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Topic : 10/31 "Spoiled and Entitled?"

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Created on : Friday, October 28, 2005, 02:09:21 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

Are we raising a generation of ungrateful children? Sabrina and Jessica say they have the most spoiled nephews in North America. They get every toy they ask for -- all they have to do is whine. Their sister, Melissa, says her sons aren't spoiled, they're just kids who like toys. Are her sisters just jealous of her lifestyle? Next, Dori admits that her 13-year-old son, Parker, is spoiled. Parker says he won't take no for an answer, and even has a strategy for getting everything he wants. Then, Joan says her 14-year-old daughter, Jacquie, is a snob, and her need for trendy clothes is turning her into a materialistic monster. Can Dr. Phil help Jacquie change her ways? Plus, Lauren spends her entire paycheck shopping, but with no money in her checking account, she worries that she could be headed for trouble. Her mom, Diane, says she's not worried, it's just Lauren's way of relaxing. Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

 

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November 2, 2005, 8:55 am CST

10/31 "Spoiled and Entitled?"

By the way-there were 6 children in my family.  Every single one of us is a professional with university degrees.  We are all close to or over 50.  We all happily married, no divorces, no separations.  Although I have sibs in Japan, the US and miles and miles away on the other side of Canada we all gather every christmas and at the beginning of every summer.  We all still have friends as adults who were our buddies as kids.  

  

I don't know what your definition of success is, but i think my parents succeeded without buying us nikes. 

 
November 2, 2005, 12:33 pm CST

Spoiled 18 year old

Quote From: sashacat

I have the exact problem with my daughter, who will soon be 18.  She's an only child and we don't have much family that we can count on except us.  (My husband, daughter and me).  We too have spoiled our daughter, buying her most everything she wants.  We have always been able to give her everything.  Her father has always told her "your only job is school".  She has done well, not exceptional but  very well.  I worry all the time that she will always have to depend on someone, either us as her parents or find someone rich.  I have preached to her that we will not always be there to support her.  She has to learn the value of a dollar, earn her own money, and make it on her own.  She has no concept of what it takes to do this.  I just don't know if or when she will ever learn this.  Any suggestions? 

Yes, I do have a suggestion!  Tell her that the gravy train is pulling into the station.  Then do it and make sure she gets off!!   

Learn the word "no".   

Tel her to "GET A JOB!!!!" 

Simple stuff.  It amazes me how many parents can't figure this out. 

  

 
November 2, 2005, 12:41 pm CST

????????

Quote From: judyblue22

Were you never picked on?  

  

Oh yes! I was a middle child in a large working class family.  I always had to wear hand-me-downs and I had siblings in the 2 grades immediately ahead of me, so the fact that I was wearing their old clothes was very apparent. I had to work babysitting and cleaning yards to buy a second hand bicycle that was not "cool" at all and caused some teasing.  But it worked fine and I was as fast as the wind on it. 

  

I don't think I was scarred or damaged by that teasing.  I learned at a very young age that the people who did that were people I didn't want to socialize with and I learned that my friends didn't give a rat's patoot about my clothes or bike because they liked ME.  I can still feel that little sun of pride and love glowing in my chest when I recall my best friends defending me.  I hope my children get an opportunity to feel that! 

  

My children are much better off financially than I was (we don't even have a second daughter or son to hand things down to).  I am certain that they are not teased because of material wealth issues.  In spite of having nice clothes and things,  my daughter was ostracized for a while a few years back.  I don't really know the reason, but she came home crying a few times.   

  

I understand the feelings that parents get. The momma bear in me was in pain for her.  I hated it.   I even talked to my husband about hosting a big ski trip for her class (we really are wealthy) and leaving the bullies out. That would have made me feel soooo much better. Luckily, my husband is much smarter than me and he asked me what lesson that would teach our daughter.  That she needs to buy friends? That ostracizing someone (the bullies) is ok? 

  

We let her know we loved her and would listen to anything she wanted to talk about.  We offered to talk to the teacher. But she handled it on her own and is one of the most popular children again. In fact the nastiest bully girl from grade 5 is now one of her friends.   

I sincerely hope that the nasty bully your daughter is now friends with is no longer a nasty bully.  Too many times, kids will join in with the bully and torment others just to be on the bully's good side.  That, to me, is NOT a friend.  So unless this girl has made a 180 degree turnaround, I'd keep close tabs on my daughter in regards to this friendship. 

 
November 2, 2005, 1:11 pm CST

totally outraged

I was really outraged at Dori and Parker on the show on Monday.  I was amazed at how snide this child had become.  He was well aware of his actions to only get what he wanted.  I was angered at how they both seemed to find it funny at his realizations.  They actually laughed at some of the things he said.  Poor Dori, I think, she is in for a tough road ahead unless, she decides not to laugh off his comment and face reality.  I was shocked that Dr. Phil did not address their smirks and laughs when they were talking about such serious attitudes.   

 
November 2, 2005, 1:34 pm CST

10/31 "Spoiled and Entitled?"

Quote From: juliebgg

I sincerely hope that the nasty bully your daughter is now friends with is no longer a nasty bully.  Too many times, kids will join in with the bully and torment others just to be on the bully's good side.  That, to me, is NOT a friend.  So unless this girl has made a 180 degree turnaround, I'd keep close tabs on my daughter in regards to this friendship. 

I always keep close tabs on my children's conduct. I talk to her teachers a lot and I am in and out of the school weekly. I don't know if this girl has changed completely, but they have grown up.  Grin-even if she has changed, I have a really difficult time treating her well when she is at my home.  My daughter may have forgiven all of that past, but the momma bear in me is still riled :) 

 
November 2, 2005, 1:38 pm CST

10/31 "Spoiled and Entitled?"

Quote From: judyblue22

I'm not a big supporter of giving children commercial stuff for rewards or comfort.  That is no better than giving them candy.  It teaches them to reward themselves that way and that can become unhealthy.  

  

Our rewards are things like being able to choose the after dinner game we all play or allowing them some time on their xbox (that they saved up for).  If I give them stuff, I am interfering with my own plan of having them learn how to budget and choose things that they want. 

I wouldn't do it except on special occasions.  Like if you get straight A's this semester, I will get you that Barbie dreamhome.
 
November 2, 2005, 5:31 pm CST

absolutely outraged

I saw the show and I was absolutely outraged at how that 13 year old boy could go on national television, and in front of his mom, and pretend that he knows it all! I was especially angry at his mother for tolerating that. Her son's there, admitting that he plays her like a flute, and she still doesn't get it!
 

I think that Melissa (was that her name? can't remember), pretends to be completely unaware of the damage she is doing to her kids. I didn't see her boys "demanding" toys or the big birthday bash she threw her son. She voluntarily takes them to the toy store several times a week and buys them these things. She acted like a dummy on the show as if she had no clue, and quite frankly, I don't think she has a clue on how to raise children, and tries to act like a responsible parent. She got quite annoying. 

 

I have five children, three of them teenagers. They would love nothing better than to have a television, seperate telephone line, and computer in their room. But, they don't even bother begging. They know they don't "need" any of that my husband and I won't give it to them. They understand--I think most kids do.  

 

When my eighteen year old was sixteen and wanting his license, I told him to practise for a while--take it slow. There was no hurry. My husband and I explained to him and he understood that serious consenquences could come from not knowing how to drive safely. He agreed and it wasn't too big a deal for him. He is eighteen and is just getting ready to get his license. In the meantime, he was absolutely not allowed to drive on the road. I now have a sixteen year old who wants to get his also....same with him. 

 

I don't think that sixteen is an appropriate age for driving. Even if your kid is "responsible enough", they are still right in teenagerhood and even if they don't mean it to, things can get out of hand--especially with friends in the car. Better to be safe than sorry. 

 

I think parents would be suprised how often, and especially how quickly, kids "get over" most things. When you explain to them that those things don't matter, doesn't matter how many kids their age have it, they get the picture. I think the most common things parents have, that they shouldn't, is being afraid to say "No". Of course, all children are different, but you need to learn how and when to put your foot down, and stick to it, when the situation arises. 

 
November 2, 2005, 6:07 pm CST

good job

Quote From: judyblue22

I always keep close tabs on my children's conduct. I talk to her teachers a lot and I am in and out of the school weekly. I don't know if this girl has changed completely, but they have grown up.  Grin-even if she has changed, I have a really difficult time treating her well when she is at my home.  My daughter may have forgiven all of that past, but the momma bear in me is still riled :) 

I think you are doing the right thing on keeping close tabs on your children's conduct. 

  

I do that with my kids, and my older ones even thanking me for it. It pays off. 

  

They were taught to serve when they saw someone who needed service, speak to their teachers and elders with "Ma'am" and "Sir", honor and obey what they were told to do (doesn't matter how "pointless and "dumb" it was), and never follow the crowd just because.  

  

If my children disrespected anyone, I wanted to know about it, and fix it right away. Thank goodness, I never have and hope to never get any teacher or church leader come to me and tell me that my son or daughter was involved in playing a mean or inappropriate prank on someone during camp, or making their teacher's lesson experience miserable, talking and/or interupting during class, or being involved in a clique that put someone down or deliberately hurt someone's feelings. I wanted to know how they behaved at the sleepover or at the birthday party. 

  

My oldest is always telling me that people appreciate him and compliment him (especially at work) for being so polite and having such good morals and values. 

  

If I could give a piece of advice to parents, it would be to keep an eye on your kids' manners and behavior. Keep in control. They'll thank you when their older--trust me. 

 
November 2, 2005, 6:34 pm CST

Family with 15 children could show these idiots a thing or two

When I watched the show about the spoiled rotten kids my primary reaction was that the title of the show more accurately should have been "rotten parents".  I  also recently watched a show on the Discovery Health channel titled, "14 Children and pregnant again!"  about the Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar family.   I would love to see this family on Dr. Phil.  I believe they would be a perfect counter-balance to some of the spoiled, out-of-control kids who have been the topic of recent shows.  Even though they had 14 children (15 by the time the show finished taping) all the children were well behaved and respectful to their parents and willing to do chores around home and they lived without a television and with no access to the internet.  Their entertainment was doing family things together like play games (outside...not video games) and they had no DVD or CD in their vehicle but rather the family would sing together as they traveled.   

 

My normal reaction to a family with 14 children would be disgust and contempt and I would wonder how many of those children my tax dollars are supporting but I have the utmost respect for Michelle and Jim Bob and all their children and my tax dollars are supporting NONE of these children because the family receives no government assistance and has in fact paid off their mortgage and is debt free!   

 

The main thing that struck me as I watched the show was "Hmmm, this is what a family looks like when the PARENTS are in charge of the home."  If a 2 year old is bright enough to run a home surely he could also hold a job so he probably should have his own place!  How the devil did we get to the place where we allowed a 2 or 3 year old to run a home?  Why is this concept so difficult for so many parents to grasp?  Children are not qualified to run a home and yet many parents allow their children to make the decisions about how much money will be spent and where it will be spent and where the family will go and when it will go and on and on and on.   

 

I don't know if the Duggars would be willing to be on the Dr. Phil show because they might have a thing about television since they don't own one.  However, if someone could get them on the show they might be able to show idiots with one or two children how a child can properly be raised!!!!!

  

 

  

 
November 2, 2005, 8:30 pm CST

must be nice!!!

It must be really nice to be able to buy everything for your kids at the drop of a hat. All that says to me is " I think i am better than you because i have money." People like me and my husband work very hard all year and still wonder where we are going to get the money for all 4 birthdays and then here comes christmas. The hardest thing to do is look at that sad look on your childs face on christmas morning because they didnt get what they really wanted and then having to explain to them that "mommy and daddy" didnt really have the money to get it. At least my kids will know that it takes working to get the things you want and need and they will appreciate the things they get a lot more.
 
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