in an 18 month period.  The pressure on everyone is excrutiating.  I think about her on a daily basis.  I think about the pain she endured and it still makes my palms sweat.  A caregiver needs some outlets to let the frustrations they are experiencing escape.  I condemn no one involved with this issue.  Caregivers need some quiet time on a daily basis to be able to organize their thoughts and reflect upon the needs of the person being cared for and others in the family unit.  The caregivers need to be the cement of the family and hold firm. 

  

I am surprised by couples who call each other names.  I guess I believe that marriage is about two people, who care about each other providing joy to each other.  I think that name calling is destructive in the long run.  Sorry, just my opinion.  True joy does not involve degrading the other person, even in jest.  Jokes can be serious.   

  

  

 
October 24, 2005, 8:18 am CDT

Agree with you totally

Quote From: spachic23

I think some of you are missing the point that Joe and Monica say they like to call each other names.  This obviously works for their relationship. I am going to guess when they call each other fat ass, neither of them are probably fat.  Also, it doesn't sound like it is one-sided, like some of the relationships you all are describing. If Joe was constantly telling Monica she was fat, stupid, lazy, etc. or vice versa ( and meaning it), it might be considered verbal abuse. But it doesn't sound like this is the case. We don't know these people, so "we" probably should be telling them the SERIOUSLY need to do anything. 

That's what I say too....it depends on the personalities involved and I"m a prime example of it.  I am 275 lbs and my husband loves every inch of me.  I call him "fat" and he isn't at all and he knows I'm playing.  When we call names there is no intentional hurt behind it.  If I wasn't overweight, I couldn't imagine taking my partner seriously, so maybe it's his humour.  Maybe these people should take in to consideration that they need to work on their own insecurities first.  If it truly hurts their feelings, their partners should know about it and stop immediately.   Cause it's no fun when feelings are hurt.  For now I'll still name call in my fun way. 
 
October 24, 2005, 8:20 am CDT

Mary Mary !!

You know what? You could have solved this a long time ago if you would have just looked in the mirror and ....well, that's it. Looking in the mirror, you will realize that you are still alive. Which means, that you're not perfect! Good Grief!!!! 

My children have both had to have heart surgeries! We had major medical bills! Astonomical !!! 

How fair do you think it would be to them if I told them that I just wasn't going to take them to the amusement parks, shopping for new toys, McDonalds now and then because well...... the bills are rolling in and you had to go have your heart surgeries! Sorry kiddos. Better luck with your next set of parents... 

I DON'T THINK SO! 

We scooped them up and loved them EVEN MORE. Tightened up the belt in other areas. Take them to McDonalds once a month. Go to the fair every year. ( We save up for it ) Give them the love and attention they so desparately need, deserve and desire.  

By the way, love and attention is free when you really want to give it to someone! 

  

Now, Roger could probably be a little more serious minded about the bills coming in. But, you know what, he is probably still realing from meeting death head-on. And I bet he is still enjoying the fact that he can even joke about things, love people, walk in the park and yes, wake up to you in the mornings.  

So, Mary, go look in the mirror and stare long and hard. Remember that you are not perfect. And that you shouldn't  expect your life to be perfect. You could be a very pretty lady if you would just relax and love your husband the way you promised you would.  

Pretty is as pretty does. Old saying but still true. 

Dawn  

 
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