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Topic : 10/31 "Spoiled and Entitled?"

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Created on : Friday, October 28, 2005, 02:09:21 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

Are we raising a generation of ungrateful children? Sabrina and Jessica say they have the most spoiled nephews in North America. They get every toy they ask for -- all they have to do is whine. Their sister, Melissa, says her sons aren't spoiled, they're just kids who like toys. Are her sisters just jealous of her lifestyle? Next, Dori admits that her 13-year-old son, Parker, is spoiled. Parker says he won't take no for an answer, and even has a strategy for getting everything he wants. Then, Joan says her 14-year-old daughter, Jacquie, is a snob, and her need for trendy clothes is turning her into a materialistic monster. Can Dr. Phil help Jacquie change her ways? Plus, Lauren spends her entire paycheck shopping, but with no money in her checking account, she worries that she could be headed for trouble. Her mom, Diane, says she's not worried, it's just Lauren's way of relaxing. Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

 

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October 31, 2005, 9:40 am CST

10/31 "Spoiled and Entitled?"

I know I'm probably going to get flamed for saying this, but I truly believe that excessive spoiling is borderline child abuse.  These parents are essentially handicapping their kids emotionally by teaching this unrealistic sense of entitlement.  What a terrible shock it's going to be when they finally go out into "the real world" and discover that life doesn't hand you everything you want. 

  

I am especially worried about Melissa's two beautiful children, because it's clear that Dr. Phil's advice fell on deaf ears.  It's so sad because it's not really about the kids per se, it's about Melissa running her own agenda and filling some sort of "need" by spoling them materially.  How sad. 

  

And Diane's daughter, Lauren (?)-- I knew a few people like her when I was in college.  While they may have earned an academic degree, they had never attended the School of Real Life, had no idea what it was like to pay bills, live on a budget, etc.  And like Diane, their parents expected them to just jump in right after college...of course, not suprisingly, some of them bombed out and had to move back home, it was such a shock.  If I was Lauren, I'd move out of my house for the remainder of my college years...find some friends and get an apartment together.  When you have to decide between spending your money at the mall and being able to eat for the next month, it's a whole new experience. 

  

cheers. 

 
October 31, 2005, 9:54 am CST

Similar to you!

Quote From: ally1984

This topic is going to be an interesting one..I can't wait to see the show..maybe Guiding LIght wont take over this time lol but first off to the post about the Sweet 16 show...I've seen parts of the show but I never really got to watch it and it's interesting that the parents  would want to have such a blow out party for their kids at that age..even if they do have a few extra dollars than the rest of us...I know it's a milestone but when you get to paying THOUSANDS of dollars for a couple hours with your friends I think that's where you have to draw the line.  I mean, I didn't even HAVE  a sweet 16 party..I would have rather go the mall and shop or something and probably would spend a lot less money lol. I didnt care about any of that when i was 16..but when you think about it...teenagers are VERY self-centered individuals regardless if they come from a rich family or not and everything is either their way or the highway..that's just part of growing up and everyone has went through that stage at one point or another..you just to have to get them to understand the value of a dollar and sometimes mom or dad may not have that extra 40 to spend on those designer jeans. 
I also responded to the post about seeing the "sweet 16" show on MTV and admitted that I'm kinda spoiled by my grandmother.......but I had a similar situation to you! I never had a sweet 16 party either, I just didnt want one! To me it was kind of a big deal, but definately NOT a big enough one to throw some huge bash for it! I believe we just had a small family celebration with some food, cake & ice cream and then my best friend slept over! Nothing lavish or anything! I also wanted to add that I DO in fact help my grandmother out around the house! When she's at work, I clean the house..... you know, do the dishes, sweep & vaccum, etc! Not that our house (mobile home) gets really messy, since its only the 2 of us living here but I DO help out so that she doesnt have to do much where the cleaning is concerned! I know that one day I WILL HAVE to go to school and/or get a job & do things on my own (she also reminds me from time to time), but my grandmother understands that I'm not ready to take the plunge yet, so to speak and doesnt mind "taking care" of me! Like I said Before, I'm VERY thankful & grateful for the way my grandmother treats me, I love her VERY MUCH and in NO WAY do I feel ENTITLED to this treatment! After seeing the show today, I can HONESTLY say that I'm NOT AS BAD as the people who appreared on the show!! My whole world does NOT revolve around designer labels and the "next big/great thing", we dont have that kind of money!  Most of them were in denial that there was even a problem & thats where a lot of the issue comes from! I hope for the sake of their financial well being & their children's future well being that they realize the problem and try to fix it & turn things around! In the end, it will all be worth it!
 
October 31, 2005, 10:20 am CST

be careful

Quote From: kbscrapper

This gets my BP up every time!! I really think that we give our kids too much now a days. I think part of it is because we have more then our parents did but when do you draw the line? I have a SD who is 8 and she gets whatever she wants from her mom. Granted Mom has the money to give it to her but DH and I don't. We barely get by. So how do you find the middle ground?? Last Christmas she complained that her little sister got more then she did from us. Yeah she may have but she she does not get 3 christmases like her big sister does, AND she plays with her toys. Everything I buy for her seems to just sit on a shelf. I actually gave some of her unopened toys away last year.  

She didn't even care!!  

  

Even though your step daughter gets so much from her mom I would not buy her less from you guys.  Her father needs to show no favoritism and to her it would appear that way if her sister gets more.  I don't think you should punish her for what her mom is doing.  I am not talking about her feeling the need for stuff but to a child seeing a sibling get more stuff would be taken as getting more love.
 
October 31, 2005, 10:34 am CST

David Ramsey's book is a must for all these KIDS

My mom too was very indulgent of me as a child. She felt guilty for things that she should not have felt guilty for. We lived in an affluent neighborhood because the schools were very good. My dad worked graveyard shifts to afford their THREE mortgages on the house so that my mom could be a stay at home mom. Long story short, I now know money was tight. I recently found their bank records from my childhood and I had NO idea things were as tight as they were. I so wish that my mom had just said she would like to buy me more but there was no money. I may not have liked it would have probably saved me thousands of dollars as an adult. I could have put a down payment on a house when i was 25 if not for my spending which I learned from my mom. 

  

My mom took me shopping for all the things the other kids had and more. If I had a bad day, go shopping, getting over a cold, go shopping, bored go shopping! My mom felt terribly inadequate and it made her feel good to give me stuff. She projected her feelings of inadequacy onto me. She did nothing to teach me the value of money, to respect money or to save money.  

  

As soon as I was old enough I had more credit cards than any one person should. I would juggle who to pay when on my tiny income from working in a deli. Long story short, to this day I struggle with my spending habits. It is too easy to fall back into the I want so I spend so I feel better mode. Credit is very dangerous if the person using it doesn't understand it. Those credit card companies aren't looking out for you, they are looking out for themselves.  

  

Recently, after watching  a piece on 60 Minutes, I started reading the book by David Ramsey about how to make over your finances. I've read the others, Suze Orman and others but there was something about David Ramsey's book that made it seem so simple. Just stop spending money you don't have, pay cash for everything and only carry a mortgage if you absolutely must. Me and a credit card is like an alcoholic with a bottle of wine. Who'd have thought there was an option. 

  

All these young kids should go to the bookstore and pay cash for Dave Ramsey's book.  

  

Parents, stop indulging your kids in order to make yourselves feel better.  

  

  

  

 
October 31, 2005, 10:43 am CST

plain &simple

If we parents know what to give our kids when they are small and not give them every little thing they want when they're small, well its all in learning the kids early and learning them the value of things.Its not hard to see thats these parents didn't show their kids anything about value no matter how small the item or how least expensive the item .They (the kids)need to learn the value of things and learn to appreciate what is given to them and not just get every little thing they whine about then maybe these parents wouldn't be on the show for help!!! Teach the kids early not when they are practically teens, then are they going to listen to you?The answer is NO
 
October 31, 2005, 10:47 am CST

Adopt me!

Quote From: judyblue22

I would never hesitate to admit that our kids are indulged.  They are the unquestioned centre of our lives.

  

 

 

  

 

  •  They are allowed to be involved in up to three activities a year and they don't have to take anything twice if they don't want to.

      

  • Neither one has been in a church group, activity or team where my husband and I weren't involved and contributing to the program.
  • We always know their teachers and are both frequently in their school.
  • My husband and I spend 2 hours after supper most nights with them playing at some childish pursuit that they enjoy.

      

  • We give them allowances that increase with age (my 12 year old daughter is getting $50.00 per week this year). 

      

  • We also make them responsible to cover their personal expenses with their allowances so they learn how to plan, budget and save and they get real life experiences when they make mistakes.

      

  • We treat them to a story-telling day every birthday where they are the main character of all the stories.

      

  • We treat them each to some alone time with each of us every weekend.

      

We are more free than many people-no commutes or long work hours although we both work. We have used that freedom to give our children everything.

  

 

 

  

 

 

Judy blue! Would you be interested in adopting a 42 yr old? :) Your situation sounds great! Enjoy them! As we say around here, you might as well pay for education and activities when they are young, instead of bail when they are grown....Good for you! 

 
October 31, 2005, 10:55 am CST

SPOILED MONSTERS!!!!!!!

Quote From: lbsito

I hope Melissa will watch the show and realize she may have some problems with her own self esteem.  Everyone thinks their own children are adorable.  However, they do not go out and buy them every toy on the market.  She will soon find out that other people do not view spoiled children as cute.  If she and her husband have an "overabundance of money", then they need to help some low-income families.  This would give them a better perspective on their own lives and save their children from becoming "overindulged monsters"!

There are so many issues that these families are dealing with, but your post summed up exactly what I wanted to say!! 

Its fine to give your children incentives to do well, its fine to give them rewards when they actually DO do well. But come on! These people are way, way, way unreasonable about how much they give their children. 

I have seen kids and teens who get everything handed to them, havent we all? Many of them grow into needy, incompetent adults who have little skills to control a budget. When you give too much, you cripple your children. To me, its gross to give so much when there are others who have so little. 

Something that has really affected our children, ages 14, 9 and 7, was volunteering at our local homeless shelter last Christmas eve. A long time ago, someone suggested that we volunteer as a family for many reasons, and I'm so glad that we did. We have talked to our children about issues surrounding poverty in our area, but when they actually SAW it with their own eyes, they understood on a different level, and then to actually help out with their own hands, made them feel very good about themselves.  

Our kids get $1.25 every Saturday IF they have cleaned their rooms and done their other various chores. If they  haven't done everything, then the allowance gets reduced. There has only been two times that allowances had to be reduced so far! Our kids save their money and from time to time, they count it up, and if they  have enough, they can buy whatever toy that they have been oogling over. If they don't have enough... the money goes back into the piggy bank and they keep saving.. most of the time if they don't have enough money and they keep saving, the toy that they origninaly wanted gets forgotten and they set their sites on another toy. This makes me believe that if they did get the toy that they wanted in the beginning... it would be forgotten at the bottom of the toy box. I feel that having our children save up for their own allowances has given them feelings of accomplishment and positive self esteem.  

I don't understand why would parents give so much? 

Is it just because they can? One parent said because their child is so cute. Well, my kids are cute, too.. but it doesn't make me want to buy them anything that their heart desires.. it does make me want to cuddle with them and read a book, or play a card or board game. Just to spend time with them, because before I know it, they are going to be grown. 

The parents that give and give are crippling their children. THose kids are in for a rude awakening when they go out into the real world and discover that it doesn't revolve around them!! 

 
October 31, 2005, 11:02 am CST

Focusing on spoiled kids is missing the point.

Americans have the most personal debt than anyone else. 100 years ago, immigrants who made dirt poor wages and who came to this country with nothing more than the clothes on their back were able to die and leave their children something. Americans of the past would probably look on their great grandchildren's habits in disgust. Many first generation Americans are appauled and baffled at how Americans deal with their money. Both my parents were first generation Americans. I feel like spoiled kids are not really the problem. I feel like they are a symptom of a much bigger problem of our culture. And that is one of consumerism. 

  

Many families live in homes that are too big for them and they can not afford, but they still feel the need to pay these outrageus mortgages. Adult people max out their credit cards in order to "keep up with the Jones." Kids go to schools where if they do not wear designer clothes they are layed out as outcasts, no matter how charming or sweet they may be and where obnoxious children with the best clothes are considered "cool". American parents are overworked and generally don't get to spend enough time with their children so they just throw money at them. People don't teach their children any of the basics of personal financing. How should we really expect America's kids to turn out? 

  

The old saying goes, "the apple doesn't fall very far from the tree." People need to re-evaluate what is most important to them and get their priorities straightened out. I am not a parent yet and I just got into my twenties but it doesnt seem right to splurge all your money on toys or clothes for children or for yourself in this era of college costs and housing costs higher than they have ever been. I would hope that these parents would see the advantage to putting money away for tuition for their kids or for a downpayment on a house than the new Playstation 2 games or Louis Vuitton bags. 

  

 
October 31, 2005, 11:11 am CST

Another Aunt of "S & E"

I'm hoping the 2 Aunts on today's show in the first segment, will read this.  My brother and his wife did almost the same thing when my neice and nephew were toddlers. NOW, just as Dr. Phil tried to point out, we are dealing with the aftermath.  They are 7 & 9.  It is almost traumatic to buy their birthday and Christmas presents.  We so want to give them something they will remember came from us, (grandparents and aunts) that we stress for months trying to get it right. It is very seldom that we do, and we can't help but be hurt when we have put money, thought and time into the perfect gift and they toss it aside to grab another gift. They have even pitched a "fit" on Christmas morning because the race track they received, wasn't the exact one they wanted. (the one they wanted wasn't age appropriate). Their toy room is full of things... everything you can imagine, and it's all over the floor. They don't hesitate to just stomp across everything as if it's garbage. I want to cry when I see their lack of respect for what they have.  

  

To the mother and father of the children in the segment.... Dr. Phil was way to easy on you. You will know that in about five years, and even sadder when they are young adults trying to make their way in the real world.  

 
October 31, 2005, 11:50 am CST

Spoiled kids

I too am glad Dr. Phil is addressing this.  There are so many spoiled and disrespectful children now days.  I wish my sister would watch the episode today.  Her daughter has more toys than any child I know and so selfish for a 5 year old.  She also talks to my sister like dirt, interupts her when she is talking to someone.  It drives me nuts.  We were not raised that way. We wore hand me downs and it never bothered us. To this day I am not ahsamed to buy something from the goodwill.   My parents took us fishing, camping, hiking, to the airport to watch the planes take off etc.  I loved those experiences and they cost practically nothing.  When I graduated from high school my parents bought me a $250 Pinto (remember those:-) but told me I had to pay for the insurance and gas. When I was 12 my sister and I shared a paper route.  It was great we had our own money and taught us responsibility. 

  

I have a two year old son and I want him to appreciate things and be taught that you can't have everything you want.  We do a lot of things together as a family but they don't cost a lot of money.   

  

I just don't get parents.  Recently my husband and I took our son to the zoo and a boy about 10 or so just cut right in front of us and the mother just stood there.  It makes me so mad how kids have no manner now days.  I hope todays show will be a wake up call for some parents. 

 
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