Quote From: druidcanukI'm with you on this one. If you know it bothers someone when you borrow their stuff and don't return it - then common courtesy would say either don't borrow the stuff or return it when you do. Would you treat someone you care about like this? I wouldn't! Do you think she treats other people like this or does she reserve this disrespect and rudeness for her husband?
She's a big girl. Let her get her own tools if she really wants some. Or maybe she could borrow from a neighbour and torture him/her for awhile.
We each deserve our own things and our own space. What if he took HER stuff and messed it up, or lost it? She's be whining on Dr. Phil about that.
Sure this guy seems a bit obsessive [I wonder if he's been tested for Aspergers but she married him. He hasn't changed that much from what I can see. Did she marry him through the mail? By proxy?
I did think that if the guy gets angered by 'improper vacuuming', one solution to his anger might be to put on some headphones, play a little good music and vacuum the house himself. There's nothing that relieves stress like a little productive exercise.
I respect what you are saying regarding taking care of yourself and showing respect by doing what you can to please your spouses needs. But my experience with an engineer husband (to save on time I will only respond to the examples you've used in your statements and not my own numerous ones) is this. . .tools. "Return them, you're not a teenager who uses such an excuse." Well, are you perfect? Don't you forget things once in a while? Do you have children at home, phone calls etc that can easily distract your attention from such a minor thing as forgetting to return the screwdriver? Or your statement "Let her get her own tools. . ." Again, this is only my experience, but whenever I do something of that nature, my husband would be very angry at me because he would see it as a waste of $ and that why buy your own set when we already have a perfectly good set. It's not worth the battle. Yes, "we each deserve our own things and own space". But the controller doesn't always see it that way. THAT'S the problem.
And last but not least. . ."she married him. He hasn't changed that much. . .did she marry by mail etc. . ." When I met my husband, he put on a pretty good face, and hid most of what he controlled. As time went on, the situation changed (children, mortgage, etc. . .) and even though I had a pretty good idea of what it would be like in a marriage, I didn't realize how extreme it would get. It just magnified with each new challenge or change. \
An example. . .to figure out how he would be as a father. . . besides having discussions about it (a man of few words), I would watch him with his neices and nephews. He was carefree, sweet etc and still is. . .to the outside world. In his own house w/own kids, he is a complete control freak. A loving father w/good intentions, but FAR too controlling. Who could see this until he fathered his own children???
(Original Airdate: 11/01/05) Do you know someone who is so exacting about the smallest of things that they are borderline obsessive? Dr. Phil speaks with guests whose perfectionistic ways are destroying their relationships. Beth does everything in her power to create a "Stepford-like" existence for her family. But her husband, Tony, says, "Don't be fooled, things are not what they appear to be!" Will her façade of perfection destroy her marriage? And what toll is it taking on their children? And, Robin is prepared to give her husband, Brad, the walking papers if he doesn't stop criticizing every move she makes. Plus, a self-described controlling viewer challenges Dr. Phil! Talk about the show here.
