Topic : 10/26 More Sex With Kim Cattrall!

HI, 

    I noticed that in the background of your wedding picture on the show was a temple.  I am going to assume that you are an LDS couple - along with both holding out until marrage.  As a fellow member, I know the rules attatched to this subject, and I know that a lot of what you were told on the show is not really acceptable.   

     I want you to know that when you two are alone in a bedroom - there are no rules.  My only sex advice would be this - I would say that he can't even begin the sex part until he has mastered you first.  The actual sex does nothing.  It has to come in different ways.  Don't lie about the way anything feels and RELAX.  Try to start the evening with candle light - a shower - a message - sexy music, and then don't be afraid to get a little outside of the box.   

      I believe that we are told to stay away from a lot of things because it's danerous to addiction, but in your case I do believe it is nessesary for you to find it for yourself - with the knowledge & OK of your husband and not in secret behind his back, I really don't think that you are doing anything wrong by discovering this.  Sometimes, in this life, we have to get a little outside of the book.  A life time without knowing is a lot worse and it's not fair at all to expect you to just live with it...  As long as it's just a discovery and then that's it, I wouldn't feel guilty or ashamed at all. 

Good Luck   

EXCEPT FOR MEDICAL REASONS SIGNED BY A DOCTOR....A Sexless Marriage is a Dealbreaker.....  WHY MARRY THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE?  It's like you are deceiving them.... making them think you feel the way they do and you don't.  Be their friend but DON'T MARRY THEM.  Join their Clubs to be their friend, BUT DON'T MARRY THEM!  Don't marry them for their money because you are not really marrying them, but marrying their money.  IF YOU DON'T LOVE THEM and ARE NOT PHYSICALLY ATTRACTED TO THEM  DON'T LIE DON'T MARRY THEM!  As I read some of your posts....  unless it's a medical issue for your husband..... I think he's getting it somewhere.  My husband has had a porn problem since the first 6 months of our marriage.... but that is the least of my problems.... and he also has a minister's license so add that to all this $%&*, but he doesn't Pastor a church but wants to. 

You know I read this book called:  An Affair of the Mind.  It was a great book about an African Missionaries son who at the age of 17 got mad at his parents for going to Africa to preach the gospel and he stole all this money from them.  Then he started going to strip joints 3 times per week and then married his sweet Christian wife and had some kids and kept going to strip joints and hookers 3 times a week and doing his thing.... You know I think it was 10 or 20 years before she found out and she starts out in the book getting an HIV test.... which thankfully was negative....  This guy was going to church every week and acting like the perfect Christian and EVERYONE WAS SHOCKED when it all came out....BUT THE MORAL OF THIS STORY is PEOPLE ARE PEOPLE and Most people have a desire to love and be loved.  If that need is not met.... You need to do some investigation..... and quit lying to yourself cuz it will bite you like a snake in the long run..... 

AND I HOPE ALL THOSE WITH THEIR VIRGINITY PAST AND PRESENT ARE READING THIS.  I don't want to pop your bubble but if you have a TV set, if you have cable, if you live in the same world I do..... then you are subject to this same moral disease... 

And the sad thing is the WITHHOLDER will WITHHOLD for years and then be mad when their spouse cheats and feel no guilt.... I THINK EXCEPT FOR A DOCTOR EXCUSE MEDICAL REASON... they need to quit pointing the finger and point it a little back at their selves..... 

RELATIONSHIPS TODAY ARE COMPLICATED WITH MULTIPLE PLACES TO PLACE BLAME..... 

**sigh** 

EXCEPT FOR MEDICAL REASONS SIGNED BY A DOCTOR....A Sexless Marriage is a Dealbreaker.....  WHY MARRY THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE?  It's like you are deceiving them.... making them think you feel the way they do and you don't.  Be their friend but DON'T MARRY THEM.  Join their Clubs to be their friend, BUT DON'T MARRY THEM!  Don't marry them for their money because you are not really marrying them, but marrying their money.  IF YOU DON'T LOVE THEM and ARE NOT PHYSICALLY ATTRACTED TO THEM  DON'T LIE DON'T MARRY THEM!  As I read some of your posts....  unless it's a medical issue for your husband..... I think he's getting it somewhere.  My husband has had a porn problem since the first 6 months of our marriage.... but that is the least of my problems.... and he also has a minister's license so add that to all this $%&*, but he doesn't Pastor a church but wants to. 

You know I read this book called:  An Affair of the Mind.  It was a great book about an African Missionaries son who at the age of 17 got mad at his parents for going to Africa to preach the gospel and he stole all this money from them.  Then he started going to strip joints 3 times per week and then married his sweet Christian wife and had some kids and kept going to strip joints and hookers 3 times a week and doing his thing.... You know I think it was 10 or 20 years before she found out and she starts out in the book getting an HIV test.... which thankfully was negative....  This guy was going to church every week and acting like the perfect Christian and EVERYONE WAS SHOCKED when it all came out....BUT THE MORAL OF THIS STORY is PEOPLE ARE PEOPLE and Most people have a desire to love and be loved.  If that need is not met.... You need to do some investigation..... and quit lying to yourself cuz it will bite you like a snake in the long run..... 

AND I HOPE ALL THOSE WITH THEIR VIRGINITY PAST AND PRESENT ARE READING THIS.  I don't want to pop your bubble but if you have a TV set, if you have cable, if you live in the same world I do..... then you are subject to this same moral disease... 

And the sad thing is the WITHHOLDER will WITHHOLD for years and then be mad when their spouse cheats and feel no guilt.... I THINK EXCEPT FOR A DOCTOR EXCUSE MEDICAL REASON... they need to quit pointing the finger and point it a little back at their selves..... 

RELATIONSHIPS TODAY ARE COMPLICATED WITH MULTIPLE PLACES TO PLACE BLAME..... 

**sigh** 

RELATIONSHIPS TODAY ARE COMPLICATED WITH MULTIPLE PLACES TO PLACE BLAME.....  

That is the most true thing you said - everyone is different, and it always was that way, except I guess now people have more socially accepted choices.  There is a wide range of "normal" as far as sex drives, and I'm sure it always was that way, except I think that years ago women were usually so dependent on their men that they just had to go along with what they wanted.  A sexless marriage may be a dealbreaker for some people, but I would hope that most people would be able to control themselves enough to take other things into consideration.  I don't think most couples that have problems with differences in sex drives realized before they got married that it was going to be such a problem.  Before two people get married, they are more likely to enjoy just making the other person feel good - there are less expectations and feelings of obligation.  The little annoying things the other person does haven't started to be annoying yet, and no one is keeping score of who does more for whom.  I don't think it's healthy for someone to insist on having sex with a person that they KNOW doesn't want to do it.  It will probably backfire on them because their partner is likely to want it less and less in the future.  If one person wants it more, they should consider it their responsibility to help the other person to WANT to do it more, without pressuring the other person AT ALL.  The person with the lower sex drive also has the responsibility to find out if there is a medical reason for the problem, and to communicate with their partner to let them know what they need.  The person with the lower sex drive also needs to make sure their partner knows that they love them.  Not wanting to have sex doesn't mean that you don't love your spouse. 

ok i have a problem... i watched the show the other day and i was thinking ... 

ok i know most men want to have sex whenever they can, well mine doesnt, i pretty much have to force him to do it, and afterward he's mad because he obligated. For a while i didnt live with him so he'd come over on the weekends or i'd go to his place. And the sex was great! it was only once a week but hey i got it like every day through the week end well we just just moved back in together and now it's like two weeks before we can have sex, and it last like 2 sec. he gets off and thats it. Nothing for me!!! 

even if i meet him at the door when he comes home with just cute little lacey panties on. he totally ignores me sits down and watches tv, then he'll go to bed! nothing not even a kiss!! WHAT AM I TO DO?? 

Yes, your way of thinking is correct.   

Shelter your children, and by no means talk about silly issues like sex. 

I am sure at 13 and 15 years old, they hear and see nothing about sex.  And, I am sure they have no sexual feelings themselves.   

Get a grip!   

Being a Christian does not absolve you from being a good parent. 

Good parents will talk with their kids about sex. And, drugs,smoking, how to be financially responsible, how to be a loving-compassionate person, how to solve arguments, and the list goes on and on!  That is what good parenting is.  Talking to your children.  Not just once, but all of the time! 

Perhaps you could use a show like this to start a healthy discussion about sex with your children.  

Just because you believe in waiting until marriage and not shacking up, does not mean that your kids do not have their own ideas about these issues.  And, wouldn't you like to hear what they are thinking? 

Too many people in our society portray sex as "bad" or "harmful", and something not to be discussed.  Especially with children. 

This is crazy.  All humans are sexual beings.  Including children!  That is why it is so important to be able to have healthy discussions about sex, and to teach our children about sex.   

Education is the key to overcoming ignorance.  

Perhaps if we were all more open about sex and sexuality, we would not have so much sexual disfunction in our society.  (Rapes and child molestation increase year after year in our county!)Also, read some of the post on this site.  You will find a hundred different sexual problems from lack of desire, to divorce from lack of sexual compatability and many other things.   

You may consider this post "liberal".  But if being liberal means being honest with our children, and treating them with respect, and above all- being open minded, then I will take it!