Topic : 10/31 "Spoiled and Entitled?"

I saw the show and I was absolutely outraged at how that 13 year old boy could go on national television, and in front of his mom, and pretend that he knows it all! I was especially angry at his mother for tolerating that. Her son's there, admitting that he plays her like a flute, and she still doesn't get it!
 

I think that Melissa (was that her name? can't remember), pretends to be completely unaware of the damage she is doing to her kids. I didn't see her boys "demanding" toys or the big birthday bash she threw her son. She voluntarily takes them to the toy store several times a week and buys them these things. She acted like a dummy on the show as if she had no clue, and quite frankly, I don't think she has a clue on how to raise children, and tries to act like a responsible parent. She got quite annoying. 

I have five children, three of them teenagers. They would love nothing better than to have a television, seperate telephone line, and computer in their room. But, they don't even bother begging. They know they don't "need" any of that my husband and I won't give it to them. They understand--I think most kids do.  

When my eighteen year old was sixteen and wanting his license, I told him to practise for a while--take it slow. There was no hurry. My husband and I explained to him and he understood that serious consenquences could come from not knowing how to drive safely. He agreed and it wasn't too big a deal for him. He is eighteen and is just getting ready to get his license. In the meantime, he was absolutely not allowed to drive on the road. I now have a sixteen year old who wants to get his also....same with him. 

I don't think that sixteen is an appropriate age for driving. Even if your kid is "responsible enough", they are still right in teenagerhood and even if they don't mean it to, things can get out of hand--especially with friends in the car. Better to be safe than sorry. 

I think parents would be suprised how often, and especially how quickly, kids "get over" most things. When you explain to them that those things don't matter, doesn't matter how many kids their age have it, they get the picture. I think the most common things parents have, that they shouldn't, is being afraid to say "No". Of course, all children are different, but you need to learn how and when to put your foot down, and stick to it, when the situation arises. 

Thank you. I absolutely stick to what I said--kids shouldn't be driving at sixteen...even if they're "responsible enough". Eighteen should be the minimal age for a driver's license. 

Come on! These are children! These are kids who just learned to wipe their own bottoms not too long ago, and when sixteen comes around, we give them the car keys and trust they'll "do the right thing". 

I'm not saying that kids at sixteen are not trustworthy, I just think giving them car keys is a little too much. 

I'll share an experience that might make you think twice before giving those children the keys; 

I have a friend who had two sons; one was fifteen and the other, ten. One day, they were invited to a barbecue about 6 or 7 blocks away from their house. When they got there, my friend realized she had left the barbecue sauce and mustard she was asked to bring to the get-together, at home. She didn't want to go back, so she gave the fifteen year old the car keys and told him and his ten-year-old brother to go get the sauce and mustard. He didn't have a license or even a permit (he was only 15), but he had driven on the road before (!), and had "plenty of experience". He had never been in trouble with the law, and was a "responsible driver for his age...besides, it was only 6 or 7 blocks away, right? So, he went, got there safely, and took the things he needed. On his way out of the driveway, his little brother jumped on top of the car, and was "car surfing" on the hood. The 15 year old didn't think anything of it, and hit the reverse, and backed up. The little one stayed put for a couple of seconds, but after the front wheels came off the pavement, he fell off the car and under the wheels. The older boy, Chris, panicked, and hit the gas pedal. He ran over his brother's head. A week later, little Vincent, passed away at age 10. The little boy, who caught everyone's attention, with his beautiful smile, and outgoing personality, was never coming back. Chris will have to live with the death of his brother for the rest of his life. Their family was forever scarred. 

Hopefully, this won't happen with anyone else, but it can happen. Think twice--that's the point I'm trying to make here. 

Yes, I do have a suggestion!  Tell her that the gravy train is pulling into the station.  Then do it and make sure she gets off!!   

Learn the word "no".   

Tel her to "GET A JOB!!!!" 

Simple stuff.  It amazes me how many parents can't figure this out. 

Do you have any kids?  If so, is your income above $500,000 a year?  This is what I am talking about.  We have an only child and can afford to give her everything.  She figured this out when she was quite young.  What  is amazing to me is that most parents out there give their kids everything they want and can't even afford it!!!  So how do we, all of a sudden after 18 years just say "NO, GET A JOB" when all these other parents are doing the same thing and can barely afford their house payments.  We are not the parents of Paris Hilton, but we definitely have a higher than average income.  My husband and I both work and our daughter will graduate this year (2006).  She is however a very good student, cheerleader, involved in many school activities, and has managed to stay out of trouble, unlike many of her peers.  Spoiled, you bet!  How do you not give them everything when (1) you can afford it and (2) they are good kids, stay out of trouble, keep their grades at 4.0 and that's with advanced placement  and honors classes.  We don't give her everything she wants.  We do say  "NO" to plenty.  The problem is as with many kids her age, is that they don't know the value of money, how hard it is to live on your own, pay your own bills, insurance, taxes, etc.  I think this was the whole reason for the show on 10/31, "Spoiled and Entitiled".  I want  advice on how to teach her that just because we have money, that doesn't mean she's entitled to it, that she needs to earn it and not depend on anyone.  She will go away next year to college, and yes, the "gravytrain" will probably continue as long as she does well.  There is no doubt in my mind that  she will do well.  But again, the problem is still there.  Just saying "no" at this point  is not the answer.  These kids (all of  them) need to be taught how to grow up and make their own way.  Now do you have any answers to this? 

You are supposed to be the grown up.  Surely, you don't just do everything the neighbours do? Just because you can afford to spoil your children and leave them incapable of being responsible adults, doesn't mean you should.  You have left things very late and your daughter will likely suffer with the wake up call, but you owe it to her. 

How do you not give them everything when (1) you can afford it and (2) they are good kids, stay out of trouble, keep their grades at 4.0 and that's with advanced placement  and honors classes.  We don't give her everything she wants. 

I'm a lawyer and my husband is a psychiatrist. Our joint income could easily be well over 500K but it isn't, because we choose to both work a very managable caseload.  We are still in the top 1% of family incomes, I'm sure.  My children are both wonderful, bright, well liked and successful. They also know the value of work and the value of money. 

We spend our time with each other and our kids. We decided when they were very young what we wanted them to learn and have been teaching them those things progressivly and thoughtfully. Unfortunately, your child will need a crash course and NOW is the time, while she is still under your roof and you can make sure she is safe.  

You need to tell her that she must budget and live on the allowance you give her.  If she wants to live more extravagantly, she needs to work. You supply her with food and housing. Give her a weekly amount that you think is appropriate for her clothing, entertainment, toiletries and activities.  She can spend it in her own discretion. NEVER lend her money and NEVER bail her out.   

I do this with my children (although very gradually-my 7 year old son just has to budget for gifts for others and his entertainment) and they are already grown up beyond making stupid mistakes and not thinking ahead. It can be difficult and you will want to "help" her but you would be doing that for you not your child. 

Preparing your children for life is your job.  You should take it seriously. 

Do you have any kids?  If so, is your income above $500,000 a year?  This is what I am talking about.  We have an only child and can afford to give her everything.  She figured this out when she was quite young.  What  is amazing to me is that most parents out there give their kids everything they want and can't even afford it!!!  So how do we, all of a sudden after 18 years just say "NO, GET A JOB" when all these other parents are doing the same thing and can barely afford their house payments.  We are not the parents of Paris Hilton, but we definitely have a higher than average income.  My husband and I both work and our daughter will graduate this year (2006).  She is however a very good student, cheerleader, involved in many school activities, and has managed to stay out of trouble, unlike many of her peers.  Spoiled, you bet!  How do you not give them everything when (1) you can afford it and (2) they are good kids, stay out of trouble, keep their grades at 4.0 and that's with advanced placement  and honors classes.  We don't give her everything she wants.  We do say  "NO" to plenty.  The problem is as with many kids her age, is that they don't know the value of money, how hard it is to live on your own, pay your own bills, insurance, taxes, etc.  I think this was the whole reason for the show on 10/31, "Spoiled and Entitiled".  I want  advice on how to teach her that just because we have money, that doesn't mean she's entitled to it, that she needs to earn it and not depend on anyone.  She will go away next year to college, and yes, the "gravytrain" will probably continue as long as she does well.  There is no doubt in my mind that  she will do well.  But again, the problem is still there.  Just saying "no" at this point  is not the answer.  These kids (all of  them) need to be taught how to grow up and make their own way.  Now do you have any answers to this? 

You are supposed to be the grown up.  Surely, you don't just do everything the neighbours do? Just because you can afford to spoil your children and leave them incapable of being responsible adults, doesn't mean you should.  You have left things very late and your daughter will likely suffer with the wake up call, but you owe it to her. 

How do you not give them everything when (1) you can afford it and (2) they are good kids, stay out of trouble, keep their grades at 4.0 and that's with advanced placement  and honors classes.  We don't give her everything she wants. 

I'm a lawyer and my husband is a psychiatrist. Our joint income could easily be well over 500K but it isn't, because we choose to both work a very managable caseload.  We are still in the top 1% of family incomes, I'm sure.  My children are both wonderful, bright, well liked and successful. They also know the value of work and the value of money. 

We spend our time with each other and our kids. We decided when they were very young what we wanted them to learn and have been teaching them those things progressivly and thoughtfully. Unfortunately, your child will need a crash course and NOW is the time, while she is still under your roof and you can make sure she is safe.  

You need to tell her that she must budget and live on the allowance you give her.  If she wants to live more extravagantly, she needs to work. You supply her with food and housing. Give her a weekly amount that you think is appropriate for her clothing, entertainment, toiletries and activities.  She can spend it in her own discretion. NEVER lend her money and NEVER bail her out.   

I do this with my children (although very gradually-my 7 year old son just has to budget for gifts for others and his entertainment) and they are already grown up beyond making stupid mistakes and not thinking ahead. It can be difficult and you will want to "help" her but you would be doing that for you not your child. 

Preparing your children for life is your job.  You should take it seriously.