Topic : 12/27 Extreme Parenting

My son will soon be 16 and I think that a car chip is a great tool to use!  As Dr. Phil said, 16 year olds don't have the capability to make split second decisions and if a kid is driving the much over the speed limit, they are just an accident waiting to happen.  With cell phones, loud music on the radio and kids trying to look "cool" for their friends, the way the drive, the speeds they travel need to be monitored and if they don't follow the rules, take away the keys!  Driving is not a right, it's an earned privilege!  

I want to start by saying that I respect Dr. Phil and agree with him on most of what he says. The "Army Dad" is obviously going about his parenting incorrectly and other than being the only one of the two adults actually trying to be a parent; he is way out of line. What I do find disturbing is that Dr. Phil almost totally ignores one of the greatest problems in our society today.  I could not believe that once again Dr. Phil spent about 30 seconds talking with the mother about her serious "lack of parenting" and the rest of the time on the stepfather...  

Dr. Phil tells the mother that the two most important things a mother should do for her daughter is "protect her" and  "prepare her", and he says that by putting a stop to the stepfather's actions she is doing that and should be praised for doing so. While I agree that the stepfather is out of line, he is the only one of the two that is even trying to be a parent.  

It is real simple, there is a major problem in this country where mothers are more interested in being the friend of their child and living through their child by allowing the child to "do what my parents wouldn't let me do", "I trust my daughter, because my parents didn't trust me when I was that age", "let my child roam the streets, because my parents let me", "I wanted my parents to treat me that way when I was 15", etc.... The children have to raise themselves because their mother agrees with whatever they say and do. At a young age the child is more than happy to have a parent that backs there every move and gives them an excuse when they do something bad or wrong. Where is the parenting to help the child one day become an adult and allow them to deal with relationships and everyday "real life"? The child soon finds out when they become an adult that the life where they were "King" or "Queen" and could do whatever they wanted doesn't apply to their spouse, co-workers, or their children.   

In my life over 90% of the women I have met have said that they had been raped or molested. Almost all of the woman that were raped or molested as a teenager described a situation where they were 11 - 17 years old and they were at a boyfriends house, a party, drinking and/or doing drugs somewhere where their parent or parents knew where she was at, or where the parent allowed the daughter to just "roam the streets" with her friends. Why isn't Dr. Phil having a show where he is "pissed off” that these girls were even allowed to have boyfriends, go to parties, and roam the streets at such a young age? Why isn't there a show where Dr, Phil asks these mothers whom were raped or molested at a young age in a situation where they should have never been in, why they would put their daughters in the SAME situation just because "they were allowed to go to parties when they were 13", "my parents didn't trust me at 13 to go to a party, so I want to show my daughter I trust her", etc...  

Why is it so hard for people to understand that you must be the parent first and the friend second?  

I do wonder if she were doing the same thing but the boy were in hockey or pee wee football would people be reacting the same way. 

Or if this little boy were a little girl and the mom was doing the same thing would people still be reacing the same way. 

I believe that this is the contract you are looking for.  

http://drphil.com/articles/article/190/ 

I am angry with the fact that a child that is given the privilege to drive and he takes advantage of it. Does he honestly think that  it is okay to speed and put peoples life's endanger? All teenagers cars should have chips in them. My family and I almost lost of lives due to a teenage driver... He just turned 19. And had his 2 younger brothers with him (15&16).  

Last November we were going out to eat. We missed our exit and had to go down and turn around. As we got on our ramp a car missed theirs floored their car to make the light then proceeded to us our ramp. (going about 50 in a 30 mph zone) They hit the passanger side. All 4 tires were blown out, all 4 rims were bent. the gas tank was even hanging down and leaking. Everyone in my car had to go to the hospital. Right after the accident my sister (15yrs) was in the back pass. screaming for help.... HELP HELP PLEASE HELP THEIR DEAD. MY MOM AND SISTER ARE DEAD!!!!! (we went from talking to complete silence) The impact was so bad that the airbags deployed (my car didn't have side senors only front and back) they also jar-ed my trunk and bent my stroller that was in the trunk) my mom was driving- she lost a vertebra and had really bad whip lash, 3yr old goddaughter back driver- dislocated shoulder, my 3 month old (just turned 2 days prier) was fine other then crying really bad and has weekly nightmares, 15yrs sister back pass.-broke her pelvis in 2 places, both her pubic bones, and her tail-bone. She had to have surgery to have an external fixature placed in her hips until Feb. and stitches in her mouth b/c her face busted out her window.And to this day she has nerve damage in her legs, and myself front pass- fractured my pelvis and I had nerve damage in my back, I also had a concusion my mom came into my er room and told me that my daughter was fine as she walked out I looked at my husband and said to him WE HAVE A DAUGHTER?? I asked him over and over within 2 hours. I thought I only asked him once. We both had walkers,potties. I had a hospital bed at home. I was unable to walk for 3 weeks.  

This has ruined our lives. I blame myself for the accident b/c I was the one that brought up the idea to go out and eat.I picked to eat somewhere across town. If I would have never opened my big mouth we would have just hit a drive thru by our house. We have over 30 places to eat by our house. I now have a guilt problem. I blame myself day in and day out. I am depressed. I have put my 15 yr old sister through hell. She spent her 16 birthday at home in pain with bars coming out of her body. Boy what a birthday. She had to wait until Feb to get her license. 

I wrote a letter to Dr.Phil needing help to understand that it was not my fault. And I hope that Dr.Phil helps me with my problem and has me as a guest. And Mark watches the show. He needs to see what it does to people and their families. Driving a car is not something you do for fun. Driving a car is something he needs to take seriously. He should have got his keys taken away from him. To teach him a really good lesson.  

This is what just blows my mind, the fact that these situations continue to happen because parents just don't seem to want to hold their children accountable for wrong and sometimes dangerous (to themselves and others) activities. If my child was caught driving like this it would be a minimum 1 month suspension of driving privileges, grounding for that month, and a warning that the second time would result in the vehicle being sold and he would be buying his own car. All of these parents are selfish and they themselves don't understand the risk they take by trying to be their Childs friend first, and parent second. 

Learning to read music for piano can also help with playing guitar because the top bar of the music is the same.  And as bonus learning to play a second instrument is good because learning music has been proven to help with other subjects especially math.