Topic : 10/31 "Spoiled and Entitled?"

Great topic, but this behavior is creating a nation of monsters! I work with the public everyday. Not one day goes by that I don't interact with people who REFUSE to take NO for an answer. They will argue and manipulate until they get their way. If they don't get their "entitled treatment," they threaten and act out in ways I find astonishing. And who is the target of their wrath? Those of us who are there to serve them. 

I witness full-grown people behave like 2-year-olds when they are told "no." I have seen people actually stomp their feet because a movie is sold out! And, the most common reaction to a request which gets a negative response is the person will repeat their request over and over as if they were a kid asking a parent for something and the parent says no. They are hoping the response, "no", will majically become a "yes" if they ask and repeat their request enough times. Pitiful. 

Instant gratification, behavior bribery, and always "giving in" to kids has created a whole generation of SPOILED ADULTS. 

My older brother who is now 44 was spoiled as a child. He was never told "no" and given everything he wanted. There were never consequences for his bad/irresponsible behavior. For instance, he was given a brand new pick-up truck which he then totaled within 2 weeks. My parents purchased another vehicle for him immediately. 

As an adult, my brother has put himself into huge debt buying cars, electronics and vacations he could not afford. When my father passed away, my brother was upset because my father did not have a huge life insurance policy. My mother has spent almost all of her savings trying to bail my brother out of the mess he has created. She blames herself for the disastrous situation in which he now finds himself....wife and children packed up and left, he can't hold a job because of his arrogant attitude and on and on. 

My brother has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but I think the real issue is that he does not know how to cope in the real world. The mothers on the show today don't realize that they are not doing their children any favors and are most likely setting them up to be very unhappy adults. 

Fortunately, my father met Foster Cline (Co-founder of Parenting with Love and Logic) while I was still young and my parents took a different approach raising me.  

Dear Joan,  

            If your daughter simply cannot live with the stresses of having to put up with the Jones' in her school ...if she absolutely has to wear what everyone else is wearing in order to feel included...do what I did...I sent my kids to Catholic school...everyone was in uniform, no competition, no reason to feel like they had to keep up...every one was on the same playing field when it came to clothes.  My kids will admit they liked not having to plan out what to wear to impress everyday...get rid of her designer labels and buy her a private school education instead...you'll still come out ahead. 

Hi Lauren 

I hope I can offer you some unsolicited advice.  You DO have a problem.  It is very sneaky and can ruin your credit if you are not careful.  You mentioned feeling excited when you go shopping and have to go all of the time.  I am not preaching to you, just trying to warn you. If you can stop yourself now, do it.  Try to get yourself on a budget.  Allow for fun stuff.  For now while your parents are paying for your daily experiences, try to save the amount of money that you will need to when you are on your own. Your mother loves you but she is enabling you.  Call or email consumer credit counseling service and ask for their advice.  They can suggest a budget for you before you have no choice!  I just made my last payment to get myself out of debt that I made because of loving to shop.  It took me 5 years to get out of the hole and that was living on a strict budget and NO fun shopping.  Be smarter than me, put yourself on a budget, be a grown up, save a lot and spend a little and have fun. Live without the stress and pressure of getting yourself out of debt.  Goodluck 

Angie:) 

There are a whole lot of people today who have had no upbringing. Seems like they were jurked up ny the hair. They know the price of everything and the value of nothing. My late wife and myself had only one son. I did my best to pass along to him the values that my parents had taught me. I must admit that my late wife Marjorie contributed a great deal more that I.  My son Geoffrey is my Hero  

When I was a teenager, I though my parents were the meanest people in the world.  I come from a wealthy family.  Yet I did not have a car of my own, I had no TV or phone in my room, and I had a part-time job to gain spending money.  I had to work in the yard and wash cars every weekend if I wanted to have "fun time" with my friends.  Chores were first.  I sure did my share of house cleaning, laundry and washing dishes.  I thought they were HORRIBLE for treating me that way!  They could have afforded a maid for heaven's sake. 

Now I'm 52 years old.  I'm happily married.  I drive a nice car and have a nice home.  I work full time - I am an Air Force officer on active duty.  Whatever I get, I earn.  My parents gave me much more than "stuff."  They gave me  a WORK ETHIC.  As a social worker for the USAF, my job is to help others, not get whatever I can for myself.  Now I thank God for the parents I had.  I don't think we do anyone a favor when we play into their narcissistic entitlement. 

:)Siobahn 

We are the parents of a very spoiled 19 year old daughter.  We tried to bring her up properly and think we were good disciplinarians.  Most people commented on how well-behaved our children were.  One mistake we made was to never teach our children the value of a dollar.  We are paying the price for this now.  She is away attending university and we told her that education was free but the incremental cots of fun at at out of town school would be her responsability.  She has spent most of her alotment for 4 years of education, racked up a line of credit, and is very upset about her situation.  She hasn't spoken to us since she left at Labour Day because she is upset at us - the root of the problem is money.  She wants more - we won't give it to her.  We are trying to resist the temptation to call her - we have sent the occasional email to let her know that we are thinking of her and love her but she has to be the one to change.  We have given in to her all too frequently and now that she is away, she finds it easy to ignore us.  We believe we will hear from her about 5 minutes after she runs completely out of money.  We'll hear - I'm sorry - I love you - etc etc until she gets what she wants then it will happen all over again.   

We admit that we've been stupid.  The question is:  What do we do now?