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Topic : 10/31 "Spoiled and Entitled?"

Number of Replies: 209
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Created on : Friday, October 28, 2005, 02:09:21 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

Are we raising a generation of ungrateful children? Sabrina and Jessica say they have the most spoiled nephews in North America. They get every toy they ask for -- all they have to do is whine. Their sister, Melissa, says her sons aren't spoiled, they're just kids who like toys. Are her sisters just jealous of her lifestyle? Next, Dori admits that her 13-year-old son, Parker, is spoiled. Parker says he won't take no for an answer, and even has a strategy for getting everything he wants. Then, Joan says her 14-year-old daughter, Jacquie, is a snob, and her need for trendy clothes is turning her into a materialistic monster. Can Dr. Phil help Jacquie change her ways? Plus, Lauren spends her entire paycheck shopping, but with no money in her checking account, she worries that she could be headed for trouble. Her mom, Diane, says she's not worried, it's just Lauren's way of relaxing. Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

 

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October 28, 2005, 4:28 pm CDT

Excellent topic to talk about.

I can't wait to see what Dr. Phil has to say about this.  I have felt the entire range of emotions on this topic.  As a divorced mother of two I am not able to give my kids everything they want.  I feel guilty about that because they see a lot of their friends with all the latest "toys"  while I'm struggling just to save money to buy an x-box.  Those are expensive but thats just the x-box, the games my son wants cost about the same as a weeks worth of groceries for us.  Oh, my God he is only 7 and I am already feeling stress about his toys.  I hear this is only going to get worse.  Help!!!!!!
 
October 29, 2005, 2:11 am CDT

been there done that

Quote From: greyghost

I can't wait to see what Dr. Phil has to say about this.  I have felt the entire range of emotions on this topic.  As a divorced mother of two I am not able to give my kids everything they want.  I feel guilty about that because they see a lot of their friends with all the latest "toys"  while I'm struggling just to save money to buy an x-box.  Those are expensive but thats just the x-box, the games my son wants cost about the same as a weeks worth of groceries for us.  Oh, my God he is only 7 and I am already feeling stress about his toys.  I hear this is only going to get worse.  Help!!!!!!
this is where you have to decide to be the parent instead of the friend. when you have to decide between a game and groceries that is a sign of a larger problem. as parents we have to teach our children that in life you cant always get everyting you want, nor is it good for us to have everything we want. have you son help with making a shopping list, let him know how much things cost and explain that the money is not unlimited. teach him to be a wise spender and how to save for special things he wants. then when he is able to get something special like an xbox or a game, he will have a better appriciation on how much sacrifice you had to go through to get him special treats. it isnt easy and it will break your heart when you have to tell him no, but in the long run you will be raising a more responsible child.
 
October 29, 2005, 5:56 am CDT

Strikes a nerve

This gets my BP up every time!! I really think that we give our kids too much now a days. I think part of it is because we have more then our parents did but when do you draw the line? I have a SD who is 8 and she gets whatever she wants from her mom. Granted Mom has the money to give it to her but DH and I don't. We barely get by. So how do you find the middle ground?? Last Christmas she complained that her little sister got more then she did from us. Yeah she may have but she she does not get 3 christmases like her big sister does, AND she plays with her toys. Everything I buy for her seems to just sit on a shelf. I actually gave some of her unopened toys away last year.  

She didn't even care!!  

  

 
October 29, 2005, 6:02 am CDT

Sweet Sixteen

HAve any of you seen a show on MTV called "My Sweet Sixteen"? ITs about families who give their kids these outrageous birthday parties for turning 16- I don't mean a pool party with 30 guests, I mean a full blown event with gowns, dinners, shows costing in the 100's of thousands! And the kids are incredibly obnoxious- maybe they are playing it up for tv, but its horrid. They yell at their parents, they whine, throw tantrums- and then they get a new hummer or someother kind of luxury car.And the sad thing is, a lot of kids are watching this show and saying"Why can't I have a 250,000 birthday party???"  My Mother says, you can't spoil a good thing when it comes to spending time with your kids, but I swear you can spoil a "good thing" by letting them get away with bad behavior and giving in to their every whim.  Our house does have lots of toys, and lots of chidrens movies, but it does have rules and we do have limits. God help the next generation if what we see on tv is what they are expecting in life- where are the shows about the kids who are working 2 jobs, babysitting, going on interviews and getting into college to study biology?
 
October 29, 2005, 6:36 am CDT

Shopaholic

I had written a very long letter to tell you my story and I hit the wrong button so it was deleted. :o( 

  

I personnally can relate to shopaholics since I am a former one. 

  

I am 25. I lived TONS of pressure in my life: Since the age of 8, I battled kidney cancer that lead me to get a kidney transplant, the deaths of my dad, step-mom, grand-parents and aunt.......my mom got a breast cancer (she's ok now) that lead me to take care of her, I was bullied during my whole school years because of scars I had due to my disease... and the pressure every teen girl has: To be successfull, beautiful, smart, fun... even If I did not fit in because of what I lived at the time. I still graduated from high school and college with straight-A's and honors. 

  

I had a lot of money because my dad left it to me when he died. To relieve the whole pressure I was living, I shopped. A LOT. When I lost 70 pounds because of a medicine that was stopped (it had made me gain weight as a side effect), I had to shop again for new clothes. People complimented on my beautiful body and my nice clothes, and I liked it, so I shopped more. 

  

Each time I was living a personnal stress (new job, breakup with boyfriend, fight with mom, etc.) I was going shopping. 

  

I got my first permanent job and at 21, and I soon maxed out my first credit card with a 5000$ shopping spree. I relieved tension I was living at my new job by shopping... again. 

  

I soon realized that this whole shopping thing didn't make sense. So I took a 4 month period off my job to think about what I was doing. In my case, a full-time reflexion was the key. 

  

I asked myself the following questions: Why am I shopping? What do I escape from? Do I really need all these stuffs? Does it REALLY make me feel happy to have these stuffs? What do I think about having 0$ in my bank account the same day I get my paycheck? What do I think about making this amount of money in a year and spending twice as much? Does it make sense having a full-time job, living at your mom's house and having to ask her to pay for your... 1$ coffee because you are broke? 

  

The answer was no, of course! 

  

So I soon found answers to my bad shopping habits and one year later, I have 0 debt...... I pay everything cash, only when I really need something of course. No compulsive purchase. I have a budget for every paycheck, that includes an amount that is put in a saving account. Of course, I still treat myself from time to time with unexpensive things, like a nice supper at the restaurant. 

  

I escape tension and pressure by doing sports and watching movies. 

  

Most of all, I STOPPED DEFINING MYSELF WITH WHAT i HAVE, BUT STARTED TO DO IT WITH WHAT  I AM. 

  

For the first time in my life, I can really say that I am happy. 

 
October 29, 2005, 11:52 am CDT

Why are parents afraid of interacting with their children?

Parents spoil their children every day by buying them the latest toy, gadget, or article of clothing.  It seems as though parents want to make sure their children are entertained every waking second of the day.  What has happened to talking with each other?  You see portable DVD players in cars now, or even worse, in the laps of young children being strolled around the mall.  Many parents seem like they don't enjoy their children's company, so they give them all this stuff in lieu of forming meaningful relationships.  This makes the children expect more and more material items, and they gain less and less social skills and appreciation.  This topic really gets to me, because the next generation is going to be so spoiled & have such inflated senses of entitlement that there will be no sense of achievement or gratitude.  When you get it all early, there is no way you can appreciate life.  I believe that working hard to accomplish goals and build a solid future generates good character.  If parents begin showering their children with so much from birth, they need to be prepared to pay for that standard of living until their children are 50 because the child will expect it & not be able to settle for anything less.  So many of my peers bought the huge house after getting married, along with brand new cars, and expensive wardrobes.  Underneath it all, their credit cards are maxed out & they are stressed and worried because they are living paycheck to paycheck, products of being spoiled as children by their parents.  When are parents going to realize that they can't buy their children's love & happiness?  There's nothing like snuggling up with my daughter to read her favorite book, or simply having a conversation about her day.  That's what family means to us!
 
October 29, 2005, 11:59 am CDT

Possible idea for you

Quote From: greyghost

I can't wait to see what Dr. Phil has to say about this.  I have felt the entire range of emotions on this topic.  As a divorced mother of two I am not able to give my kids everything they want.  I feel guilty about that because they see a lot of their friends with all the latest "toys"  while I'm struggling just to save money to buy an x-box.  Those are expensive but thats just the x-box, the games my son wants cost about the same as a weeks worth of groceries for us.  Oh, my God he is only 7 and I am already feeling stress about his toys.  I hear this is only going to get worse.  Help!!!!!!
You could begin giving your child a small allowance each week, and encourage him to save it to buy or help you pay for what he really wants.  This way, he will learn that it takes time & patience to earn the toys he likes.  If he chooses to spend it before he reaches the amount of the toy he's had on his mind, then he can't get it.  Telling a child no is not punishment, it is necessary in successful parenting.  I grew up with a single mother & I knew that I wouldn't be able to have everything all my peers had.  I feel as though I appreciate life more today because of that.  Best wishes!
 
October 29, 2005, 1:21 pm CDT

I've seen it!

Quote From: queentween

HAve any of you seen a show on MTV called "My Sweet Sixteen"? ITs about families who give their kids these outrageous birthday parties for turning 16- I don't mean a pool party with 30 guests, I mean a full blown event with gowns, dinners, shows costing in the 100's of thousands! And the kids are incredibly obnoxious- maybe they are playing it up for tv, but its horrid. They yell at their parents, they whine, throw tantrums- and then they get a new hummer or someother kind of luxury car.And the sad thing is, a lot of kids are watching this show and saying"Why can't I have a 250,000 birthday party???"  My Mother says, you can't spoil a good thing when it comes to spending time with your kids, but I swear you can spoil a "good thing" by letting them get away with bad behavior and giving in to their every whim.  Our house does have lots of toys, and lots of chidrens movies, but it does have rules and we do have limits. God help the next generation if what we see on tv is what they are expecting in life- where are the shows about the kids who are working 2 jobs, babysitting, going on interviews and getting into college to study biology?
Yea, I've seen that show on MTV and it IS ridiculous!!! Those kids are total snobs who think they're better than everyone else just because their parents are rich! And your right, they treat their parents like crap, yelling at them, cussing them out, telling them they that they "better not cancel the party"! I seen this one episode where this girl's parents were having trouble paying the last payment of a few THOUSAND dollars to the place where the party was being held and the girl started freaking out & telling her mom that they better find a way to pay cause her party couldnt be cancelled....... and wouldnt you believe that her parents DID end up paying the last payment like a couple hours before the party started! I couldnt believe it, if that was my daughter I would've been like look, "if you want this damn party so bad, then YOU pay for it......without out our help!" I'm sorry & no offence to anyone who is rich but I hate when rich kids act like that and I hate it even more that their parents let them get away with it! This is coming from me, a 19 year old girl who is spoiled by her grandmother! BUT I'm not spoiled like those kids on the show, my family is FAR from being rich......there are times where we really struggle to get all the neccessary bills paid on time! However, I'm spoiled in sense that I live with my grandmother rent-free, I'm not going to school right now, I dont have a job and I dont have my license but she doesnt/isnt force(ing) me to do any of those things cause she knows that I'm not ready to do them just yet and she's said that she could never get rid of me or kick me out! My grandmother & I are very close and always have been, I'm her first & oldest grandchild and she's always spoiled me & has given me ALMOST everything I've wanted THAT SHE COULD AFFORD! I NEVER have & NEVER will  ask/beg her for something I know she cant afford.......I'm not that selfish! I have a little money of my own, not much but some in my bank account and my grandmother knows that if she ever needs some extra money for the bills, groceries, etc. that all she has to do is ask me for it & I will sign a slip right then & there for her to be able to get it out! I'm not afraid to admit  that I'm spoiled, I just dont see any reason to hide it!  I mean,  I'm not a snob & I dont constantly brag or anything and I definately DONT feel entitled to be spoiled......I'm just lucky that I am, even though my grandmother & family isnt rich! I LOVE my grandmother & I'm VERY thankful AND grateful for her & the way she treats me and I tell her that all the time! Anyway, I'm with you, where are the shows about kids who are working their butts off to find success? Someone needs to put a show or two out showing that most people DO have to work and struggle to make it in the world and are not as lucky as SOME people who just have things handed to them......I'd really like to see a show like this! At any rate, I cant wait to see this show....its gonna be interesting!
 
October 29, 2005, 2:03 pm CDT

Don't beat yourself up

Quote From: greyghost

I can't wait to see what Dr. Phil has to say about this.  I have felt the entire range of emotions on this topic.  As a divorced mother of two I am not able to give my kids everything they want.  I feel guilty about that because they see a lot of their friends with all the latest "toys"  while I'm struggling just to save money to buy an x-box.  Those are expensive but thats just the x-box, the games my son wants cost about the same as a weeks worth of groceries for us.  Oh, my God he is only 7 and I am already feeling stress about his toys.  I hear this is only going to get worse.  Help!!!!!!

Or work yourself into a guilt trip. You are doing far more for your kids by teaching them they can't have everything they want right when they want it. How much stuff do any of us really need cluttering up the joint?   

  

A good thing to start practicing with your kids early on is: every Thanksgiving have them go through all the stuff they already have and decide what they don't want or play with anymore. Take the discards to one of the charities for the less fortunate children. We lived in an 800 square ft townhouse, we had to get rid of stuff for there to be room for us!!! :-) As soon as your kids are old enough have them go with you, as volunteer workers, to one of the Xmas Give-aways to see what not having anything really means. It was an eye-opener for my son when a little boy got excited over a brand new bag of socks. First time in the kids life he had something brand new that was all his. Son came home and swore he'd never say "but all the other kids have one" again and he hasn't. 

  

Check used video game stores for the XBox or other game systems, most times they will have one or two as well as used games at a much cheaper price. Blockbuster has had them in the past, don't know about now though. 

  

Hang in there, as another poster said "our kids grow up despite us" ;-) 

 
October 29, 2005, 2:16 pm CDT

Well...

      I think the problem with spoiled children is that there just sooooooo annoying.  But if you think about it...people aren't born spoiled so well...um yea.  It's not just the annoying kids fault, it's the parents fault too.  Not that I'm recommending blame.
 
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