Topic : 12/29 "Is This Normal?"

Ithere was something wrong I was lucky Ihad aliver transplant a year ago my wife and kids support me there is so much to say about support i am very sorry for your loss it dose sound like you have your head togather life is short if i could help   will try PFN 

pfn 

I enjoyed tonite's program.  I thought through the situations, tried to see 'em all from both sides, and got some great insights.  I also got to wondering if my own situation is "normal". 

I'm a single dad, divorced almost two years.  My daughter really doesn't want to talk to or spend time with her mom, so she's with me most of the time.  I'm not complaining- I enjoy being her dad, I love spending time with her, and really appreciate this opportunity to help her get ready for the rest of her life.  The thing is that I'm not dating at all.  I'm really not interested in getting into a relationship like my last one, and I'm not sure that any woman would want to date someone who spends so much time either working or just trying to be a good dad that there isn't much time left for anything else.  I don't think it'd be right to ask someone to become the number 2 girl in my life (my daughter will come first until she's on her own way).  Truthfully, I don't really miss dating all that much.  There was always a lot of pressure to look right and act right (but then again, the last time I dated was about 17 years ago).  When my daughter spends the night with a friend (usually decided at the last minute) I go out to eat, read at home, see a movie or go out and listen to music.  I do get lonely for adult companionship once in awhile, but the lonliness goes away in a few minutes- especially if my daughter gives me a hug or tells me she loves me.  That makes it all seem worthwhile. 

Is it normal to not be dating, and not miss it?  Any thoughts appreciated. 

Happy Holidays everyone! 

WhipsawJim 

   Dear transplant lady - and all other viewers - 

     I must say that I was bit surprised by your viewpoint.  It did come across as cold and heartless - yes- even greedy that you wouldn't be willing to give everything for your husband and that you felt he should take care of his problem( he was the one that got sick, etc....).  Then I listened some more and heard you saying something else, it was as if you were overwhelmed by the strain you are under.  You didn't say you no longer loved your husband - just that you would like his help/input with the bills.  They can really mount up and be a terrible load to carry by yourself.  I truly am grateful that  you and your husband had the blessing of a liver transplant.  You've been through a lot.  Hang in there.  Take each day - one day at a time .  cherish the time you have with him.  It would be so sad if he wasn't around with you and the family for a long time.  Make memories that you will have no regrets about.  Love each other, as life is a gift ,and we only have this moment. 

   Almost two years ago, my father underwent a heart transplant.  Wow!  I do understand some of the financial strain this can put on a person.  I wouldn't trade any of that for the extra time I've been given with him.  He was even healthy enough  to walk me down the aisle for my own wedding this past May.  What a treasure!!!!  And to get to spend the holidays with him and to visit him as often as we can - I know I am truly blessed for the extra time that has been given to him in this most generous of all gifts.  The gift of  life by organ donation.  Someone else had to die and willed his organs to others, that my dad might live today. 

     I would like to take a moment to challenge all of you readers to seriously think about being an organ donor.  The process is easy and yet is so very valuable to hundreds and thousands of people, sick, dying and in desperate need of lifesaving organ donors.  I never wanted to be a donor until my dad went through it.  If I can ever give life ( or help the quality of someone else's life) by donating any of my organs  - I gladly will.  I am glad to say I am now signed up to be an organ donor and have even told my husband of my wishes.  I look at it this way.  I will no longer be alive ( for most organ donations the donor is deceased), and therefore it won't matter to me.  I'll just decay and rot away in the ground anyway.  But, if by some chance I can help someone else live - then I say yes and gladly.  May your life live on through my organs.  As I said, the process is really easy, all I did, when I renewed my license . was I said yes, and filled out the form.  they even put organ donor on my drivers license to let others know if I'm ever killed in an accident.   

     Please, take a moment today to really consider the gift of life you may be giving to someone else.  Do it!!!!  It may  even be someone in your own family that is in need of a donated organ.  Sincerely, Julie D. 

Well it sounds like you have a good relationship with your daughter which is really good.   

I think it is normal to be not dateing and not miss it. It's how you feel. Others may feel different. But were all different and in that were all the same. And if thats the life you want then all the power to you. As they say "to each his own". If you want to date then go for it if not then don't. But if you are going to date disscuss it with your daughter. It may shock her a bit and she may get upset that she might be able to spend as much time with you as she did before.  

Jennifer 

 I try to be a compassionate person, but it is hard to find any sympathy for Mary.  No matter how much stress she has been under, there is no excuse for the way she is treating her husband. Other the emotion field at the top, there needs to be a place for shocked, because her attitude was absolutely shocking!!  I believe difficult situations, especially life or death ones, should make a person consider the state of their life, and to enjoy each moment.  I COULD NOT BELIEVE WHAT SAW!  She appeared to have no feelings of gratitude, of a life spared, of a chance to spend more time together with her mate.  As a mother who lost her firstborn son at 15 days, there is no limit to what I would have done to have had him with me longer - I would have laid down my life for him - finances were my least concern - keeping him alive and with me was my only concern.  Bills can wait, life can't.   As a divorced mom, I would be more than grateful to find a kind, loving man like her husband, and would appreciate every moment with him.  I'm sure there are many other women who be happy to have a man like him as well.  He deserves better than some mean-spirited woman making him feel bad for being alive.  Selfish doesn't begin to describe her - there is no word to describe her - that is why no one can think of an adequate one.  I am sure she is stressed and emotionally upset and afraid, but that is still no excuse for her behavior and her coldness.   There are many widows out there who would give anything to have one more minute with their mate - how could she not appreciate every minute?  It is a gift from God - who is watching, by the way.  As someone said in an earlier post, what goes around, comes around.  She needs to do some serious soul searching - to see if she can find hers, for starters.  Her husband would be better off alone than with someone who resents the problems his illness has caused!  

As I said in the beginning, I am usually very compassionate and understanding, and for me to be this upset, it has to be pretty bad.  Watching this truly made me sick! 

Roger's wife is NOT materialistic, she's overwhelmed with debt, worry and frustration. Roger does not appear to be helping with much and he looks pretty good now.   l live with a transplant recipient and it IS a horrible thing to choose between eating, paying the rent or paying for medications.