Topic : 12/29 "Is This Normal?"

I was shocked at this guest, too (I've only seen a trailer so it may not be as bad as it sounds).  I can't imagine ever feeling like that -my husband's needs ARE my needs. I would work just as hard to pay for something he needed for his health as I would if my kids needed something.  

  

However, if the debt really is unmanageable on your current incomes, I would encourage you to consult someone about bankrupcy. It may not really change your lives much at all and will wipe out the debt.  I read somewhere that there is a healthcare costs related bankrupcy every 3 seconds in the US.  You won't be the first. 

I think that all relationships require people to have empathy for each other. I don't believe in feeling sorry for someone or being unhealty but I do believe that a sign of maturity is when we can put ourselves in the shoes of someone else and understand their perspective.  

  

When we marry someone the vows are written the way they are for a reason. Do we all consider what that might mean? No but we should.  

  

As a matter of perscpective, my dad passed away eight years ago. He went through his initial diagnosis & treatment, had a heart attack, a heart bypass and metastatic relapse all over the course of 7 years. My parents were divorced and he had maintained a relationship with a former girlfriend over the years. His last year was a difficult one, filled with Dr. appointments and the understanding that we had exhausted all treatment options. A trip to the pharmacy cost at least $500 and we went twice a month. He never once mentioned how much things  cost. He'd have sold everything to get well. I would have done anything to help him. 

  

Long story short, when we finally brought him home and brought in hospice, the two people that were there for him was my mom and his previous girlfriend. My mom was there because he was our dad and when she married him way back when she made a commitment not only to him when they married but to her kids to be sure that he had a dignified passing. His previous girlfriend because she loved him like no one else had. Both of them had empathy for my brother and me and for him. It made a difficult situation more peaceful.  

  

grave illnesses give us an opportuntity to be better people.  

  

I feel for the adult daughter whose mother is moving forward and apparently not aware that her daughter NEEDS her to assist with the grieving process. Moving forward for the mom is fine, but she seemed a little confused that her daughter has very great needs (for her mother and stability) at this time. We never stop being mothers, even when our children are grown. Hopefully this mother takes the time to stop and think that her daughter NEEDS her to help her thru the grieving process; losing Dad with Mom appearing to be clueless about her own daughter's true emotions is so sad. Please, Mom, don't go forward in your life at the expense of your child. Men and dating and the rest will always be there. Take it slow and make LOTS of time for your daughter at this time. God bless you all. I wouldn't want to be in your shoes.

The couple don't have problems. They obviously like to have fun and nobody is getting hurt. I'm quite sure they would each be the first to jump to the other's defense if an outsider used those names on the other. However, they MAY have problems when their children start calling the teachers, the minister, the neighbor lady, the classmate, etc. names without evening realizing what they are saying! Dr. Phil handled this well. Keep the fun behind closed doors while the little ones are growing and looking to them as role models. It only makes sense.

 Thank you for acknowledging  our situation.  We were very blessed with a wonderful family and friends who had a benefit for my husband, He was able to attend the benefit and see how many people were behind him, the hall was packed to standing room only.  Nothing boosts his spirits as much as this.
   Also think of those wedding vows you take, the words "till death do you part",these are the hardest words to accept when it really happens, I still don't feel like our marriage is over.

I have know them both for over 15 years and I think it is sad because I know how close they used to be. I hope all gets back to "normal" and I hope Pam and Hill can become friends again

The couple on the show seemed to have a great deal of respect for eachother. They just played around sarcastically.  If both parties enjoy it then its not hurtful. Words have meaning because we give it to them.  She even said, when he calls her fat she knows he's joking, and the humor in it is that he doesn't think shes fat at all.  I thought they were cute.

Your situation & the poster u responded to have VERY DIFFERENT situations than the couple on the show!!! Yes, when ur a smoker u are definately putting ur life more at risk of getting lung cancer or something else BUT, this man on the show DID NOT DO ANYTHING TO CAUSE HIS ILLNESS, he wasnt drinking or anything..... it just happened! And for his wife to have such resentment and hostility torwards him because of something he had NO CONTROL OVER, is just utterly disgusting & disgraceful!!! She really needed to be slapped or something! And when she said something like, "our house isnt extravagant or anything, but what are we supposed to do, move into a trailer?" I was saying to myself, YES!........She claims to "love & care" about her husband, but she's not willing to give up a decent size house so he can keep living??? ARE U SERIOUS??? Thats soooo selfish! Of course people want to live in decent sized houses, who wouldnt? But the fact of the matter is, if u/she cant afford it anymore then what the hell are u gonna do? Usually when people cant afford things, they have to eventually give it up....even though its really hard to do! When it comes down to it, u have to decide whats more important to u, some house or ur spouse who had no control over what happend.......and this woman is clearing choosing her house, how horribly selfish can one be? And by the way, living in a trailer is NOT as bad as it seems....as long as u have a place to live & are with the one(s) u SAY u love & care about, why should it matter? Believe me I know, my family & I used to live in a beautiful, well sized home until we had something happen (family issues) and my grandmother & I had to find a new place to live, except that we didnt have a lot of money (my stepdad had the money) so we had to resort to living in a trailer park where we could afford to live! We live in a very nice, decent, quiet, respectable trailer park.......its all about finding the right one!  So, that woman needs to realize that its NOT HER HUSBAND'S FAULT that he got sick, re-think her priorities and get over herself!! Ur husband IS putting his life more at risk by smoking, but the man on the show didnt do ANYTHING to cause this......ur situations are NOT THE SAME!

This type of name calling is vulgar.  And sets a bad example  for the children who will think this is ok.  They will probably at some time call someone a name thinking it to be fun and will hurt someone.  This behavior is horrible but I've stopped being surprised at peoples behavior a long time ago.

I have been married for 8 years. When I got married I was in a size 9 and weighed 130 pounds. I now weigh 195. My husband is not happy with my weight. He tells me he wants his wife back. But I am the same person just a little heavier. He has called me names before like fat ass and calls me lazy. He claims he stays on me about my weight because it is not healthy but he don't realize it hurts my feelings. I tell him it should not matter about my weight and that he should love me for who I am. I am asshamed to get dressed infront of him now and I would rather stay at home instead of going places with him. Only because I know how he feels about my looks. I just don't understand how someone could say such mean things to people, especially the one you love. It is hard to stick to diet and is very hard to lose weight.