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Topic : 10/31 "Spoiled and Entitled?"

Number of Replies: 209
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Created on : Friday, October 28, 2005, 02:09:21 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

Are we raising a generation of ungrateful children? Sabrina and Jessica say they have the most spoiled nephews in North America. They get every toy they ask for -- all they have to do is whine. Their sister, Melissa, says her sons aren't spoiled, they're just kids who like toys. Are her sisters just jealous of her lifestyle? Next, Dori admits that her 13-year-old son, Parker, is spoiled. Parker says he won't take no for an answer, and even has a strategy for getting everything he wants. Then, Joan says her 14-year-old daughter, Jacquie, is a snob, and her need for trendy clothes is turning her into a materialistic monster. Can Dr. Phil help Jacquie change her ways? Plus, Lauren spends her entire paycheck shopping, but with no money in her checking account, she worries that she could be headed for trouble. Her mom, Diane, says she's not worried, it's just Lauren's way of relaxing. Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

 

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November 1, 2005, 5:45 pm CST

It's the me,me,and more me generation

Quote From: kbscrapper

This gets my BP up every time!! I really think that we give our kids too much now a days. I think part of it is because we have more then our parents did but when do you draw the line? I have a SD who is 8 and she gets whatever she wants from her mom. Granted Mom has the money to give it to her but DH and I don't. We barely get by. So how do you find the middle ground?? Last Christmas she complained that her little sister got more then she did from us. Yeah she may have but she she does not get 3 christmases like her big sister does, AND she plays with her toys. Everything I buy for her seems to just sit on a shelf. I actually gave some of her unopened toys away last year.  

She didn't even care!!  

  

i think in your case and Melissa's it would be nice to have the children participate in giving their over-abundant toys to a shelter. Let them pick and wrap the toy and put it in a box. then explain about other children not having any toys and how nice it is toshare. I think when children participate they enjoy giving to other children. I think in all these cases we need to teach our children about volunteering when they get older. How much nicer than spending all your extra hours shopping and loading our closets with clothes we really don't need. i find children who learn to be part of their community are happier and get into less trouble.
 
November 1, 2005, 5:53 pm CST

can't blame peer pressure

Quote From: nrsejenn

I somewhat agree...however....as a parent, you don't want your child to hurt or be embarrassed or feel less than, not even for a minute.  I am out of school for twelve years now, and that is just high school.  So, lets go back to when I was in grade school.  Hmmh....that is about twenty-one years, and that would be taking me back to fifth grade.  Don't you remember how tough kids were even then?  Were you never picked on?  Even for the most ridiculous things?  I distinctly remember being picked on, at my bus stop in the morning, because it was raining out, and my mother had me wearing a pair of what we used to call "ducks,"  which were a short rain boot.  The girl at my bus stop was unstoppable.  Even though my parents instilled excellent values and self confidence in me, it still bothered me.  Even though I was already aware of my own self worth.  It still affected me!!  I would like to try to prevent my children from feeling that.  I understand that there will always be the "meanies", and there will always be those children that will pick on others.  However, if as a parent we can both, teach and instill the values of self worth and confidence, yet also, help them to blend into their "society", I say, by all means lets do so!!!!!

I remember being tormented while in school because I was overweight, and not in the right clique. The kids made my life miserable for such a long time and other than being something I couldn't be... thin, pretty and popular... there wasn't much else to do but endure. 

Parents want what's best for their kids. I'll be having a child in Dec and I've already decided that if he has as much hassle from his classmates, we'll do something proactive about it. Talk to the schools, make sure he has self-defense classes, even change schools if necessary. But buying him the latest name brand item or toy isn't a solution. I think teaching your child self-confidence and the meaning of working for their stuff more important than making sure peer pressure isn't too strong. Don't make it crutch for parents to use to excuse their lack of parenting skills. 

  

 
November 1, 2005, 6:02 pm CST

10/31 "Spoiled and Entitled?"

Quote From: happyone70

i think in your case and Melissa's it would be nice to have the children participate in giving their over-abundant toys to a shelter. Let them pick and wrap the toy and put it in a box. then explain about other children not having any toys and how nice it is toshare. I think when children participate they enjoy giving to other children. I think in all these cases we need to teach our children about volunteering when they get older. How much nicer than spending all your extra hours shopping and loading our closets with clothes we really don't need. i find children who learn to be part of their community are happier and get into less trouble.
I think teaching volunteering and giving to charity needs to start at a very young age, not when they are already spoiled brats like in the cases shown here with the older ones, it doesn't meant hat their attitudes and all can't change but starting when they are much younger will help them to better appreciate what they do have and to give them a compassionate heart from the start. I think it is a good idea though but not too sure that the parents on the show has it in them to do this, hopefully they will see the light and get it under control before these kids get out in teh real world.
 
November 1, 2005, 6:51 pm CST

giving only children a bad name

Quote From: kittyaloha

 I watched the show on Spoiled & Entitled, any parent who are spoiling their child will regret it when they are older and don't know the meaning of money.  I made that mistake, not as bad as the lady who bought her children toys everyday.  I have a son who is 25 yrs old and he lives in Virginia, moved from Hawaii where he was born and raised.  He went to college but did not finish and is working at a job that don't pay him much.  He has a child, not married to the mother, thank god, and has to pay $600.00 a month in Child support.  Now he has other bill that he can't pay and he expects me his poor mom who is not working to pay his bills.  He don't pay rent, condo he lives in was given to him by his grand mother.  He has a loan on his car, a 2003 car but loan is in my name so I have to pay that.  He buys himself all kinds of things he don't need but he can not pay his bills.  I regret not teaching him that before he could have anything he had to earn his money.  What I should have done was give him an allowance and tell him that he had to buy his lunch and what he could save then he could buy the toy.  I guess because I grew up without any toys, we were poor, I wanted to give him more than I had.  All the parents who was on the show I sure hope you read this.  I created a monster and now I am still paying for my mistake.  If you want your children to grow up and be productive in society, then please whatever you do teach them the value of money first when they are young and never just give them without them learning to save to buy.  I know the value of money because I had to work for what I own, but my child don't. 
I have watched this show and i am very angry with it. i was born an only child but these kids seem to take it to a whole other level. yes i was spoiled....quiet a bit actually....but my parents slowly weened me off of it when i was starting to get older around 9 or 10. i was starting to get an allowence and when i went somewhere with my parents....i would always find something i wanted. a doll or some candy. my dad was always the one who was telling me if u want something lisa, u gotta give in order to take. this made me realize everything wasn't made of money and that it was hard to "earn" what i wanted. if i did not do my chores around the house and check the mail, i got no money for the week. an allowence isn't just money u give to ur kid, its money they earn by doing things. some of these "rich" kids don't no how good they have it and what they get for a swet 16 party or what they spend in a week is something some parents don't make in a month. they should be gracious. if my child ever cursed at me or told me to shut up they would step foot in the outside world for a long time.
 
November 1, 2005, 8:39 pm CST

In short

Children are indivudual human beings.  They aren't toys, idols, baby-sitters, chore-doers, time-killers, marriage menders, or an antidote to poor self-esteem.
 
November 1, 2005, 9:03 pm CST

spoiled brats

I could not believe the expressions on Parker's face each time he admitted to his attitude. I only wish Dr. Phil would have said something to him about doing this type of thing. I have always talked to my two girls as if they were adults. I feel any 13 year old should have had to hear how ridiculous he was, especially one that could sit there and say that he knew exactly what he was doing. I know the mom is at fault but this kid needs to be told he is self centered and has no respect for his mom. He sat there and grinned. He was still enjoying the attention! I know I gave mine more than they needed but they do not get everything they want. Parker is pitiful for 13 years old. He is going to be one of those that sits at a job all day and does not one thing and knows how to keep the boss from finding out. Oh that makes me recall him saying something about I guess thats the good thing about being smart. And when the girl on there was talking about her spoiled ways, the camera went to Parker, his eyes were lit up!
 
November 1, 2005, 9:35 pm CST

spoiled brats!

I have two girls and believe me they got about everything they wanted. But there is that happy medium. I too was one that was poor, therefore, was a quiet little girl and wanted things for my girls that I did not have.  Even on into high school I learned how the right clothes and things set you into a certain group. I don't like clicks, but I do want my girls to feel better about themselves than I did. I just taught them to speak to everyone, smile at everyone especially those that have it a little rougher than they did and to shop clearance racks. They are both slim and yes certain brands fit them better, but I never encouraged them to buy only because of brand and taught them to not buy the ones that flash the name in 9 inch letters. We gave a small gift to a little girl in there room at Christmas who had nothing. When they received money for their birthday, they were required to put 1/2 of it in a savings account for when they were older and needed it and they were allowed to spend 1/2 of it. Most of the time they had gotten plenty for their birthday and chose to put all cash in their savings and enjoyed watching it grow.  As I said they were skinny so as you become a teenager you do want your geans to fit. I told them I would pay X amount of dollars toward a pair of jeans and they could put the rest with it if they wanted expensive jeans. I had a set amount I would pay for a blouse. I admit my oldest was more spoiled than my youngest but she is 26 years old, has her Masters in Accounting and is a CPA and works three jobs, so I don't think she is too spoiled. My youngest is now a junior at UTK, majoring in Elementary Education, and we were able to give both of them a credit card at 16 for gas and to build there credit rating. Neither of them ever abused the use of the card.  

My youngest just returned from Bilouxi Mississippi on a mission trip and will be leaving in January for London to study for one semester.   

I have 7 brothers, and 3 sisters. I was from a broken home and went to 10 schools by the time I was in the 10th grade, my Dad was a truck driver, my mom had a 6th grade education, so I can say it is not that hard for a person to learn about parenting. I believe every child is different and I used different methods with each of my girls, you just have to experience it. I get so annoyed when you hear kids crying and crying in Wal-mart because they want a certain toy and Mom is saying no that cost too much. The 3 yr old child doesn't know how to pick out a $2.00 toy as verses a $14.00 toy. If they weren't allowed to get a toy it would all be solved but instead the child is very unhappy, then gets mad because Mom is losing her patience and he/she still gets a toy.  

 
November 2, 2005, 4:29 am CST

Followup

I would like to see a followup show on this to see if the parents toughened up and started to PARENT their children.  I would love to know if after the show aired, Dori saw what all of us did.
 
November 2, 2005, 8:45 am CST

10/31 "Spoiled and Entitled?"

Quote From: nrsejenn

I somewhat agree...however....as a parent, you don't want your child to hurt or be embarrassed or feel less than, not even for a minute.  I am out of school for twelve years now, and that is just high school.  So, lets go back to when I was in grade school.  Hmmh....that is about twenty-one years, and that would be taking me back to fifth grade.  Don't you remember how tough kids were even then?  Were you never picked on?  Even for the most ridiculous things?  I distinctly remember being picked on, at my bus stop in the morning, because it was raining out, and my mother had me wearing a pair of what we used to call "ducks,"  which were a short rain boot.  The girl at my bus stop was unstoppable.  Even though my parents instilled excellent values and self confidence in me, it still bothered me.  Even though I was already aware of my own self worth.  It still affected me!!  I would like to try to prevent my children from feeling that.  I understand that there will always be the "meanies", and there will always be those children that will pick on others.  However, if as a parent we can both, teach and instill the values of self worth and confidence, yet also, help them to blend into their "society", I say, by all means lets do so!!!!!

Were you never picked on?  

  

Oh yes! I was a middle child in a large working class family.  I always had to wear hand-me-downs and I had siblings in the 2 grades immediately ahead of me, so the fact that I was wearing their old clothes was very apparent. I had to work babysitting and cleaning yards to buy a second hand bicycle that was not "cool" at all and caused some teasing.  But it worked fine and I was as fast as the wind on it. 

  

I don't think I was scarred or damaged by that teasing.  I learned at a very young age that the people who did that were people I didn't want to socialize with and I learned that my friends didn't give a rat's patoot about my clothes or bike because they liked ME.  I can still feel that little sun of pride and love glowing in my chest when I recall my best friends defending me.  I hope my children get an opportunity to feel that! 

  

My children are much better off financially than I was (we don't even have a second daughter or son to hand things down to).  I am certain that they are not teased because of material wealth issues.  In spite of having nice clothes and things,  my daughter was ostracized for a while a few years back.  I don't really know the reason, but she came home crying a few times.   

  

I understand the feelings that parents get. The momma bear in me was in pain for her.  I hated it.   I even talked to my husband about hosting a big ski trip for her class (we really are wealthy) and leaving the bullies out. That would have made me feel soooo much better. Luckily, my husband is much smarter than me and he asked me what lesson that would teach our daughter.  That she needs to buy friends? That ostracizing someone (the bullies) is ok? 

  

We let her know we loved her and would listen to anything she wanted to talk about.  We offered to talk to the teacher. But she handled it on her own and is one of the most popular children again. In fact the nastiest bully girl from grade 5 is now one of her friends.   

 
November 2, 2005, 8:45 am CST

i just can`t believe it!

First off i wanna say that its a good thing i didnt have access to the internet right after the show cause boy... would i have ever have stuff to stay, i'd probably still be typing today!! 

  

"Lauren needs to become accountable for her money, " Diane acknowledges. She and Lauren's father pay her tuition, rent, car insurance, cell phone and utility bills, groceries, and Lauren pays for her shopping. "When Lauren graduates, she knows she will be responsible for her bills at that time. 

  

My name is Sophie, im 21 years old just like Lauren and im currently attending University In Moncton NB, Canada. Im in my fourth year in Social Work right now and i have one more to go. Ever since i was 16 years old i had to work and pay my own things cause my parents were far from being rich. I learned the value of money at a young age and even at that time i was saving my money cause i was never thought or even thought myself material was that much of a big deal. Im not gonna buy Brand names for exemple, in fact if u find some in my closet its because someone gave it too me when it didnt fit them anymore. Anyways, i pay my own bills with help of my student loan. When i was in highschool, i worked 20 to 30 hours a week so i wouldnt cost too much to my parents. i worked full time jobs during the summer and that was to buy my school supply for university (computer, books and others). There is not a summer since i got in University that i can or even would dare spend all my money on material, i have to save at least 80% of it if i wanna make it through the year to buy my food, pay my tuition pay for the gas and insurance in my car(old car haha), i pay everything except my phone bill cause my parent want to pay it cause the long distance i make is always to talk to them. Thats the only thing they can contribute and i am more then happy with that... cause when im done University and i get a carreer and have to find a house, another car, and others i wont get hit in the face by surprise having to learn how to have a budget and how to manage money, cause ive been doing it for 6 years now. 

  

Dont get me wrong i grew up and even still am surrounded by spoiled friends of mind, who complained when they're parents bought them a car, are paying the insurance, but THEY have to pay the gas!!! its like Hello, you got everything for free, everything is paid for and u still find something to complain about ??   

  

I honnestly think that it is a disadvantage to a person if she is beeing spoiled! 

yes im sure it would have been nice to have parents with lots of money and me having everything and toys i wanted and getting my Univresity paid for: If i didn't knew better at the time! 

But knowing what i know now, never i would wish for someone to get everything done for them cause as they grow older, and they're parents eventually pass away, what are they gonna do??? 

It all depends of what u value in life! and i believe in working for what i have, i believe that if im eating my food, living in my appartement, studying in university, i should be the one paying for it even if my parents were rich...and so what if i have 25000$ in debt after, i will know and learn even more how to manage my money and make my payments. Even as i get out of school, if i do move back in with my parents to save up money, i will buy my own food and give them money for the rent cause now i Know whats the value of money and what an extra person to take care of in the house can cost! 

Anyways thanks god i didnt write this right after the show right?? haha 

When i see girls my age think like this i just get sooo frustrated and its hard to even listen to what they have to say! 

  

bye bye for now! (got some bills i have to go pay ;)) 

Sophie 

 
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