Topic : 12/30 The Stepford Family

Beth and Tony's kids are dying emotionally, somebody needs to step up and rescue them from their current situation. That is no way to raise a kid. I can't think of a sadder, lonelier existance than to be in a home lacking laughter and hugs. Beth seems nearly catatonic in her misery, Tony looks like he's keeping from falling over the edge into a nervous breakdown by his fingernails. Someone has to step up for those boys, grandma how about you until their parents are healthy enough to take over again. Lots of theories about what the problem maybe, OCD, Aspergers, sexual orientation: I'm certain Dr Phil knows but out of respect for the family's privacy choose not to reveal it and I respect him for that. 

Robin, I feel your pain. I was married to an engineer type, I too am more creative and fun-loving. I recall distinctly telling Gary "If you ask someone to do something for you, you'll have to accept they may not do it exactly the same way you would, if you can't accept that do it yourself" He was choking the life out of me with his controling, critical behavior, I had one foot out the door when he looked down at our infant son and asked what was wrong with the kid that he never stayed clean. Gary had this picture in his head of what having a baby would be like, little angel in a white bassinet, couldn't figure out why they seemed to poop, pee, spit up and squeal fairly regularly :-/ Just didn't fit in with his view of what life with a baby was supposed to be. By the time he started an affair I was actually relieved to have a reason to kick him out that the outside world would readily accept. Brad doesn't seem a bad sort but he's going to drive the both of you nuts with his nit-picky ways. Keep working at it, he does seem to have a good heart just wound a little too tight. 

Thank you to the engineers that have contributed their perspective, helps me figure what is going on with the other students in the JAVA Programming course I have to take to finish my degree. Only one other student in the group of 30 laughs when our programs blow up, the rest of them look like they're going to call the Geek police on us! We aren't working on a computer model to cure cancer for crying out loud sheesh! I have the greatest respect for y'all though I can't for the life of me figure out how your brains work, thanks for the insight :-)  

I'm not a spouse so I don't have anyone to drive over the edge ;-) but, on a side note, I would like to see Dr. Phil do a show on Asperger's, period. 

I can imagine how hard it must be for spouses-of-Asperger's (having watched my mother manage my dad for so long) but please keep in mind that Asperger's is very hard on the Asperger's person, too, especially when they finally start to realize how different they are.  I'm 28 and have never been in a serious relationship.  I don't NEED a relationship--I like myself fine as I am--but I definitely feel like an alien.  The worst part is that it's not an illness so I can't just fix myself or psychoanalyze my way out.  We're not emotionally bankrupt at all, we just don't know how to tell you otherwise.  It's incredibly lonely.   

It was obvious to me Tony has the need to controll his environment and is obsessed with cleanleness.  It is my opinion that before that family can be fixed, Tony needs to acknowledge his symptoms and recognize there is a deeper problem lurking beneath.  What happened to Tony to create this behavoir?  Once he can realize why he does what he feels the need to do, he can decide if he wishes to change his needs to suit his familys life style or if he would be happyer living in his own environment, run,cleaned and controlled, by him and the way he requires it. 

Some people prefer to accept their behavior and live in their own controlled environment.  The pay off may be that they can feel safe, feel like they have accomplished their goals and have control of at least one thing in this world that, is constantly taking our control away.   

The down fall is that he will have to come out at some point or let someone in at some point if he wants any companionship.  His choice, his life, his world. 

I also have to wonder if Tony displayed this behavior prior to marriage or if it evolved as marriage went along.  The answer to this question may be key in determining, how, when and where. 

Hello to all who can relate to this topic. Oh where do I begin. I am 22 years old and i am involved with a total perfectionist. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for three years now and feel like I'm going to break. I relate to this on so many different levels that it scares me! Nothing is ever good enough for my boyfriend from the way I do my job, to how I clean our house and down to the way I fold his laundry. I question myself alot and at times wonder why I do not strive to be as perfect as he tries to be. But I am learning now that it is a sickness. My boyfriend was diagnosed with Panic attacks 2 year and half years ago and I have been there for him every step of the way. Trying to support him and understand why he is the way he is. But it has gotten so difficult that I am feeling drained and hurt by him in our relationship. Why cant he see that I love him and I do try my hardest at everything I do. I have lost myself in this whole fiasco and in the process he has established a hate for me. Everything that I do annoys him because I'm not doing it right in his eyes! I want my hardest to make this relationship work! I have never wanted something so bad in my life but part of that reason being is I feel like if I give up I'm giving up on him. That I didn't try my hardest, that I fell short once again and proving him oh so right. I'm really confused on where to go from here so any advice would be greatly appreciated!  

    I just couldnt move on in the page without sending a reply. First I am a little confused as to how a 3 year old can have a diagnosis of bipolar disorder, arent all toddlers a little moody at times? 

 Have you obtained a second opinion? Is there a significant family history? So many questions. I would be afraid of attaching such a label to such a young child. I guess the best advice I could offer is to continue with doing some research of your own and dont trust everything you read on the net. Ask a medical proffessional if they can offer you some more information that is proven by research. Dont forget to look after yourself either, you will need support by others. take care.