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Topic : 10/31 "Spoiled and Entitled?"

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Created on : Friday, October 28, 2005, 02:09:21 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

Are we raising a generation of ungrateful children? Sabrina and Jessica say they have the most spoiled nephews in North America. They get every toy they ask for -- all they have to do is whine. Their sister, Melissa, says her sons aren't spoiled, they're just kids who like toys. Are her sisters just jealous of her lifestyle? Next, Dori admits that her 13-year-old son, Parker, is spoiled. Parker says he won't take no for an answer, and even has a strategy for getting everything he wants. Then, Joan says her 14-year-old daughter, Jacquie, is a snob, and her need for trendy clothes is turning her into a materialistic monster. Can Dr. Phil help Jacquie change her ways? Plus, Lauren spends her entire paycheck shopping, but with no money in her checking account, she worries that she could be headed for trouble. Her mom, Diane, says she's not worried, it's just Lauren's way of relaxing. Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

 

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October 30, 2005, 12:18 pm CST

10/31 "Spoiled and Entitled?"

Quote From: greyghost

I can't wait to see what Dr. Phil has to say about this.  I have felt the entire range of emotions on this topic.  As a divorced mother of two I am not able to give my kids everything they want.  I feel guilty about that because they see a lot of their friends with all the latest "toys"  while I'm struggling just to save money to buy an x-box.  Those are expensive but thats just the x-box, the games my son wants cost about the same as a weeks worth of groceries for us.  Oh, my God he is only 7 and I am already feeling stress about his toys.  I hear this is only going to get worse.  Help!!!!!!

I don't know if I would knock myself out to get one of these. My children saved up for their xbox-from birthday money and their allowance.  It isn't educational and it can really consume a lot of their time and focus.  I allow them to play with it very sparingly-mostly as a reward for doing all of their tasks and homework.  Of course, they think that is totally unfair-lol! 

  

You can rent an x box and games. That is one way to make it a rare treat rather than a brain drain. 

 
October 30, 2005, 5:57 pm CST

It's easy to fall into that trap

 When my children were first born I have to admit that I spoiled them a bit.  My mother was a single mother with me and we were very poor.  She worked three jobs many times just to support us.  When I had my first child and got divorced, I said to myself that my children were going to have the things in life that I never had.  As time went on though and I did some soul searching, I realized that what I really wanted as a child wasn't toys and all the latest fashions.  What I really wanted was my mother!  I am now a stay at home mother and I couldn't afford all the latest fashions even if I wanted to, but I've come to realize that my children are the same way I was.  They really couldn't care less (to a degree) about the latest fashions and toys.  All they really care about is the love and attention they need from me.
 
October 30, 2005, 6:13 pm CST

So true!

Quote From: wyldcelt

Kids appreciate what you do with/for them more than what you give them if you teach them early. 

  

A story for you: (my brother calls me Cliff from Cheers...  ;-) 

  

I was making a Halloween costume for my son. My then 12 yr old nephew seemed to be hanging close by watching me while I was sewing it together. I finally asked him what was up and he replied "My mom (birth mother not my sister) has never made me a costume, she always just bought them." I laid my son's costume aside, asked him what he wanted to be and off we all went to the fabric store. The ladies at the store got involved when they saw a 12yr old boy looking through the pattern, lots of laughing and giggling, pretty much a flurry of mother hens! Took all the stuff home, Charlie helped cut the material, lay the pattern on the cloth and he would have run the sewing machine if I'd let him :-) Charlie was the best Beetlejuice you ever saw! 

  

It also turned out to be the last time Charlie got to go trick or treating, the following summer he was diagnosed with Juvenile onset diabetes. The Beetlejuice costume is still in the upstairs closet waiting for Charlie's son to grow tall enough to wear it. Charlie is now 26 yrs old, doing well and nearly every time the family gathers he asks me to pull it out for Blake to try on, trying to see if it fits him yet. 

  

Your kids remember the gift of your time and care much longer than the material things you give them.   

My daughter LOVES her princess costume I made for her this year!  It was much cheaper & way more attractive than a store-bought one.  And, we did it together!  Very cute picture! 

 
October 30, 2005, 7:40 pm CST

spoiled??

I have adopted 7 children thru cps.  The older 4 were 2, 3, 4 & 7 when we got them.  The first Christmas my husband and I (and the family) kind of went overboard and bought them practically everything.  We had not had the opportunity to shop for youngsters (my stepson was 17 at the time) and it was alot of fun.  Christmas morning the kids woke up and saw all of the presents under the tree and just stood there.  They didn't even know what to do.  This must have been their first real Christmas.  We told them to go open their gifts and they all went and opened the first one and started into their rooms to play.  They never realized all the gifts were for them.  I still look at the video with tears in my eyes (that was 6 years ago).  The 3 youngest children were very small when we got them so they've really never known what it was like to "go without".  I say all this to say the following.  It is so difficult to not buy them everything they want, but, in order to instill a value system in them my husband and I have to hold back.  We are financially capable of buying them anything but what will we be teaching them?  The kids still get excited over new socks, underwear, and hand-me-downs.  They are not greedy, they hardly ever ask for anything and that makes it even harder!   

  

All of these parents that answer to their childs' every whim are setting them up for a harsh reality.  Even those with the best of intentions are teaching them that they are in this world to be served, not to serve.  My parents had little to no money when my brother and I were growing up, but, we never went without the things we needed and it was always a great surprise to get the things we wanted.  We didn't expect them and that's what made it exciting. 

  

Even though we don't go hog wild anymore at Christmas, it's still great fun going shopping and watching their eyes get big on Christmas morning (by the 2nd Christmas they had it figured out!)  It's not how much they get, it's watching the expressions on their faces! 

  

  

 
October 30, 2005, 8:37 pm CST

10/31 "Spoiled and Entitled?"

  

  

Now I'll be the first to admit that my father spoiled me.  I didn't necessarily get everything that I wanted but he did his best to try to get me some of the things that I wanted.  We were in no way "rich".   My dad was a mechanic and my mom worked as the bookkeeper at the shop that he worked at.  The best thing that my parents ever did for me was letting me be a little kid.  I was able to go to work with my dad and play in the oil...or help "work" on the cars.  I loved just being able to be there with him.  My parents thought it would be in my benefit to put me in Pre-school but I would cry when my mom dropped me off cuz I wanted to be with my parents.  When I got older I still loved just being able to spend time with my parents.  I knew that they couldn't afford to buy me designer clothes and new car or other things like that and I was ok with it becuz I knew without a shadow of a doubt that if I really needed something they would do just about anything to get it.   

  

After having kids of my own I hope that I am able to instill the same views in my children.  I will never run out just to buy the new toy on the market or new shoes that have come out.  I hope that my kids realize that my love and desire to be with them is more valuable then anything that money can buy.  I am just happy that I was able to realize this because when my father passed away..I never thought...man now who will give me everything I want...I simply thought....I know how much he loved me and I am sad that I can no longer hear him tell me how much he loves me.  Just to hear those words from my dad again is more valuable than anything money can buy.  It's too bad that kids these days take their parents love for granted.  I hope that this show will wake up parents today and show them that they don't have to buy their kids everything they want.  Sure they will be disappointed but in the long run it will be the best thing that you will ever do for your children.  JUST LOVE THEM UNCONDITIONALLY....when they are older they will appreciate that more than anything.!!!!!! 

 
October 30, 2005, 11:04 pm CST

10/31 "Spoiled and Entitled?"

Quote From: irishmom

 When my children were first born I have to admit that I spoiled them a bit.  My mother was a single mother with me and we were very poor.  She worked three jobs many times just to support us.  When I had my first child and got divorced, I said to myself that my children were going to have the things in life that I never had.  As time went on though and I did some soul searching, I realized that what I really wanted as a child wasn't toys and all the latest fashions.  What I really wanted was my mother!  I am now a stay at home mother and I couldn't afford all the latest fashions even if I wanted to, but I've come to realize that my children are the same way I was.  They really couldn't care less (to a degree) about the latest fashions and toys.  All they really care about is the love and attention they need from me.

Happy Birthday irishmom! saw the mention on your profile :-) 

  

Stuff is fun for awhile but it'll never take the place of a big hug and a silly giggle fit with your kids. It is tempting to spoil them but then you end up looking around trying to figure out where all this crap came from, I swear it multiplies like rabbits..... 

  

jrbaker: your daughter will treasure that memory of having you completely to herself while you two were making her costume and I'll bet she will be the prettiest princess out tomorrow :-) Charlie's costume has been worn by 6 more kids since then, it'll be around til it falls apart, it's funny the things kids latch onto isn't it...... 

 
October 30, 2005, 11:40 pm CST

Stop the guilt and get a backbone!

I just finished watching this show.  Wonderful topic and examples of what happens throughout time to children who have been indulged with STUFF!!   

  

Melissa, you are a young gorgeous mother with beautiful sons, and an older husband.  I couldn't help but thinking 'trophy wife'  during your segment and I don't wish to say that as an insult to you personally.  Obviously I don't know you to say you set out to land yourself into this situation.  But wow, you have the motherload of luck.  I sincerely hope that nothing happens to your husband to prevent him supporting you and your children in the way that he has accustomed you to be, such as a job loss or health issue.  I could tell that you don't have any experience looking down the road with 'what ifs.'    You truly believe that your children will stay as sweet as they are if you give them everything they demand.  Oh, they won't just grow out of this.  Denial ain't a river in Egypt.  They don't value what they have right now.  At 3 years old, you are really underestimating your son's coginitive development if you think he doesn't realize what is going on.  My two year old daughter already knows that if she throws a tantrum, she will NOT get what she is demanding.  Kids are smart.  But hey, it's your life, your kids, and thankfully, no one I"ll have to live with.  :)   

  

Dori.... stop feeling guilty that your son is an only child.  He's turned into a brat because he knows how to play on your emotions.  You should start using the weapon that he is LUCKY and BLESSED to still have you around.  Besides, if he had siblings, he'd have to SHARE and no longer get ALL your time and money.  I don't think he'd really want that.  There is nothing wrong with being an only child.  In fact, there are just as many pluses as there is to having siblings.  Both of my parents were only children, my husband is an only child, and I"m technically an only child  (much older brother who never lived at home during my life).   We all turned out pretty good, imo.   

  

Due to circumstances beyond my control, it looks as if my daughter is also going to be a singleton.  Yeah, it's a bit sad that she's my only, but I will never allow it to be used as a weapon of guilt. This is just the way things are.  She's turned 2 last month and I've been taking a good hard look at her environment and personality.  This show was very timely.  No, I can't afford toys & clothes on the scale of what the families on this show are providing, but she has way too much stuff to play with that she doesn't play with from second hand & gifts.  I want her to value what she has.  So I've been pruning to sell at the base flea markets.   She even helps sort & tells me what she likes & doesn't.   I put the money I make away for future needs, wants, & savings.  I consider it a form of recycling.   

  

The badgering I saw from your son, & Diane's daughter was completely unnerving.  How can you allow your children to talk to you like this?  Don't debate.... state your point, say no. and leave it like that.  If they want to engage in a battle, tell them you said no, and either walk off, or ignore them.  It will get worse before it gets better because You have taught your children how to treat you.  But if you want them to change, then do something.  Be strong!!       

 
October 31, 2005, 12:36 am CST

Parent's please be strong

 From first word i'm sorry for my english,but i just learn. 

I'm 21 years old,and i just got married 7 months ago.I'm from Poland,and my husband is a soldier in Germany Europe.We meet in Germany.I can tell you,that I didn't have a lot when I was a child.We didn't have money for vacation,or toys,or anything offten.On the christmas we didn't have offten presents.My parenst felt bad for that,they could not give us what we needet.But had us for live and for be togheter,and that was important.Ofcourse I was offten mad and sad,that i don.t have stuff like my friends from school,and i was really mad at my parents,i didn't want to talk to them offten.I cryd,and cryd,but that was when I was teenager,becouse i didn,t undertood what that meens,I just wanted have this what haved all my friends. 

But trust me,if you put your child in this situation,they can even hade you at the begin. 

Now i'm married,and trust me my husband is very happy,that i can respect the money,that for me its more important to buy now food,to keep my husband happy,and to get more important stuff that clothes,shoes,perfumes,make up stuff,or the things what you need onse in a while and not every week.Now i can just say to my parenst,that i'm really thanfull,for everything what they teach me about money,and about more important things that my not always good needs.And trust me I can hear from my husband offten,that he is tellin to his friends,that he is happy that he have wife,who know how to save,and who don't spend the money on stupid stuff. 

So don't be afraid to don't give your children everythink what they want,becouse maby know,they be mad,but in life time they will say thank you. 

 
October 31, 2005, 1:47 am CST

Parents' view of their children

I would like to hear from the parents whose children were featured on the show:  How did you think your children came across on this show?  What do you think viewers thought of these children? 

  

  

 
October 31, 2005, 6:14 am CST

When things don't matter quite so much

Unfortunately, it looks like most of these folks are in deep denial and nothing Dr. Phil says is going to bring them out of their materialism coma. Unless someone loses their job suddenly (and yes, it does happen) and the money is suddenly gone. Amazing how that wakes people up to reality. 

  

For those parents who are waking up and smelling the coffee that their kids are spoiled, I have a good bit of therapy to recommend. 

  

Take them on down to Bay St. Louis in Mississippi, where my mother just spent a week mudding out flooded homes as part of a disaster relief crew. Let them take a look at all the belongings dumped in ditches in front of destroyed homes, ruined for good. Suddenly it becomes really clear that all those things that seemed so important don't mean so much after all. 

  

 
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