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Topic : 05/31 Falsely Accused

Number of Replies: 526
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Created on : Friday, October 28, 2005, 02:16:37 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 11/2/2005) False accusations have ruined lives and divided families. No one knows this better than Terry. She claims she was falsely labeled as a gossip at her son, Steve's, rehearsal dinner and was escorted out of his wedding by security! Now, she confronts her son and daughter-in-law for the first time in almost five months. Can this family ever reconcile, or are they better off apart? Then, a former high school principal made headlines when a 16-year-old student accused him of having sex with her. The scandal rocked the town, and now he struggles to regain his reputation and move forward.  Share your thoughts here.

 

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November 2, 2005, 8:38 am CST

Falsely Accused

It is amazing that the father seems to be going "Scot free" and that it is okay and we forgive and seem to forget his behavior that cause this "gossip" which was factual gossip.  The mother is crushed and because she spoke of this caused the problem, don't think that is the case!!! 

 

  If the couple is so virtuous why is gossip worse that adultery? 

 
November 2, 2005, 9:15 am CST

The Gossip

To me it seemed likr the daughter-in-law was upset because her mother-in-law wasn't her biggest fan.  So she is tryong and has become succesfull in removing her from their lives.  

When my husband and I were dating, and even when we first got married, his mom was no fan of mine. But I never once made him feel like he had to choose between the two of us. It's a mistake, and she'll learn it soon enough.  The mother should not have gossiped at the wedding, if she was asked not oo, but neither should the aunt.  The  other posters are right, in that she should have been escorted out along with the mother.  

Even the brother cam eto her defense, when the bride and groom were putting their twist on an event. It just looks to me like they are setting the mom up to fail.  They were looking for an excuse to keep her out of their lives and this was the only thing they could come up with.  

 
November 2, 2005, 9:24 am CST

Whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty?

Quote From: railroaded

I am fighting the same issue, only I stand to loose my only grandchild,and my daughter, how do people with limited means fight things like this?

Which issue?  Gossip of some of his now ex-wife's distant relatives opened up a can of worms and  my husband got caught up in a witch-hunt for child sexual abusers several years before we met. One of the real perps will stay in prison for many years to come; the other perp pled guilty and then split to another state for a few years before coming back with mama's money and an attorney who got him off on a legal technicality. My husband's court appointed attorney didn't bother much with the case because, as he told me when I looked him up and asked him what happened,my husband 'hadn't done anything wrong or illegal so there  wasn't any point in putting much of his time and resources into a non-paying case'. The people who were supposed to investigate were more interested in dirt and feeling like heros than they were concerned with finding out the  truth, so my husband ended up pleading "No Contest" to "lewd conduct" and took 5 years of probation and classes etc. because he was not going to say he'd done something he hadn't done, and he didn't want to drag the kids through more abuse by the people who were supposed to help them all. It's gotten worse, not better. 

  

I have a friend who was sexually abused by her father in the same area around the same time, and she told me that dealing with the investigators and social workers was worse than the abuse itself, because when she told them what had happened, they demanded that there MUST be more to it and if she didn't tell them EVERYTHING, they were going to take HER away to a "facility".  A  few years later, her younger sister falsely accused their father so she could get some attention.  What a stinkin' mess! 

  

My brother has a friend whose 16 year old daughter (around the same time and place) falsely reported "Daddy touched me" because he had told her if she didn't get rid of her druggy friends he was gonna do it for her.  He'd be in prison if his mom and sister hadn't found the $ to get an attorney who got the man's trucking logs into court proving he could not have been where the daughter said he'd abused her.  That family is still in ruins, too. 

  

While serving on my church's prayer chain, we got a request to pray for a college-aged son whose younger cousin falsely accused him of sexual abuse because he WOULDN'T get sexually involved with her. The young man did not have to go to prison, but there was an enormous amount of damage done to him and their families that can't(?) be undone. 

  

My father has been a gossip and spread lies about my mother and all three of the children she bore him (and anybody else as it suits his moods) for as long as my siblings and I can remember.  He assumes facts not in evidence and refuses to look at evidence and/or gives it a cursory glance and twists it up and spreads his garbage to anyone who'll listen.  He will say anything to any one, without regard to anything but getting what he wants which is to divide and conquer ; look like a hero; and be the boss without any responsibility or accountability.  He can be quite charming, and most folks who don't know the whole history, seem to really  like him.  If he says something nice about one of us kids, it's always followed by another slam.  And he's forever putting nasty sexual spins on so much. I finally petitioned the court for a restraining order, which the judge granted even though my dad lied to the judge, too.  He has also broken the stay-away-order at least three times and continues his working on tearing my kids and I apart (my bro and sis never had kids), including calling in false reports to child protective services.  I'm done trying to have an honest, healthy relationship with him.  I'm sorry he's so miserable.  He's caused schisms all throughout or families, and he's still gettin'g away with it.  Mega uncorrectable damage.  What's an ethical person to do? What CAN we do? 

 
November 2, 2005, 9:29 am CST

What do you think?

Quote From: veterancop

 News flash...Among reported crimes, rape has the highest percentage of falseness.
http://www.anandaanswers.com/pages/naaFalse.html
In my jurisdiction the percentage of false reports is over 90%. The main reason this number is so high is because the false victims aren't prosecuted and exposed in the media. For those who think that practice would further discourage true rape victims from coming forward, you're wrong.
Does it amaze you that when a story like this breaks, the name of the "victim" is protected, but the name of the alleged perpetrator is plastered all over the newspapers and the news broadcasts.  In this case, the allegations were false, but the damage has been done.  And the "victim" is still protected.  The alleged perpetrator's name should not be released unless he/she is found guilty. This is just  unbelievable to me! 
 
November 2, 2005, 9:39 am CST

11/02 Falsely Accused

Quote From: phdwntabe

The mom couldn't tell the truth sitting on the stage-took no ownership in the matter. The mom has a habit of gossiping and lying. She can't remember most quotes but could remember what she said to this Aunt. It was their wedding and his sister started things off on a bad note, maybe she should be the first to apologize.  

  

 ITA.  She did not need to stir up the drama at her son's wedding.  His sister also was acting inappropriately.  Dr Phil did say  something like: Be civil AT the wedding THEN if you have to, go off somewhere and have it out.  I am so grateful for my immediate family and inlaws.  They do gossip but know when to shut up and celebrate the event.  I got the feeling mama wanted to force her son to take her side. 
 
November 2, 2005, 10:01 am CST

11/02 Falsely Accused

Quote From: veterancop

 News flash...Among reported crimes, rape has the highest percentage of falseness.
http://www.anandaanswers.com/pages/naaFalse.html
In my jurisdiction the percentage of false reports is over 90%. The main reason this number is so high is because the false victims aren't prosecuted and exposed in the media. For those who think that practice would further discourage true rape victims from coming forward, you're wrong.

  

HEAR HEAR!!!  You are absolutely right, sir, and too few of us bother to exercise critical thinking skills and/or to educate ourselves  before spouting off at the mouth.  We fail to check out sources or facts and what may have started out as a pin prick turns in to a free-for-all blood bath, and then IF the truth ever comes to light, so much damage is already done.  Are there resources for the wrongly accused? If so, where? 

 
November 2, 2005, 10:04 am CST

mother and son

I felt really bad about this mother/son/daughter-in-law situation. This mother could have been my mother though. Even though there could be things on both sides of the relationship that could be worked out, IMO, I would have liked to see the mother take the high road on this one. 

    Since she did not own up to anything, even to share some of the problems to try to help ease the stress, she did not. She only held her ground about how "right" she was. 

    It seemed like the mother was MORE concerned about not saying anything wrong about her co-workers, and didn't want them to know that she talked about them, "even when others were doing it", because she completely denied anything there. She maybe didn't want to put her job in jeopardy. This was not talked about on the show, but the underlying subject was there. 

   But, the part about being like MY mother. My mother did everything she could to come between my husband and I, but when confronted about it, she always denied it, or changed her story.  She talked trash about us to anyone who would listen, and her favorite saying when being confronted about it was, "deny, deny, deny". She often said. " those were the most important words in the English language".  I would have still liked to see the mother  take the high road, and back down for the start of a healing. I have had to do this at times with my own grown children, and it usually has worked out for the best. People used to tell me, "you only have one mother", but in my situation, we had to remove ourselves from her for a while, because she was just too toxic to be around. She did not change, but we had time to heal and grow and it was worth it, because she passed away shortly there-after. We had time to make our peace and "no it wasn't a wonderful send-off for her", because she still held so many grudges and hate before she died, but at least I know that we were there at the end, and know we tried our best. 

   But, I agree with Dr. Phil. Please stop wasting time on all this nonsense, because it's not worth it. If someone in the family is INDEED being abusive behind the scenes, then the whole thing must be re-evaluated, but time is precious indeed. Please make good use of it. 

  Dede7007 

  

 
November 2, 2005, 10:09 am CST

11/02 Falseley accused

Quote From: trinity1

 ITA.  She did not need to stir up the drama at her son's wedding.  His sister also was acting inappropriately.  Dr Phil did say  something like: Be civil AT the wedding THEN if you have to, go off somewhere and have it out.  I am so grateful for my immediate family and inlaws.  They do gossip but know when to shut up and celebrate the event.  I got the feeling mama wanted to force her son to take her side. 
I think this family is in for rough waters.  Mother has an apparent "gossip" past but Theresa didn't seem too accepting at making amends either.  I feel sorry for them all.
T.B.
 
November 2, 2005, 10:19 am CST

11-02 Falsely accused (Teacher)

 I was heartsick for the young teacher-my husband, an ER physician, was also falsely accused of a crime over 10 yrs. ago.  Although he continued as a a very busy and highly respected physician and human being, he has still suffered with incidents that haunt him from the past.  His innocence proven, there has never been an apology from the accusors-I don't know how they lay their head on a pillow at night knowing what they did to this man-a total yr. of hell and $72,000 in legal fees.  I trust they will read the book when he completes it. 
T.B.
 
November 2, 2005, 10:26 am CST

similiar situation

hello I'm sorry to have miss this whole story earlier today,but i received a call telling me this was viewing and i need to see it ,so i did and i was very moved by the story of this man ,because at this moment i have a son going through the same thing at this moment he's only 17 and he's being held because he told the Truth and now the court and the school is trying to make an example out of him because he's a young black man That was doing the wrong thing at the wrong place and now a girl is saying that he rape her after consenting to it I'm disturb by this because I'm in a wheel chair now able to walk and help my son and i think that court system is out to put my son away for a crime he did not do.
 
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