Topic : 12/27 Extreme Parenting

About the man who put the chip in his son’s car. I really don’t understand why he just did not take the keys of the vehicle once he found out that his son was driving at such excessive speeds. My friend was 17. He died May 23rd of this year. He drove a dodge neon and was going 75+ mph when he was reaching for his cell phone and had a head on collision with a cement truck. He was the type of person who could make you smile no matter what kind of mood you were in. He never said anything bad about anyone. He also like the guys on the video said, " if it is your time to go then it is your time to go." This was just a tragic way for him to go. This is my link to my page of him... it has pictures of his car and him along with other things if you would like to view this. I really wish the boy who was driving 100+ on the show to look. Http://hometown.aol.com/hugsnsmooches07/inmemoryofjosh.html.  

Dear Julie and parents of the like,  

The episode "Extreme Parenting" resurfaced much of my youth in a blended home.  My mother remarried when I was 10 years old.  I am now 25 years old.  I have 15 years of anger, frustration, disappointment, embarassement and hate as a result of a bitter relationship between my stepfather and I, which has damaged my relationship with my mother.  Before my stepfather walked into the picture, my mother was my hero and we were more like loving sisters.  My mother's life with my biological father was rough (to say the least) as a result of his alcohol and drug addiction that caused a lot of pain and depression.  I love my mother for removing me and herself from that situation.  Unfortunately, like Nate, my stepfather felt like it was his job to fix this broken home.  He felt that the relationship between my mother and I was inappropriate, and as a child, I must know my place like setting curfews for bed, limiting telephone use, monitoring my calls, and not allowing me to just hang out with my friends.   

For 6 years, my stepfather and I were at each others throat and my mother was stuck in the middle.  To my mother it was like she had to choose sides.  To me she lost her own voice within the family and my life.  My perception of my mother went from being a hero to a coward.  As her child, she stepped aside and permitted an outsider, a stranger to set rules and constraints in my life.  When I was a high school senior, I asked my mother to go to the prom and her response to me was she had to ask my stepfather.  I was furious.  Her response to me was he is her husband and I have to respect his position in her life and our family.  Unfortunately, her response changed my life and our relationship forever.  I realized that my position in this family was a position I no longer wanted to play because I wasn't a daughter, I was a stepdaughter even in the eyes of my mother.         

Was I rebelious?  Did my stepfather have reason to be verbally and emotionally aggressive with me?  I was valedictorian in Junior High and graduate with Honors in High School.  As a high school student, I attended a summer program at an Ivy League school.  I never drank alcohol.  I never did drugs.  I attended a presigious college.  In 15 years, what has my stepfather taught me that makes me a better person?  Nothing.  His verbal and emotional abuse to my mother and I are just as bad as dealing with an alcoholic.  I have to thank God that my mother put me in school at the age of 2 because I was exposed to many different things like art, music, math, and creative writing.  I was attracted to school and I know that I could have indulged in a lot of other life threatening behaviors, but it was my own understanding and experience of my father's destruction due to drugs and alcohol that influenced me not to take that route when I felt hopeless and defeated in my stepfather's house.  I don't consider myself apart of the family.  I feel like I represent a part of my mother's past that my stepfather considers less than.  I am a constant reminder of what is not his.    

Julie, I commend you for separating from your husband and making your daughter your #1priority.  Your daughter is at a very impressionable and tender age, and her role models should benefit her personal and social growth inside and outside the home.  Being a teenager is hard, extra pressures will only make it worse.  You need to be attentive and present in her adolescence.  This is the time she will be interacting with her peers and forming relationships.  If she cant trust you with her feelings, this is the age she is able to reach out to others for comfort.  Its up to you whether or not you want to be that person in her life that she can depend on in all of her moments of success and failure.  You are her reference point in how she goes through life so you need to be aware of your actions and relationships.    

I have seen stories of weddings where the stepparent also marries the children.  I think that this gesture has a powerful meaning because there is A COMMITMENT, NOT A CONTRACT established to be the best one can be in nourishing the relationship in good and bad times -- it is a mutual relationship.  NATE HAS TO WORK JUST HAS HARD if not harder in his relationship with Julie's daughter to make it loving, respectful, and productive.  Stepparents enter a childs life and demand respect; assuming that its the childs place to respect adults does not work in these relationships because to the child THE STEPPARENT IS THE STRANGER.  Communication is the key to every relationship.  I dont think that stepparents take the time to know their stepchildren as individuals.   

I wish that I could have a better relationship with my mother, but my stepfather and I still remain at odds with many things in our family.  I have stepped aside because I am an adult now and I have my own responsibilities that I need to take care of in my life.  My mother never listened to me when I was in the house, why would she listen to me now?  My mother's life is not my life anymore.  When it was time to leave, I left, actually, I ran.  For me, its about making better choices and never settling.  I reach for the heavens so that if I fall, I will still be among the stars.  I learn from my mother's mistakes.  I have a voice and I use it in all of my relationships.  I cannot define myself through relationships because I will always be disappointed.  I have to respect myself first and I do.