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Topic : 10/31 "Spoiled and Entitled?"

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Created on : Friday, October 28, 2005, 02:09:21 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

Are we raising a generation of ungrateful children? Sabrina and Jessica say they have the most spoiled nephews in North America. They get every toy they ask for -- all they have to do is whine. Their sister, Melissa, says her sons aren't spoiled, they're just kids who like toys. Are her sisters just jealous of her lifestyle? Next, Dori admits that her 13-year-old son, Parker, is spoiled. Parker says he won't take no for an answer, and even has a strategy for getting everything he wants. Then, Joan says her 14-year-old daughter, Jacquie, is a snob, and her need for trendy clothes is turning her into a materialistic monster. Can Dr. Phil help Jacquie change her ways? Plus, Lauren spends her entire paycheck shopping, but with no money in her checking account, she worries that she could be headed for trouble. Her mom, Diane, says she's not worried, it's just Lauren's way of relaxing. Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

 

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October 31, 2005, 2:58 pm CST

What! What?

These young people, particularly the young women who are buying to keep up with their friends are not on the edge of fashion (which is their primary spending function) or thought by consumming, but behind it. There are countless times when I have been complimented on a shirt, skirt, shoes, hats which are purchased within my budget at secondhand, thrift stores (it takes a while to search) or handmade. Forcing imagination, whether it is in regards to fashion/clothing or ideas comes from not having something easy. Also, living on a small budget means that I can afford to have a part-time job and a lot of time for leisure. The woman who works 60 hours a week - her son tells her that she can afford all those expensive things to buy for him which is a band-aid for her lack of presence. If she can afford a pool table, an 800$ guitar etc, she can afford to work half the time she works now and instead of spending money, spend more time with her son, which is what he really wants and needs.
 
October 31, 2005, 3:05 pm CST

to Joan, mother of Jacquie...

Dear Joan,  

            If your daughter simply cannot live with the stresses of having to put up with the Jones' in her school ...if she absolutely has to wear what everyone else is wearing in order to feel included...do what I did...I sent my kids to Catholic school...everyone was in uniform, no competition, no reason to feel like they had to keep up...every one was on the same playing field when it came to clothes.  My kids will admit they liked not having to plan out what to wear to impress everyday...get rid of her designer labels and buy her a private school education instead...you'll still come out ahead. 

 
October 31, 2005, 3:07 pm CST

Lauren BEWARE

Quote From: ally1984

I was watching the Dr. Phil show with the segment about the 21 year old girl Lauren.  I too am 21 and I just think that is so sad that she cannot even do a simple bank book or have any control over finances at her age!  The mother had the audacity to say she was not spoiled and it was up to her to learn how to do stuff like that "once she got out of college"...well I was 16 and 17 years old...had a part-time job..had my OWN checking account and was doing all of my own personal business at 17 years old and who do you think I learned it from? I certainly had no clue how to do that at 17..so how is Lauren going to be when she gets out of college and on her own and can't even do a simple checkbook balance?  Lauren definately has some growing up to do if she wants to have any type of control over her finances in the near future and it's not up to Lauren to learn it...it's up to her mother or father to show her the correct way to do things or else she'll never make it in "the real world".

Hi Lauren 

I hope I can offer you some unsolicited advice.  You DO have a problem.  It is very sneaky and can ruin your credit if you are not careful.  You mentioned feeling excited when you go shopping and have to go all of the time.  I am not preaching to you, just trying to warn you. If you can stop yourself now, do it.  Try to get yourself on a budget.  Allow for fun stuff.  For now while your parents are paying for your daily experiences, try to save the amount of money that you will need to when you are on your own. Your mother loves you but she is enabling you.  Call or email consumer credit counseling service and ask for their advice.  They can suggest a budget for you before you have no choice!  I just made my last payment to get myself out of debt that I made because of loving to shop.  It took me 5 years to get out of the hole and that was living on a strict budget and NO fun shopping.  Be smarter than me, put yourself on a budget, be a grown up, save a lot and spend a little and have fun. Live without the stress and pressure of getting yourself out of debt.  Goodluck 

Angie:) 

 
October 31, 2005, 3:17 pm CST

10/31 "Spoiled and Entitled?"

There are a whole lot of people today who have had no upbringing. Seems like they were jurked up ny the hair. They know the price of everything and the value of nothing. My late wife and myself had only one son. I did my best to pass along to him the values that my parents had taught me. I must admit that my late wife Marjorie contributed a great deal more that I.  My son Geoffrey is my Hero  

 
October 31, 2005, 3:20 pm CST

Consequences of spoiled behavior in adults

 Spoiled children do not have the confidence in their own abilities that being tested by adversity brings.  As a result, they flunk out of school, get fired, get divorced and suffer a lot of self-inflicted misery. 

I was the boss of such a young lady.  At the age of 35 she was having tantrums at the office, had to be constantly supervised, retrained to do her job, had to have her breaks and lunches timed.  You get the point.  Needless to say after years of being carried by the previous boss, when she failed to straighten up from her performance review under the new corporate structure, we let her go.

Now she's working on a job that pays half as much and has no insurance.  I heard her husband divorced her.   This poor girl's world fell apart and she hasn't got the coping skills to figure out what to do next.  I did not take any pleasure in seeing her self-destruct.  She had plenty of chances to pull it out.  She just didn't know how. 

So she had a "great" childhood - she was not permitted to go without, not permitted to fail, not permitted to make a mistake or have a problem.  How debilitating is that? 

She threw a whopper of a trantrum her last day at work.  It just so happened she made a sort of speech and her parents were there (the woman was 35 and her parents were there!).  After she was done hurling insults at everyone in sight, I saw the most haunted look on her mother's face.

Sometimes love is letting kids learn the hard way.
 
October 31, 2005, 3:22 pm CST

Why Are Parents So Mean???

When I was a teenager, I though my parents were the meanest people in the world.  I come from a wealthy family.  Yet I did not have a car of my own, I had no TV or phone in my room, and I had a part-time job to gain spending money.  I had to work in the yard and wash cars every weekend if I wanted to have "fun time" with my friends.  Chores were first.  I sure did my share of house cleaning, laundry and washing dishes.  I thought they were HORRIBLE for treating me that way!  They could have afforded a maid for heaven's sake. 

  

Now I'm 52 years old.  I'm happily married.  I drive a nice car and have a nice home.  I work full time - I am an Air Force officer on active duty.  Whatever I get, I earn.  My parents gave me much more than "stuff."  They gave me  a WORK ETHIC.  As a social worker for the USAF, my job is to help others, not get whatever I can for myself.  Now I thank God for the parents I had.  I don't think we do anyone a favor when we play into their narcissistic entitlement. 

:)Siobahn 

  

 
October 31, 2005, 3:36 pm CST

The End Result Of A Spoiled Child

We are the parents of a very spoiled 19 year old daughter.  We tried to bring her up properly and think we were good disciplinarians.  Most people commented on how well-behaved our children were.  One mistake we made was to never teach our children the value of a dollar.  We are paying the price for this now.  She is away attending university and we told her that education was free but the incremental cots of fun at at out of town school would be her responsability.  She has spent most of her alotment for 4 years of education, racked up a line of credit, and is very upset about her situation.  She hasn't spoken to us since she left at Labour Day because she is upset at us - the root of the problem is money.  She wants more - we won't give it to her.  We are trying to resist the temptation to call her - we have sent the occasional email to let her know that we are thinking of her and love her but she has to be the one to change.  We have given in to her all too frequently and now that she is away, she finds it easy to ignore us.  We believe we will hear from her about 5 minutes after she runs completely out of money.  We'll hear - I'm sorry - I love you - etc etc until she gets what she wants then it will happen all over again.   

  

We admit that we've been stupid.  The question is:  What do we do now? 

 
October 31, 2005, 3:54 pm CST

I agree

Quote From: siobahn

When I was a teenager, I though my parents were the meanest people in the world.  I come from a wealthy family.  Yet I did not have a car of my own, I had no TV or phone in my room, and I had a part-time job to gain spending money.  I had to work in the yard and wash cars every weekend if I wanted to have "fun time" with my friends.  Chores were first.  I sure did my share of house cleaning, laundry and washing dishes.  I thought they were HORRIBLE for treating me that way!  They could have afforded a maid for heaven's sake. 

  

Now I'm 52 years old.  I'm happily married.  I drive a nice car and have a nice home.  I work full time - I am an Air Force officer on active duty.  Whatever I get, I earn.  My parents gave me much more than "stuff."  They gave me  a WORK ETHIC.  As a social worker for the USAF, my job is to help others, not get whatever I can for myself.  Now I thank God for the parents I had.  I don't think we do anyone a favor when we play into their narcissistic entitlement. 

:)Siobahn 

  

I totally agree with you. When I was in school I had to buy my own car, pay car insurance, have a job, pay for college, keep my own checkbook, I had chores & had my own spending money. My parents taught me responsibility. I think kids now have it too easy. Kids are driving around cars that you know they didn't work for!! It makes my blood boil. I know that when it comes time for them to go into the real world they aren't going to have a clue how to handle their lives. I have a 1/2 brother-in-law who is a Senior in highschool. The mom doesn't want him to work b/c "He's her baby". They are going broke b/c they bought him his 1st vehicle- a nice truck, a 4-wheeler, a cellphone that had a $300.00 bill.  It's crazy.
 
October 31, 2005, 3:56 pm CST

Is this typical?

The topic of this show is frightening. I am really worried for our society if all we care about is the "stuff" we have.  I would love to take the children from today's show and drop them in the middle of Africa for a couple of weeks, where they can see how stressful life really is, where people are happy to have one item of clothing on their backs, and where the word 'toy' doesn't even enter into the vocabulary.  I wish that someone had done that for me when I was a spoiled teenager and Dr. Phil, I hope that you will consider doing that for some of these entitled and spoiled children. 

 
October 31, 2005, 3:58 pm CST

Tough Love

Quote From: debgarycdn

We are the parents of a very spoiled 19 year old daughter.  We tried to bring her up properly and think we were good disciplinarians.  Most people commented on how well-behaved our children were.  One mistake we made was to never teach our children the value of a dollar.  We are paying the price for this now.  She is away attending university and we told her that education was free but the incremental cots of fun at at out of town school would be her responsability.  She has spent most of her alotment for 4 years of education, racked up a line of credit, and is very upset about her situation.  She hasn't spoken to us since she left at Labour Day because she is upset at us - the root of the problem is money.  She wants more - we won't give it to her.  We are trying to resist the temptation to call her - we have sent the occasional email to let her know that we are thinking of her and love her but she has to be the one to change.  We have given in to her all too frequently and now that she is away, she finds it easy to ignore us.  We believe we will hear from her about 5 minutes after she runs completely out of money.  We'll hear - I'm sorry - I love you - etc etc until she gets what she wants then it will happen all over again.   

  

We admit that we've been stupid.  The question is:  What do we do now? 

I think you are doing the right thing. It's called tough love. I had it a lot when I was growing up...let me tell you, I thank my parents now. You told her the situation when she went to college...you should stick to your guns! Don't give in!! Good luck.
 
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