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Topic : 10/31 "Spoiled and Entitled?"

Number of Replies: 209
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Created on : Friday, October 28, 2005, 02:09:21 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

Are we raising a generation of ungrateful children? Sabrina and Jessica say they have the most spoiled nephews in North America. They get every toy they ask for -- all they have to do is whine. Their sister, Melissa, says her sons aren't spoiled, they're just kids who like toys. Are her sisters just jealous of her lifestyle? Next, Dori admits that her 13-year-old son, Parker, is spoiled. Parker says he won't take no for an answer, and even has a strategy for getting everything he wants. Then, Joan says her 14-year-old daughter, Jacquie, is a snob, and her need for trendy clothes is turning her into a materialistic monster. Can Dr. Phil help Jacquie change her ways? Plus, Lauren spends her entire paycheck shopping, but with no money in her checking account, she worries that she could be headed for trouble. Her mom, Diane, says she's not worried, it's just Lauren's way of relaxing. Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

 

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October 29, 2005, 2:31 pm CDT

If you want your children to have friends...

        I would be a little tougher at least.  geez.  I mean, I really Don't like it when parents don't disipline there children because apparently the "love them too much".  Well, thats a great way to be taken advantage of by the child you say that too. 

       I think at least.  It annoys me though because they don't ground them or do anything and if they do they usually don't follow through with it. lame. geez, at least do something., other than livving out the rest of your life controlled by a child who has no respect for you. 

      But if you think about it, making sure that your kids aren't spoiled brats is better for them in the end.  I guess. 

 
October 29, 2005, 2:54 pm CDT

Good for you!

Quote From: michou80

I had written a very long letter to tell you my story and I hit the wrong button so it was deleted. :o( 

  

I personnally can relate to shopaholics since I am a former one. 

  

I am 25. I lived TONS of pressure in my life: Since the age of 8, I battled kidney cancer that lead me to get a kidney transplant, the deaths of my dad, step-mom, grand-parents and aunt.......my mom got a breast cancer (she's ok now) that lead me to take care of her, I was bullied during my whole school years because of scars I had due to my disease... and the pressure every teen girl has: To be successfull, beautiful, smart, fun... even If I did not fit in because of what I lived at the time. I still graduated from high school and college with straight-A's and honors. 

  

I had a lot of money because my dad left it to me when he died. To relieve the whole pressure I was living, I shopped. A LOT. When I lost 70 pounds because of a medicine that was stopped (it had made me gain weight as a side effect), I had to shop again for new clothes. People complimented on my beautiful body and my nice clothes, and I liked it, so I shopped more. 

  

Each time I was living a personnal stress (new job, breakup with boyfriend, fight with mom, etc.) I was going shopping. 

  

I got my first permanent job and at 21, and I soon maxed out my first credit card with a 5000$ shopping spree. I relieved tension I was living at my new job by shopping... again. 

  

I soon realized that this whole shopping thing didn't make sense. So I took a 4 month period off my job to think about what I was doing. In my case, a full-time reflexion was the key. 

  

I asked myself the following questions: Why am I shopping? What do I escape from? Do I really need all these stuffs? Does it REALLY make me feel happy to have these stuffs? What do I think about having 0$ in my bank account the same day I get my paycheck? What do I think about making this amount of money in a year and spending twice as much? Does it make sense having a full-time job, living at your mom's house and having to ask her to pay for your... 1$ coffee because you are broke? 

  

The answer was no, of course! 

  

So I soon found answers to my bad shopping habits and one year later, I have 0 debt...... I pay everything cash, only when I really need something of course. No compulsive purchase. I have a budget for every paycheck, that includes an amount that is put in a saving account. Of course, I still treat myself from time to time with unexpensive things, like a nice supper at the restaurant. 

  

I escape tension and pressure by doing sports and watching movies. 

  

Most of all, I STOPPED DEFINING MYSELF WITH WHAT i HAVE, BUT STARTED TO DO IT WITH WHAT  I AM. 

  

For the first time in my life, I can really say that I am happy. 

Good for you girl! I admire your strength....and am happy for your success.......
 
October 29, 2005, 3:38 pm CDT

Right ON!!

Quote From: queentween

HAve any of you seen a show on MTV called "My Sweet Sixteen"? ITs about families who give their kids these outrageous birthday parties for turning 16- I don't mean a pool party with 30 guests, I mean a full blown event with gowns, dinners, shows costing in the 100's of thousands! And the kids are incredibly obnoxious- maybe they are playing it up for tv, but its horrid. They yell at their parents, they whine, throw tantrums- and then they get a new hummer or someother kind of luxury car.And the sad thing is, a lot of kids are watching this show and saying"Why can't I have a 250,000 birthday party???"  My Mother says, you can't spoil a good thing when it comes to spending time with your kids, but I swear you can spoil a "good thing" by letting them get away with bad behavior and giving in to their every whim.  Our house does have lots of toys, and lots of chidrens movies, but it does have rules and we do have limits. God help the next generation if what we see on tv is what they are expecting in life- where are the shows about the kids who are working 2 jobs, babysitting, going on interviews and getting into college to study biology?

I am thrilled that Dr. Phil is addressing this topic.  When do we say "okay, this is crossing the line"? 

  

I hadn't heard about that show, but OH MY GOD I can't believe people would spend that kind of money on a party when there are so many other better uses it could go to (college, a downpayment on a house, etc).   

  

I too would like to see a show about kids with great values of hard work.  I know many kids like that who haven't had much but have really worked hard to get themselves in the right direction.  I have a neice who had it rough because of her mother (she had to move out of the house at 14) but put herself through college, foster paretented her brother, got married, opened a preschool, and is now happily married with a little boy.  She is a big inspiration to me when I have a challenge to face. 

  

Fortunately I have three children ages 10, 12, and 17 who value family time above all material items.  They know that we do our best for them, and it's not about the money, it's about time together.    

 
October 29, 2005, 5:29 pm CDT

10/31 "Spoiled and Entitled?"

We as parents are responsible for our children and I believe that includes the subject of money. I want my girls to learn the value of money and that they do not need everything under the sun, my kids get money for their banks when they help with certain things around the house, they know that if they do not work, they do not get money. Yes, we buy them things but only if we can afford it and they mostly get things that they need, like for Christmas they are getting their bedding items and stuff to match according to their favorite characters, they will only receive a couple toys and their art supplies from us at this time. they are also learning that when they do have money to spend at the store, that they need to make sure that it is what they really want, my oldest is really catching on to the idea of not grabbing the first thing she sees, but to wait til we get through the whole store (or department) to decide what she wants, she has even left the store empty handed becasue she didn't really want anything, One day last week, we all four went shopping and my daughter wanted a set of of Bob the Builder videos and she also wanted to get something to eat there in the eating place, we didn't have a lot of money on us, so she had to make a decission, the videos or eat there, she gave it some thought and decided on the food LOL. She had absolutely no problem putting the videos back on the shelf. She is learning the value of money and at the same time learning to make choices when it comes to the imporance of what she is spending. This child is only going on 5 years old and it is a very rare thing for her to get all bent out of shape over spending money, and she knows that if she does throw a fit, she gets absolutely nothing. My 2 year old of course doesn't understand all this with the exception that you throw a fit, you don't get it so she is catching on. We must start while they are very young and for those parents who give in to their children and give them everything they ask for and allows them to throw their tantrums and get by with it, you are gonna regret it big time and you are going to have spoiled rebellious snobbish teenagers and they will have a hard time managing money when they become adults and you, the parent will actually be at fault for setting your kids up for failure. Children need to learn balance and self control even when it comes to money and it is up to us paretns to teach this to them.
 
October 29, 2005, 6:51 pm CDT

Dreading watching this

I'm half afraid to watch this one. And I don't even have kids yet!  

  

I grew up in an area where most  families were pretty well off, but we were not. Kids got brand new cars when they turned 16 (still do). I got the family 'vette (as in Chevy Chevette!) that nearly croaked when you went over 55 mph. But I felt very, very lucky to have it.  

  

Remember the designer jeans craze? We just couldn't afford them.  No way. Instead of Jordache and Gloria Vanderbilt, we got Lee jeans. I can remember envying my friends but then realizing that I was lucky to have what I had. It's funny, really. Now as an adult, I still like nice clothes, but I won't pay a fortune for them. I buy sparingly on sale. I think it taught me a lesson to value people in my life more than things.  

  

As for video games, I have to laugh because all we ever got was Pong! I knew not to ask for Atari (boy am I dating myself) or the later games that came along. My younger husband had the first version of Nintendo when he was a kid and we still play with it! I think I'm making up for my video game-less childhood. It certainly didn't hurt me any to miss it, though.  

  

  

 
October 30, 2005, 5:02 am CST

Thank you!

Quote From: queentween

Good for you girl! I admire your strength....and am happy for your success.......

Thank you very much! 

  

I think my story should have been put in next friday's show board (Shopaholics), but I am still glad it was published, because of what I said: People need, like I did, to STOP defining themselves with what they have, but with what they are! 

  

In the case of those girls driving their parents nuts with these parties, I think the parents do them no favor by accepting to finance these events. 

  

It is RIDICULOUS!  

  

All these people attending these parties... I wonder if they would still be around if these girls were making "regular" parties, if they had less money. 

  

I have a 18 year old cousin. When his mom passed away a few years ago, he got money and suddenly, he had tons of "friends". My cousin was often asked to pay for their restaurants plates, gas in their cars... because "he was the rich one". My cousin was insecure at the time and accepted this because he didn't want to lose his "friends". Well the day he decided "That is enough, I am tired to pay for them each time we go out".... he found himself with no one around. This is when he realized he needed friends who were there for HIM, not for his cash. 

  

These parents need to stop spoiling their kids and start teaching them the true values of life! 

 
October 30, 2005, 8:53 am CST

Exactly!

Quote From: jrbaker

Parents spoil their children every day by buying them the latest toy, gadget, or article of clothing.  It seems as though parents want to make sure their children are entertained every waking second of the day.  What has happened to talking with each other?  You see portable DVD players in cars now, or even worse, in the laps of young children being strolled around the mall.  Many parents seem like they don't enjoy their children's company, so they give them all this stuff in lieu of forming meaningful relationships.  This makes the children expect more and more material items, and they gain less and less social skills and appreciation.  This topic really gets to me, because the next generation is going to be so spoiled & have such inflated senses of entitlement that there will be no sense of achievement or gratitude.  When you get it all early, there is no way you can appreciate life.  I believe that working hard to accomplish goals and build a solid future generates good character.  If parents begin showering their children with so much from birth, they need to be prepared to pay for that standard of living until their children are 50 because the child will expect it & not be able to settle for anything less.  So many of my peers bought the huge house after getting married, along with brand new cars, and expensive wardrobes.  Underneath it all, their credit cards are maxed out & they are stressed and worried because they are living paycheck to paycheck, products of being spoiled as children by their parents.  When are parents going to realize that they can't buy their children's love & happiness?  There's nothing like snuggling up with my daughter to read her favorite book, or simply having a conversation about her day.  That's what family means to us!

Kids appreciate what you do with/for them more than what you give them if you teach them early. 

  

A story for you: (my brother calls me Cliff from Cheers...  ;-) 

  

I was making a Halloween costume for my son. My then 12 yr old nephew seemed to be hanging close by watching me while I was sewing it together. I finally asked him what was up and he replied "My mom (birth mother not my sister) has never made me a costume, she always just bought them." I laid my son's costume aside, asked him what he wanted to be and off we all went to the fabric store. The ladies at the store got involved when they saw a 12yr old boy looking through the pattern, lots of laughing and giggling, pretty much a flurry of mother hens! Took all the stuff home, Charlie helped cut the material, lay the pattern on the cloth and he would have run the sewing machine if I'd let him :-) Charlie was the best Beetlejuice you ever saw! 

  

It also turned out to be the last time Charlie got to go trick or treating, the following summer he was diagnosed with Juvenile onset diabetes. The Beetlejuice costume is still in the upstairs closet waiting for Charlie's son to grow tall enough to wear it. Charlie is now 26 yrs old, doing well and nearly every time the family gathers he asks me to pull it out for Blake to try on, trying to see if it fits him yet. 

  

Your kids remember the gift of your time and care much longer than the material things you give them.   

 
October 30, 2005, 9:40 am CST

Perfect Example (sadly overruled by parents)

http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/10/16/prom.canceled.ap/ 

1st part of the article, follow the link above for the full story: 

  

Long Island principal cancels prom
Principal: School 'willing to sponsor a prom, but not an orgy' 

Sunday, October 16, 2005; Posted: 7:29 p.m. EDT (23:29 GMT)  


In his letter to parents, Hoagland wrote that the prom was surrounded by "financial decadence."
 
KEllenberg Memorial High School
UNIONDALE, New York (AP) -- Brother Kenneth M. Hoagland had heard all the stories about prom-night debauchery at his Long Island high school: 

  

Students putting down $10,000 to rent a party house in the Hamptons. 

  

Pre-prom cocktail parties followed by a trip to the dance in a liquor-loaded limo. 

  

Fathers chartering a boat for their children's late-night "booze cruise." 

  

Enough was enough, Hoagland said. So the principal of Kellenberg Memorial High School canceled the spring prom in a 2,000-word letter to parents this fall. 

  

"It is not primarily the sex/booze/drugs that surround this event, as problematic as they might be; it is rather the flaunting of affluence, assuming exaggerated expenses, a pursuit of vanity for vanity's sake -- in a word, financial decadence," Hoagland said, fed up with what he called the "bacchanalian aspects." 

  

 
October 30, 2005, 10:41 am CST

Sooner or Later

   I am really happy to see this topic being addressed. I am 25 years-old and was very spoiled (mostly by my father) when I was a child. I have 3 older sisters, but they were out of the house by the time I was growing up, so I grew up like an only child. I knew exactly how to manipulate my parents to get whatever it was that I wanted. I never really had to do chores; never really had any responsibilities. I had jobs when I was a teenager, but my father would still give me what I wanted if I asked for it.  

  

   After a few years of my parents being divorced, my mom took my dad for everything he had. My dad at the time was also not in the best of shape and was forced to go on disability, which didn't exactly pay very much. Our family was reduced to living on toast and peanut butter for almost every meal. We were lucky if we had pasta. This was a bit of a wake up call for me, but not necessarily a big enough one. I still felt like the world owed me something. 

  

  When I left home for university, everything was pretty much paid for. My uncle covered my tuition and my mom and dad paid my rent and other bills. After a while at university, I started to become a little more humble. My way of socializing with others was simply not working. People didn't really like me, probably because I always felt I had to be the center of attention and nobody really likes an attention whore. Plus, there were a whole lot of other kids whose families had way more money than mine did. I started to think, "maybe I'm not so special." 

  

   I'm not really sure at what point in my life that my attitude and outlook started to change. Maybe it was when I took a couple of religion classes and learned about Buddhism. I thought, "this really makes sense. Why haven't I been trying to live my life a little more like this?" I started to loathe materialism and began seizing my days and the wonderful times with the people I love in my life. 

  

  I am still sort of broken from the way my parents spoiled me. I am an exotic dancer now and have been for 4 years. It started as a summer job during school. I was good at it and so it became a profession for me. I don't know. Maybe because it was so easy for me to get money out of my father, it comes naturally for me to get it from other men. I know I've been spoiled. I think of getting a regular job sometimes, but the money and the freedom that my job provides makes it extremely difficult to leave this lifestyle. 

  

  So, parents...if you have a daughter that you're spoiling, I'd say look out. It will make her lazy and she will look for the easy way out of everything. Money comes and goes in life. It's the time that you spend with your child, the way you spend it and the values that you instill in your child that matter most. 

 
October 30, 2005, 11:55 am CST

You Don't Get Spoiled by Love - it's Guilt That Does It

I love my children each and every day. I love them with every breath in my body and would give them anything they need. In fact, I'd do without happily if it meant they got what they need.  

  

But the point is, they don't NEED a lot of things. They are teenagers. They need food, shelter, limits, money for school supplies, clothing enough to have a few choices, access to a computer [my computer] for homework and some entertainment time [whether it means watching my television or having a few dollars to go bowling.]  

  

Other than that, the things they beg for are WANTS. And getting everything you WANT is not healthy. How does one learn to cope with disappointment? Or to make good choices? Or to budget? Or to live a life grounded in reality? Or to care about others in need? IF one never knows need, it's easy to develop a very selfish outlook on life - to live insulated from need and want and never give a thought to one's blessings.  

  

Children who get only some of the things they want develop gratitude. They learn to be thankful for the things they get. Children who get everything usually squander and destroy the things they do have. They do not learn a life of care or conservation.  

  

My mom grew up in the Depression. She still saves things I would throw away - string, tinfoil, plastic ice cream containers, leftover food. Her life is a life of joy and helping others and using the resourcses in this world wisely and with gratitude. She counts her blessings daily and when she sees someone in need she helps out. She didn't get to be that way by having everything she ever wanted. She got to be that way by working for the things she needed and occasionally getting some of the things she wanted [like an orange at Christmas.]  

  

We don't do our children any favours by indulging them. Everyone is always talking about raising 'Baby Einsteins' or 'Baby Mozarts'. Well, psychologists tell us that EQ [emotional intelligence] is THE most important intelligence of all. Neglecting that type of learning - the learning to defer gratification and to care about the needs of others - will not produce the most successful or happy children. If you want your child to excell, deny them some of their wants sometimes.  

 
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