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Topic : 10/31 "Spoiled and Entitled?"

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Created on : Friday, October 28, 2005, 02:09:21 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

Are we raising a generation of ungrateful children? Sabrina and Jessica say they have the most spoiled nephews in North America. They get every toy they ask for -- all they have to do is whine. Their sister, Melissa, says her sons aren't spoiled, they're just kids who like toys. Are her sisters just jealous of her lifestyle? Next, Dori admits that her 13-year-old son, Parker, is spoiled. Parker says he won't take no for an answer, and even has a strategy for getting everything he wants. Then, Joan says her 14-year-old daughter, Jacquie, is a snob, and her need for trendy clothes is turning her into a materialistic monster. Can Dr. Phil help Jacquie change her ways? Plus, Lauren spends her entire paycheck shopping, but with no money in her checking account, she worries that she could be headed for trouble. Her mom, Diane, says she's not worried, it's just Lauren's way of relaxing. Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

 

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November 2, 2005, 9:28 pm CST

10/31 "Spoiled and Entitled?"

Quote From: maria_44

I saw the show and I was absolutely outraged at how that 13 year old boy could go on national television, and in front of his mom, and pretend that he knows it all! I was especially angry at his mother for tolerating that. Her son's there, admitting that he plays her like a flute, and she still doesn't get it!
 

I think that Melissa (was that her name? can't remember), pretends to be completely unaware of the damage she is doing to her kids. I didn't see her boys "demanding" toys or the big birthday bash she threw her son. She voluntarily takes them to the toy store several times a week and buys them these things. She acted like a dummy on the show as if she had no clue, and quite frankly, I don't think she has a clue on how to raise children, and tries to act like a responsible parent. She got quite annoying. 

 

I have five children, three of them teenagers. They would love nothing better than to have a television, seperate telephone line, and computer in their room. But, they don't even bother begging. They know they don't "need" any of that my husband and I won't give it to them. They understand--I think most kids do.  

 

When my eighteen year old was sixteen and wanting his license, I told him to practise for a while--take it slow. There was no hurry. My husband and I explained to him and he understood that serious consenquences could come from not knowing how to drive safely. He agreed and it wasn't too big a deal for him. He is eighteen and is just getting ready to get his license. In the meantime, he was absolutely not allowed to drive on the road. I now have a sixteen year old who wants to get his also....same with him. 

 

I don't think that sixteen is an appropriate age for driving. Even if your kid is "responsible enough", they are still right in teenagerhood and even if they don't mean it to, things can get out of hand--especially with friends in the car. Better to be safe than sorry. 

 

I think parents would be suprised how often, and especially how quickly, kids "get over" most things. When you explain to them that those things don't matter, doesn't matter how many kids their age have it, they get the picture. I think the most common things parents have, that they shouldn't, is being afraid to say "No". Of course, all children are different, but you need to learn how and when to put your foot down, and stick to it, when the situation arises. 

I agree with you 100% about the license, I think 16 is too young for driving. The legal adult isn't until 18 but yet they are aloud on the road to drive. I definetly wouldn't want to see this 13 year old driving, hopefully by the time he is old enough to drive, his mother would have stepped up to the plate and quit allowing this kid to manipulate her, imagine him turning 16 and start demanding a vehicle!
 
November 3, 2005, 4:23 pm CST

10/31 "Spoiled and Entitled?"

Quote From: jettav

I agree with you 100% about the license, I think 16 is too young for driving. The legal adult isn't until 18 but yet they are aloud on the road to drive. I definetly wouldn't want to see this 13 year old driving, hopefully by the time he is old enough to drive, his mother would have stepped up to the plate and quit allowing this kid to manipulate her, imagine him turning 16 and start demanding a vehicle!

Thank you. I absolutely stick to what I said--kids shouldn't be driving at sixteen...even if they're "responsible enough". Eighteen should be the minimal age for a driver's license. 

  

Come on! These are children! These are kids who just learned to wipe their own bottoms not too long ago, and when sixteen comes around, we give them the car keys and trust they'll "do the right thing". 

  

I'm not saying that kids at sixteen are not trustworthy, I just think giving them car keys is a little too much. 

  

I'll share an experience that might make you think twice before giving those children the keys; 

  

I have a friend who had two sons; one was fifteen and the other, ten. One day, they were invited to a barbecue about 6 or 7 blocks away from their house. When they got there, my friend realized she had left the barbecue sauce and mustard she was asked to bring to the get-together, at home. She didn't want to go back, so she gave the fifteen year old the car keys and told him and his ten-year-old brother to go get the sauce and mustard. He didn't have a license or even a permit (he was only 15), but he had driven on the road before (!), and had "plenty of experience". He had never been in trouble with the law, and was a "responsible driver for his age...besides, it was only 6 or 7 blocks away, right? So, he went, got there safely, and took the things he needed. On his way out of the driveway, his little brother jumped on top of the car, and was "car surfing" on the hood. The 15 year old didn't think anything of it, and hit the reverse, and backed up. The little one stayed put for a couple of seconds, but after the front wheels came off the pavement, he fell off the car and under the wheels. The older boy, Chris, panicked, and hit the gas pedal. He ran over his brother's head. A week later, little Vincent, passed away at age 10. The little boy, who caught everyone's attention, with his beautiful smile, and outgoing personality, was never coming back. Chris will have to live with the death of his brother for the rest of his life. Their family was forever scarred. 

  

Hopefully, this won't happen with anyone else, but it can happen. Think twice--that's the point I'm trying to make here. 

 
November 5, 2005, 8:33 am CST

10/31 "Spoiled and Entitled?"

Quote From: maria_44

Thank you. I absolutely stick to what I said--kids shouldn't be driving at sixteen...even if they're "responsible enough". Eighteen should be the minimal age for a driver's license. 

  

Come on! These are children! These are kids who just learned to wipe their own bottoms not too long ago, and when sixteen comes around, we give them the car keys and trust they'll "do the right thing". 

  

I'm not saying that kids at sixteen are not trustworthy, I just think giving them car keys is a little too much. 

  

I'll share an experience that might make you think twice before giving those children the keys; 

  

I have a friend who had two sons; one was fifteen and the other, ten. One day, they were invited to a barbecue about 6 or 7 blocks away from their house. When they got there, my friend realized she had left the barbecue sauce and mustard she was asked to bring to the get-together, at home. She didn't want to go back, so she gave the fifteen year old the car keys and told him and his ten-year-old brother to go get the sauce and mustard. He didn't have a license or even a permit (he was only 15), but he had driven on the road before (!), and had "plenty of experience". He had never been in trouble with the law, and was a "responsible driver for his age...besides, it was only 6 or 7 blocks away, right? So, he went, got there safely, and took the things he needed. On his way out of the driveway, his little brother jumped on top of the car, and was "car surfing" on the hood. The 15 year old didn't think anything of it, and hit the reverse, and backed up. The little one stayed put for a couple of seconds, but after the front wheels came off the pavement, he fell off the car and under the wheels. The older boy, Chris, panicked, and hit the gas pedal. He ran over his brother's head. A week later, little Vincent, passed away at age 10. The little boy, who caught everyone's attention, with his beautiful smile, and outgoing personality, was never coming back. Chris will have to live with the death of his brother for the rest of his life. Their family was forever scarred. 

  

Hopefully, this won't happen with anyone else, but it can happen. Think twice--that's the point I'm trying to make here. 

it happens all to often with kids, I have several horror stories but won't go into detail other then the one incident where about 5 high school students decided to skip a couple classes and go for a ride, well, were speeding and having a good ole time and they all ended up losing their lives, They ranged from the ages of 14 and 16 and one of them was a young girl I had taught from the time she was about 8 years old, I just couldn't imagine how the parents were feeling. So much of this actually goes on, there may be a few responsible teens out there but for the most part it just isn't safe adn I feel the same about senior citizensm I feel that there should be an age where one should be retested for often times the older people get, their vision worsens and they can't respond as quickly as when they were younger, if they are healthy and good drivers they would pass the test. just gotta keep the roads safer. Now the laws around here have changes a little bit but they actually lowerd the age to 15 1/2, they are more limited to theri driving and all but I think they should have raised it a little instead of lowered it so maybe, who knows!
 
November 6, 2005, 8:15 am CST

Not That Simple!

Quote From: juliebgg

Yes, I do have a suggestion!  Tell her that the gravy train is pulling into the station.  Then do it and make sure she gets off!!   

Learn the word "no".   

Tel her to "GET A JOB!!!!" 

Simple stuff.  It amazes me how many parents can't figure this out. 

  

Do you have any kids?  If so, is your income above $500,000 a year?  This is what I am talking about.  We have an only child and can afford to give her everything.  She figured this out when she was quite young.  What  is amazing to me is that most parents out there give their kids everything they want and can't even afford it!!!  So how do we, all of a sudden after 18 years just say "NO, GET A JOB" when all these other parents are doing the same thing and can barely afford their house payments.  We are not the parents of Paris Hilton, but we definitely have a higher than average income.  My husband and I both work and our daughter will graduate this year (2006).  She is however a very good student, cheerleader, involved in many school activities, and has managed to stay out of trouble, unlike many of her peers.  Spoiled, you bet!  How do you not give them everything when (1) you can afford it and (2) they are good kids, stay out of trouble, keep their grades at 4.0 and that's with advanced placement  and honors classes.  We don't give her everything she wants.  We do say  "NO" to plenty.  The problem is as with many kids her age, is that they don't know the value of money, how hard it is to live on your own, pay your own bills, insurance, taxes, etc.  I think this was the whole reason for the show on 10/31, "Spoiled and Entitiled".  I want  advice on how to teach her that just because we have money, that doesn't mean she's entitled to it, that she needs to earn it and not depend on anyone.  She will go away next year to college, and yes, the "gravytrain" will probably continue as long as she does well.  There is no doubt in my mind that  she will do well.  But again, the problem is still there.  Just saying "no" at this point  is not the answer.  These kids (all of  them) need to be taught how to grow up and make their own way.  Now do you have any answers to this? 

 
November 6, 2005, 10:33 am CST

10/31 "Spoiled and Entitled?"

Quote From: sashacat

Do you have any kids?  If so, is your income above $500,000 a year?  This is what I am talking about.  We have an only child and can afford to give her everything.  She figured this out when she was quite young.  What  is amazing to me is that most parents out there give their kids everything they want and can't even afford it!!!  So how do we, all of a sudden after 18 years just say "NO, GET A JOB" when all these other parents are doing the same thing and can barely afford their house payments.  We are not the parents of Paris Hilton, but we definitely have a higher than average income.  My husband and I both work and our daughter will graduate this year (2006).  She is however a very good student, cheerleader, involved in many school activities, and has managed to stay out of trouble, unlike many of her peers.  Spoiled, you bet!  How do you not give them everything when (1) you can afford it and (2) they are good kids, stay out of trouble, keep their grades at 4.0 and that's with advanced placement  and honors classes.  We don't give her everything she wants.  We do say  "NO" to plenty.  The problem is as with many kids her age, is that they don't know the value of money, how hard it is to live on your own, pay your own bills, insurance, taxes, etc.  I think this was the whole reason for the show on 10/31, "Spoiled and Entitiled".  I want  advice on how to teach her that just because we have money, that doesn't mean she's entitled to it, that she needs to earn it and not depend on anyone.  She will go away next year to college, and yes, the "gravytrain" will probably continue as long as she does well.  There is no doubt in my mind that  she will do well.  But again, the problem is still there.  Just saying "no" at this point  is not the answer.  These kids (all of  them) need to be taught how to grow up and make their own way.  Now do you have any answers to this? 

You are supposed to be the grown up.  Surely, you don't just do everything the neighbours do? Just because you can afford to spoil your children and leave them incapable of being responsible adults, doesn't mean you should.  You have left things very late and your daughter will likely suffer with the wake up call, but you owe it to her. 

  

How do you not give them everything when (1) you can afford it and (2) they are good kids, stay out of trouble, keep their grades at 4.0 and that's with advanced placement  and honors classes.  We don't give her everything she wants. 

 

I'm a lawyer and my husband is a psychiatrist. Our joint income could easily be well over 500K but it isn't, because we choose to both work a very managable caseload.  We are still in the top 1% of family incomes, I'm sure.  My children are both wonderful, bright, well liked and successful. They also know the value of work and the value of money. 

  

We spend our time with each other and our kids. We decided when they were very young what we wanted them to learn and have been teaching them those things progressivly and thoughtfully. Unfortunately, your child will need a crash course and NOW is the time, while she is still under your roof and you can make sure she is safe.  

  

You need to tell her that she must budget and live on the allowance you give her.  If she wants to live more extravagantly, she needs to work. You supply her with food and housing. Give her a weekly amount that you think is appropriate for her clothing, entertainment, toiletries and activities.  She can spend it in her own discretion. NEVER lend her money and NEVER bail her out.   

  

I do this with my children (although very gradually-my 7 year old son just has to budget for gifts for others and his entertainment) and they are already grown up beyond making stupid mistakes and not thinking ahead. It can be difficult and you will want to "help" her but you would be doing that for you not your child. 

  

Preparing your children for life is your job.  You should take it seriously. 

  

 
November 6, 2005, 8:22 pm CST

I still don't have the answer

Quote From: judyblue22

You are supposed to be the grown up.  Surely, you don't just do everything the neighbours do? Just because you can afford to spoil your children and leave them incapable of being responsible adults, doesn't mean you should.  You have left things very late and your daughter will likely suffer with the wake up call, but you owe it to her. 

  

How do you not give them everything when (1) you can afford it and (2) they are good kids, stay out of trouble, keep their grades at 4.0 and that's with advanced placement  and honors classes.  We don't give her everything she wants. 

 

I'm a lawyer and my husband is a psychiatrist. Our joint income could easily be well over 500K but it isn't, because we choose to both work a very managable caseload.  We are still in the top 1% of family incomes, I'm sure.  My children are both wonderful, bright, well liked and successful. They also know the value of work and the value of money. 

  

We spend our time with each other and our kids. We decided when they were very young what we wanted them to learn and have been teaching them those things progressivly and thoughtfully. Unfortunately, your child will need a crash course and NOW is the time, while she is still under your roof and you can make sure she is safe.  

  

You need to tell her that she must budget and live on the allowance you give her.  If she wants to live more extravagantly, she needs to work. You supply her with food and housing. Give her a weekly amount that you think is appropriate for her clothing, entertainment, toiletries and activities.  She can spend it in her own discretion. NEVER lend her money and NEVER bail her out.   

  

I do this with my children (although very gradually-my 7 year old son just has to budget for gifts for others and his entertainment) and they are already grown up beyond making stupid mistakes and not thinking ahead. It can be difficult and you will want to "help" her but you would be doing that for you not your child. 

  

Preparing your children for life is your job.  You should take it seriously. 

  

OK - so if anyone saw my  first message it was "I'm Doomed".  This last reply from a psychiatrist and attorney is great except, it sounds like you have very young children.  Let me know how it is after they get to their teen years, have peer pressure, and have to deal with the real world.  If your son is only 7 years old, that is wonderful that you are teaching him how to budget his money.  But my problem is beyond that.  Yes, I too told my daughter at 7 years old the same things.  They really don't have a concept at that age, just as they don't now.  Good luck with your kids growing up, it's not that easy to raise kids these days that don't think they are "entitled and spoiled" just as the topic of Dr. Phil's show that prompted my response.  We have always taken preparing our daughter for life seriously, have been involved in everything she does, but you're missing my point to my problem.  I need someone to give me advice.  The budget and allowance are good ideas,  I must say, maybe we'll try that.  I appreciate it and thank you for your comments and welcome any other advice anyone can give or that might be in the same "boat" we are facing, with an 18 year old that will soon be on her own.
 
November 7, 2005, 4:32 am CST

Doesn't Get it!!!

Quote From: sashacat

Do you have any kids?  If so, is your income above $500,000 a year?  This is what I am talking about.  We have an only child and can afford to give her everything.  She figured this out when she was quite young.  What  is amazing to me is that most parents out there give their kids everything they want and can't even afford it!!!  So how do we, all of a sudden after 18 years just say "NO, GET A JOB" when all these other parents are doing the same thing and can barely afford their house payments.  We are not the parents of Paris Hilton, but we definitely have a higher than average income.  My husband and I both work and our daughter will graduate this year (2006).  She is however a very good student, cheerleader, involved in many school activities, and has managed to stay out of trouble, unlike many of her peers.  Spoiled, you bet!  How do you not give them everything when (1) you can afford it and (2) they are good kids, stay out of trouble, keep their grades at 4.0 and that's with advanced placement  and honors classes.  We don't give her everything she wants.  We do say  "NO" to plenty.  The problem is as with many kids her age, is that they don't know the value of money, how hard it is to live on your own, pay your own bills, insurance, taxes, etc.  I think this was the whole reason for the show on 10/31, "Spoiled and Entitiled".  I want  advice on how to teach her that just because we have money, that doesn't mean she's entitled to it, that she needs to earn it and not depend on anyone.  She will go away next year to college, and yes, the "gravytrain" will probably continue as long as she does well.  There is no doubt in my mind that  she will do well.  But again, the problem is still there.  Just saying "no" at this point  is not the answer.  These kids (all of  them) need to be taught how to grow up and make their own way.  Now do you have any answers to this? 

I just can't believe it!  You say that these kids need to be taught how to grow up and make their own way. Yet I see NOTHING in the way you are bringing up your daughter that will prepare her for the real world.  You tout your big family income (sounds like showing off...did you teach your daughter to do this too??)  You are worried about doing what all the other parents are  doing but do not make the effort to give your daughter any of the tools that will help her survive in the real world.  What will happen when she gets married and her husband can't provide her with all the goodies  Mommy and Daddy gave her.?  I suppose she will come running home and of course Daddy's wallet will open wide and the cash will spit out like a bottomless ATM machine.   

You tell me just saying "no" is not the answer??  What is then?  Unless you stop giving giving and giving and there is no budgeting and a limit on the money she has at her disposal, she is NOT going to learn how to live on her own.  You better pray that she finds a rich guy who can keep spoiling her, otherwise she is going to fall on her face once you and Daddy are gone.  Maybe I don't have any answers for you since you are unable to stop the gravy train and yet you expect that by some magical feat your daughter is going to learn these life skilss.  Won't happen!!! 

  

And, by the way, we have an excellent family income, but my son is independent, working at a good job that he got by himself based on his own skills. 

I hold firm to my original post to you. 

  

Learn to say "no".  Tell her the gravy train is pulling in to the station, and drive it in!!  And, no, it would not hurt that spoiled brat to get a job and EARN her designer duds. 

 
November 7, 2005, 4:42 am CST

Thank you, thank you!!

Quote From: judyblue22

You are supposed to be the grown up.  Surely, you don't just do everything the neighbours do? Just because you can afford to spoil your children and leave them incapable of being responsible adults, doesn't mean you should.  You have left things very late and your daughter will likely suffer with the wake up call, but you owe it to her. 

  

How do you not give them everything when (1) you can afford it and (2) they are good kids, stay out of trouble, keep their grades at 4.0 and that's with advanced placement  and honors classes.  We don't give her everything she wants. 

 

I'm a lawyer and my husband is a psychiatrist. Our joint income could easily be well over 500K but it isn't, because we choose to both work a very managable caseload.  We are still in the top 1% of family incomes, I'm sure.  My children are both wonderful, bright, well liked and successful. They also know the value of work and the value of money. 

  

We spend our time with each other and our kids. We decided when they were very young what we wanted them to learn and have been teaching them those things progressivly and thoughtfully. Unfortunately, your child will need a crash course and NOW is the time, while she is still under your roof and you can make sure she is safe.  

  

You need to tell her that she must budget and live on the allowance you give her.  If she wants to live more extravagantly, she needs to work. You supply her with food and housing. Give her a weekly amount that you think is appropriate for her clothing, entertainment, toiletries and activities.  She can spend it in her own discretion. NEVER lend her money and NEVER bail her out.   

  

I do this with my children (although very gradually-my 7 year old son just has to budget for gifts for others and his entertainment) and they are already grown up beyond making stupid mistakes and not thinking ahead. It can be difficult and you will want to "help" her but you would be doing that for you not your child. 

  

Preparing your children for life is your job.  You should take it seriously. 

  

Thank you for telling this show off that she needs to grow up.  It sounds like you are doing a great job with your own kids.  Instead of flinging your salary into everyone's faces you are teaching your kids true values that will help them get along in the real world.  Teaching them to budget at a young age is a great idea....I did this too.   Kids don't magically learn to use money properly: they must be taught.  Yet  sashacat wants to keep the gravy train coming and can't figure out why her daughter has no money management skills .  You said it the best...MOM needs to grow up!!! 
 
November 7, 2005, 6:22 am CST

10/31 "Spoiled and Entitled?"

Quote From: judyblue22

You are supposed to be the grown up.  Surely, you don't just do everything the neighbours do? Just because you can afford to spoil your children and leave them incapable of being responsible adults, doesn't mean you should.  You have left things very late and your daughter will likely suffer with the wake up call, but you owe it to her. 

  

How do you not give them everything when (1) you can afford it and (2) they are good kids, stay out of trouble, keep their grades at 4.0 and that's with advanced placement  and honors classes.  We don't give her everything she wants. 

 

I'm a lawyer and my husband is a psychiatrist. Our joint income could easily be well over 500K but it isn't, because we choose to both work a very managable caseload.  We are still in the top 1% of family incomes, I'm sure.  My children are both wonderful, bright, well liked and successful. They also know the value of work and the value of money. 

  

We spend our time with each other and our kids. We decided when they were very young what we wanted them to learn and have been teaching them those things progressivly and thoughtfully. Unfortunately, your child will need a crash course and NOW is the time, while she is still under your roof and you can make sure she is safe.  

  

You need to tell her that she must budget and live on the allowance you give her.  If she wants to live more extravagantly, she needs to work. You supply her with food and housing. Give her a weekly amount that you think is appropriate for her clothing, entertainment, toiletries and activities.  She can spend it in her own discretion. NEVER lend her money and NEVER bail her out.   

  

I do this with my children (although very gradually-my 7 year old son just has to budget for gifts for others and his entertainment) and they are already grown up beyond making stupid mistakes and not thinking ahead. It can be difficult and you will want to "help" her but you would be doing that for you not your child. 

  

Preparing your children for life is your job.  You should take it seriously. 

  

I agree with you. My children are still very young (2 and 4) but they know that if they want money they have to earn it. Yes, I buy them their needs and even some wants but they work for money, they don't help, they don't get money. If they don;t have money when it comes to the family shopping day, well, they don"t get anything. Of course we buy the items for their leap pads and a few other things but if is is something extra, they are learning to save. MY oldest, only four years old can go into the store with a few bucks but may come out with nothing because she couldn't maek up her mind or she decided to wait til next time around to save for a certain something. They definetly need to learn while they are young, I want my children to be happy and thankful for what they have as well as to learn independence, that is why we as parents are here for our kids, to teach and to guide them into growing and maturing into good, productive adults who can stand on their own. My husband and I are not millionaires or even close but we value our money and try our best to invest it wisely and that is what we want our children to learn, that just becasue we might want something for the moment, is it a wise investment? or is it really worth the time and money spent on it? How many times do we just as himans buy out of impulse, right on the spot just because we THOUGHT it was a good deal or whatever, then take it home and eventually forget about it? That is waste, and my children are goingt o learn these lessons and at the same time know that we as their parents are here to help and guide them and they know that we love and care for them and that when they need something, we are right there for them and even their wants, if it is worth the money, then yes, they may get it but at the same time, if it is something that they can help pay for, darn right, they are going topay for it, we are their parents, not their bank.
 
November 7, 2005, 8:01 am CST

when it all comes to an end

After watching spoiled and entitled I could see my children there.   To some of you all we've always been poor but for us we had a confortable life and indulged our children with to much to fast and at the drop of a hat. Now we can't make all of our finacle obligations let alone get our children the toys and games and clothes that they had become accustom to and they never fell to let us know that they should have more. We rely on family to help out with birthdays and other holidays and always promise to pay them back with the best of intentions but as I'm sure you know they never get paid back because we can't meet our regular bills. 

 So back to my rant about these spoiled children, as a parent you never know what tomorrow holds what happens when you loose it all and can't countinue to give the all the perks they've become accustom to. Now what....... 

 
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