Topic : 06/30 Addicts Transformed

Hey, I understand that what Denise did was WRONG.  But ease up a bit, okay?  Nobody wakes up one morning and makes a choice to become a drug addict.  And you are right - we not only hurt ourselves, we hurt others, too.  We know that.  But we keep doing it because the drug is stronger than we are.  It wasn't Denise that did that horrible thing - it was the drug that had taken over her life. If I had been Denise, I would have aimed that gun at my own head before I'd aimed it at anyone else.  She is exactly where she should be, and I hope she's getting sober now.  Addiction just plain sucks.  Nobody enjoys it, believe me.  We don't ask anyone to feel sorry for us, just give us a chance to do better and don't judge us - unless you think you are qualified to cast that first stone.  Thank God no one got hurt. 

  

"You're coming down badly, you're crippled inside - 

A rat in your sewer, you've no place to hide. 

A gut-wrenching fever, addicted to death- 

You don't give a f@*^ if it means your last breath. 

You try so hard to quit, but you'll never admit 

You're a junkie!" 

                                          ----Ozzy Osbourne 

                                               "Junkie" 

  

Peace, Siobahn 

  

I have a legitimate back injury that is has been constant for almost 4 years.  I have had epidurals, physical therapy, accupuncture, tens, pain patches, and the problem-vicodin and soma.  I do not make up pain to get more meds.  I only take what is prescribed. I do not doctor shop.  My concern is that I feel that I take too much, the prescribed amount.  I try to cut down but have withdrawl syptoms and pain so severe that I consider going to ER and wish I wouldn't wake up.   

The meds make me groggy, grouchy, and not who I used to be.  It also is probably because of pain and depression as well.  I want to have a baby so besides wanting to get off the meds for myself I need to for the baby.   

  

My major concern is with a chronic degenerative back condition from my neck, mid-back, to lumbar.  It is difficult to do typical daily activities (yes, I still want to have a baby-I have support)!  I do not know what is done for people that have gotten addicted to pain killers that need them.  I am very fearful that if I talk to my doctor I will be sent to rehab, which I would like but I am scared about the pain without the medicine.  I feel like it is a double edge sword.  I do know that if I get pregnant, there will be no question that I will have to stop.  So I may need advice leaving this part out.  What does a person with real chronic pain do about addiction. 

I am in the same situation, I feel like without it I can't get everything done that needs to be done. I know people who do it just for the high, I do it to keep a clean, organized house. No one knows and I do not hang around people who do it so good for me it is hard to get a hold of, but I am always thinking "if I just had some more, what I could get done". I know it is bad and I am always trying to find horror stories to scare me but I always jump at the chance to score any amount. Thank you for those that have posted, I know now I am not alone.

First of all, I do not know if you two are Christian, or where you live, but there is a meeting that you two can go to together that is above and beyond AA or NA.  It is called Celebrate Recovery. They meet once a week and there is one in nearly every town that has a church.  It is a 12 step program based on the Bible. It offers true hope and a MEANING for sobriety, not just because.  You two can attend together even if you are not an addict.  It is not geared toward any particular addiction, it is solely for addicts. The meetings that I attended in Hot Springs, AR lasted from 6-9pm every Friday night.  From 6-7 we ate and had fellowship, talking to other people who have problems and want help, then from 7-8 it was singing and testimonials and just hearing about what Celebrate Recovery is about and what it is for. "Hurts, Habits, or Hang-Ups" Everyone has those, his may be alchohol, yours is his addiction and finding your role as a supportive wife. Then, my favorite part, the last hour...from 8-9 we broke off into men and women small groups. In these small groups you have comfort, safety, and peace. You can talk or just listen.  If you talk, no body will give you advice, cut you down or say anything to you, all they can do is listen. Same thing with your husbands group. He can talk about his problem or you not being supportive in his eyes or whatever. Maybe if you two have a safe place to go together to get thru this difficult time and a way to vent aside from to each other, your relationship will grow stronger. I urge you to look into it. Good Luck and God Bless

I am a 23 year old stay at home mom who just recently started attending Celebrate Recovery, a 12 step program based on the Bible. I have been clean from Hydrocodone for over a month now and honestly have no desire to go back to my addiction. I have found new meaning for life thru Jesus Christ. The problem is, my husband. I took the pills to be able to deal with him and my two small children. He is very demanding and expects me to keep the house spotless inside and out, do EVERYTHING there is to be done with the kids, money, yard, bills, appointments, everything while he works. I am only one woman, and it is stressful trying to live up to the demands of a 4 year old and a 1 year AND a 24 year old who is more demanding than both put together!! So pills helped me. Now I am clean, and actually doing ok juggling everything life throws my way except my husbands own addictions. I never thought that becoming a recovering addict I would resent him and his addictions so much. It just makes me angry that I can quit, for me, for God, for my children and for him and he's a "grown-a** man" and "I do what I want" I took him to one of my meeting last week and he enjoyed it. He said he will go with me again, so maybe there is hope in that, I just am SO lost as to how to be a loving supportive wife and NOT support his addictions. When he opens a beer and hops in the car and says "were in the middle of nowhere anyway" what do I do?? As a submissive wife there is nothing I can do. Does anyone have a suggestion, I want so bad to help him through, but he doesn't want help. He sees nothing wrong with the way he is and says I should get used to who he is because he's not changing for me.

I didnt get to see Fridays show, but I wished I would have. I just found out that  a friend for 11 years is addicted to Meth. 

I have known her pretty well. She was a teacher, mother of 3 and a great gal. She got a divorce a few years ago and has sort of gone downhill.  

I hired her  because I needed a good office manager and she was great! I could tell she was hiding something however, it was a strange "dark" feeling I had. One day she took my car without permission. And she had a strange guy drive her to work sometimes. He looked horrible!! 

Like a walking dead man.  

SHe just said he was her mechanic and was fixiing her car. 

  

Then she made excuses and I believed her, and then payday, she asked toborrow my car and cashed her check and the next day she didnt make it to work.  

I was so mad, because my suspisions were right. I didnt want to believe she was leading a double life. 

Her dad said she got arrested and told us they had been suspecting it for a while. 

  

 I read about it in the papers.  

Im so sad about this. She was married to a attorney in our town and had everything. A home, the kids, a teaching job, a great life. 

And she has lost it all. 

Im scared she or someone will break into my business to steal for drugs. 

  

Im mourning the loss of  a friend and a pretty good employee  

  

I cannot believe a teacher and mother of 42 years of age would get mixed up in something like this. 

Its just so sad.... How does a person ever decide to smoke Meth for the first time? My God? What kind of mess does your life have to be to do that? I just cant even imagine her doing it. 

  

Its so bizzare to me. Ive had a lot of bad things happen to me in my life, and I would never do drugs to escape! If I was a prisioner of war in Iraq and tortered everyday I might do drugs to escape, but there isnt anything that bad to make you turn to something that will REALLY DESTROY your life for sure!!! 

  

Im scared to death of getting breast cancer or some other disease and try to treat my body with respect. Meth is Death. Ive read about it and once you are on it, its only 5% of people who go to rehab recover. And for everyone who does it, they say your average lifespan is only 5-7 years until you are dead. She used to be pretty and I can already tell she is getting Hagard and old looking. 

SHe had sores on her face that she covered up with makeup, and I thought it was just acne. (haha yea right....acne on a 42 year old.) 

So so so so sad...... 

Im just devastated. Her family isnt sending her to rehab because they believe her lies that she will change. Her mom died of cancer a few months ago and her dad is trying to protect her. 

I am scared that she will eventually rob me or break into my business or house. 

I feel badly for her kids..... Her husband is humiliated. Its soo sad... 

Any advice from anyone? 

I dread the day I read about her dying in the city park wieghing only 67 pounds or something like that. 

ANyone got any advice for me? 

Thanks for listening,  Dixie Chick 

I feel so sad for the lady whose husband keeps losing his job. Why does he loose his job? Is he on drugs? Or does he have a bad temper? In Texas you can call a number called 211 and it is affiliated with places that give money to people to help them pay their bills. Also joining a good church and getting to know people will help you. Church's often have money to give to help their members. And the other members can help too, by giving you clothing, appliances, etc.. 

Being your friend and being there for you. 

I was married to man like that for a while and it was terrible. I finally had to leave him, He did have an alcohol problem and it was bad. My life is much better. There is hope. I got myself a job and enrolled my self in college and now I own my own business and am married to a good guy. 

I hope things turn around for you. Hang in there and please join a church! You need support. 

Its scary to go to a church the first time, but there are good people in churche's and your son will make good friends and you will have support and love there. Any church near your home will do. 

I pray that God will help you and your family. Believe and be strong. And ask for help. 

God Bless, 

Dixie Chick 

Well I am 28 years old mother of 3 girls. I have been fighting addiction for years. This last year or two has been terrible. I was shooting 4 80 mg oxyicontin, into my arms, everyday, chasing it with coke( it was mt drugged out thinking that that would balance out and not kill me) Last thanksgiving I came clean after years of hidding it. I showed my dad my arm, fillied with track marks and told him I needed help. I thought he would be shocked. But he wasent. My mother was also a pill popper. She killed herself on Oxiycontin. The very drug that I was addicted to. He was hurt. My friend all said that they had all known for some time. Why did they not tell me? The next few weeks were the worst of my life. Withdrawl almost killed me. I had no idea that stopping so suddenly could kill me. I really thought that I was gonna die. I sometimes wounder why God did not take me. I stayed clean for about 8 months. Then this guy showed me Dalodin, I started shooting it. It almost had me until my oldest daughter saw me doing it. She a 7 year old was so scared. She had learned in school that this could kill people. That was the very last time I did it. It has only been a little over a month since then. I know statistics say I will fail, maybe I will. I hope that I can finally be free from this. I want to be able to have a good time with my girls & husband. I found out that I suffer from Bipolar Disorder. I looked up all the information I could find on it. It makes everything seem so clear now. I think that I was self medicating, to get through my manic times. But all that it ever did was send me into depression. I only mad things worse. Now I am following the docs orders taking my meds. I have never felt so good. I sleep like I did as a child. I am enjoying my kids. I finally have a job that I enjoy. Ihope I make it this time, my family is counting on it.

I was diagnosed with a very rare form of cancer and was put on oxycontin to deal with the physical pain.  Not long after that I underwent 7 major surgeries over the course of 2 years.  Mind you, I spent a great deal of time in hospital with being shot full of dilaudid and ativan to recover from the surgeries.  After finally leaving the hospital, I was put on 100mcg Fentenayl Patch, Percocet 10's and Fentenayl Suckers.  Needless to say, I was on heavy duty narcotics for over 8 years taking them on a daily basis.  Finally, I made up my mind that I was going to go off of them on my own, which my bright idea only lasted 3 days and then I was on my way to an Emergency Room in full withdrawl.  They informed me that because I could not die from this they could not admit me to the hospital, but would try to get me hooked up with a chemical detox center 1/2 hour away from where I lived.  I was so sick that I didn't think I'd make it to the detox enter.  The ER Doctor sent me home with ativan to calm me through until I could get in this detox center.  Quite frankly, that was the worst thing he could have done, although it did help me whilst I was at home waiting for the phone call from the detox center saying they could take me, which took 4 days.  When I got there they didn't know if they would be able to keep me because they use "subcutex" to detox off narcotics and if you have benzos in your system you can have seizures and end up dying.  Long story short it all worked out and it took me 15 days to detox.  I have been clean nearly 3 months now, but I make a conscious effort everyday that I am not going to go down that road again.  I do fear the future because my docs are already discussing another surgery and most recently I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, which is very painful.  For now my attitude is I will take nothing for pain,  but I am not sure how realistic this notion is.   

Also, if anyone reads this and can comment I'd really appreciate it.  In detox my physician mentioned going into secondary withdrawl.  I have insomnia very badly, extreme headaches, and cravings and quite frankly, I just don't feel as well as I did just a few weeks ago.  Could I be going into secondary withdrawl now with these symptoms?   Thanks so much for listening! 

I suffer from chronic pain from cancer and fybromyalgia and after being on some heavy duty narcotics for over 8 years, I made a decision that enough was enough.  I went into a chemical detox center to detox with medical assistance.  Mind you, it was still hell, but the medication did help a little bit.  I have been clean nearly 3 months and I must say that my pain hasn't been that bad, in fact, most of the time I can tolerate it ok.  I have good days and bad days and for the life of me do not understand why they don't have some stronger non narcotic pain meds available for people that have become addicted to narcotics.   

  

If you can manage to go off the narcs totally that would be terrific.  Then if at some point you have a real need for them ask your physician to start you off on a low dose with as few pills as necessary.  If you fear that taking them responsibily might be an issue then give them to someone else to give to you as needed or on a schedule.  Hope this helps!