Topic : 12/29 "Is This Normal?"

My heart goes out to the couple experiencing difficulties with a spouses' health problems.  I think the expressed opinions of the wife are calloused and she needs to reflect on how she would feel if the tables were turned.  Being a caregiver has its own pressures.  My wife passed away from having two liver transplants in an 18 month period.  The pressure on everyone is excrutiating.  I think about her on a daily basis.  I think about the pain she endured and it still makes my palms sweat.  A caregiver needs some outlets to let the frustrations they are experiencing escape.  I condemn no one involved with this issue.  Caregivers need some quiet time on a daily basis to be able to organize their thoughts and reflect upon the needs of the person being cared for and others in the family unit.  The caregivers need to be the cement of the family and hold firm. 

  

I am surprised by couples who call each other names.  I guess I believe that marriage is about two people, who care about each other providing joy to each other.  I think that name calling is destructive in the long run.  Sorry, just my opinion.  True joy does not involve degrading the other person, even in jest.  Jokes can be serious.   

  

  

That's what I say too....it depends on the personalities involved and I"m a prime example of it.  I am 275 lbs and my husband loves every inch of me.  I call him "fat" and he isn't at all and he knows I'm playing.  When we call names there is no intentional hurt behind it.  If I wasn't overweight, I couldn't imagine taking my partner seriously, so maybe it's his humour.  Maybe these people should take in to consideration that they need to work on their own insecurities first.  If it truly hurts their feelings, their partners should know about it and stop immediately.   Cause it's no fun when feelings are hurt.  For now I'll still name call in my fun way. 

You know what? You could have solved this a long time ago if you would have just looked in the mirror and ....well, that's it. Looking in the mirror, you will realize that you are still alive. Which means, that you're not perfect! Good Grief!!!! 

My children have both had to have heart surgeries! We had major medical bills! Astonomical !!! 

How fair do you think it would be to them if I told them that I just wasn't going to take them to the amusement parks, shopping for new toys, McDonalds now and then because well...... the bills are rolling in and you had to go have your heart surgeries! Sorry kiddos. Better luck with your next set of parents... 

I DON'T THINK SO! 

We scooped them up and loved them EVEN MORE. Tightened up the belt in other areas. Take them to McDonalds once a month. Go to the fair every year. ( We save up for it ) Give them the love and attention they so desparately need, deserve and desire.  

By the way, love and attention is free when you really want to give it to someone! 

  

Now, Roger could probably be a little more serious minded about the bills coming in. But, you know what, he is probably still realing from meeting death head-on. And I bet he is still enjoying the fact that he can even joke about things, love people, walk in the park and yes, wake up to you in the mornings.  

So, Mary, go look in the mirror and stare long and hard. Remember that you are not perfect. And that you shouldn't  expect your life to be perfect. You could be a very pretty lady if you would just relax and love your husband the way you promised you would.  

Pretty is as pretty does. Old saying but still true. 

Dawn  

Roger would be far better off without his wife.  It made me furious to think that any person,let alone a wife, would behave like this.  

I know from my own experience that  health issues take their toll on the entire family. I became disabled 3 years ago, our income dropped substantially, but our family has never been closer.  My husband and 4 children ( ages 10-20) stepped up with emotional support, for not just myself, but each other; as well as financial improvising.  You do what you can to pay all the bills, they'll be there tomorrow............your loved one may not be. 

I guess I'm not as weird as I thought.........thanks

 I was so upset  when I heard the guest saying that she would not support her husband through his illness. Dr. Phil you were so right when you asked her if it would be any different if it were her who was sick instead of him. When  we found out my husband had cancer, I didn't care if we lost everything, we were going to do ANYTHING to get him healthy again, sadly, after seven months he lost his battle with cancer, I don't want his life insurance, I don't care about things, I would give anything to have him back, you don't know what life is like without him. Think hard about what you are saying when you are talking about your life partner. So sad to hear anyone even thinking like that.

I am very aware that the way you deliver a message is often the key to how it's received....if you tell someone to "go jump in a lake" they probably won't if they received the message light heartedly.  If you're stern and aggressive and tell them to "jump in a lake" they may turn around and think you're serious and don't want them around so the problem is how the person is receiving the message and comment.  If someone calls me a fat ass and I'm not fat, why think twice about it.  It becomes almost a personal security about one self I think if that person becomes devastated over a comment like that.  But again I truly believe that the way the person delivers it determines if they are serious or joking.  How the person receives it has to do with that person.  I don't play with people like that if they have a drier sense of humour or are down on themselves because I do consider the type of person that I'm talking to first. 

The daughter is lucky she hasn't got kids!   

My mother hooked up with my fathers brother before his stone was on his grave!  She now lives 9 hours away and refers to his grandchildren as "her grandchildren".   

Last visit she went home early instead of spending a day with my kids to be with them. 

His grandchildren have multiple grandparents mine only have her, I guess reality is they don't have any. 

he just sit around doning dont try to go out and get a job and i need to no what to do i do every thing around the house iam getting sick of it

This is my second marriage.  When we married I didn't even know my husband smoked (cigars and he inhales)--he also failed to mention that he smoked weed and was addicted to pain killers.  At first I believed he was truly in pain, but when you see him go thru withdrawl every few months and "take to his bed for a week" forget it.  He quit weed a few years ago which saved a ton of money but now has replaced that with three acks of cigars a day.  I paid for his insurance after we got married--he wouldn't go to a regular doctor to see what was wrong just kept going to "pain management" doctors to get his drugs--he has no definitive diagnosis--he has had MRI's etc and nothing shows up. He enjoys smoking and really doesn't want to quit.  SO--I can tell you this, if he does get COPD or lung cancer and needs treatment it will be on him. I worked very hard for years as a single mom raising two kids and buying a house--I did not want to remarry and have someone who fails to take care of himself and spends tons of money on his pain meds and doesn't pay his bills.  He also has a history of heart problems in his family and knows that smoking is not good for that. If someone has a medical emergency totally out of their control that's one thing but when they purposely contribute to medical problems, I have little sympathy!