Topic : 10/31 "Spoiled and Entitled?"

Were you never picked on?  

Oh yes! I was a middle child in a large working class family.  I always had to wear hand-me-downs and I had siblings in the 2 grades immediately ahead of me, so the fact that I was wearing their old clothes was very apparent. I had to work babysitting and cleaning yards to buy a second hand bicycle that was not "cool" at all and caused some teasing.  But it worked fine and I was as fast as the wind on it. 

I don't think I was scarred or damaged by that teasing.  I learned at a very young age that the people who did that were people I didn't want to socialize with and I learned that my friends didn't give a rat's patoot about my clothes or bike because they liked ME.  I can still feel that little sun of pride and love glowing in my chest when I recall my best friends defending me.  I hope my children get an opportunity to feel that! 

My children are much better off financially than I was (we don't even have a second daughter or son to hand things down to).  I am certain that they are not teased because of material wealth issues.  In spite of having nice clothes and things,  my daughter was ostracized for a while a few years back.  I don't really know the reason, but she came home crying a few times.   

I understand the feelings that parents get. The momma bear in me was in pain for her.  I hated it.   I even talked to my husband about hosting a big ski trip for her class (we really are wealthy) and leaving the bullies out. That would have made me feel soooo much better. Luckily, my husband is much smarter than me and he asked me what lesson that would teach our daughter.  That she needs to buy friends? That ostracizing someone (the bullies) is ok? 

We let her know we loved her and would listen to anything she wanted to talk about.  We offered to talk to the teacher. But she handled it on her own and is one of the most popular children again. In fact the nastiest bully girl from grade 5 is now one of her friends.   

First off i wanna say that its a good thing i didnt have access to the internet right after the show cause boy... would i have ever have stuff to stay, i'd probably still be typing today!! 

"Lauren needs to become accountable for her money, " Diane acknowledges. She and Lauren's father pay her tuition, rent, car insurance, cell phone and utility bills, groceries, and Lauren pays for her shopping. "When Lauren graduates, she knows she will be responsible for her bills at that time. 

My name is Sophie, im 21 years old just like Lauren and im currently attending University In Moncton NB, Canada. Im in my fourth year in Social Work right now and i have one more to go. Ever since i was 16 years old i had to work and pay my own things cause my parents were far from being rich. I learned the value of money at a young age and even at that time i was saving my money cause i was never thought or even thought myself material was that much of a big deal. Im not gonna buy Brand names for exemple, in fact if u find some in my closet its because someone gave it too me when it didnt fit them anymore. Anyways, i pay my own bills with help of my student loan. When i was in highschool, i worked 20 to 30 hours a week so i wouldnt cost too much to my parents. i worked full time jobs during the summer and that was to buy my school supply for university (computer, books and others). There is not a summer since i got in University that i can or even would dare spend all my money on material, i have to save at least 80% of it if i wanna make it through the year to buy my food, pay my tuition pay for the gas and insurance in my car(old car haha), i pay everything except my phone bill cause my parent want to pay it cause the long distance i make is always to talk to them. Thats the only thing they can contribute and i am more then happy with that... cause when im done University and i get a carreer and have to find a house, another car, and others i wont get hit in the face by surprise having to learn how to have a budget and how to manage money, cause ive been doing it for 6 years now. 

Dont get me wrong i grew up and even still am surrounded by spoiled friends of mind, who complained when they're parents bought them a car, are paying the insurance, but THEY have to pay the gas!!! its like Hello, you got everything for free, everything is paid for and u still find something to complain about ??   

I honnestly think that it is a disadvantage to a person if she is beeing spoiled! 

yes im sure it would have been nice to have parents with lots of money and me having everything and toys i wanted and getting my Univresity paid for: If i didn't knew better at the time! 

But knowing what i know now, never i would wish for someone to get everything done for them cause as they grow older, and they're parents eventually pass away, what are they gonna do??? 

It all depends of what u value in life! and i believe in working for what i have, i believe that if im eating my food, living in my appartement, studying in university, i should be the one paying for it even if my parents were rich...and so what if i have 25000$ in debt after, i will know and learn even more how to manage my money and make my payments. Even as i get out of school, if i do move back in with my parents to save up money, i will buy my own food and give them money for the rent cause now i Know whats the value of money and what an extra person to take care of in the house can cost! 

Anyways thanks god i didnt write this right after the show right?? haha 

When i see girls my age think like this i just get sooo frustrated and its hard to even listen to what they have to say! 

bye bye for now! (got some bills i have to go pay ;)) 

Sophie 

By the way-there were 6 children in my family.  Every single one of us is a professional with university degrees.  We are all close to or over 50.  We all happily married, no divorces, no separations.  Although I have sibs in Japan, the US and miles and miles away on the other side of Canada we all gather every christmas and at the beginning of every summer.  We all still have friends as adults who were our buddies as kids.  

I don't know what your definition of success is, but i think my parents succeeded without buying us nikes. 

Yes, I do have a suggestion!  Tell her that the gravy train is pulling into the station.  Then do it and make sure she gets off!!   

Learn the word "no".   

Tel her to "GET A JOB!!!!" 

Simple stuff.  It amazes me how many parents can't figure this out. 

I sincerely hope that the nasty bully your daughter is now friends with is no longer a nasty bully.  Too many times, kids will join in with the bully and torment others just to be on the bully's good side.  That, to me, is NOT a friend.  So unless this girl has made a 180 degree turnaround, I'd keep close tabs on my daughter in regards to this friendship. 

I was really outraged at Dori and Parker on the show on Monday.  I was amazed at how snide this child had become.  He was well aware of his actions to only get what he wanted.  I was angered at how they both seemed to find it funny at his realizations.  They actually laughed at some of the things he said.  Poor Dori, I think, she is in for a tough road ahead unless, she decides not to laugh off his comment and face reality.  I was shocked that Dr. Phil did not address their smirks and laughs when they were talking about such serious attitudes.   

I always keep close tabs on my children's conduct. I talk to her teachers a lot and I am in and out of the school weekly. I don't know if this girl has changed completely, but they have grown up.  Grin-even if she has changed, I have a really difficult time treating her well when she is at my home.  My daughter may have forgiven all of that past, but the momma bear in me is still riled :) 

I saw the show and I was absolutely outraged at how that 13 year old boy could go on national television, and in front of his mom, and pretend that he knows it all! I was especially angry at his mother for tolerating that. Her son's there, admitting that he plays her like a flute, and she still doesn't get it!
 

I think that Melissa (was that her name? can't remember), pretends to be completely unaware of the damage she is doing to her kids. I didn't see her boys "demanding" toys or the big birthday bash she threw her son. She voluntarily takes them to the toy store several times a week and buys them these things. She acted like a dummy on the show as if she had no clue, and quite frankly, I don't think she has a clue on how to raise children, and tries to act like a responsible parent. She got quite annoying. 

I have five children, three of them teenagers. They would love nothing better than to have a television, seperate telephone line, and computer in their room. But, they don't even bother begging. They know they don't "need" any of that my husband and I won't give it to them. They understand--I think most kids do.  

When my eighteen year old was sixteen and wanting his license, I told him to practise for a while--take it slow. There was no hurry. My husband and I explained to him and he understood that serious consenquences could come from not knowing how to drive safely. He agreed and it wasn't too big a deal for him. He is eighteen and is just getting ready to get his license. In the meantime, he was absolutely not allowed to drive on the road. I now have a sixteen year old who wants to get his also....same with him. 

I don't think that sixteen is an appropriate age for driving. Even if your kid is "responsible enough", they are still right in teenagerhood and even if they don't mean it to, things can get out of hand--especially with friends in the car. Better to be safe than sorry. 

I think parents would be suprised how often, and especially how quickly, kids "get over" most things. When you explain to them that those things don't matter, doesn't matter how many kids their age have it, they get the picture. I think the most common things parents have, that they shouldn't, is being afraid to say "No". Of course, all children are different, but you need to learn how and when to put your foot down, and stick to it, when the situation arises. 

I think you are doing the right thing on keeping close tabs on your children's conduct. 

I do that with my kids, and my older ones even thanking me for it. It pays off. 

They were taught to serve when they saw someone who needed service, speak to their teachers and elders with "Ma'am" and "Sir", honor and obey what they were told to do (doesn't matter how "pointless and "dumb" it was), and never follow the crowd just because.  

If my children disrespected anyone, I wanted to know about it, and fix it right away. Thank goodness, I never have and hope to never get any teacher or church leader come to me and tell me that my son or daughter was involved in playing a mean or inappropriate prank on someone during camp, or making their teacher's lesson experience miserable, talking and/or interupting during class, or being involved in a clique that put someone down or deliberately hurt someone's feelings. I wanted to know how they behaved at the sleepover or at the birthday party. 

My oldest is always telling me that people appreciate him and compliment him (especially at work) for being so polite and having such good morals and values. 

If I could give a piece of advice to parents, it would be to keep an eye on your kids' manners and behavior. Keep in control. They'll thank you when their older--trust me.