Topic : 12/30 The Stepford Family

I am very grateful that my wife, Kelly, recorded the show for me to what when I got home from work tonight. I sympathize for both of you; Kelly and I are paddling in the same stream not far off from where you appear to be. 

Grant 

I've never even been to this web site before today but felt like I wouldn't be able to sleep tonight if I didn't say something about the segment on Tony & Beth's situation.  I related to their struggles and hers in particular as an imperfect mother myself.  I just felt like I needed to share what I've found recently that has possibly saved my life as well as my relationship with my patient husband and my children's futures.  Along with Dr. Phil's Family First book having a lot to offer me, I recently came across a book written back in the sixties called Children: The Challenge, by Rudolf Dreikurs M.D.  I have only had the book for a week and a half and haven't even finished it and it has as I mentioned saved my life!  This book is like no other child rearing book I've ever come across.  I studied child development in college (as my major) and it throws everything I learned out the window!  It works and will make your life 90% easier and your children will respond.  It's easy and entertaining reading for all of you mothers that feel like I do that I don't have time to read.   

Beth - DON'T GIVE UP!!!  Anyone who realizes how much work it is to try to do all your doing to get that impossible, impeccable family can see how much you love that darling family you have!  Give the book a try.  It has made my life and child raising so much easier!  I was doing things the hard way and I saw a lot of myself in you today on the show.  All my best to you! 

PS- I thought Dr. Phil was a little harsh with you, not pointing out that you're trying your best to do all of what you do for your family's sake!  Don't let it get to you- all of us mothers understand.  We're going through the same thing.  The pressure is unimaginable-that book will absolutely change your world!   Read it!   

As an engineer I think your assessment of who we are and why is very accurate. I hadn't thought of it in the same terms that you have put it in here, but I agree completely. I feels very nice to be understood. 

The only question is: Is there time to cross-stitch it and have it framed before Christmas?! (Only 55 shopping (and stitching) days left . . .) Thanks for sharing this. It gave me the best laugh I've had for weeks. 

Have just seen the show on the stepford family today.  Had seen the picture on the web site and thought that was two men sitting at the table.  I think some of you might be right about her.  Why bother going there if you ain't going to be honest with the doctor.  Seems a waste of time to me.  Maybe you guys are right and she is a lesbian.   

for your reply!  I JUST got done having a one hour discussion with him on this topic.  I didn't show him any of my responses (by the way I responded to the one about the tools at the same time as your response to it was written!), but showed him what many of the others who responded were feeling, and that it wasn't just me.  Because, as you know, you tend to feel like you're the one who's crazy.  And isn't it sad that I was hesitant to show him my responses for fear of what his reaction would be 'exposing' him to the public?! 

But, we did have a good talk and I hope something does come of it.  He is considering, and has asked me to line up counseling.  I explained that I'm not blaming him or trying to make him feel bad.  I just think we need help. 

One more thing I have to tell you that I think is so funny!  Just to let you know how much your story struck a cord with me. . .two things:  #1, I have never in my 38 years written on a message board, and #2, When I was watching the show in my living room, I was holding my near 2 year old trying to 'buy time' so I could hear your story by reading him a book.  When your husband said he was an engineer, I literally SCREAMED at the top of my lungs.  It came out unexpectedly.  But I've been trying so hard to connect with someone that understands, and not many of the people around me do.  It's not something easy to get from the outside.  Do you think? 

Thank you so much for doing the show, and thank your husband.  As the wife of an engineer, I know how HUGE that was!!!   WOW!!! 

Jen 

P.S.  You said in the tool response that you are 'artsy'. . .how funny!  I graduated from college with an Art Education degree, and am considered somewhat flighty and very carefree too!!!  I also tend to be somewhat forgetful, but am also extremely caring to the people around me. I think we need to chat off line sometime.  What do you think? 

I'm a 37 year-old mother of two and a professional woman.  About a year ago, I was close to where Beth is now.  The balls I'd been juggling were starting to hit the ground.   

Beth, hang in there -- in retrospect, I can honestly say it was the best that happened to me.  I was forced to rely on my husband in a way I never had before, and it was awesome.   Before that time, you couldn't have convinced me that anyone but me could have helped me manage anything.  But when I let my husband love me the way he had been dying to for years -- and the way it seems like your husband really wants to love you -- it was like the world opened up to me.  I was also finally able to start having more fun with my children when I realized that I was exactly the mom they wanted and deserved.  It seemed so ironic -- but the less "value" I tried to "deliver" to my husband and children through doing things for them, the more value I actually gave them in just hanging out and being me. 

Beth, take the help Dr. Phil is offering and dig in!  He's absolutely right that it's going to be hard and scary.  But it's absolutely worth it.