Topic : 10/26 More Sex With Kim Cattrall!

I am a 21 year old, unmarried woman who is in a serious relationship with my boyfriend of 3 years.  I am not here to tell anyone what to do, I don't have that power,  but I am surprised at one thing I have been seeing on this board. ( or not seeing)   

  

I'm glad that you parents are doing what you believe is right and are sticking to your beliefs whatever they may be.  BUT with all the debate I don't see what I believe to be very important.   

  

No matter what your belief parents, I beg you to think for a little bit about your kids.  I don't know you and I don't know your kids, but I do know this.  If your kids don't feel comfortable talking to you about the topic of sex they will go somewhere else.  I saw a few posts of people who ARE talking, and I applaud you.  Whatever you believe, whether it's waiting or not, if you seem like someone who your child can't come to, they won't.   

  

I was lucky that my mom was someone I knew I could talk to, but someone I know didn't think the same way.  She was in a relationship with a guy who convinced her unprotected sex was a good idea!  He talked about love and marriage, and she believed his lies.  She didn't talk to anyone about it until it was too late.  She wound up pregnant and alone.   Her parents could have charged him with Statutory rape but it was too hard to prove.   She came from a good family who loves and supports her.  I should know...she's my little sister.   

  

Believe what you believe.  Just remind your children that you love them no matter what and that you are willing to talk to them about anything they want to.  You don't have to but if you don't tell them that who would they turn to if they needed someone? 

  

  

The show was as so many off the mark as I see it.  It has taken me a number of years to learn that so much of what is put out is to see how high a high one can reach and not how close one can come to your mate.  One of the statements that was made by the last woman in the show today that I think almost all people missed was that she would like to be intimate everyday so that she could feel the comfort of it.  My wife and I have learned after going thru what most couple do, frequency of often to once a month, that if we join daily that we draw closer and are able to become one in our daily efforts.  We do not join from passion but just join, holding, caressing, talking, touching and everything that one does when they are close.  It was mentioned on the show about oxytosin.  The author said that it only came into play when we first meet.  Studies have found that it is much more than this.  When we are in close contact, espeially skin to skin, this chemical is released.  It has a centering, mellowing effect on the body.  We join morning and night.  To tell the truth many times I would rather not but after we do outside distactions go away and we become close.  Many people will think I am talking about passion.  It comes to that at times but more often we are just close.  She lets me know when she would like to go that route and I likewise.  We have found that the highest highs come not from just physical contact but when we combine what I call the three legged stool. physical, emotional and spiritual.  Physical highs are great, physical and emotioal even better but with all three it is the best.  We are told that the best sex is when both parties reach completion (climax) at ther same moment.  I disagree.  If each partner takes a turn then the other partner can share in the others high.  To climax one must totally internalize and isolate.  If both do it at the same time they are not close but are in thier own worlds.  Plus, if a woman is multiorgasmic then she will be unable to take advantage of this.  If you pay attention to each others needs then each will be able to go to greater comletion than without it.  Multiple climaxes and emmiting in some women can give them a completion that few experience.  Each can get enjoyment from the others enjoyment and in the process become much closer.  It is written in the scriptures about becoming one.  We started this about three years ago when we were in the once a month gang and close to desolving our relationship.  Each of us had input.  We started sleeping nude.  I was ready to stop after a couple of weeks but my wife wanted to continue.  Same way with the unions.  Now in hindsight we have developed to where we are today with a marriage that is stronger than I ever thought one could be.  It is scarey, we think alike more than we ever have.  Work together better and are just close and get even more so every day.  It is from the intamacy.  Many will say that it is just the sex.  Not so, we are so close that I never knew this feeling existed.  It is not uncommon for us to join more than twice a day.  It happens when either one of us is the starter.  It works great for us.  I don't know about this for others.  It sure works for us.  There is much more but enough for now.

Just to let ya know, all woman don't make those rules.  

1. If your wife doesn't want to have oral sex, too bad for you 

  

Some woman (me included) crave oral sex, If I haven't given it in a while then I crave his taste. 

 

. It is a man's job to make sure that his wife thinks she has the best husband in a room, even if there are a thousand women in the room.  

  

If you are truely a good man, then this isn't a job, a woman just knows she is damn lucky. 

 

3. If you want to have sex with your wife, then you should do all of the housework, because "that is what is sexy".  (to be fair, this was Robin's point, not Dr. Phil's).  

 

First off I wouldn't let my husband touch my washing machine...lol and he doesn't sweep right either...lol But my husband cleaning is not what turns me on, now him coming in slapping my rear or kissing the back of my kneck now that gets me going!!!!...lol 

 

 

This is a show based towards woman of course they are going to say crap like that...lol  

 I watched the show today (most of it) and although Dr. Phil always gives disclaimers saying people should Always do what is comfortable for both of them, maybe because Ms. Katrell was there it seemed like he was advocating oral sex for both people Whenever one of them wants it.  I want to say that I think that oral sex is only Part of the whole experience and Is Never Necessarily part of foreplay (or afterplay).  There is no Should to sex for me.  My almost-ex husband was always Raring to Go.  He told me onetime that 'first thing in the morning and last thing at night would be perfect for him with an occasional Nooner every now and then too'.  Well, that's good for him I guess.  For me, it's different.  I don't mind and even enjoy oral sex either given or received But only as a 'Treat', I really don't like it every time.  It's kinda special to me.  When I'm very relaxed and very tuned into my husband I could do anything with him and pretty much have too, but I don't want that Every Time.  I could use the metahor of eating, it's necessary and sometimes you have a big feast that lasts for hours but most times you have a regular meal.  Sometimes you just have a 'snack' but not all the time.  I like sex to be variable so it stays interesting but to me, sex is really like dancing.  Sometimes it's just slow and intimate emotinally, very warm and loving and other times it's time to Rock Out and Get Crazy.....but I don't want to do that Every Time.  My husband wanted to Rock Out every time and felt hurt and rejected because I didn't want to.  Oral sex is like that for me, just sometimes makes it more special, like a wonderful gift but having to feel Obligated to Perform was like getting a cheap gift or giving a cheap gift.  I am not a sexual athlete and have no interest in becoming one.  Sex is special to me and I love it in all it's loving expressive forms, it's powerful and amazing.  Sex for my husband became like a sport, like Having to play a hard game of tennis every day as if you only enjoyed hard games.  Most of the time a gentle session of volleys and working on form and delivery as well as being able to return well was great for me.  Anyway, that's one reason I'm getting divorced, sex became gynocological and athletic and purely physical all the time, probably heavily influenced by all the porn my almost-ex loves to watch now.  I guess we had lost the intimacy, but I think it was because I became pressured to perform For him and With him no matter what I wanted.  I just wanted to make the point that although sex is necessary, it can always be special if both people want to make it so.

I loved your show and really need to purchase these two books for myself and my husband to read.  I am 46 and my husband is 52 and if we have sex once every three months, I am lucky.  My husband tells me he just doesn't have the desire anymore.  He thinks his testoserone levels are low and he just doesn't get in the mood anymore.  When I try to talk to him about it, he just pushes it aside.  When i try to get him in the mood, he says he either too tired, or it is during the week and he has to get up early and doesn't have time.  When I ask him if it is my weight that bothers him, he says not at all, he just has no desire.  He never seems to initiate it at all and we have been married for almost 20 years next month on November 15th.  I wanted to plan for a get away, but money is strapped right now, so I guess that is out of the question.  I know he isn't having an affair, because he is a bus driver in Los Angeles and works from 4:30 a.m. and gets home at 6:30 p.m. everyday and I can call him at anytime and get a hold of him.  I don't know what else to do and I love him so much, but I cannot go without it forever and I miss affection and the good feeling we used to have years ago.  Can you help. 

  

Desperate and Lonely for Love  

has anyone else had the problem of their husband falling asleep durring foreplay? or is there something wrong with me?

Hi, your post made think about my own situation. I have been married for just over 2 years to a man 4 years younger than me. when we started seeing eachother we had sex several times a day. my record for most orgasms in a day was 5. now, we are probably making love about once a month and having sex around once a week. I have never been able to orgasm without assististing him in some way. My problem is that my husband usually doesnt want to touch my skin for hours and just hug/hold eachother until I feel comfortable and relaxed enough to fully enjoy our lovemaking. Most times I think he just wants to "get his rocks off " without much concern for me. This even happened on our honeymoon, where I wanted to be held and explained how important it was to me, but he refused, saying whenever he holds me, I just cry and he cant handle it. It's probably true about crying, at the few times when he has held me for long enough to feel safe, it's like a huge stress releif for me, and  I have cried. But after that, I would have been wanting to make love, but the mood is spoilt for my husband. What do you do when the one thing you want from your husband, he wont give it. And to explain that I'm not as selfish, I give him oral sex  when I dont feel like it.  Plus, he's obsessed by porn, but not like the guy on a Dr. Phil show who would prefer to watch porn than have sex with his partner. My husband would probably not look at it if I was up for having sex every day. But I'm tired, have body issues, and frankly, sometimes I think he doesnt deserve it.

 I think it would be kind of ofensive if I asked him to wash down there before we got at it???  I know I would be offeneded

 Thanks that helps alot!

I think it is important not to force anyone to do something they are not comfortable with. If someone does not want to moan or make noises when they have sex, then why is it so important? The same with oral sex, I would never do that, I think it is disgusting, and why should women always please there husbands? Women are asked to do all kinds of things, things that if you asked a guy to do the same thing, he would think you were insane. 

  

When it comes to sex it is my strongest belief that we do whatever we feel comfortable doing, and that if we don't want to do something, then that should be okay too. After all we have to live with ourselves after the act has been performed too, and the main thing is too feel good about yourself, and that we don't do things just to please others... 

  

That never works in the long run.....