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Topic : 12/30 The Stepford Family

Number of Replies: 216
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Created on : Friday, October 28, 2005, 02:15:29 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Airdate: 11/01/05) Do you know someone who is so exacting about the smallest of things that they are borderline obsessive? Dr. Phil speaks with guests whose perfectionistic  ways are destroying their relationships. Beth does everything in her power to create a "Stepford-like" existence for her family. But her husband, Tony, says, "Don't be fooled, things are not what they appear to be!" Will her façade of perfection destroy her marriage? And what toll is it taking on their children? And, Robin is prepared to give her husband, Brad, the walking papers if he doesn't stop criticizing every move she makes. Plus, a self-described controlling viewer challenges Dr. Phil! Talk about the show here.

 

Find out what happened on the show.

 

More December 2005 Show Boards.


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October 29, 2005, 5:32 pm CDT

Hi Board....

When I first started going out with my husband I was a single mother of 3 I lived on the other side of town.  I WAS self sufficient and paying all my bills and I was almost divorced from my first husband.  Things were not perfect in my townhouse finally though breathing room..My rules..my kids  ahh life. 

  

I escaped a controlling abusive first husband and HIS family via domestic abuse group home and now i was on my own.  My parents helped me get the down payment for the security for this rental,  and for the utilities  and my soon to be ex husband had via the court system visitations every other weekend so I was free from Friday to Sunday nights  and wow was that weird. 

  

I hooked up with old friends and went out to a local bar and when I say old friends I mean people I knew since the 6th grade like 11 years old  this local bar was a restaurant also. 

  

There was a time I had like nine years without a drink or weed or anything  and i had a black hole in my soul because I never worked on childhood sexual abuse issues just until recently but that is an entirely different facet to my story....This particular night I am speaking of well I met my current husband  again.  I knew him since I was in 6th grade.  I used to sit in front of him in 6th grade.  He used to peek down my shirt.  I used to write on his jeans...I remember thinking when I was younger he has alot of growing up to do but ill catch up to him...That night I heard all about his life  his son his divorce and all the juicy details...he heard about mine too....I noticed all his sexy lines under his eyes and how men get sexier and how woman age and look like OLD bags  hahahah  I was at my heaviest  like 330 pounds and this guy was like 172  and he asked me out on a date....I mean I'm okay looking from 1-10  I guess you can say I'm like an 8 and even at my heaviest i was looked at but I thought it was because I was FAT!  I am sure of that..  

 
October 29, 2005, 5:46 pm CDT

There's more...

I just didn't want my time to be zapped like it has been before...so where am I going with all this?  I said all that to say....We started to date....steady...I started to loose myself  My power  not at first  slowly.  He started to listen to me  AT first  My likes My dislikes  and if I slipped up  AH I caught you....apparently his first wife did lie  did cheat with his best friend and Godfather to his only child... 

  

I allowed my power to get chipped away...Let me tell you my role in this STEP FORD WIFE scenario...I felt really bad for him...i wanted to help him...I built his ego UP....I created a MASTER however this whole Dynamic Backfired on me...I created a MONSTER...Years and years went by.  I even think at some point and I AM NOT being paranoid when I was sleeping he would stroke my hair and my arm he tried to hypnotize me with certain words and sayings  he has even admitted to this....Calls me his good girl which I am....we would play this Master slave game which he internalized the messages...He held the carrot of an engagement ring out in front of me for 9 years....guess what though?  I went and started to get skinny  and skinnier and skinnier  now I was down to like 160  then 155   I also have some mental illness and he kept saying to me only if you behave this way  and this way then you can have this  and that  oh my gosh.....Then like 3 years  I stopped even wanting to get married  stopped even talking about it....  

  

he then added on to his house.  It never felt like our house because it was where him and his ex wife lived.  He took a 210K house and turned it into like a 600-700K in Nj  took out extra mortages  built it himself  worked day and night for us..I guess he was showing me how much he loved me and my kids although him and my oldest daughter had a big blow out...long storie too...he ignored me for like 2-3- years and all he wanted was sex like I was a robot without any conversation...Oh can I get you something to drink....To eat...Oh Ok....Bye....To drink  To Eat......Ok....Bye.....day in day frickin out no emotional stimulation what so frickin ever..Yes  I get It get  the man worked hard for me THANK YOU LORD THANK YOU  I understand Men are from mars and Woman are from Venus  but there was 0  communcations and when i expressed that fact I was a bitch and ungrateful and I walked around an eggshells and then kept my mouth shut! 

 
October 29, 2005, 5:46 pm CDT

Oh...shall i post more or is this boring ya all..

It just helped me purge alot thank you...xoxox
 
October 29, 2005, 10:53 pm CDT

11/01 The Stepford Family

to labelfree-Your story is very interesting,not boring at all. My family has a lot of perfectionists,probably including me!! But I've learned to lighten up quite a bit!!!  It can help sometimes but not if its the "stepford wife " type of thing. I once attended a funeral where the relatives (ours) not on my side of the family, made everyone call the same florist so all the flowers would match !!!!!I thought it was a bit much!  Congratulations on the weight change! Oh,I know someone who helped clean her son and daughter in laws cupboards with a toothbrush when they moved into their new place:>) She's improving, though. Well, this show should be interesting.  Should hear some interesting stuff on the message boards.  

 
October 30, 2005, 4:28 am CST

Thank you..

Quote From: zapatasred

to labelfree-Your story is very interesting,not boring at all. My family has a lot of perfectionists,probably including me!! But I've learned to lighten up quite a bit!!!  It can help sometimes but not if its the "stepford wife " type of thing. I once attended a funeral where the relatives (ours) not on my side of the family, made everyone call the same florist so all the flowers would match !!!!!I thought it was a bit much!  Congratulations on the weight change! Oh,I know someone who helped clean her son and daughter in laws cupboards with a toothbrush when they moved into their new place:>) She's improving, though. Well, this show should be interesting.  Should hear some interesting stuff on the message boards.  

but there is more...Then I married him....He started telling me after nine years how to dress when I lost my weight..how to think..what I should say when we were out with are friends...breaking down my confiedence...It was him and the whole rest of the whole rest of the world thought this way against me...how could I possibly fight that sceneriaro...I started doubting my own true voice....I started chip chip chipping away inside.... 

  

He wont let me wear my hair up  he makes remarks like oh what are you going to take a shower?  Hw hates red hair  because his grandmother has red hair and she was mean to them  I personally love red hair so God forbid get get red highlights in my Auburn hair  jello inside me.  Axiety attack.  If he knew he  I wrote this he would say oh there sho goes over reating again....but I swear on MY GRANDMOTHERS GRAVE THE WOM<AN WHO I LOVED move than anyone else on this planet I speak the 100 percent truth! 

  

Things go in cycles here.  He advised me and I am looking forward to it  he is going  hunting for Thanksgiving going away for a week with his Father and his cousins in West Virgina..He is always nicer.  He hasnt been Hunting for many years.  This is something he loves.  Im glad for him.  He was gone yesterday he worked a second job  and then he went to play his bass guitar at a bar last night  I finally stood up for myself and said I wasnt going...why?  I no longer drink  and I no longer smoke so why  why would I put myself in a negative enviroment...I said NO  I was not going...  My first steps to me! 

 
October 30, 2005, 3:19 pm CST

Oh Trust me.......

Quote From: labelfree

but there is more...Then I married him....He started telling me after nine years how to dress when I lost my weight..how to think..what I should say when we were out with are friends...breaking down my confiedence...It was him and the whole rest of the whole rest of the world thought this way against me...how could I possibly fight that sceneriaro...I started doubting my own true voice....I started chip chip chipping away inside.... 

  

He wont let me wear my hair up  he makes remarks like oh what are you going to take a shower?  Hw hates red hair  because his grandmother has red hair and she was mean to them  I personally love red hair so God forbid get get red highlights in my Auburn hair  jello inside me.  Axiety attack.  If he knew he  I wrote this he would say oh there sho goes over reating again....but I swear on MY GRANDMOTHERS GRAVE THE WOM<AN WHO I LOVED move than anyone else on this planet I speak the 100 percent truth! 

  

Things go in cycles here.  He advised me and I am looking forward to it  he is going  hunting for Thanksgiving going away for a week with his Father and his cousins in West Virgina..He is always nicer.  He hasnt been Hunting for many years.  This is something he loves.  Im glad for him.  He was gone yesterday he worked a second job  and then he went to play his bass guitar at a bar last night  I finally stood up for myself and said I wasnt going...why?  I no longer drink  and I no longer smoke so why  why would I put myself in a negative enviroment...I said NO  I was not going...  My first steps to me! 

I am a STEP FORD WIFE SEX ROBOT  BUT I AM WORKING REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY HARD  Trying to BREAK OUT OF the binds and the chains.  My cage door is open and I am at the platform edge.  I am ready to step out.  The jello inside is solidifying.  My mind is clear.  My confidence  is however low... 

  

I watch Dr. Phil Daily and I LOVE HIM  he saved my life in JUNE  thru his great writings and his GREAT FANTASTIC books. 

  

I post daily on the depression boards.  Yes I do want to see this show.... 

  

I need choices in my life.  I like that word No.. 

 
October 31, 2005, 3:31 pm CST

Maybe I am no where

near what the show is about!  sorry  :(
 
November 1, 2005, 6:36 am CST

Thank You

 I just want to say thank you. I didn't think I would like this show but let me tell you I can't believe how much I have in common with you first guest.When she said her kids got the rotten part of the deal oh my gosh a chill ran down my back. I have felt like that for so long,and I know exactly what she means when she wants the perfect family.All of my husband and I's friends think we have a wounderful family life and sometimes it even feels like it but then again if it feels good then something has got to be wrong.So I start looking for little flaws and focus on those untill we perfected it.My poor family.I can't believe how much I needed to see this show and to think I wasn't even gonna watch today.HAHA!  

                                   Thank you Dr.Phil and staff for being so in tuned with our(the audience)needs.Thank you viewers for watching and keeping the Dr.on the air. 

 
November 1, 2005, 7:30 am CST

Dear, Mr, Engineer,

I can understand why your brain is stuck in the Engineer mode. This is what you do probably most of your waking hours. As a person that takes an Engineer's schematic or drawing and brings it to a three dimensional form. You know as well as I do how often the schematic or drawing needs to be red lined. Sometimes the math just does not work or is incorrect. Maybe if you just conceder the changes to your behavior as red lining yourself, then you will be able to not have the anger when things at home are not just as your mind thinks they should be.
 
November 1, 2005, 7:52 am CST

It is sooooo obvious

Beth is a lesbian and doesn't know it.  She has been forced into the straight-family-is-right world and not letting her true feelings out.  I say this from experience as I am in the middle of a divorce of a 6 year relationship and three year marriage from a woman who has just discovered she is gay.  My wife controlled everything, got everything, and was as emotionally and sexually (sleeping in separate rooms) unresponsive as Beth.  Like Tony, I was bending over backwards to make this woman happy only to make myself miserable.  I am thankful my wife discovered her "True Self" at 35 before we had children rather than 45 or 55.  I haven't even watched the show yet, just the commercial, read the "The Stepford Facade" on the web, and seen their faces which says a lot.  Can't wait to watch it tonight.

Can't believe Dr Phil missed this one.  Some deeper therapy would probably be of value for these two.  This discovery has painfully cracked open my world right now, but is for the better for the both of us in the long run.
 
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