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Topic : 12/29 "Is This Normal?"

Number of Replies: 493
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Created on : Thursday, October 20, 2005, 02:47:02 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Airdate 10/24/05) Do you have a really strange habit? Are you in a bizarre situation and think you’re the only one experiencing it? Monica and Joe call each other names like "fat ass" and "ugly." They love their bad banter, but wonder if it's influencing their young children in a negative way. Then, Mary's husband had a liver transplant, and his medical bills are putting a strain on their marriage. Is it normal for her to resent the financial burden, or is she just being selfish? Plus, a new mom wonders how to raise her 4-month-old with her nudist fiance. Talk about the show here.

 

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October 22, 2005, 12:36 am CDT

name calling

Hi my name is Karen, As you must know name calling is not normal and acceptable.  My husband famous name calling for me is pork belly.  He does not realize that, that hurts my feelings really bad.  Depressed in Connecticut
 
October 22, 2005, 8:25 am CDT

10/24 "Is This Normal?"

Quote From: kpugliese

Hi my name is Karen, As you must know name calling is not normal and acceptable.  My husband famous name calling for me is pork belly.  He does not realize that, that hurts my feelings really bad.  Depressed in Connecticut
Hi my name is Tina,I think name calling is horrible! I have been with my husband for 20 yrs.We have never called each other nasty names to each other faces.In my opinion,respect for each other is number 1.
 
October 22, 2005, 9:48 am CDT

Men can be clueless

Quote From: kpugliese

Hi my name is Karen, As you must know name calling is not normal and acceptable.  My husband famous name calling for me is pork belly.  He does not realize that, that hurts my feelings really bad.  Depressed in Connecticut
 I had a similar thing happen to me.  One time I told my husband that my stomach hurt, and he said "which one?"  When I was offended, he swears he didn't mean it the way it sounded.  How else can it be interpretted?  Also, right before we got married I was talking about going to the gym to lose weight.  My husband is quite a bit older than I, and when I said this, his reply was "when you go to the gym and loose all that weight and become attractive, are you going to leave me for a younger man?"  To me, that implied that he didn't think I was attractive!!  He swears that not only did he not mean that to sound the way it did, but that he meant it as a compliment!!!  Boy would I like to live in the mind of a guy for just one day!  (or would I??)
 
October 22, 2005, 12:03 pm CDT

Whats wrong???

What is wrong people? First off, how can u claim to LOVE someone but yet, u call them all those nasty names? And secondly, how could someone or should I say WHY WOULD someone STAY with another person who disrespects them & calls them nasty, horrible names??? I know I sure as hell wouldnt be with someone who had that much disrespect for me, or ANY disrespect for that matter.......It doesnt make ANY sense! If these people SERIOUSLY want to stay together than I hope they get some SERIOUS counseling, and if they or one of them isnt serious about getting help, then they need to say buh bye & go their separate ways..............especially if they're children involved cause they dont need to hear their parents calling each other those names! That WILL have some kind of impact on them, kids learn what they see & hear and if they see & hear their parents disrespecting each other, then they'll most likely disrespect them, as well as each other & other people! Wow, the show hasnt even aired yet & I'm already ranting & raving, LOL! I cant wait to see it........ but seriously, I URGE these people to get some help! There is NO need for all the disrespect!
 
October 22, 2005, 2:07 pm CDT

I name call in a fun way

Quote From: kpugliese

Hi my name is Karen, As you must know name calling is not normal and acceptable.  My husband famous name calling for me is pork belly.  He does not realize that, that hurts my feelings really bad.  Depressed in Connecticut
All my life I have been around witty humour.......really funny things including name calling but totally in a fun way....I would never name call to hurt someone's feelings cause it's not nice but it's all in the way I deliver it.  My husband of 8  years joins in now too.  If I call him a "big bum" or "a waste of time", it's the way I say it that makes him never take offence to it.  He'll call me fun names too and they are not offensive.  My personality is very outgoing and I have a great sense of humour and I am self employed.  Even my past jobs even in management, the staff would always say that the way I name call, clearly I mean no offence to it.  If it ever was offensive I would stop right away but I believe I get away with it because the people know me and know it's not at all serious.  Also, I am not an obnoxious funny girl, I am a witty humor girl.  I know the difference and if someone is obnoxious and think they're funny, well that's not right.  However, I am interested in what Dr. Phil has to say about it because it is different.  I repeat, I would not do it if someone took offence to it.  I had some ladies once work with me at a job and they said they weren't sure how they would like working with me because I'm outgoing and after less than a week they said that they love the way I lead, because even though I have odd pet names, everyone is treated so equally and fairly.  And they ended up joining in.  And again, it's not ALL the time and it's all in fun. 
 
October 22, 2005, 4:03 pm CDT

If you love your spouse

If you truely love your spouse you would not call them nasty names when you know that hurts them.  If you truely love your spouse you would do ANYTHING to keep him/her alive.  Mary's story makes my heart ache.  I'm a 22 years old woman and my 23 year old husband, of one year, had a liver transplant 9 months ago.  There is NOTHING that I wouldn't do to help him stay alive.  Once you're married, NOTHING is "my problem" or "your problem" it's OUR hurdle.  As a couple we have to gain enough strength to jump it together.  This man has a second chance at life, but he needs his wife now more than ever. I can see where she would be stressed.  The medications do cost A LOT of money, but his life is priceless.  If she is stressed out, then she did the right thing by going to Dr. Phil.  That is the best thing that she can do for both her husband and herself so that she can get the strength to overcome this with him.  I can't wait to hear what Dr. Phil has to say.  Good luck Mary!
 
October 22, 2005, 4:48 pm CDT

Heath Worries are part of Marriage

My husband has been in treatment for a very rare form of blood cancer not once, but twice. NEVER have I even thought of the money and expense of his treatment. Sure, we have insurance, but insurance will not pay the rent, buy groceries, make the car payment, or any of the other household bills. He has, thank God, been in remission for 7 years now, and it has taken us seven years to try to overcome the financial problems his being off work brought about. I think this woman is just a selfish woman who needs to re-think the vows she took when she married him.
 
October 22, 2005, 5:14 pm CDT

Is This normal

Quote From: tmdm817

Hi my name is Tina,I think name calling is horrible! I have been with my husband for 20 yrs.We have never called each other nasty names to each other faces.In my opinion,respect for each other is number 1.
My husband and I have been maried 24 years and we do not call each other nasty names.The most he will ever say to me is " Oh, honey you are such-a. Never adds that last word. LOL..............I use my own imagination. We get along great, laugh, and are madly in love with each other. I wish other couples could be as happy as we are.
 
October 22, 2005, 5:31 pm CDT

Unreasonable expectations/lack of empathy

Anyone who would hold the expectation of health care needs as unreasonable needs a wake-up call. I observed my aunt berate my uncle when he had a stroke. "Because fo you we won't be able to take a vacation to Florida!" GROW UP. The constant negative messages did nothing to facilitate my uncle's efforts at recovery. If the shoe were on the other foot, would you want your spouse to be supportive of you or whining and moaning about elements beyond control. We are all influenced by the environment in which we live; therefore our recovery will be faster if the focus is on the solution NOT A PART OF THE PROBLEM. Anyone who is that callous and selfish needs to be told to be thankful this person is still a part of their lives and work toward a mutually agreeable solution, not point fingers in hte blaming game. I personally have learned who my true friends were when I was paralyzed twenty-five years ago due to a mistake by a doctor. It was an eye opening experience. As a young woman in her early thirties, I knew immediately who stood by me and those who did not want ot be bothered by someone unable to walk.
 
October 22, 2005, 6:28 pm CDT

My Advice: Relax People

Quote From: tmdm817

Hi my name is Tina,I think name calling is horrible! I have been with my husband for 20 yrs.We have never called each other nasty names to each other faces.In my opinion,respect for each other is number 1.

I think some of you are missing the point that Joe and Monica say they like to call each other names.  This obviously works for their relationship. I am going to guess when they call each other fat ass, neither of them are probably fat.  Also, it doesn't sound like it is one-sided, like some of the relationships you all are describing. If Joe was constantly telling Monica she was fat, stupid, lazy, etc. or vice versa ( and meaning it), it might be considered verbal abuse. But it doesn't sound like this is the case. We don't know these people, so "we" probably should be telling them the SERIOUSLY need to do anything. 

 
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