Topic : 12/27 Extreme Parenting

Just yesterday evening (10/26), we placed my 23 year old niece in a nursing home 3 months after a devastating car accident.  Her boyfriend (the driver) was killed at the scene after they hit a utility pole head on.  She was thrown from the car, and she suffered brain trauma, along with a host of other nearly fatal injuries, including traumatic leg amputation.  She has not spoken, cannot eat, or do anything on her own, she is completely dependent of her caregivers.  All because of excessive speed in a vehicle.  So, to the boy who thinks it's fun and not dangerous, I invite you to come and look at my niece, as well as the families whose lives will never be the same due to this avoidable and intentional, careless act of speeding.  Thank goodness no other cars were involved in it.  If by chance her boyfriend consistently drove her car at excessive speeds revealed by a car ship, my sister would no doubt have insisted he not have access to the keys and possibly prevented this entire tragedy.  It may very well have been the only time he drove at this high rate of speed, but we will never know and will live in "if only" land forever..... 

  

Your father has the car chip in because he loves you and wants to keep you safe.  Facts are facts, these types of accidents due to speed are a reality.  Be thankful your father loves you. 

Personally i believe that the woman who is wanting her son to be a cheerleader is doing some major damage to that kid.  Boys are suppose to play foot ball (i know this may be a little sexest but in some cases i think this is how it is suppose to be) if my son came up to me and said mommy, I want to be a cheerleader I'd probably faint, but I would let him do it.  I wouldn't push him to do it though.  As for the guy putting the tracking device in his sons car: WAY TO GO!  When my children start driving I will be doing the same thing.  Even when they go to school i plan on bugging them, because I have learned that teachers can be quite cruel themselves.  I know it may be an invasion of their privacy and I am only going to do it through their elementary school years.  Now as for the drill instructor dad, I know from experiance that this is not a good way to raise children.  I was raised that way and as soon as I turned 18 I left my mom's house and was unable to go to college, I even had a hard time graduating from H.S. because they wanted to throw me out b/c I wasn't living at home anymore.  Luckily my grandmother adopted me (I thought it was stupid to have to adopt an 18 year old but oh well) and put me back into school. 

Some of your son's friends may think that when it's your turn to go you do, but have they thought that maybe they wont go till they are 82?  Do they want to live the rest of their lives as a vegetable?  What if it's not their time and they are seriously hurt is it worth it?  In just five weeks 6 people died in our area.  One of those was my best friend.  She was speeding and missed a stop sign.  She was then broadsided and was killed.  She has four kids all under the age of 7.  Was it worth it? NO 

Two of the people killed before her were hit by a speeding teenager.  Was it their time?  One person killed was a teenager who was killed when he couldn't stop in time and a semi ran up OVER top of him.  Two more young people died recently when they lost control of their cars.  It probably wasn't their time either, but they made those decesions for themselves. Does this kid want to be next?   It doesn't just hurt the person who caused the wreck, it hurts everyone who knew those involved.  Maybe he should think about it next time he gets in his 'speed machine'. 

If you missed out on your dream as a child, then you need to rectify that yourself. 

  

 

Well put.  It's interesting how parents will try to push their child to do something that they wish they did when they were a kid.  Like music lessons for example.  At a nearby music shop in my town there is an instructor there that teaches the fiddle and most of his students are adults.  If these parents regret not doing something when they were a kid then they should give it a go now.  They just might like it! 

Julie, 

This sounds so much like my husband, minimizing my 

feelings and verbally abusing all of us. Saying that I  

am too sensitive. 

When I married him he had 2 children and one was 

just a baby, her mother died on childbirth. He has such 

anger towards this precious child. She is now 7 and 

she is afraid of her dad, he doesn't hit her but he is 350 lbs 

and he gets in her face and is very mean. He calls her names 

like cow and pig. 

I have talked to a psychologist about what to do and he tells 

me that i just need to be there for her and let her know that  

he is wrong and to just be a support to her. I have explained 

to him that he cannot do the things that he does to her or 

any of the other children. 

One time things got so bad and my oldest daughter moved out  

and lived with her dad (and she hates him). I told him that 

I can not live like that and that I would be gone if he continued. 

He has been much better and made some improvements. 

But still the fear that has been planted in my 7 yr olds heart 

is still there.  

There are 4 kids all together but he seems to single out the 

7 yr old. I realize that there are a lot of things he must be going 

through, but I can' t let that excuse his behavior of abuse on 

any of us. 

I have not seen this show yet, but I think you have alot of  

courage and I hope that whatever happens you can make  

peace with yourself. You are trying to make a difference in 

your own life and the lives of many here. Thank you so much! 

  

mj 

I'm with YOU on this one. If a child can not be trusted in a car, and proves s/he cannot be trusted, then take the car away. Put a 'club' on the steering wheel if you have to, but don't let that child drive. It could kill or maim him or her, it could kill his or her friends, it could kill MY children as they walk along the road or stand talking in a parking lot.  

  

Maybe taking the car away won't teach the child to be a responsible driver. But just letting it happen isn't a option either.  

  

Get the child a tough defensive driver instructor and make him/her pass the course. Take him/her to a morgue to see some accident victims. Get psychological help for the child if needed. But don't let him/her use the car as a weapon to kill him/herself and others.  

In my province, young drivers are not allowed to be on the roads after 12 midnight. I LOVE that law. It means that I don't have to set a curfew and put up with whining. 'Aw muuummmmm, can't I stay out later just this one night..???' The law sets the curfew and everyone has to abide by it. In addition, young drivers can only carry a limited number of passengers and can lose their license if they are caught speeding.  

  

My son grumbles, but I just think about my friend Neil. At my son's age Neil thought he was invincible in a car. He'd speed everywhere and we loved it. Middle of the night, flying down the highway, screaming out Stones songs.  

  

Then one October night Neil and two other boys hit the guardrail. When they reached the car Neil's head was lying in the backseat on the lap of one of his friends. The other boy in the front seat died of crush injuries. Only the traumatized friend in the back seat survived. I don't want to picture my son in ANY of those positions in that car.  

I thought religion was about bringing people together not driving them apart as seems to happen so often when one attempts to force-feed their views and beliefs on others. 

  

You have to figure out which is more important: Having a relationship with the kids or having two more disciples in your church.  

  

Your posts are sounding more like a control issue between the kids mother and yourselves. You may or may not win this battle eventually but the kids will be the losers in the long run.  

  

Religion is not the appropriate place to conduct warfare. The kids will learn more by how you live your life up to those beliefs than through sermonizing and force-feeding. 

  

I wish you well, I don't want to see you ending up with the same situation my ex and our son have, they seldom speak or see each other. Find a compromise or you're going to have the same situation eventually. 

First of all, the first guest on the show, just because this guy was in the military does not mean he should run the household like that and be Mr. Big shot drill Seargant. Good grief, grow up. 

The last guest, I think its great what you are doing, however, it seems like your son is not mature enough to handle the responsibility of a drivers license, nor is he ready to drive. He should take drivers ed again. If I were a parent, if my childs maturity level was where it should be, I might consider it, but if I see they are not ready for it, then I will have them wait until they are much older and can handle the responsibility.  I would take the keys away and not let him drive if he is going to go way over the speed limits that are assigned out there.  

I think the car chip is an excellent idea, and that young man made it perfectly obvious why.  When all those kids said "When your time is up, it's up, it doesn't matter how fast you're going," I was amazed.  They may be right on that point, but didn't they ever think about what would happen if their time isn't up?  Not all car crashes end in death.  They can also end in paralysis, permanent brain damage, a lifetime of pain, etc, etc.  I have a girlfriend that got in a car accident 15 yrs ago, the car was going about 75.  She was in a coma for 5 weeks and still walks with a limp to this day, plus she suffered minor permanent brain damage, she learns and speaks slower than before the accident.  Those kids need to wake up!