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Topic : 10/31 "Spoiled and Entitled?"

Number of Replies: 209
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Created on : Friday, October 28, 2005, 02:09:21 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

Are we raising a generation of ungrateful children? Sabrina and Jessica say they have the most spoiled nephews in North America. They get every toy they ask for -- all they have to do is whine. Their sister, Melissa, says her sons aren't spoiled, they're just kids who like toys. Are her sisters just jealous of her lifestyle? Next, Dori admits that her 13-year-old son, Parker, is spoiled. Parker says he won't take no for an answer, and even has a strategy for getting everything he wants. Then, Joan says her 14-year-old daughter, Jacquie, is a snob, and her need for trendy clothes is turning her into a materialistic monster. Can Dr. Phil help Jacquie change her ways? Plus, Lauren spends her entire paycheck shopping, but with no money in her checking account, she worries that she could be headed for trouble. Her mom, Diane, says she's not worried, it's just Lauren's way of relaxing. Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

 

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October 31, 2005, 1:24 pm CST

The Blessing In the Lesson

Quote From: yeargain1

When I was growing up, I am now 41, my dad worked at the post office and my mom stayed home.  We did not have a lot of extra money...so eating out was very rare.  We had game night on Friday nights and my grandparents would join us.  My grandfathers sisters were older and though they had money, we never knew they had much by the way they lived, would play Monopoly with my brother and I every Sunday afternoon after Sunday dinner.  My maternal grandparents were not rich, but I managed to always have more than most because of them.  When I turned 16 my parents bought me a $200.00 car and said if I wanted more than that, I would have to work for it, and I did and still do....I always appreciated my parents and grandparents sacrafices for good dental care and the extras we received as children...I never received what most children now get, new cars and tons of designer clothes, but my parents were always there and we all ate dinner together every night and what you remember most about your childhood won't be all the stuff you got, it will be about the time your family spent together.   

  

What a wonderful post. 

  

Your riches were not in Prada, but in family. You had the richest upbringing in the world: acceptance wrapped in love. 

 
October 31, 2005, 1:44 pm CST

she doesn't belong to me

my husband's daughter has a had an emotionally tough life. her parents divorced when she was very young and she has been shuttled back and forth between the two since. she is now 17 and has learned she can get whatever she wants through manipulation. i see her treating and talking to her father very disrepectfully while she worships the ground her mother walks on.  

  

she gets everything she wants and is oblivious to those around her. 

  

i have spoken at length with her mother who admits the daughter is spoiled.  

  

the daughter wanted to have a party for halloween.  

  

back during the summer, i had asked her to help out around the house. and i wanted her to ask me what she can do to help because i'm not comfortable telling her what to do since she isn't my daughter. she has asked me one time if there was anything she could help me with. 

  

she had to have my blessing to have the party. bless my husband's heart, he supported me in this and it's been very difficult for him. 

  

i told her i believed a party was a privilege, not your God-given right. then i asked her how she thought she had earned that privilege. she didn't have an answer, only tears  and accused me of lecturing her.  our "relationship" is strained at best. 

  

it's been a month since that episode. she has threatened to stay with her mother full-time, will barely speak to me, and still has not offered to help in any way. 

  

how do you live with a spoiled brat that you didn't create? is it too late? 

  

  

 
October 31, 2005, 1:47 pm CST

Spoiled and Entitled

Todays show made me sick to my stomach.  I cannot believe that there is a generation of parents out there indulging the "next generation" and thinking it is OK!!  Whether you can do it or not isn't the point - at least in my opinion!!   It makes me sad that parents ease their guilt by throwing money at their kids.  It won't work.
 
October 31, 2005, 1:48 pm CST

DORI, you'll regret it for sure......

I watched today's Dr. Phil show and did so shaking my head as I listened to Dori explain WHY it is that she feels a need to allow her son to disrespect and manipulate her...and virtually the whole family....all while he sat by with a grin on his face as if this is something to be proud of.......sad, very sad.  

This young mans character has already been developed and Dori, mother to mother I must tell you that I fear your going to seriously regret your decisions that have ultimately lead to you giving your son the power that he now has over you. Not only that but he's learned how to manipulate you and cause you to feel guilt, all of which shows how little respect he has for you, not only as his mother, but as a woman. Do you not think that he may go on in life to treat other women, perhaps the mother of his own children with the same kind of disrespect? Of course he will.  

You said you give him things because you "feel guilty" that he's an only child. I'm sorry....that reeks of excuse for molding him the way you have. I'm the mother of an only child. There are millions of people in this country who have just one child. That is NO EXCUSE for allowing for bad behavior and bad character......he ENJOY'S manipulating you......and he showed that he's pretty proud of the fact that he manipulated his way on to the Dr. Phil show.....it gave him a since of power to be there and it showed in his face and in the things he said.  

I have one child. Our child began EARNING privilage in our home at a very early age. Our child began working to earn money at the age of 13 years old by mowing lawns. Our child wanted a car at age 16. We signed for a bank loan and our child took on a job to pay each month for the car AND the insurance all while participating in school activities and remaining on the honor roll. While privilages we're earned, there was no short supply of love and attention. Birthday's and Christmas we're always special....however for the most part the teaching in our home has always been RESPONSIBILITY and RESPECT. Our child is currently a sophmore in college, carries a job and full college schedule, is on the dean's list and still pays for insurance on the car as well as repairs. Stop relying on the excuse of feeling guilt and understand that it is your RESPONSIBILITY as your son's mother to TEACH him that nothing in life is free other than love and all that goes with that love.....NOT material things. TEACH him that true success in life is about honor and character. Otherwise your doing him and any member of society that must one day deal with him a dis-service. Best of luck....your going to need it.  

  

 
October 31, 2005, 1:55 pm CST

Just something I noticed

So the 13 year old who controls his mom, and went on the show to see what he would get.  Check out the close of the show again - HE WAS THE ONLY ONE TO LOOK UNDER THE CHAIR FOR HIS FREE BOOK. 

  

Also, maybe the mom of the 21 year old shopper could get her a total of what is being paid for for her.  I am sure it would be a wake up call to find out just how far her $6000. income would go when she starts paying rent, gas, insurance etc. 

 
October 31, 2005, 1:57 pm CST

a spoiled child makes a fool of a mother

somewhere in the Bible, actually several places in the Proverbs, it's clearly stated one should not 

spoil one's child(ren).   I believe after raising 2 children, now in college, and raising another 5-1/2 

year old, because of my spiritual background, I don't believe most children can handle the spoiling 

done by parents.  I believe we have to have a certain character God wants us to develop which 

is difficult to accomplish if we're just "given" things rather than earn them.  As much as I wish I 

could "spoil" my children, I believe I'm blessed in knowing that will not help them become the 

person God wants them to be.  They (we) are His children first, and we are just the tools to raise 

them for Him, in hopes we will one day be back with Him.  How can spoiling a child/adult prepare 

them in any way for the inevitable meeting with God????  I can only imagine .... 

 
October 31, 2005, 2:00 pm CST

The greatest Gift

Quote From: leolinny

Wow, 

   the show has not played in my time zone yet, but I will be watching... your response for Parker would really teach any kid a lesson in the art of giving.  As a future Literature teacher, and after doing many hours of student teaching, I must say I do truly worry about the kids of Parker's generation.  Then again, I myself attend classes with many kids at college level who are brats just like him, so I guess age isn't the issue.  Tell your son to keep up the hard work, and it sounds like you run a tight ship.  I truly appreciate people such as yourself and your son who are so willing to give back to the community every chance they get! 

                                                      Lindsey 

The most valuable thing my parents taught my siblings and me was: because we were growing up in comfort( all of our needs were met) and privilege (private schools) we had an obligation to give back to the less fortunate. Our grandparents were all blue-collar, my parents felt it would be an insult to our grandparents if they allowed us to behave like spoiled brats. All of us do some sort of volunteer work as coaches, tutors etc. I've carried on the tradition with my son because I've seen first hand how powerful and positive helping others can be. My greatest pride as a parent is in the fact my son has a kind, giving heart, whatever he achieves in life, that generousity of spirit will remain my contribution to society by raising an honorable man. 

  

I have to run a tight ship, I work with 50-60 kids each year, the first time I let one of them walk all over me the rest of the bunch will treat me like a cheap rug within a week yikes! God bless their dented little heads sheesh...... 

 
October 31, 2005, 2:02 pm CST

Clueless

Jeez, I've never seen so many clueless people.  You could tell Melissa didn't even comprehend any of that Dr. Phil was saying, that it was over her head.  I think some people just don't have any insight and understand basic cause and effect.  I guess she got rewarded for being "cute" and now she thinks that's all it will take for her poor son to get along in the world.  As far as her sisters being out of line or interfering - nonsense!  What are you friends and family for if not to stop you from making life-altering mistakes through your own ignorance??  When good friends and family all tell you you you're screwing up, you should listen, because they've just risked losing you to try to save you and yours.  I can't believe she was saying they were jealous.  Jealous of what?  I doubt any of them want what those kids are going to turn into in a few years if there's no intervention. 
 
October 31, 2005, 2:04 pm CST

10/31 "Spoiled and Entitled?"

I am currently watching the show about spoiled children, and I find it very disturbing!  What is wrong with people today?  Are parents really that clueless?  I am nineteen years old and while I don't normally write on these kind of things I felt compelled to so that people can see a teenager's point of view.  My parents did an wonderful job raising me.  I am an only child and have always resented people assuming that I must be spoiled.  I was far from spoiled.  From a young age my parents taught me that you earn what you want.  I work hard in the summer to earn money.  I save most of the money I earn.  I would never dream of asking my parents to buy me such expensive material things!  My mother gives me a small amount of money for clothes at the beginning of the school year.  I can choose how I want to spend it.  I can choose to get more things at Walmart or get fewer things at a more expensive store.  Whatever I choose, that is all the money I get.  If I want more brand name clothes I buy them.  I will buy myself an American Eagle shirt or pants every now and then, but for the most part I save my money.  I balance my own check book and all the money in my checking account is money that I have earned.  Two years ago when I was a junior in high school I bought myself a laptop computer.  I was able to pay for everything myself with plenty of money left over in my account.  I can tell you for sure that you appreciate what you have much more if you had to work for it.  I think the girls on the show today are extremely shallow!  Just because "everyone" at your school has to have the nice things to be accepted does not mean that you have to conform to that.  At my school many of the girls were very much about what kind of car you drive, what purse you carry, and what clothes you wear.  I was made fun of on many occasions for my car.  I feel very fortunate to have been allowed to use my mother's old '94 Toyota Corolla when I turned 16.  No, it is not the most attractive car, but it gets me from point A to point B, and isn't that what a car is for?  I don't care if people don't like my purse from Target or non-expensive clothes.  If they have such a big problem with what I "have" and don't "have" they seriously need to get a life! Many of the girls I went to high school with had money in their checking accounts, but whatever money was there was money that their parents had deposited into it.  On one occasion a girl in my class called her mom while at school and yelled at her for not depositing any money into her account recently and she was out of money.  She was also made at her mother for not balancing her checkbook.  Why any mother needs to deposit money into their child's checkbook is beyond me.  If my mother has money that she needs to deposit it should be in her account.  Isn't that just common sense?  And what is so difficult about balancing a checkbook.  I guess it just isn't that important if you're never going to need to really know how much money you have since Mom will just deposit more into it.  As shallow as those girls on the show are, I have to say that it all comes from the parents.  I have worked for what I've wanted since I was a young child.  Now, my parents were not mean.  I was not deprived from childhood things, but the "extras" were up to me to buy.  I can't thank my parents enough for instilling the value of hard work and appreciation for what you have in me.  Overall, teenagers today need to realize that they are not entitled to everything and more importantly, the parents need to show them that.  I hope it is encouraging to people to hear from a teenager that is not your stereotypical teenager in a society where children being spoiled rotten is becoming more and more relevant.  I strongly urge all parents to be just that.  Be parents.  It is not your job to be your child's friend.  It is your job to be their parent and their guide to life.  You are the person that needs to teach them these things.  They might not like you for it at the time, but in the end you will have given them a far more important gift than any material item you could buy them. 

 
October 31, 2005, 2:08 pm CST

Don't know where to start!!!!

Hi, I'm 22 years old. A stay at home mom of 4 children. I was the oldest child of 3. When I was growing we lived on a farm out in the country. We played with dirt, sticks, played in the lawn mower shed, the dog house and in the trees. We used our imagination!!! When I was young we had a garden that us kids had to help weed. We had to mow the yard and help feed the cows, chickens, dogs and cats. When we went to town we went to Aldi's and when we needed cloths we went to the Salvation Army. I though we were poor growing up. Quess what, we weren't when I turned 13 and got into high school i wanted brand name jeans my mother said no and took me to the Maurice's in town and bought me the cheapest pair of jeans in there $27.00. As far as shirts and shoes went. Clearance rack at Maurice's and Pay less Shoes.When I turned 16 my father bought me a car. Not a new car a 94 Pontiac grand prix but boy was I grateful. My birthday was in Sept. I didn't get my car until Dec. I had to drive my mother mini van! I was so grateful for that car. Then, my senior year my father told me that he wanted me to go to college and he would pay for everything up to me graduating college. A totally free ride. Well at 16 with my car I got a job at the local KFC, I didn't tell my parents for like 2 months because I knew my parents would have a fit. They told me if I dropped any of my extracurricular activities or my grades dropped I would have to quit. I moved out. Moved in with my aunt and keep my grades on the A honor roll stayed in all my extracurricular activies. (My parents weren't going to tell me what to do.) I enrolled in college and went for a year. I decided to move to the city and was going to go to college their but instead I got a job and was promoted and quit college. My parents were very upset. I am now happily married and have 4 lovely children.  

  

I fear that my little sister and brother will fail when they get out in the real world. They do not work, they have everything handed to them on a silver platter. My sister has a brand new Ford Mustand and is continuing her education after she graduates with her bachelors in April. My brother has a new Ford Ranger and is doing the same thing when he graduates in Dec of 2006.  

  

As far as my children when both my husband and I were working we did spoil our children and bought them each a toy every pay day. But now, we don't I don't have a job outside the home so we can't afford it. You know whats sad is that when we did buy them toys all the time they would break them. Throw their cars on the tile floor or on the cement patio and bust them.  

  

I fear that the children of today and the adults of tommorow won't be able to step up to the plate when it comes to making it in the world whenever Mommy & Daddy are gone. But, I do feel that if you do install good values into your children early on and keep a handle on their values as they mature. Repeat, repeat, repeat they will know that they have to be able to hold down a job and manage their bills.  

 
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