Topic : 12/27 Extreme Parenting

Julie- 

I've been your daughter and you need to protect your daughter from ever having contact with that man again. My mom's husband was much like your husband, and my mom was much like you. My mom was fairly passive in her discipline, but she did teach us right from wrong. She lacked confidence in her ability to parent. I can't tell you how badly I wish my mom had kicked him out the day he stepped out of bounds. You need to protect her from him and you need to work to figure out why you would accept someone like him into your and your daughters lives.  

I resented every day that he was in our house, disciplining my brother and me, telling all of us what was wrong with us, that until he came along we had no structure and that we were lucky we had him to 'fix' us.  

All that your husband is doing is creating a situation where your daughter is going to feel like she is inadequate, unlovable and unworthy of being treated well. It's a very dark road for a young woman that feels that way about herself. She is more likely to become a smoker, drug & alcohol user, she is more liekly to become involved with a man that is also physically and emotinally abusive and a man that uses drugs. She is more likely to not go to college and struggle with school.  

If you never spoke to him again it would be the greatest gift you could give your daughter. It took me YEARS of therapy to undo the damage that was done. To this day when I hear my step-dad's name the hair on the back of my neck stands up.  

After a rash of deaths involving teen drivers in Summer 2004, Colorado passed a bill with further restrictions and requirements on teen drivers. It became effective July 1, 2005. In short teen driver now have to hold their learners permits for 1 year vs 6 months under the old provisions. Teen drivers may not have anyone under 21 years old in their vehicle until after they've had their license for 6 months then they're limited to one passenger. The restrictions have only been in place a few months so its too early to tell how well they're working though this summer passed with only a few deaths, single deaths vs 4, 5 and 6 at a time. Might be worth considering whether your particular states should follow suit to protect your young drivers. 

Follow the links below for specific information: 

Over view of requirements 

http://driversed.com/DMV/colorado-GDL.aspx 

New restrictions 

http://www.revenue.state.co.us/mv_dir/wrap.asp?incl=FAQdrli/faqdrli27 

Permit modifications:
http://www.drivereducationinabox.com/colorado/drivers-ed.php 

House Bill 1017 has made several changes in the law relating to the licensing age of minors. These include the following: 

Anyone under age 18 must have their permit for one year before being eligible for their license.
A minor may obtain the permit at age 15 only if the minor is enrolled in an approved driver education course (such as Driver Ed in a Box®).
A minor may obtain a permit at age 16 without driver education.
Regardless of when a minor obtains a permit, the minor must have the permit for 12 months before being eligible for licensing.
 

I think  you're absolutely right. I couldn't believe he said it either. Do his parents know he thinks this way? I hope he never drives in my city. He may think it's "his time to go" but it isn't mine or my family's time! 

As it was with my own generation in the 80s, many teens are usually thinking about themselves and living in th moment. They (not all but a lot of them) just don't think about the consequences of their actions. As you've pointed out, it can affect someone's life forever.  

 "his 'gyro' goes off and he lands gay?"  Dr. Phil just cracks me up!   I don't mean to make light of this poor little guy's problem.  I hope that his mother gets a look at what most of us see. This is another form of abuse. Its amazing what parents will do to their kids when they see them as a 'reflection' of themselves instead of unique individuals. I think it might be sensible for this mom to ask if the end result will be worth the pain that  her family is enduring. 

Some states have tried to raise the age of licensing in the past, the bills have died in their infancy from parental pressure. The main argument has been better to issue licenses at 16 while the teens are still under their parents legal control than turn them loose at 18. Makes sense on the surface but how do we effectively keep our kids from behaving stupidly behind the wheel? I don't think there is one single answer to the problem. 

I do agree with you that it makes more sense but I don't see it ever happening. I believe more and more restrictions will be placed on them until such a time that the death/accident rates go down particularly among young males. Mortality rate for 15-19 yr old males is 3 times the rate for females of the same age, most of which are from traffic accidents.  (That info is from a University of Michigan  study available online at the Evolutionary Psychology website)  

Julie, We had no Idea nate was this way, we will keep you i  our prayer and remember to be strong!!! 

The Busbee and Yager Family

It took me 16 years to leave.....but In my situation, (and I'm sure many womans) I was scared of two things. 

#1.  Doing it on my own.. Mentally and Physically 

#2   Doing it on my own... Financially. 

With him I was still living paycheck to paycheck - but I was able to provide for my children in that we lived in a nice house, they had nice clothes & shoes (not expensive but nice) we could go and do and we had a lot of fun together.  I thought I could be the buffer and make thing right for them after he's been overly strict and critical. Nothing any of us did was right or good enough.  I couldn't even drive the correct route to pick him up. 

Fortunately my children, although I'm sure they are somewhat scared, are well adjusted happy young adults moving on with their lives.  My daughter is a SGT in the 82nd airbourne in Afghanistan - has 20-25 jump under her belt and loves it.  My son is working hard and just recently out on his own.  I'm very proud of them, but blame myself for staying in such an unhealthy relationship for so long and fear they will follow my footsteps. 

We have a very important job as parents to raise and protect our children and we can't do a good job of that if we're being verbally abuse daily 

Julie said.... "I think that there's a better way to live than to be constantly arguing, and constantly fighting and angry with each other over issues that could just be discussed,"   that is exactly how I felt... and whether it is alone or with someone else.  IT IS BETTER!!! I know.  I've been out for three Tuesday and I'm soo much more heathly both mentally and physically! 

I'm surprise Dr. Phil didn't use my favorite line of his.  cause I'm sure if a perfect stranger talked to Julie and her daughter in that manner he wouldn't tolerate it... So why is it ok for him? 

Great show today!  Thanks Dr. Phil and producers