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Topic : 12/27 Extreme Parenting

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Created on : Thursday, October 20, 2005, 02:56:10 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Airdate: 10/27/05) Parents want the best life for their kids and often go to great lengths to make that happen.But what happens when they get so demanding, they end up hurting the children they love? Michael says his wife, Anna, is so consumed by her dream of having their 7-year-old son become a cheerleader that it’s taking over their lives. Will Anna put her son's pompoms to rest? Then, a father hides a tracking device in his son’s car and gets more than he bargained for! Plus, Nathan and Julie’s marriage is on the rocks because they disagree over his military style discipline of her 12-year-old daughter. Is Nathan’s drill sergeant parenting done out of love or for another reason? Join the discussion.

 

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October 27, 2005, 1:54 pm PDT

Questions and more questions

Nathan's segment 

  

  

Generally speaking, how does one accept the concept of giving a child structure but completely miss the how's and why's for doing so? 

  

  

Why does it take a talk show to demonstrate the futility of a complete stranger showing up one day and emitting non-relevant, loud volume sounds, on a group's behavior? 

  

  

Anna's segment 

  

  

How much thought goes into deciding that such incredible expense and hardcore training is appropriate under the age of 10, let alone at 1 1/2? 

  

  

Isn't a child's personality and sexuality negatively affected by his parents' lack of basic sex ed concepts? 

  

  

Tracking segment 

  

  

Part of the effectiveness of such devices is knowing that they are installed so behavior can be changed. 

  

  

You can't impress responsibility and good decision making skills with outlandish deception. 

 
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October 27, 2005, 1:58 pm PDT

Cheerleading

  

 I think its wrong for Anna to make 7 year old Micheal go to cheerleading especially if he doesn't want too. I also believe that if he continues cheerleading he'll probably not be liked by too many kids in his school and they'll probably begin bullying him and beating him up. 

 
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October 27, 2005, 1:58 pm PDT

Kudos to the dad w/ the chip

I thought the chip in the car was an EXCELLENT idea...and Dr. Phil was right about 16 year olds not being responsible enough to determine the consequenses to their actions.  I also thought it was a good idea that he didn't tell the kid b/c if  the kid knew it was in there he prolly would act right while behind the wheel and make dad think he was responsible.  The dad was doing it for his own good and safety..one day the kid will understand that.  Good job dad!! Good show today by the way... 

 

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October 27, 2005, 1:59 pm PDT

Losing the prepaid money (for the season)

  

When Dr. Phil asked Mom, "lose the money or lose the money & scar the child", she had a pause.   

  

Let's pose a simple question: 

  

"Mom, if he got injured for the remainder of the season, would you lose the money?" 

  

Of course. 

  

Then what's the difference between losing the money because it's the right thing to do or because he gets injured? 

  

There are things worse than losing the money. 

___________________________________________ 

  

Kid driving fast. 

  

"We weren't being reckless, we were just driving fast." 

  

Talk about sophistry. 

  

Driving fast isn't being reckless? 

  

I've got news for him.  When (not if) they get stopped by the cops, a speeding ticket isn't the only thing thing the driver will get.  Reckless driving will be included and probably any number of other things.  The driver will likely find himself arrested as well - particularly if he is a teen and needs a "scared straight" situation. 

  

When I was his age, I was volunteering on the back of the ambulance and not long after, sought permission to get a license as an EMT before I was 18 (the standard age).  I had no problems following the rules & laws of the road when I was his age, particularly because I saw the aftereffects of people driving like idiots. 

  

Dear Dad: 

  

Congrats!  He should drive the same, regardless of whether the chip was there [or not] or whether he knew it was there [or not].   

  

Now, we just have to find out if they had seatbelts on.  Any time you hear, "was ejected from the vehicle", odds are, the seatbelt wasn't on.  Yes, there are exceptions someone will cite when wearing a seatbelt might cause harm, but if you're looking at the "Lottery of Life", you'll have more wins than losses if you wear that belt. 

  

"ClickIt or Ticket"?  I think it's wrong.  Make it a business decision.  Encourage the insurance companies to add one clause to the policies:  we will not cover anyone who didn't have their seatbelts on. 

  

Here in Indiana, one father (of an adult woman - later twenties, not teens) pled the Legislature to enact a law for pickup trucks to have a seatbelt law as well because his daughter would be alive if there was a law.  I thought, "What an idiot!"  You can't wear a seatbelt unless there's a law?"  She chose not to wear a seatbelt, regardless of whether there's a law [or not]. 

  

I'm comfortable in a seatbelt, and even when I drop someone off who will, let's say, be in a store for a little while, then come back out, I generally don't take the seatbelt off. It's not for a safety reason, it's just comfortable and it doesn't bother me to wear it. 

  

Revoke the laws of mandatory wearing and let Darwin take over. 

 
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October 27, 2005, 1:59 pm PDT

Mr Drill Sgt.

 You have no business talking to a 12 year old in that manner. It's only for your own pedistol. I'd like to know where real Dad is, that never seems to come up on this show when stepparents are involved.  

 I'm apauled at your behavour, your a time bomb and I think its right your wife left you. 

 

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October 27, 2005, 2:01 pm PDT

About Driving Fast

 I am SO MAD! how can that kid drive like that! i live in Illinois and attend Pekin Highschool. in the last MONTH we have lost 5 kids to being reckless. the first 3 were 2 boys (Eddie and Zack) and a girl (Ashley). they were going to watch One Tree Hill at one of the boys house because it wasnt coming in well at the house they were at. Eddie had his license for 8 days and here in Illinois the law is that for the first 6 months you cant have more then one friend in the car at once. Well Eddie decided that law didnt apply to him, so he, Ashley and Zack got in the car. i guess out of inexperience he thought going 95 MILES PER HOUR down a FRESHLY GRAVELED road after it had just finished raining wouldnt be dangerous; well he was wrong. they were pronounced dead at the scene. apparently Eddie lost control of the car and smashed broad side into a tree. they put the car out to view at my school a few days afterward so that kids could see what kind of damange there was. you could see the imprint of the tree in the middle. Eddie's (the driver) seat was on top of  Zacks (the passangers). Eddies lower half was still under the steering wheel which had gone up under his chest cavity after it broke upon impact. Ashley was sitting behind the driver and she suffered a broken back and bleeding in the brain. the back passanger seat was fine...if only she had sat there. All died instantly.

Last Saterday,  Cory and Drew passed away. Cory was one of my best friends. i attended his funneral today. the boys and a few of their friends went out dirt biking after Corys father told him he couldnt but his mom said he could (his parents are divorced). supposedly playing chicken is supposed to be fun but on this night it wasnt. Cory and Drew didnt have helmets, padding or their headlights on and when Drews bike stalled Cory ran smack into him. Drew i believe died instantly and Cory died 3 hours after getting to the hospital; he died on the operating table.

It's a terrible day when kids have to learn the hard way what speeding can do to someone...i just hope it doesnt happen a 3rd time. myself and the kids in my school cant handle it a 3rd time. Maybe, if someone reads this, it will make them think.
 
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October 27, 2005, 2:11 pm PDT

Right On

Quote From: nickytodd

It was good the dad put the chip int the car.  Instead of talking about it, the first thing he should have done was take the keys.  If I had done that my parents would have taken the keys and I would have walked until I was 18 and out on my own.  It seems to be a recurrent theme even when I was that age, the majority of kids that get a job and work to buy their own car and pay their own insurance (instead of mommy and daddy buying a new car for them) seem to be more responsible drivers because they respect the value of the car.  By working and paying for it they are less likely to go out and tear it up.  My cousin is a perfect example, after he totalled the 6th car, my uncle decided not to buy him another car, and they were used cars he had bought my cousin, not new ones.  And it is not just guys, teenage girls are just as bad.  I am sorry but a 16 year old does not have the experience to drive in those situations and most not even on highways.  Parents exacerbate the problem with the cars they are giving their kids.  Sorry but no 16, 17 or 18 year old has any business in a car that is capable of those speeds.  A good reliable car yes, but there are many that are not capable of those speeds.  If they insist on a car capable of those speeds then have a mechanic place a govenor on the car to limit the top speed the car can achieve.   This will not only protect them but also all of us who are out on the road minding our own business.  Yes every teenage boy wants a nice car to impress the girls.....get a job, work for it, pay for it yourself....you will respect it more and not want to tear it up....by the time you can afford it you are MATURE enough to have a car like that. 

I totally agree with the dad who put the chip in the truck.  I find it appalling that he had to ask anyone else if it was OK. 

  

What really shocks me is that the truck was not sold immediately when the 16 year old tried to defend that kind of driving.  That kind of driving is not just a traffic offense.  It is a crime--reckless driving, and could easily result in multiple fatalities.  If you don't understand that you have no business driving at all. 

  

Maybe a few years of long walks would teach him that. 

 

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October 27, 2005, 2:17 pm PDT

Cheerleading

Quote From: arohn2005

  

 I think its wrong for Anna to make 7 year old Micheal go to cheerleading especially if he doesn't want too. I also believe that if he continues cheerleading he'll probably not be liked by too many kids in his school and they'll probably begin bullying him and beating him up. 

Why in the world would someone beat up on the son because he wants to be a cheerleader.  My son was a cheerleader in high school and college and then became a MARINE and is now a landscaper!!!!  So tell me why people would want to beat him up.....have you EVER tried to lift a girl above your head that weights 120 ponuds???  Let's be realistic about what you think people will do!
 
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October 27, 2005, 2:17 pm PDT

suggested reading for the

 Dr. Phil,

I am a fellow Texan who has been watching you for years and seen u down on Harry Hines eating out.  I wanted to say I believe you understand and are dedicated to your audience.
I am writing to say that I have worked with at-risk youth in several different settings.  All of which are female teenage girls.  The first place I believe you are familiar with is the Salesmanship Youth Camp and I am presently working as a houseparent at the Settlement Home for Children in Austin.  Through the years I have been trained in several different therapeutic ways to intervene in a childs life positively.  I will say the best and most informative book and training I have received is the following.  Love and Logic.  This training taught me so much on both the negative and positive ways to work with children.  I will also say it is helpful in adult relationships.  It teaches you how to be therapeutic verses being the "DRILL SERGANT".  As I watched today's episode on the fathers drill sergant approach, this training immediately popped into my head.  I hope that you would share this book with this family.  He seems to want to be loving and helpful but really seems to struggle finding how to intervene positively.  They have training books which are available and classes to take as well.  I don't believe there is anything better than solution focused therapy.  I also want to say that having been raised by an airforce officer for my whole childhood I understand the need for the 8:1 positive reinforcement.  That is needing 8 positive comments for every single negative. 
Thank You Dr. Phil for being so involved in helping the youth of today, the Lord knows we neglect to give our children all the positives they deserve.

Sincerely,
Jennifer Wilbanks
 

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October 27, 2005, 2:20 pm PDT

Cheerleading

Quote From: mrssandib

i agree, why on earth would a mom be pushing something so feminin on a boy? i think the more appropriate question would be does the son like cheerleading? does he want to do it? as long as he is doing the important stuff  (schoolwork, chores manners)i think it should be up to the child to decide whether he wants to do it, otherwise resentment will build, and the pressure on that poor boy would not be fair.
Could you please tell me what is so femine about lifting females that weight 120 pounds above your head in one arm.  Do you not realize what a male cheerleader has to do in cheer leading.  My son is FAR from femine and he was a cheerleader in high school and college.
 
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